[adashofhope]

How do we learn to love ourselves? Does anyone have any idea? I know I need to get back into therapy. But how do I make myself really want it if I don't believe I am worth it and I think I am hopeless? I am asking because I don't want to hurt people in my life.

But I don't know how to want to get better for myself because I don't love myself or believe I have any value. I don't see hope for my future either. I've tried a lot of medications and I've been to many therapists.

I have always have gotten stuck in therapy because of this and I am sick of hearing from therapists that I should make a list of achievements or other trite suggestions they usually give.

i don't know how DBT can be helpful for my suicidality either which is a big issue for me. I've done DBT before. but i don't know how to accept myself and forgive myself for things in the past, so learning the skills again seems useless to me.

The only motivation I have for getting back into treatment is that i don't want to hurt my family, although i feel that i am hurting them too much by being alive, especially my husband. he wants me to get treatment but he wants me to want it for myself. so i don't know what to do.

[adashofhope]

also, i was wondering if anyone here has tried doing TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation), fisher wallace stimulator, or alpha-stim, to help with their mental health problems and if it has helped them. i'd like to avoid medication if i can. also, any supplements, diets, or other natural therapies that have helped people with BPD?

[Trippin2.0]

I didn't think I was worth it either, but my partner is, my relationship is, and I am part of that relationship... Besides he believes I am worth it, so was worth a shot.

So maybe I didn't do it 100% for myself, but it still is for me because I wanted to have healthier relationships with my loved ones, so I guess its a bit of both depending how you look at it.

Also, regarding the DBT, Distress Tolerance and Mindfulness is supposed to help with suicidality...

It's not for everyone, but with lots of practice it has definitely helped me

[TishaBuv]

Have you ever had the ability to accept and forgive yourself? Do you like yourself?

[adashofhope]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Have you ever had the ability to accept and forgive yourself? Do you like yourself?

Hi, no I don't like myself. I don't know, I don't think I have been able to ever accept or forgive myself.

[TishaBuv]

I'm sorry for that for you. I'm not sure what to suggest, maybe DBT.

I was diagnosed with Borderline traits, but I have always liked myself. I entertain myself. I have a big imagination, see beauty and humor in things.

I'm not sure if not liking yourself is a symptom of Borderline.

Sure, there are things about myself I don't accept or forgive, but I have a general like.

Maybe you could make a list of the things you do like about yourself. What are you good at? Who do you help? Even gives yourself points for caring for a plant.

[adashofhope]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I didn't think I was worth it either, but my partner is, my relationship is, and I am part of that relationship... Besides he believes I am worth it, so was worth a shot.

So maybe I didn't do it 100% for myself, but it still is for me because I wanted to have healthier relationships with my loved ones, so I guess its a bit of both depending how you look at it.

Also, regarding the DBT, Distress Tolerance and Mindfulness is supposed to help with suicidality...

It's not for everyone, but with lots of practice it has definitely helped me

Thanks for reading my post and replying. I think DBT is valuable but I think for some people it should probably be used with other types of therapy. I know a lot have so much unresolved stuff inside me that I don't know what to do with. And because I feel like such a burden to others and dislike myself so much, its so hard to use skills when I feel that way at the core.

[adashofhope]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I'm sorry for that for you. I'm not sure what to suggest, maybe DBT.

I was diagnosed with Borderline traits, but I have always liked myself. I entertain myself. I have a big imagination, see beauty and humor in things.

I'm not sure if not liking yourself is a symptom of Borderline.

Sure, there are things about myself I don't accept or forgive, but I have a general like.

Maybe you could make a list of the things you do like about yourself. What are you good at? Who do you help? Even gives yourself points for caring for a plant.

Thank you for reading my post and responding. I don't know about all people with BPD, but I think a lot of people with BPD feel worthless and even hate themselves.

Thanks for the suggestion. I've tried doing that in therapy many times and its very difficult for me to do. I don't really have any valuable or unique skills or talents, I think I tend to make things worse when I get involved with anything because of my incompetence and my emotional instability.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by adashofhope

Thanks for reading my post and replying. I think DBT is valuable but I think for some people it should probably be used with other types of therapy. I know a lot have so much unresolved stuff inside me that I don't know what to do with. And because I feel like such a burden to others and dislike myself so much, its so hard to use skills when I feel that way at the core.

Oh Definitely!!!

I have individual therapy weekly on top of the DBT.

I doubt I would have found it as effective if I weren't untangling some serious roots...

[adashofhope]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Oh Definitely!!!

I have individual therapy weekly on top of the DBT.

I doubt I would have found it as effective if I weren't untangling some serious roots...

Do you know what other types of therapy your therapist used other than DBT? My last therapist liked to do childhood visualization exercises which I didn't really like because I didn't feel like they helped to change anything for me. I'm not sure what type of therapy that is. She also incorporated schema therapy which did make some sense to me.

[Trippin2.0]

Not quite sure TBH, its mostly psychodynamic as far as I can tell, with some other flavors as and when needed.
I don't do childhood stuff, I've dealt with my past and refuse to revisit it more than is absolutely necessary.
My aim is to untangle the roots of my dysfunctional thinking, so that my feelings match the situation and thus my behavior subsequently improves as well.

[adashofhope]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Not quite sure TBH, its mostly psychodynamic as far as I can tell, with some other flavors as and when needed.
I don't do childhood stuff, I've dealt with my past and refuse to revisit it more than is absolutely necessary.
My aim is to untangle the roots of my dysfunctional thinking, so that my feelings match the situation and thus my behavior subsequently improves as well.

I feel similar about the childhood stuff. Tired of discussing it and I want to move on. I think I mainly need to work on my thinking and behavioral patterns and negative beliefs (these are the toughest for me).

[MobiusPsyche]

Try Acceptance and Commitment Therapy maybe? It's all about, those negative thoughts might never go away, but we don't have to get caught up in them. We have a choice how we respond, how much we buy into the negative thoughts. It's helped me some.

[Unrigged64072835]

Would you try CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)? That usually works on changing your thinking.

[LadyShadow]

If I am looking at the original post, self-acceptance is something I have struggled with for a very long time. I have to say that individual therapy helped a lot, and the support of loved ones helped rather than hindered my self-recovery.

But for you it seems a bit different, maybe because I am bipolar? They way I got over a lot of my anguish is by treating myself. Do you have a job? Or money of your own? Buying stuff for yourself, like some aromatherapy, and things that make you feel good can bring you out of your funk. It has helped me a great deal. Buying myself a book, or a new dress always lifts my spirits. Maybe that's a way you can get help for your self-acceptance, by doing things for YOU that make you feel good.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by adashofhope

also, i was wondering if anyone here has tried doing TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation), fisher wallace stimulator, or alpha-stim, to help with their mental health problems and if it has helped them. i'd like to avoid medication if i can. also, any supplements, diets, or other natural therapies that have helped people with BPD?

My pnp just talked to me about TMS... Not sure what I think. I do have an alpha-stim... Maybe it is time to haul that back out. It seems like it worked for about a week.
Have you tried this yet?

[bluestar1]

Originally Posted by adashofhope

How do we learn to love ourselves? Does anyone have any idea? I know I need to get back into therapy. But how do I make myself really want it if I don't believe I am worth it and I think I am hopeless? I am asking because I don't want to hurt people in my life.

But I don't know how to want to get better for myself because I don't love myself or believe I have any value. I don't see hope for my future either. I've tried a lot of medications and I've been to many therapists.

I have always have gotten stuck in therapy because of this and I am sick of hearing from therapists that I should make a list of achievements or other trite suggestions they usually give.

i don't know how DBT can be helpful for my suicidality either which is a big issue for me. I've done DBT before. but i don't know how to accept myself and forgive myself for things in the past, so learning the skills again seems useless to me.

The only motivation I have for getting back into treatment is that i don't want to hurt my family, although i feel that i am hurting them too much by being alive, especially my husband. he wants me to get treatment but he wants me to want it for myself. so i don't know what to do.

THIS is the work we're here to do. It's the main objective in every person with ruptures and fractures in their way of sensing self and the world. It is my own life's work and I've been at it since day one. For every negative thrown at me since childhood I've been in a state of *NO* - *Not this* *This isn't right*. I've always felt that this was wrong but I couldn't figure out how to deconstruct the conditioning I was given and how to recode. Fastforward many years and I am just now getting some kind of insight on how to go about *loving the self*.

But here is the biggie.

The actual question that precedes *how to love oneself* is - How to fully embody into this world, BE HERE FULLY, and how to love that?

Because most of us if not all of us are not even here, present in our bodies, feeling anything except flashes of anger, anxiety and depression. So how to feel the FULL range of emotions, while being in the body fully and loving THAT.

I've been disassociating for my entire life. I zone out, phase out, do not get humans at all, do not have relationships for the reason of not understanding how to be in this world, feeling completely alien. So what I can do? Is at least be conscious.

Conscious and aware of everything I say, do, think. Not judge. Be as grounded as possible wherever possible, whenever possible and to increase this into feeling something beyond numbness. Appreciating what is. Blessing what is. Knowing that everything is ok. No matter what. If I do good, and strive for good, not holding grudges or anger - turning that around to something better, that's a plan for something great.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by bluestar1

THIS is the work we're here to do. It's the main objective in every person with ruptures and fractures in their way of sensing self and the world. It is my own life's work and I've been at it since day one. For every negative thrown at me since childhood I've been in a state of *NO* - *Not this* *This isn't right*. I've always felt that this was wrong but I couldn't figure out how to deconstruct the conditioning I was given and how to recode. Fastforward many years and I am just now getting some kind of insight on how to go about *loving the self*.

But here is the biggie.

The actual question that precedes *how to love oneself* is - How to fully embody into this world, BE HERE FULLY, and how to love that?

Because most of us if not all of us are not even here, present in our bodies, feeling anything except flashes of anger, anxiety and depression. So how to feel the FULL range of emotions, while being in the body fully and loving THAT.

I've been disassociating for my entire life. I zone out, phase out, do not get humans at all, do not have relationships for the reason of not understanding how to be in this world, feeling completely alien. So what I can do? Is at least be conscious.

Conscious and aware of everything I say, do, think. Not judge. Be as grounded as possible wherever possible, whenever possible and to increase this into feeling something beyond numbness. Appreciating what is. Blessing what is. Knowing that everything is ok. No matter what. If I do good, and strive for good, not holding grudges or anger - turning that around to something better, that's a plan for something great.

I relate a lot with what you've said here. I've worked on myself tirelessly and (I thought) self-lovingly in the past two years. I really tried everything. Grounding techniques, connecting to my inner child, changing beliefs, clearing energies, working on boundaries, etc etc.
I'm not saying those aren't good, they are.
Every method can be helpful for someone.
And it's not even about methods, it's about the realisation.

But in my journey towards self love I've somehow lost it and ended up becoming extremely sensitive, my natural high sensitivity multiplied...Which made life seem unbearable. Being conscious of here and now feels like it's ripping my soul out. Everything is magnified, connecting to people is painful, being alone is better but still painful.
There is also this constant unease of being in my body, especially as I've been told since being small that my body is not okay...
The "being inferior" program is hard to override. I don't know...
I still have some of the perspective you mentioned though, the love is there, hidden in the corner of my existance.
But I'm tired now of all this...

[bluestar1]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

I relate a lot with what you've said here. I've worked on myself tirelessly and (I thought) self-lovingly in the past two years. I really tried everything. Grounding techniques, connecting to my inner child, changing beliefs, clearing energies, working on boundaries, etc etc.
I'm not saying those aren't good, they are.
Every method can be helpful for someone.
And it's not even about methods, it's about the realisation.

But in my journey towards self love I've somehow lost it and ended up becoming extremely sensitive, my natural high sensitivity multiplied...Which made life seem unbearable. Being conscious of here and now feels like it's ripping my soul out. Everything is magnified, connecting to people is painful, being alone is better but still painful.
There is also this constant unease of being in my body, especially as I've been told since being small that my body is not okay...
The "being inferior" program is hard to override. I don't know...
I still have some of the perspective you mentioned though, the love is there, hidden in the corner of my existance.
But I'm tired now of all this...

I hear you and can relate to a lot of what you wrote.

Tired is tired. You can honor that and do everything you can to nourish yourself. Work from *tired*. Go into it, sleep, rest, get massages, find what will comfort you. Rest is very important and naps are great. Make resting comfortably in a nice bed in a nice room your gift to yourself. Loving yourself is being there for yourself when you need it.

Things change, we change - it won't be this way forever. Believe it will get better, power of the mind can create anything - from misery to heaven on earth. So many books on the subject of the power of the mind, have you read any? If you'd like some recommendations - would be happy to post.

As you think, so it is. Think good thoughts.

[subtle lights]

I've read from every section in the spirituality and self help category..Believe me, I've read too much.
But now I need something else. I think I need to express myself (been repressing and avoiding life by default). But now, I am here. I need to face some darkness I think. That is also part of self expression. I don't know. Will take that nap. But my also cry and might relapse with some things. Showing "I'm okay" as a facade is killing me. Sorry...

[Lonlin3zz]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

I've read from every section in the spirituality and self help category..Believe me, I've read too much.
But now I need something else. I think I need to express myself (been repressing and avoiding life by default). But now, I am here. I need to face some darkness I think. That is also part of self expression. I don't know. Will take that nap. But my also cry and might relapse with some things. Showing "I'm okay" as a facade is killing me. Sorry...

You're taking the right path by confronting it and not avoiding it. The question is, "How?". You're acknowledging and already sown the seeds of overcoming this hurdle. If I can show you how, I really want to show it to you.

This was how I felt when it was back to rebuilding everything from scratch.

I expected myself to fall back and cry, curl up in bed, and sometimes really in a bad state of despair. Sure, those happened multiple times, but however, it was a bullet I had to bite in order to reinforce my beliefs that temporary relapse will come and go.

Last Thursday, I went clubbing with my colleagues. They were focusing on putting up an impression of a tough drinker. I had a few shots and let myself dance to the music in order to offer myself that freedom to express. Everyone thought I was drunk and began laughing at my jokes, but in fact, I was still thinking clearly. It pondered to me, I can add value to people's life by making them laugh or connecting to their frequency instead of constructing a good image of myself all the time. I don't have to always feel the need to be accepted, I can be the sun and offer people warmth.

Meanwhile I crashed today, was an agonising afternoon to endure this abrupt crash. At least I can thank myself I saw it coming and already planned to sleep earlier tonight.

[bluestar1]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

I've read from every section in the spirituality and self help category..Believe me, I've read too much.
But now I need something else. I think I need to express myself (been repressing and avoiding life by default). But now, I am here. I need to face some darkness I think. That is also part of self expression. I don't know. Will take that nap. But my also cry and might relapse with some things. Showing "I'm okay" as a facade is killing me. Sorry...

Everything thought you think has power and everything (!) starts with a thought. What did the books say about this?

[bluestar1]

Originally Posted by Lonlin3zz

You're taking the right path by confronting it and not avoiding it. The question is, "How?". You're acknowledging and already sown the seeds of overcoming this hurdle. If I can show you how, I really want to show it to you.

This was how I felt when it was back to rebuilding everything from scratch.

I expected myself to fall back and cry, curl up in bed, and sometimes really in a bad state of despair. Sure, those happened multiple times, but however, it was a bullet I had to bite in order to reinforce my beliefs that temporary relapse will come and go.

Last Thursday, I went clubbing with my colleagues. They were focusing on putting up an impression of a tough drinker. I had a few shots and let myself dance to the music in order to offer myself that freedom to express. Everyone thought I was drunk and began laughing at my jokes, but in fact, I was still thinking clearly. It pondered to me, I can add value to people's life by making them laugh or connecting to their frequency instead of constructing a good image of myself all the time. I don't have to always feel the need to be accepted, I can be the sun and offer people warmth.

Meanwhile I crashed today, was an agonising afternoon to endure this abrupt crash. At least I can thank myself I saw it coming and already planned to sleep earlier tonight.

Yes. It's flowing. Just learning about this. It's the rhythm and energy that connects and heals. It doesn't freeze or runaway. It flows as it's needed.

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by bluestar1

Everything thought you think has power and everything (!) starts with a thought. What did the books say about this?

Yes but you can't control your thoughts. Sometimes thoughts just happen. Depression happens. Happiness happens. Everything is connected. We like to slice reality up to pieces, take out a slice and label it starting point. And I guess that's how our brain works. It needs a handle. Most books choose a slice and name it "the solution". And that boldness and sureness pisses me off. In the same time, how else to live? We need to believe in something. I can't anymore. All are just slices. Though, again, this is probably a great way for one to lose their minds...But not sure I can stop now. And maybe it's not even that bad...