[Britneigh]

Do you ever have life going well yet you still feel so very sad? I legit have no complaints (other than I'm broke) but I just bought my dream horse, things with the BF are good, and I really have no complaints about anything.

[crosstobear]

Originally Posted by Norman DEE

BPD checking in. Awful day for many reasons. Sick physically and it affects me emotionally; a lot of anger and frustration. Got worse when I decided to read out to my mom what it means being a "borderline", living in hell eternal, a storm of emotions with no idea what will come next and what should come next. Have read something that really hit me right where it hurts: a "borderline" will pour his heart out once getting into a relationship, and then when the rush of the first several days runs out, and the partner in the relationship will not message the "borderline" constantly, they will get depressed and anxious asking themselves whether the significant other still has feelings for them; they will also often be full of empathy - and expect a lot more empathy from the other... And that's when it hit me like a wrecking ball straight to the chest: I'm just not built for relationships. On top of every thing else that kills my self esteem, this just added to it. Other than that, life is okay. Taking small steps towards change. And that's it for today.

BPD checking out.

Love the signature gif... Kano is hilarious in the new MK.

So my therapist told me to make two separate journals to help move on from what happened to me; one to express my feelings about what happened, and one to put what I stand for and positive aspects about my life now.

I wonder how this is going to work... But I'm going to do it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Lonlin3zz]

Originally Posted by ushichan

So my therapist told me to make two separate journals to help move on from what happened to me; one to express my feelings about what happened, and one to put what I stand for and positive aspects about my life now.

I wonder how this is going to work... But I'm going to do it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I would encourage you to do it. Doesn't matter whether you can write straight, it matters that you are writing out whatever thoughts comes into your mind that is worth writing down.

As you grow older by the days, months or even years, you will definitely overcome some of the hurdles along the way in your life. Read the journals again, smile at them, keep it or put into the shredder.

[Kek de la Doge]

Borderline checking in. (love saying that, sounds formal)

Feeling pretty aggressive, since yesterday. I'm guessing it's a side effect of the steroids I take for my asthma attack. Won't lie, it feels great. All-out aggression in the good way, I mean: feeling confident, being able to laugh properly. Well it isn't good that I'm taking steroids, nor is the asthma attack good, but the feeling.... it's something else. I usually feel aggressively confident after a bad anxiety attack. Now it's just there. Hoping it would stick. I mean like, hell, I feel like I can achieve whatever goal I want to achieve, do whatever I want - nothing criminal of course. Burst of energy from deep inside. Like I said it feels good, a nice little break from feeling like trash and being depressed and anxious for all this time. And honestly really hoping it'd stay for after. Not becoming addicted or anything, still having my doubts and all, but the regular emotional turmoil I feel inside is like reduced to back ground noise.

Also, excuse the awful composition of the post, it's all ragtag and stuff, haha.

BPD checking out.

Originally Posted by crosstobear

Love the signature gif... Kano is hilarious in the new MK.

I love his character interactions. He's such a badass.
Mileena: "Any final words?"
Kano: "How about 'reconstructive dentistry'?"

Hahahaha. Btw, made the gif myself, so yeah feeling proud about this great achievement.

Don't wanna derail the thread though!

[BadWolfC]

I'm so frustrated right now. Planning my wedding is making me see how unreliable my friends actually are. At this rate, only two of them are going to be able to make it to my wedding. I don't know if they don't understand how important this is to me, or if they just don't care. I'm so upset.

[Achy Turtle Armor]

I saw my therapist yesterday and told him about my suicidal thoughts and actions. I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want to be put in the hospital. I'm not going to start lying and hiding stuff from him now after all these years though. So, surprisingly he let me leave yesterday though he said he was considering Baker Acting me. This is putting someone IP against their will. Anyway, he instructed me to go home and shower, go to my NA meeting (not been in 10 days), and call my sister. Later that evening he called to check up on me. Decided to add Lithium to my medicine for the next 2 weeks. So I got that on my way home from the meeting.

This morning he called me while I was on my way to work. He said that when he woke up he felt uneasy about his decision to let me leave yesterday. He asked me if I was feeling suicidal at the moment and I said no. He asked me if I did what he asked and if I took the Lithium last night. I said yeah. He told me that he wanted to admit me so I reluctantly agreed. I told him that I trust him though.

So as soon as I can get my stuff in order this morning I am supposed to call him and then report to the ER.

Just wanted to let you all know. Not sure how long I will be away but I know from past experiences that he doesn't like me in there too long because I start going backwards. I'm a little bummed that I will miss my 6 month clean time anniversary but I will just celebrate when I am out. Celebrate meaning to pick up my blue 6 month key tag.

Take care.

ata

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

I saw my therapist yesterday and told him about my suicidal thoughts and actions. I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want to be put in the hospital. I'm not going to start lying and hiding stuff from him now after all these years though. So, surprisingly he let me leave yesterday though he said he was considering Baker Acting me. This is putting someone IP against their will. Anyway, he instructed me to go home and shower, go to my NA meeting (not been in 10 days), and call my sister. Later that evening he called to check up on me. Decided to add Lithium to my medicine for the next 2 weeks. So I got that on my way home from the meeting.

This morning he called me while I was on my way to work. He said that when he woke up he felt uneasy about his decision to let me leave yesterday. He asked me if I was feeling suicidal at the moment and I said no. He asked me if I did what he asked and if I took the Lithium last night. I said yeah. He told me that he wanted to admit me so I reluctantly agreed. I told him that I trust him though.

So as soon as I can get my stuff in order this morning I am supposed to call him and then report to the ER.

Just wanted to let you all know. Not sure how long I will be away but I know from past experiences that he doesn't like me in there too long because I start going backwards. I'm a little bummed that I will miss my 6 month clean time anniversary but I will just celebrate when I am out. Celebrate meaning to pick up my blue 6 month key tag.

Take care.

ata

I hope it's helpful for you and that you are feeling much better soon

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Achy Turtle Armor

I saw my therapist yesterday and told him about my suicidal thoughts and actions. I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want to be put in the hospital. I'm not going to start lying and hiding stuff from him now after all these years though. So, surprisingly he let me leave yesterday though he said he was considering Baker Acting me. This is putting someone IP against their will. Anyway, he instructed me to go home and shower, go to my NA meeting (not been in 10 days), and call my sister. Later that evening he called to check up on me. Decided to add Lithium to my medicine for the next 2 weeks. So I got that on my way home from the meeting.

This morning he called me while I was on my way to work. He said that when he woke up he felt uneasy about his decision to let me leave yesterday. He asked me if I was feeling suicidal at the moment and I said no. He asked me if I did what he asked and if I took the Lithium last night. I said yeah. He told me that he wanted to admit me so I reluctantly agreed. I told him that I trust him though.

So as soon as I can get my stuff in order this morning I am supposed to call him and then report to the ER.

Just wanted to let you all know. Not sure how long I will be away but I know from past experiences that he doesn't like me in there too long because I start going backwards. I'm a little bummed that I will miss my 6 month clean time anniversary but I will just celebrate when I am out. Celebrate meaning to pick up my blue 6 month key tag.

Take care.

ata

I hope you'll feel better soon, ATA.

[Lonlin3zz]

I met a girl for the first time when a friend invited me for a night voluntary resident house visits. At first I didn't really take much notice at her, she asked me whether I would be present exactly a week after today to do volunteer work and I said "yes" as I had enjoyed my time today.

She took her phone out, asked for my number to add me to whatsapp volunteering group. Told her my number in a tired voice, then she said " my phone is spoilt,maybe you could type your number down", so I did as she said.

Like a few delays later, my mind sudden realized it was a pick-up line, then I was kind of taken aback and was trying to hide my smile behind a tired face. I feel so happy today, but the following days gonna be "meh".

Originally Posted by BadWolfC

I'm so frustrated right now. Planning my wedding is making me see how unreliable my friends actually are. At this rate, only two of them are going to be able to make it to my wedding. I don't know if they don't understand how important this is to me, or if they just don't care. I'm so upset.

Totally understand this. I want to plan a graduation party, but I don't really want to put a bunch of time, effort, and money into it because I'm not sure who will really show up. Also...isn't a grad party something others should throw for you? Why am I buying my own cake and renting my own space? Thinking I should just save the $$ and go on vacation (by myself...because no one wants to/can get it together enough to go with me)

[Chuva]

I am crying with my teddy-bear. I am disassociated.

Possible trigger:

I found myself with a knife pressed on my hand, luckily it was very superficial, no blood at all. But it was 9 years since I last self-injured.

Then I tried the thing with the ice cube, it worked perfectly, but I am still in so much emotional pain.

Had a bunch of nightmares this morning, went to school late, got a migraine, didn't get hugs because my favorite teacher wasn't there and I got stressed and dissociated. I had to leave early even though I came in late.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[loveyouhun]

Doing good today and accomplish things. Feel OK but alter came out tonight. I feel like no one want to be friend with me, and either they hate me or j just don't want to be friend with me. I hate this feeling.

Well my friend told me that she won't be able to talk for a while because she can't get a new charger, but I know she's sick of me by the way she said it. I f**king hate everything.

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[crosstobear]

I usually process my emotions by playing music or exercising. This semester I have no days off. I'm very unmotivated and kind of dragging myself along. I had a massive panic attack at the gym a few days ago and was sent to the ER. I take ZzzQuil to sleep with melatonin because some nights I am so stressed that I can't sleep.

Coworker that I was crushing on for the past month told me she's "openly gay" the other day. Which is complete horse ****. She initiated the flirtiness, I guess she realized I was crushing and decided to put a stop to it. She has let on that she has had issues with an ex, etc. I kinda feel sluggish and down. I know I have a ton of work to do but I am tired mentally and physically.

Well my situation with my friend worked out just fine, but we're both still crying over it. I'm just glad we can still talk.

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This time of year has been historically bad for me, and I can feel that this year is not any different. I'm anxious, paranoid, and my moods are swinging. I think it's the changing season and how light affects the brain. Or maybe not...I really don't know. I just know that it's never been a good time of year.

On top of the fact that this is usually a tough time of year, I'm just over a month away from graduating--I'm stressed out, tired, and a bit overwhelmed. I'm feeling a sense of both reality shock. Also wondering if I actually plan a grad party, will people come? Having the same old friend issues I've always had. Sure, I've got some really solid people but my coworkers...man oh man are they being flaky. And it's hard not to believe that I've done something to royally piss everyone off, I just have no idea what.

Trying very hard to keep focused on reality. It is difficult when sometimes certain things in reality support my paranoia. All I want to do is lie in bed until the anxiety passes (it always does), but I don't have that option.

This life is ********. Hate every aspect of being Borderline. Suffer, suffer, suffer, and more suffer...don't want it. I think the only thing with us, we can realize we have problems. Not so sure about others like bi-polar and other conditions but what the hell is worse, knowing or not ****in knowing???

I'm not feeling super well right now. I feel like a crazy person... Like, I can actually see that I'm paranoid, anxious, and irrational but I don't see a fix right now. The image I have in my mind is of trying to tread water in a storm while a boatload of people watches me and doesn't thrown me a rope or life preserver.

PS Posting here isn't helping a lot; it's just fueling the anxiety (like dancinglady said a while ago, it sucks to post and have people ignore it for hours. In my rational mind I get it but right now it's just like...ehhh...people don't reply to my texts or emails or phone calls or even on PC. Do I in fact even exist??)

Just another day being alone. Another day I should be spending with a special woman who would prove to me that life is worth living. Another day I'd much rather do something I hate with someone I love, than something I love by myself.

Yeah. I remember why I stayed away from here for months....because posting and being ignored is incredibly invalidating for someone with BPD.

I know what I said on dancinglady's post but at the same time...really?? You want to be acknowledged and validated but you don't validate others? I've repeatedly made a pretty valiant effort to be an active, participating, contributing, and positive member of this community. I'm over it. And yeah, this probably Is some BPD lashing out but...what do you expect? I was hurting, came here for help, and was ignored. Sheesh.

Not sure how it works, but mods can absolutely delete my account.

Peace out, y'all.

[Kek de la Doge]

Okay so I'm gonna check in and then say what I think about all this.

Feeling pretty good. Was in therapy earlier, and my therapist commended me that I basically validated my own self without even noticing, saying that I already do it subconciously, and those are the fruits of DBT. Took a while but I got there. Getting better, slowly but surely.

Now, about all this that's happening, I think it might be better to create a General thread, not just for checking in. One general thread because for one, this is a check-in thread and we're supposed to say what we feel at the moment; derailing it with tons of posts about how we feel for each other might not be the place. So a general BPD thread might be better for that. I think we're all basically in the same spot. Dunno about you, but getting "hugs" isn't very validating, personally. It's as if you get a "like" on facebook, instead of actual feedback.

So to sum up, make a general.

Originally Posted by Norman DEE

Okay so I'm gonna check in and then say what I think about all this.

Feeling pretty good. Was in therapy earlier, and my therapist commended me that I basically validated my own self without even noticing, saying that I already do it subconciously, and those are the fruits of DBT. Took a while but I got there. Getting better, slowly but surely.

Now, about all this that's happening, I think it might be better to create a General thread, not just for checking in. One general thread because for one, this is a check-in thread and we're supposed to say what we feel at the moment; derailing it with tons of posts about how we feel for each other might not be the place. So a general BPD thread might be better for that. I think we're all basically in the same spot. Dunno about you, but getting "hugs" isn't very validating, personally. It's as if you get a "like" on facebook, instead of actual feedback.

So to sum up, make a general.

Oh snap...I certainly feel called out.

No one said anything about "hugs." Or, rather, I didn't. And I don't think I saw anyone talk about how they felt about each other.

When I mentioned validation I meant that, when you post a thread saying, "Hey, I'm really struggling because of a, b, & c..." especially when you say "I'm having a hard time because I feel, in my offline life, that people are ignoring me (regardless of how rational that feeling is)" someone acknowledges you. What is the point of coming online to a support network when there isn't support? When I mentioned dancinglady, it was in reference to her recent post, which I'm sure the majority of the forum members read, since it correlated to that I had to say, and I also commented on it.

Maybe you're right about a general thread. Pretty sure the issue I've brought up would still occur there, however.

[Kek de la Doge]

Originally Posted by misskeena

Oh snap...I certainly feel called out.

No one said anything about "hugs." Or, rather, I didn't. And I don't think I saw anyone talk about how they felt about each other.

When I mentioned validation I meant that, when you post a thread saying, "Hey, I'm really struggling because of a, b, & c..." especially when you say "I'm having a hard time because I feel, in my offline life, that people are ignoring me (regardless of how rational that feeling is)" someone acknowledges you. What is the point of coming online to a support network when there isn't support? When I mentioned dancinglady, it was in reference to her recent post, which I'm sure the majority of the forum members read, since it correlated to that I had to say, and I also commented on it.

Maybe you're right about a general thread. Pretty sure the issue I've brought up would still occur there, however.

I didn't call anyone out.
I was speaking in general terms.
dancinglady was the one who said that nobody gave her "hugs" and you clearly mentioned her in your post.

Anyway I don't really care about pretty much anything. Which is my check-in.