[BorderlineMess]

I want to give up on my day. It's too stressful. Too many things piling up. I have no will to get them done. Stressed out.

And hungry...started a diet last week. Lost of decent amount of weight for one week of dieting. But I'm hungry and cranky. Thinking about adding some more calories to my daily intake. Maybe that'll help. Oh, and I stopped taking some of my medications because they're too expensive and cause me to gain weight. So that's probably one of the causes of my higher stress levels too. But it's my decision to take medication or not. And right now I choose not to.

I'm going to look up more breathing techniques right now in preparation for the rest of my stressful day.

[youwillrise]

work is going okay today.

not excited about going home.

Therapy today has left me feeling drained yet again, At times I think is it really worth it but then again I need to do this in order to find myself.

[AngelWolf3]

Doing a bit better now...still a bit angry at some people in real life but can't let it consume me! All is said and done in the RL zone.

[greentires4me]

today I am feeling disconnect from my emotions like I am living and my emotions are just on the side living to like a creature from a different time and place.

Going through the same sick, paranoid, anxious thoughts in my head...what else is new.

It's taken more than two days but I'm starting to finally feel a little better...not quite ready to come out and play yet, though. I'm so tired of constantly changing emotions. Don't like me....wait 10 minutes and approach again....

[greentires4me]

baking cookies I was too lazy to make a single batch so I am making a double batch but the cookies are going to be big because I am using a big spoon.

Trying to do something to keep my mind away from thinking emotions are no longer disconnected they are full throttle in my face. I almost cried in the cookie dough

[youwillrise]

im feeling really tense right now...REALLY REALLY tense...it's building.

[greentires4me]

after talking with my mental health nurse today about how I am feeling then her inserts to how I should take this site with a grain of salt and how its an utter waste of my time. Emotionally I am feeling awkward and rapid firing with my emotions not in a good head space.

had meeting with K yesterday. it went well, until i left.

we are so very different. she's not like the people i would normally hang out with. she's so rock-solid in her beliefs and she's unorthodox but she's still very religious and i shy away from those people.

it's complicated. ugh.

drained.

Day 6 of 11. Half asleep but awake enough to work. I hope everyone has a good day.

The other night I cried for five hours and it took a lot out of me. I still feel lethargic from it. As always after one of those episodes, I've sort of shut down and I feel dead... for lack of a better word.

I'm 46 years old and feel like I still have no idea who I am or what I want to accomplish in life and I still allow everyone around me influence my self-perception, which isn't very good at the moment. Sigh...

just tried to reply to that intro thread and can't do it. not that i had a bad life, but don't feel like it's worth writing about.

feeling meh but happy? well, "up" at least. so i guess it's blah. thinking about making the family some little matching house slippers. need to print off patterns for a baby set i'm making for an expectant friend...

Had my therapy session yesterday and it was really hard, Trauma is the word I am looking for, My therapist said I am psychological ill which made me feel a whole lot better about myself (not) Today I have spent the day doing some housework and filling in forms.

[greentires4me]

I cut up my arm last night and went to the hospital being suicidal they said they couldn't admit me to the psych ward because every time I was there I got worse so thats why I can never get admitted in. Well I can sorta understand I did get worse but not by choice I don't choose to feel the way I do it just happens.

So I slept on this couch last night until they woke me up at 7:30 telling me i have been discharged and free to go. so after I got home I crawled into bed and slept until 10:38am.

I don't choose my emotions but I am feeling crappy, resentful, worried, anxious, depressed, sad, and alone.

[spondiferous]

Running around getting paperwork filled out. Disability, moving, school. Argh. So much anxiety. And starting to feel annoyed.

watched some VeggieTales with my daughter, "It's A Meaningful Life"...

currently bawling, because i'm torn between seeing myself as a complete failure and trying to realize that i DO have some meaning, whether i believe in God or not...

or at least i'd like to think i have meaning...

so yeah...

[youwillrise]

blah blah blah blah blah.

stressed. tense. annoyed. sad.

[hungryghost]

Feeling like a balloon on a string...

[greentires4me]

feeling terrible and utterly in despair

[BrokenNBeautiful]

Originally Posted by greentires4me

after talking with my mental health nurse today about how I am feeling then her inserts to how I should take this site with a grain of salt and how its an utter waste of my time. Emotionally I am feeling awkward and rapid firing with my emotions not in a good head space.

Keep spending time with us if you need to.

I would take *her* with a grain of salt! lol (joke)

Carol

I feel so depressed and alone tonight... So much remorse.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

I went to another meeting today and K (other pwbpd) was not there today.

Immediately I had bad thoughts: "he thinks you want to hook up with him and now he's avoiding you". When for g*d's sake I was as space-giving as can be. I was respectful to him. I did not hook up with him. He was friendly to me, too. But we were not *that* friendly! lol

I told Ani, of course, how I was feeling and of course, he said, "Oh, Carol! There it is again! Your bad voice. Of course you don't wanna hook up with K! You are just fine! You acted perfectly okay with him! Come on already! There it is again!"

But maybe I need to go to women's meeting only.

I can't keep running from this meeting, though. Since I went back, I have been feeling better and others there have been more attentive toward me. I am trying to give off a more confident vibe.

G*d knows that K was taking a day off or doing something somewhere else.

G*d I hate that d**n voice!

It's so hurtful and hateful and destructive.

Today I chose not to listen to it.

Carol