[Seraphine]

Physically unwell, emotionally battered, tired of hurting my friends by doubting that they won't betray me. ... Basically want to make a blanket nest and try again tomorrow.

My therapist now says I "have borderline features" as I have ended the self harm component. He says that the anger I feel much of the time is healthy and keeps me in control, I just have to channel it. I do become incredibly angry. Luckily at work I have a special place in my head I go, and am able to stay very calm.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Possible trigger:

I cut really deep again. Lots of stitches again, painful now. Psychologist made me go to the ER otherwise I would have just let it be. She says she's scared for me because my cuts are too deep and dangerous. I don't want her to be scared for me, I want to be reassured I'm going to be okay. She says she won't reassure me because if this continues I'm going to do permanent damage or hit an artery soon, and she's being honest by telling me she's afraid. I know this is supposed to be a reality check and my therapist isn't supposed to lie, but I'm scared too now. Pdoc also told me last week I'm in trouble from the cutting and I need to take some responsibility for my safety because I'm in "medical danger," and they're way too severe. Then I cut again...

It scares me that I care so little for my safety. It makes no sense to be so scared but at the same time WANT to hurt myself. Anyone else feel this?

[PinkFlamingo99]

Originally Posted by dancinglady

You know you are only 33. I know that seems old to you but I am 65. Sometimes we need a break to get better and relax. Let them work with you and you will come out healthier. It is a safe and healthy life. Think about doing some volunteering.

Thank you. I needed some encouragement.

[skyxblue]

I don't know what is going on. My anxiety has taken over. I am on new medication and waiting for that to kick in. But in the meantime I can feel the depression kicking in. I've been trying to get back into a DBT program. I wait until the therapist decides to respond to my phone calls. Recently, it's like the doctors and nurses don't want to deal with me. A lot has happened the last 4 months in my family. I know it is probably the stress to bring this on. I just am hoping this doesn't last another month.

[PinkFlamingo99]

I'm afraid of letting go of being sick but I'm at the point where I'm lucky I can still use my arm. I've been told so by my pdoc, T, and millions of ER doctors. I'm just so so so scared either way.

[lostinsidemyself]

Been so depressed the last few days.

It started when in the other site (will always be nameless) there was a main thread then a sub-thread writing a new definetion of said diagnosis of a certian disorder (not BPD) thats more simple and "better" or more than the DSM 5, for an acticle the owner of the site is writing and I think he wants to propose the amend the DSM (though never heard of that, the owner isnt a professional or a Dr like Doc John) but anyway it required us to piece our trauma out, catigorize it to pass it through the "diagnosis" as it was being re-worded and that night I had a nightmare about one piece of my trauma, unsure about triggering so will put that in the trigger code:

Possible trigger:

The nightmare was about one thing in my past, being locked in a small closet, usually 3 days or so at a time and using the bathroom in a small corner and trying really hard not to sit on it and I woke up in the middle of using the bathroom in the nightmare...

...and wet the bed for the first time as an adult. I used to as a younger teenager sometimes but never has an adult. My step mom (dad & step mom live with me) saw and laughed at me!

Im so embarrased and Ive been depressed ever since. And I think piecing out and catigorizing my trauma like that was re-traumatizing (and my therapist said unnecessary as my trauma as a whole resulted in my diagnosis of all 3 disorders and he has like no chance of changing the DSM) and then i thought I was understanding said disorder until one phrase went under heavy discussion and I got re-confused of said disorder and also orginally thought I was helping and contributing and I then started to get told that I was off-topic when I was answering what he asked for and saying that im doing something wrong or bad is a huge trigger for me so I went straight to being suicidal. Im not now but was the first day. But still very depressed.

My therapist said that me going back to my trauma and being under stress in waking hours (sort of re-living it all, not just the dream, in my head) is what caused the bed wetting.

But im still so embarrased, feel like a piece of crap and my step mom laughing at me I think is a big part of that!

[cryingontheinside]

So empty and lonely

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[skyxblue]

Anxiety/panic attacks are back. They were at the edge and I could deal with them, but now I'm scared. It been like that for awhile now. One day is good and the next it isn't. I just want it to stop.

[technigal]

Went to the movies yesterday and my hand was shaking so bad I almost lost my popcorn! I hate my anxiety!!!

[PinkFlamingo99]

I usually think that I deserve it, but sometimes I'm so sad about what I've done to my body.

[technigal]

The FB memory app reminded me of my baby dying just after I announced I was pregnant. Thanks for ruining my Easter FB.

[lostinsidemyself]

Everything is annoying me today. Ugh!

Getting a new sup at work and all freaked over it. Feeling a bit better but still a bit freaked.

Blah!

[Kek de la Doge]

If I cry, I'm called an attention seeker. If I stay silent, I destroy myself.

I'm a teenage girl who posts lyrics from sad-*** songs on facebook begging for attention, and I hate myself for that, because I'm a ****ing 22 year old dude.

I'm a sadboy with no girlfriend, no friends, no people beside really close family that are willing to tolerate my presence.

If I try, if I go out there, dare to go outside, just to get the same reaction of people crossing to the other side of the road, girls snickering while looking at me, people who sit next to me go and find another sit, then why bother?

Yet I can't complain. I can't cry. Because I'm a man.

I hate borderline. I hate BEING borderline.

I hate myself.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by Kek de la Doge

If I cry, I'm called an attention seeker. If I stay silent, I destroy myself.

I'm a teenage girl who posts lyrics from sad-*** songs on facebook begging for attention, and I hate myself for that, because I'm a ****ing 22 year old dude.

I'm a sadboy with no girlfriend, no friends, no people beside really close family that are willing to tolerate my presence.

If I try, if I go out there, dare to go outside, just to get the same reaction of people crossing to the other side of the road, girls snickering while looking at me, people who sit next to me go and find another sit, then why bother?

Yet I can't complain. I can't cry. Because I'm a man.

I hate borderline. I hate BEING borderline.

I hate myself.

Hugs...

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[Not in service]

Today I left my house and had multiple meetings in different places in the city and had to take the train and drive and even though I felt sick with anxiety most of the time I still did everything that I was supposed to do.

Now I have to interview new roommates and then go to a party with my boyfriend tonight for his friend's memorial, and I am crossing my fingers that I can cope.

Lately I usually avoid people and crowded places as much as possible.

[zijax]

going through another med change

[technigal]

Enrolled my kiddo for grade 6, so I will no longer be homeschooling come September. In some ways I will miss it and in others I won't. It should help with my mental health. Even thinking of trying to work again.

[skyxblue]

Just when I thought my anxiety was slowly going away it's back and bad again. Especially at night. I'm scared and feeling paranoid. I hate feeling this way.

[Not in service]

my best friend just found out she is pregnant. makes me sad that i am nowhere near having a baby nor do i trust myself to be a healthy parent even though i am so good with everyone else's kids

too much responsibility

also now my boyfriend is making it into an issue about he and I because we haven't had sex in a month or so because everything triggers me

[Kek de la Doge]

Everything feels awful. I am alone in an uncaring, oppressing world, surrounded by immense judgement for being sensitive. They point at me and call me names, even on the internet. I have no identity so I resort to clowning because, haha that's the only way I can cope. But no. People still don't understand. People still blame. And it's all happening here. I'm so tired. What's the point in even being social - wether IRL or on the internet - when I just get awfully judged? I want to accept the fact that I'll remain lonely. I'm 22 now. Here's to 50 more years of the same.

[cryingontheinside]

Originally Posted by Kek de la Doge

Everything feels awful. I am alone in an uncaring, oppressing world, surrounded by immense judgement for being sensitive. They point at me and call me names, even on the internet. I have no identity so I resort to clowning because, haha that's the only way I can cope. But no. People still don't understand. People still blame. And it's all happening here. I'm so tired. What's the point in even being social - wether IRL or on the internet - when I just get awfully judged? I want to accept the fact that I'll remain lonely. I'm 22 now. Here's to 50 more years of the same.

That's awful. I'm sorry you've been treated that way. I'm feeling very low too today.

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[Fuzzybear]

being sensitive is a good quality.

Those who fail to perceive that truth aren't worth bothering with...

But it's not so easy..

Luckily for me I'm quite a lot older than you (as in I don't have 50 plus years left to live/exist on this planet...) but am tired of the **** in this world.....

Some people love to judge sensitive people as "weak" etc.... Because they can not accept their own "failings"

There are some people who have the humility and wisdom to understand...some of those people are here on PC

People do not listen or understand.

Originally Posted by Kek de la Doge

Everything feels awful. I am alone in an uncaring, oppressing world, surrounded by immense judgement for being sensitive. They point at me and call me names, even on the internet. I have no identity so I resort to clowning because, haha that's the only way I can cope. But no. People still don't understand. People still blame. And it's all happening here. I'm so tired. What's the point in even being social - wether IRL or on the internet - when I just get awfully judged? I want to accept the fact that I'll remain lonely. I'm 22 now. Here's to 50 more years of the same.

[Fuzzybear]

As in most people do not listen or understand ...

I feel uncared for.