A crappy weekend

I am having a really crappy weekend. I feel like I could burst into tears or anger. I feel depressed and irritated.
I feel left out and if I want to do anything fun I have to do it by myself. I know I sound really whiny and I am.
I feel like my "friends" that I have like me alot when I am doing something nice for them or a favor but then I don't ever get a call to do something WITH them. I don't have alot of friends here but I just feel very un-included. My best friend here has been pretty busy all summer. The only times I have really seen her was once when we went out and once we went for a coffee for an hour. The only other times it's been when I get there to babysit her kids or when she gets home. I know she doesn't mean to make me feel like this but she does.
I have been trying so hard to feel better and keep on top of the depression but I don't really have anyone to share my good mood or days with so I end up getting sad or irritated. Whats the point of a good mood when it's just me.
My husbands around of course but we don't share anything together. It's me doing my thing and him doing his. He doens't have a desire to do anything with my friends and his friends thought I was a bit** for long time until he finally told them otherwise but it is too late and we aren't included anymore otherwise just he is invited.
I want a social life beyond Grohols forums!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, just needed to vent.
I know alot of people here don't feel very important to the people around them and I am no different.
It isn't because I am not fun, not smart, not good enough, it's that the people around me are too busy with thier own things to realize my worth. That's the way I look at it anyway. I know who I am. I just need to find people around me who want to really know who I am too. I don't get it though. People always seem to like me alot but then I never get the calls or invites. I invite them and they come, I call and it's good to hear from me. I do something nice for them, a card, a call, a gift and they are so appreciative but why is it that it never happens for me? How come the calls, cards and invites don't come? I don't get it. People seem to enjoy my company, think I am funny, had a great time, gotta do this again.....nothing. It's always been like this my whole life. I just don't get it. It makes no sense. When I have a good time with someone I want to see them again. If I think someone is nice to be around or funny I think of them when I want to do something. I don't get it.
Ok, I'm done. Maybe I'll feel better after my online screaming?
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

Aawwh, ((((((Heidu))))))... I'm sorry. I really hate that 'un-included' (love that phrase) feeling, too, and I, for the life of me, don't know why this seems to happen. I know for me, I would so often turn down, (because of depression or anxiety), any invites, etc, so that, before long, the just stopped coming. When I did want to interact, I would inevitably make the call, or arrange the get together... I knew, as you know, that people liked me, so it was hard to figure... . I guess I'm not being much help here, but I did want you to know that I think you are really a wonderful person, and I really look forward to it when you are on here, (thought I'd mention that just for the record - lol). Hope your week coming up is better, and that maybe your Sunday will be better. XOXO!! Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT </font color=blue>

Thanks Peanut, your sweet as always.
You know after the roughest stuff here was over I knew I would have to make the serious effort to start getting back into the social scene. I had a birthday party for myself which is what you do here in Norway. Weird. Anyway, I invited 10 of the women I knew here and everyone came. We all had a wonderful time. I took a moment to thank them all for coming and that it meant ALOT. Then I wrote a personal letter to each explaining a little more of my situation (depression) and that I was feeling better, valued thier friendship, needed help with the language, etc.) Many of them let me know that the letter was beautiful, well written and thanked me so much for it. Then nothing.......What the heck else am I supposed to do. Park out on thier front steps and beg them to spend time with me? I hear about the parties, the girls nites out. Of course I hear about them after the fact or before when someone calls and asks if myself or husband are going to something which we havent been invited to.
OK, I guess my posting didnt help. Sorry Peanut!!!!
Thanks for caring about me and making me feel a little special today.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

{{{{{{{{{{{{Heidu}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry for what is going on with you....I've been there too. You know what I did though? I decided that these people aren't worth it....if they are true friends then they will be there.

I can imagine how hard it is to make new friends there but give it a shot. What about the Mary kay parties??? Even 1 new friend can be a great start

It is so frustrating I am sure where you do all of this for friends but hun....you shouldn't have to work that hard on having a friend...yes gifts, etc are so thoughtful and you sound like the most caring soul.....just remember to be that good to you too ok?

I was like that with friends and family too....always saying yes...doing what was asked...never complaining....anything and everything...and then one day when I reached out to my friends.... they weren't there for me ...I had come to the realization that they weren't true friends.

Today I have a couple best friends and we are all there for each other...it took some time finding them but soooo worth it. Keep true to yourself and it will happen.

We can have some tea together here if you're interested???


Hugs
Heather

<font color=blue>The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way </font color=blue>

Heidu, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have had that problem for a long time with my friends. I live and work in the suburbs, and most of them either live or work in the city, so they always make plans and just forget to ask if I want to come, or they decide to do things at the last minute, when it's too late for me to make it down there. I used to feel so hurt by this, and to be honest, sometimes I still am hurt when I find out they did something without even calling me. But I keep reminding myself that it is not because they don't like me, but it is because they just get caught up in things, and forget. One possibility is that these friends are fairly new, and it takes awhile to get on the mental list they think of. The other possibility is, people can just be thoughtless...as I watch my friends, I notice that I am not the only one they forget about at times...they're very nice people, but they just aren't always putting themselves in other people's shoes, the way I tend to do (in fact, they even talk about me as the one who never forgets anyone...I always make sure everyone is included).

I know it's annoying to always be the one initiating things, but that may be what you have to do for awhile. And heck, even if it might be better to have someone else doing the inviting, at least you won't be alone, right?

I hope you find something to lift your spirits.

*hugs*
mj

{{{{{{{{{{{Heidu}}}}}}}}}}}}} I am so sorry. It is because they don't see the true value you have - I think you are terrific!

I know what you mean - my life seems to revolve around this forum too. My husband and I do nothing together, let alone go anywhere together unless he is keeping an eye on me or timing me.

I'm not doing a thing this weekend - like, what else is new? LOL. You have done all you can do with those ladies, now it is their loss. You are very appreciated here, and I like you - Hopefullly it will get better - if not, we're here for you and we'll celebrate together.

Mary Alice xoxo

Thanks you guys. Your all very good to me. Wish we could get together but alas....that dang Atlantic Ocean!
Maybe things will get better tomorrow and it won't feel so bad.
Now, I am going to have pizza and stare at the TV. The normal Saturday nite with the hubby. Oh yay huh?
Thanks again for liking me and being supportive. I appreciate it alot.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

Rats. I am sorry. Sucks. Did your scream help?

How about taking yourself out to dinner and a movie?

Heidu, I agree with the others, I think you are really great! Maybe these ladies feel that they are not as smart as you or something, but it is totally their loss if they don't make the effort to contact you. I have had some "friends" who have been like those that you describe, and in the end they are often not worth it. So many people are just too wrapped up in their lives to be considerate I suppose. Sorry I'm not much help, but I wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

Love and hugs,
Fuzzy
xxx

Heidu, I'm sorry you're having a lousy weekend. It's a holiday weekend in the states and I'm not doing anything either. My husband went out of town to see his sick dad so I'm alone on top of it. I'm okay with it, though. I'll find something to do that makes me happy.

I've never had many friends, especially at one time. For some reason it's always been one at a time. The spirit still moves me once in a while and I want to "go out and have fun!!" Don't ask me what "fun" would be, though! LOL It can get quite frustrating!

Don't want to preach at you, but something you said caught my eye: I know she doesn't mean to make me feel like this but she does. Hun, did you know it's your choice how you feel? Your friends shouldn't have the power to make you feel anything! It's a real toughy but you can gain control of your feelings regardless of what anyone around you does.

Here I am talking and I've never done this, but how long have you tried to become one of the group with your friends? If you haven't extended invitations very much, perhaps you could keep doing it for a while. Maybe they would keep you further in the front of their mind and remember to invite you more often. You could also try being a bit more assertive and come right out and tell them, "I would like to go (or do that) next time!" and give them a big smile!

If that doesn't work, then find something that you really like to do, maybe with your hands? Cheat and tell yourself that you are going to celebrate (even if you don't have anything to celebrate) by doing it. It works for me!


<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

Heather,
I know these people aren't my true friends and really I am not looking for true friends here. I have one who doesn't have time right now and I understand but it's still hard. I am looking for social friends. Just someone to hang out with once in awhile.
It's not that I work so hard to make friends. What I do comes naturally to me. If I care about someone I show it. I let them know they are special to me. If I see a card and I think of them I buy it and give it to them. I buy little gifts when I see soemthing that makes me think fo someone. It's usually nothing major, sometimes a dollar but it will make them smile and know they are cared about. I long for a freind who would make me feel a little special sometimes, you know.
I USED to do everything for everyone all the time but I eventually got it and I don't do that anymore. I don't do things I don't want to or don't have the time for and I don't actually expect them to do what I do but something, anything would be nice.
Thanks for your kind words and understanding and thanks also for the tea party!!
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

Mj,
Hey sweetie. I read another post that said you were doing better after this week. I'm so glad. It was nice chatting with you.
I think your right:" they just get caught up in things, and forget" or "people can just be thoughtless". I think it is the combination of the two.
The problem is when I do the inviting they already have plans with the girls or something else. Also if I do the inviting I'm responsible for the "before" party which can get costly. You see in Norway is incredibly expensive to go out. It's normal to pay $10-$15 just to get in the door and a beer runs right around $5. So people get together before and then hit the town later. If I am always initiating I have to throw the pre-party and that can get expensive. If I just have people here they want to drink and hit the pub later anyway. The other women that I really would like to be better friends with have kids and thier own friends and prefer to be at home which is the impression I get until I see them or here about them being out.
I don't work besides my Mary Kay which is few and far between right now so I don't get a chance to meet alot fo new people and the langauge thing...well that's another story in itself.
Thank you making me feel not so alone feeling the way I do.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

Thanks Mary Alice.
I am glad I am not the only one having a weekend in Dullsville
Hugs,
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

The scream did not help. Damn.
You see, the last 2,5 years I have done basically everything on my own. I just want someone to hang out with. I am fine by myself. I don't have a problem being alone. Sometimes I just want someone to share something with whether it's good or bad. I have so much to give and share. I feel like I am wasting it.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

Thanks Fuzzy!
I have been told by a few people that I am a really decent human being and it's intimidating. What the heck am I supposed to do with that? Be a lousy friend?
One freind says she stresses out when we are going out because I look so put together (makeup/clothes) that she feels inadequate. So should I look bad?
Someone told me that when your dealing with perfect it's really hard because you know you can't live up to that and be as good a friend. Really I don't know what to think. It comes natural to me to be a friend to someone. I enjoy making people feel good. I am honest, sincere, caring. Am I supposed to not be that so I can have a friend?
I don't think so!!!!!!!
Good grief, you'de think I would have lots of friends. I wish I could find someone to explain it all to me and then throw in the meaning of life :O)
Your lots of help. I always enjoy hearing from you.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

September,
I am pretty assertive and bring up ideas and make sure they know I would like to do something and that I have enjoyed their company.
I have hobbies and stuff to do. Like I told Kv, I have been so much on my own this last 2,5 years that I just want someone to hang out with once in awhile.
As for the preaching, it's unneccesary. I know it's my choice how I feel but I think when you have a freind and they dont have time for you it hurts. I meant that I understand she is busy and I know she isn't thinking that I am feeling this way. She would hate that but the point is I do. I miss her.
I hope you enjoy your weekend,
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

I know what you mean. When my wife and I were a young couple we moved from where my family lives, Denver, to San Francisco. We lived there 5 years and never found lasting friends. There were a few people we knew, but no one to "hang" with.

It does get lonely.

Then we move to Portland, Oregon and have been here for nearly 25 years. I have managed to find two lasting friendships.

It must be so much harder moving to a place with a different language and culture. I can't imagine.

Is there an US expat community there?

I don't know. Some of these things are hard to figure out.

There is an expat community here but they are in Oslo. That's a 2 hour drive from me. I also have an American friend but she lives 3 hours away and she is newly married and very happy. You know how that goes. A great deal of the Americans live in Oslo. I have only met 2 Americans in 2,5 years here in my town.
The language is really tough. I can speak it but it's WAY hard to understand. In a social situation if there is music, other preople around or some other noise I can't understand a thing and get totally left out. It works if its me and someone sitting in a room with no TV or radio on. Life just dont go that way.
I have been dealing with things pretty well but I feel myself kinda slipping. I am fighting depression really hard but I need something to look forward to. I can do alot on my own and I have but I am so much a people person and I really miss having that in my life. I dont see a way to fill that void right now but I know what I need and that is it.
Its getting late here and I should shut up for the nite. I feel that if I shut off the comp my saving answer will come and I will have missed it. Silly I know.
Some of these things ARE hard to figure out.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

{{{{{{Heidu}}}}}}}

Never change who you are hun....you have such a sweet soul and I can tell you are a generous person too. Keep that wonderful quality. I think what I meant was that I hope that you meet new friends that appreciate how good of a friend you are and can be to them. There will be a person who will come into your life and you will know when it happens....it will just feel right. You deserve someone treating you good. Keep believing and it will happen

There is more tea on if and when you want some


Heather

(((((((((((((((((heidu))))))))))))))))

Hi Sorry I couldn't get here earlier..... I really feel your pain..... I like your tagline.... As the survivor of many new lessons, I can tell you it rings with truth... maybe that is just what you are going thru now..... I know it doesn't solve the problem, but to know how great you will feel when you find the answer might ease the pain a little I hope... I could give you all kinds of ideas about how to enjoy the time alone... but my situation is more like the others.... I finally accepted it was a time to be alone and searched for what I was meant to learn by it... eventually I did come to terms with it, but I can tell you, there were days in the process I know exactly how you feel.... the language problem makes it especially difficult. Whenever I had to chase someone down to spend time with it did such damage to my self esteem, I don't think it was worth the cost... do you have hobbies you could share with others... just shooting in the dark, crochet, or book clubs, or jogging, tennis, other sports, bicycling? You get the idea.... someone up there said all you needed was one good friend, or aquaintance if you prefer, but that one person could lead to others that are more your type... talk about your interests to everyone... maybe someone will mention a place or a club you can check into and go from there... it might take awhile and persistence... as the others have noted, you sound deserving of the best of friends, maybe you do intimidate others.. that's thier weakness, not yours, they may see how well-rounded you are and think they could never match styles with you... keep trying.... there must be someone there in that whole country to be your friend... Hope you feel better soon (((((((((((((heidu))))))))))))

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

Thanks Heather,
The tea sounds good but you know I am really in the mood for an Irish coffee. Yum!!
I don't plan on changing who I am, I think I am really a decent person and I like me. I just don't often get a chance to really express me and now in another country its much harder.
I am feeling a little better today. I have a Mary Kay class and I am looking forward to it. Getting out of the house and being me for awhile helps.
Hope you are having a good day.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

Nowhere,
Thanks for your reply, it means alot. My tagline...you know I was looking for a good one and so many have such good ones here. I like it too. I seems true. Maybe your right, maybe I should try to remember it right now and think of this as part of the journey but dang!!!
You know I really have made an effort. I am good with makeup and hair and beauty stuff so I invited everyone for a "gilrs nite". We colored hair, painted nails, did makeup, cut hair. It was fun even though I did most of the coloring, cutting and makeup and I didn't get alot out of it myself. I even waxed all the girls' eyebrows. I said we should do it every three weeks and everyone agreed we woulld each take turns doing the hosting but then I never heard a word about it.
As for my interests and joining clubs and such. I could do that but the language is a HUGE problem here. It's hard enought to understand but in Norway they have so many dialects and in the area where I live appearantly it is the hardest and strangest. So basically after I learn the "official" norwegian (by the way they have 2 official languages) then I have to learn the dialect which is so different from what I am learning. I cant understand hardly a word when my husband is talking with his friends. I find it REALLY irritating.
I get the impression that people are intimidated by me....just because I am good. That I guess is my confusion on my way to understanding.
I do just need one person who can be my friend and just be there. I miss laughing, girls nite out, just hanging out and talking.
I sometimes think that maybe I was meant to be alone. It sure seems that way but I can't hardly believe that could be true. I have so much I want to give and share that I can't believe I am not meant to do that with someone. I am NOT giving up, someone HAS to love me!! Ha Ha Ha!!!
Thanks for the hugs and the understanding.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley

awwww heidu.... I was afraid I couldn't help much..... you are in such a difficult situation... keep your strength hun.. not saying you should, but sometimes we should know when to throw in the towel.. you do sound like a charming person and it would be a shame that someone who could appreciate it never got the chance... hoping you can keep the beast at bay a little longer til that miracle you need happens ((((((((((((heidu)))))))))))

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius

Heidu, I'm sorry that what you are doing isn't working for you. Don't know what else to say.

Forgive me if you thought I was preaching. What I meant was, I didn't want it to sound like that.

If your friend doesn't know how you feel, then you need to tell her. If she doesn't know, how else could she make time for you? Who knows? Maybe there is something in her schedule that she would gladly drop to spend some time with you.

<font color=blue>This above all: To thine own self be true. --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

I wish we could all go hang out and have a beer somewhere later today.