[adam_k]

I'm probably a bad husband and I don't trust my wife. We had past things go on that makes me cautious. Well I went through her phone and saw she has been sending naked pictures to someone she met online. I am so angry with her right now. I want to blow up. She couldn't pick a worse time for this. It's bad enough I am trying to deal with my depression, but she has to go and make me wonder if I should even be married to her. I could deal with her laziness and not working. I don't like it, but it was within my ability to cope. But these emotional affairs with people. This makes me so angry. I can't be that bad of a husband to deserve this. Yes I may have lied about my depression by hiding it, but that was because I was scared and wasn't sure she could help. Do I really deserve to have a wife like this? I don't know if I want to even work on this or walk away. Maybe she is screwing guys all day long too. How do I know at this point. At least I have therapy tomorrow. Screw her. I feel so used and betrayed at the moment.

[Leed]

Gosh Adam, I can't say as I blame you. Has anything like this happened before?
You mentioned "emotional affairs." She's had these before, huh? How many? Why doesn't your wife work?

It's good you have therapy today -- make sure you talk alot about this and about what your therapist thinks you should do about it.

Personally, if your wife has had emotional affairs before, and now this -- I don't think I'd put up with anymore. But that's just me. I'm a hot-headed Irish-woman.

God bless, Adam, and let us know what the therapist says, ok? Hugs, Lee

[allimsaying]

Hi Adam,

You've described your wife as being sort of 'tomboyish' and growing up with brothers in other posts. Also, that she'd emotionally unavailable, while you are emotionally sensitive. You've tried talking with her about various marriage related things and she seems indifferent. Its hard waking up to. I had a similar experience with my ex. It doesnt sound like she's in this with you anymore. The best advice I can give is that you be your own friend right now. Dont do anything without thinking it through and dont say things you may regret later (like I did). You know how it ought to be and it isnt that.

I wouldnt go so far as advising a breakup. But, it sounds like you are in this marriage alone right now. That hurts.

[adam_k]

Yeah a couple years ago I caught her having phone sex with some guy she met. I don't know if I want a break up, but at the moment I don't want to go home. I have a long work day ahead of me and I am trying to keep my composer. I just feel so angry and full of rage about it.

[Pierro]

Adam, what can anyone say. I think you will have to calm down first before you sit down and talk about it, Thats very hard to do when you have been so hurt, but you want to know "why".

Adam, I'm sorry you have to be subjected to this. It's clear that you love your wife and then to have her do this is blatantly insensitive to you, as her husband. I'm dealing with a similar situation with my husband only it's not only an emotional relationship it's also a sexual relationship. He is extremely obvious about it and knows that I am aware of it.Eventually everything come's with a conclusion. I hope you are able to talk to your Doc about this when you see him. It's an ongoing conversation for me.
Warm Thoughts to you.

[adam_k]

After a series of texts back and fourth, apparently she isn't in love with me anymore. Who blames her. I hate myself at the moment too. I feel so useless. I'm just going to be numb for a while and not think about anything. I have therapy tomorrow. Maybe I can learn how to be less of a failure at life.

Originally Posted by adam_k

After a series of texts back and fourth, apparently she isn't in love with me anymore. Who blames her. I hate myself at the moment too. I feel so useless. I'm just going to be numb for a while and not think about anything. I have therapy tomorrow. Maybe I can learn how to be less of a failure at life.

It seems that you have been hurt deeply, I can understand why you feel so down. I want send warm thoughts to you
I know that for me depression creates difficulties in the way even mildly depressive thoughts and feelings feed off of each other and create vicious spirals. The ease with which depressive interpretations can set off such spirals makes them seem hard to deal with.
Take Care

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by adam_k

After a series of texts back and fourth, apparently she isn't in love with me anymore. Who blames her. I hate myself at the moment too. I feel so useless. I'm just going to be numb for a while and not think about anything. I have therapy tomorrow. Maybe I can learn how to be less of a failure at life.

You are not a failure. You are struggling with great loss and need to grieve. Hugs and good feelings to you.

[adam_k]

I wish I could feel like I wasn't a failure. I should be mad at her but that faded and now I just feel immense sadness. I feel alone and scared. It was hard enough dealing with depression, why did I even look. I was actually feeling happy yesterday. Maybe it was the red flag going off. I was going to he last night and she stayed up. When I walked past she closed her Skype. I think that is why I looked this morning. I knew something in the back of my head said something was wrong. I don't know if I can stay with her. I might move out this weekend. I can't deal with this hurt. Not again. I deserve better than that. I deserve to be loved and cared for. I'm not perfect but I try my best to be a good person. I have always tried my best to keep her happy. I sent her mom a message on facebook asking her to call me. I need some motherly advice right now. I don't want to feel alone.

Well, I would go so far as to say a breakup is called for if she can't get control of her sexual life. That's just one part of her lack of control. She's the one who needs help, in my view. I agree with Leed's advice about staying with your therapist, but I'd also recommend that you consider separation, at least, in an effort to get her to clean up her act.

If she can't or won't, then I'd go for divorce. Life is too long to have to continue to live the way you are. You deserve to have a healthy, loving, and supportive realtionship in your life, not one that is dragging you through virtual hell.

I don't believe in thoughtless and random divorce, but I also don't believe that vows that are broken, abused, and disregarded should be part of a solid relationship; in fact, they just aren't.

We should all have a positive, calm, and safe environment around us. Make some strong, manly decisions about what you will and won't have in your life if you are to be a companion and loved one of another.

Take care of yourself first now.

Adam, I wonder now if her agreement to your suggestion for an open relationship was to help her justify her own desires. If that's the case, I think she should be willing to talk to you more about the whole thing.

I'm really sorry that you're going through this, and I'm glad that you have therapy tomorrow. I am having a difficult time being objective - I'm not always the good person in the relationship. I'm probably not the right person to offer any advice...

[adam_k]

When I think about it I don't want an open releationship. I think it was partly my lack of partners and partly the lack of being desired from her. It makes me feel unattractive to be pushed away. I struggle with self esteem enough and I admit I am sensitive to it. I don't think I can get over this hurt from her and fix it. Every fiber of my being is telling me to step back and take care of myself. I am seriously considering moving back to the house me and my brother own. I need to heal and work on myself. I don't think that is possible being with her and having a constant reminder of rejection and lack of someone caring about me.

It does feel awful to be pushed away - I think that a lot of us have been through that in some capacity or another. It's certainly not an easy thing to deal with. Moving out sounds like it might be a good thing for you...even if it's only to help get you back on track for you. I think that a lot of us forget that in order to work things out in our lives, it's much easier to do so when we are in a better place to do that. I'm glad you recognize that you need to take care of yourself.

I wish you all the best and hope that you are able to do what is right for you first, and your relationship second. Put yourself first here at the moment...I think you need that most of all.

[H3rmit]

I can sure see why you would feel used and betrayed.

>Every fiber of my being is telling me to step back and take care of myself. I am seriously considering moving back to the house me and my brother own. I need to heal and work on myself.

I am glad you have good instincts.

[adam_k]

Stopped by my grandma's house during lunch. Needed some wisdom. I think moving out it the right thing for me. I might get an appartment with my cousin. We grew up together and he suffers from depression too. He is staying with us for the moment and I don't really want to be alone.

[adam_k]

Feeling really low. I just want to cry at the moment but I am at work so I can't. Three more hours until I get off. Wish I had a good friend at the moment. I hope I can sleep when I get home. I'm afraid if I stay awake I might hurt myself. Not suicide but I want to self harm. I just hate myself so much at the moment. I know I shouldn't and all of this isn't my fault but it feels like it is. I hope my mother in law calls soon. She is a voice of reason. I just need company and I don't have anyone to turn too.

While I am in the back of my office in a corner, I don't have a door that can be closed. That said, I have cried at work. Couldn't help it. It was cathartic. There's always the bathroom...

You can make it, Adam. Keep posting and letting us know how you are...

[adam_k]

I just feel so awful and I can't cope with it.

Do you have any coworkers that know of your situation? Or people you'd count as friends?

[adam_k]

No. I don't have any support system. I sent my mother in law a message on facebook. She is about the only person I can confide in.

[adam_k]

She is a nurse too, so she understands what depression is as well.

[Leed]

Yes Adam you CAN cope with it. Don't let her take your POWER away. Don't let her steal your self-esteem! That's what she's doing and don't allow that! Take it BACK. Don't give her that power! She just isn't worth that! Let her live her tawdry little life, and YOU go on to bigger and better things!

You'll eventually fiind someone who DESERVES YOU! That woman does not! You'll find a nice woman, a woman who is loyal, true, and loving. They ARE out there, Adam and I know you'll find one just right for you!

So give yourself some time to heal from this betrayal, but don't grieve for this woman! She doesn't deserve it. You can grieve for the lost time, and lost marriage, but not her. Go home and get some rest Adam. You're exhausted. I hope you sleep well. Tomorrow is a new day. Hugs, Lee

[lonelyemotionalgirl]

Originally Posted by adam_k

After a series of texts back and fourth, apparently she isn't in love with me anymore. Who blames her. I hate myself at the moment too. I feel so useless. I'm just going to be numb for a while and not think about anything. I have therapy tomorrow. Maybe I can learn how to be less of a failure at life.

I am here for you. You are not useless, and you are not a failure at life. You always give great advice, and you help many people. My advice to you is to not let this situation get you down. Use this time as an opportunity to try something new, or do something you have always wanted to do. Take a trip somewhere you want to explore, or take a fun class, or something fun and healthy. I am here if you need anything.

[adam_k]

I'm trying to keep my head above water. Issues like these bother me so much it is difficult for me to deal with.