Depression and Fluttershy

I am seventeen years old, and have suffered from officially diagnosed depression for just short of two years now. I'm really scared about typing this, but I figure I have to do this because I'm in desperate need of help and I have trouble talking about my personal struggles with my own family.

When I first joined PsychCentral, I was told this site is full of supportive and caring people. People here can talk about their problems without being judged, and yet I'm really scared of being judged and exposed as the horrible person that I am. Why, you may ask? Because my depression is all my own fault. It's all my fault that I'm depressed because I once said something horrible to somebody else, and I can't forgive myself for it. People on this site have been through many stressful events, and there are some people in the world who have no way of getting help, those poor people, but me? Well, let's just say the reasons why I'm depressed are absolutely pathetic. I don't even deserve to live because they are such awful reasons.

Well, here goes everything.

From junior school onward, I have been bullied because I have always been sensitive and easily upset, and of course bullies find pleasure in hurting others for reasons unknown to me. It wasn't too bad at first—just persistent teasing—but as I got older it metamorphosed into name-calling, rumour spreading and even physical acts of violence like picking up a lunch-table and throwing it at me. I eventually came to be extremely frightened of the bullies; I would skip class and stay indoors at break just to avoid those horrid creatures. The bullying has mentally damaged me and made me even more sensitive than I already was.

In the summer of 2011 when I was fourteen, I found out via a YouTube video about a certain cartoon called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. In case you don't know, a woman called Lauren Faust took the infamous franchise and made a cartoon that doesn't insult its audience's intelligence and can be watched by all ages. It was originally targeted towards girls and women, but as more and more males became fans it spread out to include them too. A periphery demographic, if you will. Out of curiosity, I decided to watch it. As I watched more episodes, I became emotionally close to the character Fluttershy, a pegasus pony who suffers from anxiety but oh, what a sweetheart she is. I could relate to her anxiety very well because I had developed anxiety as a result of the bullying, and I was so touched by her sweet and caring nature that I came to fall deeply in love with her.

Part of my depression stems from my unrequited feelings, for Fluttershy is a cartoon character and therefore does not exist in this mortal world. It really hurts to love someone and know they don't exist. My heart aches thinking about her; I want to be by her side, to hold her close and hug her while caressing every part of her beautiful mane and body and tell her how much I love her. I would do anything to make her happy (within reason) and I would do anything to comfort her if she was sad. But this is all just a fantasy, because she does not exist and my feelings will never be returned.

And now, enter F14ace.

On June 18, 2012, when I was fifteen, I got into a fight with somebody online called F14ace when he posted a comment to the video 'Gilda makes Fluttershy cry'—where a gryphon severely scolds Fluttershy for accidentally bumping into her and then roars at her, reducing her to tears—saying: "Well seeing how both Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie annoy the crap out of me and are my least favourite characters in the show, it's pretty satisfying to see her cry and I think all you people need to stop the rage comments. In fact I find Gilda to be a pretty interesting character. I'd like to know how…" I don't remember the rest of the comment, and maybe that's for the best. I was sickened by this comment. How sick in the head can one be to think those who are compassionate and caring toward others are annoying, and bullies interesting? So me and F14ace got into a fight. F14ace told me Fluttershy is "just a bland Mary Sue". So if you are compassionate toward others, you are a Mary Sue. Only a truly horrible individual would think along those lines. I thought of all the people in history who gave so much to help others: Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Mary Seacole, etc., and I thought of all the people who have suffered from bullying and eventually killed themselves because of it. I snapped.

I don't like freedom of speech; I don't like the idea that people are allowed to say whatever they like about whatever they like because it condones verbal abuse. Imagine if you worked for ages on a project and somebody said "This is the worst thing I have ever seen". It would crush you. I struggle to get on with people who disagree with me, and looking back on my past, I think I always have. It's one of my many failings. I also have no tolerance for people who think kind people are boring. I bluntly told F14ace that I thought he wasn't right in the head and needed psychiatric help, to which he said: "No, you're just a butthurt fanboy who can't tolerate the idea of someone having a different opinion than you. Grow up." This was too much for me to take. After all the bullying I'd been through, all the verbal insults and names I'd had to endure, I was now treated as if I'm not allowed to have emotions or feelings. That was how I felt at the time. After that comment, I burst into tears and cried myself to sleep.

That was when I first developed symptoms of depression. I lost my appetite, cried almost every day, woke up very early in the morning and am unable to get back to sleep again, and eventually came to hate myself for what I had said to F14ace. I feel completely stuck in a hole that I had dug myself, because I gave into anger and wounded feelings and said something terrible. I have obsessed over what F14ace said about Fluttershy and me and have become more and more depressed. Yet I bottled up my feelings inside me for over a year before I broke under the pressure and told my mum through a letter that I was in love with Fluttershy and was terribly hurt by what somebody on the internet had said about her the previous year. After all, how would you feel if somebody said horrible things about somebody you really cared about, like a family member?

Speaking of which, on July 19, 2012, I accidentally stumbled upon a journal post on DeviantART by F14ace where he reaffirmed his liking for Gilda and hatred for Fluttershy. That journal post only managed to wound me further, and my depression deepened. On August 10 of that year, I went back to F14ace's YouTube comment and told him his contempt for the kind-hearted disgusted me. I didn't read his reply; I was too frightened to. I thought he was pure evil.

Over time, I came to realise I'm not just frightened of F14ace; I am frightened of all non-bronies i.e. people who aren't fans of the cartoon. This fear is completely irrational—I'm sure there are people out there who don't like the show and are still lovely people in real life, but that's so hard to believe—but it's there because the ones I've run into are all the judgmental kind who think you're pathetic or immature if you are one. Eventually these people made me feel so ashamed of myself that I stopped watching the cartoon altogether. It has now been over a year since I watched it and I have no intention of going back, though I still love Fluttershy.

Back to my breakdown. After I confessed my feelings to my mother, she was thankfully supportive and understanding. She arranged for me to see a person at college who was a Learning Support person, but I found I couldn't bear to talk about how I felt because the emotional part of my brain was enormous and the rational part so small. It was decided that I wasn't ready to talk about my feelings, and they would wait until the time was right for me to talk about it. I think I'm almost ready now; I'm certainly not as scared as I used to be about talking to somebody about how I feel, otherwise I wouldn't be posting here on this site. I posted my struggles to a site called Experience Project and got two very supportive comments, but my depression and obsessive thoughts have kicked in again since then. Eventually I had to see a doctor about my mental health issues and she prescribed sleeping tablets for my sleeping issues as well as anti-depressants, which have been successful sometimes and not-so at others. My sleeping has improved but I woke up very early today and cried bitterly again.

My mother has told me that the next time we see the doctor, she will push to get me a therapist. My doctor appointment isn't for over a months' time which is why I'm asking for help here. And that's where I am today, waiting and hating myself for what I said to F14ace nearly two years ago. I'm an awful person undeserving of love or help, yet here I am asking for help because I'm so selfish. This is all my own fault, I know, because I'm an awful person. I apologize if I ever sounded like a whiny five-year-old in this post; I feel very emotional about this mess I've got myself into. I just hate myself; I'm sick, bigoted and cruel. I feel I've said something terrible and I just can't forgive myself. I'm so scared of getting judgmental comments, too.

hello bluemoonblueearth (cool name)

I just read your post and wanted to let you know I can relate to what you write but I've been up a long time and can't put together a coherent post until I get some sleep. So I'll give you a hug for now and this will hold my place until I can wake up later and I'll be able to find you again.

Looking forward to getting to know you, welcome to PC and all.

First off, Fluttershy is best pone. Don't let anyone tell you different.
There's nothing wrong with loving a chatactor in fiction.. it's what great writers do, make a personality so alluring that the reader (or viewer) wishes for them to be alive and there. I was the same way with Prince Diamond in Sailor Moon (wwaayyy back in the dark ages of 1994). Nothing wrong with boys watching MLP:FIM either. My s/o and my 13 year old son watch it and enjoy their adventures.
I have big issues with people hiding behind the freedom of speech line. They don't know what it means. It doesn't mean say whatever you want whenever you want to, it means you can vocalize your disagreement with something and not get arrested or killed for it. Because way back when, when said thing became apart of countries constitutions and bills of rights, people didn't have the rights to openly disagree with laws and rulers edicts. I don't know if people today are purposfully misunderstanding it, or are grossly uneducated about the subject, but it is what it is.
You don't let the trolls of the internet get to you it is not what Ms. Fluttershy would want.

Thanks for the kind response. I hope to hear from you when you've caught up on sleep.

Thank you very much. I had to have my mother read these comments for me to check whether they were kind or not, because I was too much of a coward to read them myself. I was afraid parts of my post would spark anger, especially the "I don't like freedom of speech" part and my fear of people who don't like the show.

It's gotten to the point where I've had to socially cut myself off from people who aren't bronies and have nothing to do with them. Take the Nostalgia Critic, for example. I used to be a fan of his videos, but when he started making fun of the show e.g. his Cat in the Hat review, I felt hurt and stopped watching his videos entirely. I know they are just jokes, but they still hurt. I miss the Nostalgia Critic, but I just can't watch his videos anymore. I'm not mentally strong enough to deal with people disliking anything that I like, and I hate myself for that. It's a serious problem I have, and I hope I can get help in the future.

Also, I feel guilty for feeling attracted to other girls and women. It's like I'm psuedo-religious and believe being attracted to anybody other than your significant other is wrong. I don't act on these attractions and I hope I never will, but I still feel horribly guilty and ashamed of myself for feeling this way.

I think that's enough for now. I also apologize for how long my first post was and me not warning anybody beforehand. One last question left: am I to blame for my depression, or not?

Hi there, BlueMoonBlueEarth (I like your username ) welcome to PC! Your around my age, so I know how you feel, but it's great that you have family support, my family don't. I have some advice for you: don't dwell on the past, especially those regrettable moments. I have a handful of things that I've done and I've always to this day hated myself for doing, so it's best to keep those mistakes close by but not for personal punishment. I can't say what kind of depression you have, but I hope you cope well and receive as much support as you can, or lose yourself in your favorite hobbies and/or activities. What's better than doing what you love to do?

P.S. I'm not a huge MLP fan, but I do know all the ponies (well, most of 'em ><), and Fluttershy is a cute pony :3 I love her shyness, and just because she's not outgoing and upbeat all the time doesn't make her a lowly being. That goes for society out there and me, too~

Thank you. How do you refrain from dwelling on the past? I really struggle with bad things I've said and done in the past and I guess my problem is I don't know how to deal with them. My mother says they are just mistakes, not bad things, but I still beat myself up over it. I know keeping busy helps, but is there anything else you do that helps? Have you seen a professional to help you with your depression?

I think this is very common (myself included). But at some point you have to do a few things:

• Realize that you are simply wasting energy. You can not go back and undo things. They are as they are.
• Ask God for forgiveness (which he WANTS to give to you)
• And the hard one - forgive yourself.

HUGS of support.

You are right; I am wasting energy by dwelling on the past. Depression does do that. F14ace made me feel like I have no right to feel the way I feel, and I guess that's why I feel so guilty and ashamed of myself.

I struggle with my faith in God, like a few Christians do. Believing in God isn't easy for me, but when I think of how this universe can exist at all, I wonder if there is a divine hand behind it all. I hope God will forgive me because I struggle to forgive others. Sometimes I wonder if forgiveness even exists at all. I haven't forgiven F14ace for thinking and saying those horrible things, and I haven't forgiven myself for verbally attacking him. This is something I need help on in the future. I feel like a wretch, undeserving of forgiveness or love by anybody.

How do you forgive yourself? If I struggle to forgive others the way I do, surely forgiving myself is nigh impossible.

Hey there . I'm terribly sorry to hear about what is going on in your life . Please try to think differently about yourself, you are not a horrible person like you think you are, nor did you say anything terrible to the F14ace person, for you to feel guilty about. If your post to him was bad, then his post to you was just diabolical. This is something so unfortunate that happens and it's happened to me. You have something beautiful that you love and somebody else comes along and tries to destroy it. Please try to talk to someone, never bottle it up like I did. I never spoke to anyone about my feelings because I'm a guy, and you can imagine how a sensitive guy would have been bullied if he was found out (not that it mattered I was bullied anyway). Part of the reason is because I am an only child and have no friends and find it difficult to talk to my parents. Anyhow, I kept my feelings to myself and became a very hard and cold person. Now at 25, I am nothing less than a monster with no feelings. I have had depression for 3 years and have nobody in my life at all. I also do not trust anybody around me, as far as I'm concerned, everybody has some kind of agenda to take something from me. Please don't let that happen to you, try to change the isolation. Every time somebody destroyed something of mine, I forgot about it, or tried to adapt to the new arrangement. People always told me to just move on. Every time I lost a little bit more of my soul. I just sucked it up and said OK, what's next? Thing is, I never dealt with my feelings or vented them or anything, and you can incorrectly assume that they have just disappeared, they haven't. As I said, because I lost a little bit of my soul every time, I became the hard, soulless monster I am today. Losing the love of my life to another guy was the final nail in the coffin for me, that made me hit rock bottom.

I wish only the best for you and hope you can find someone to make a connection with and tell them your feelings, and I hope you can forgive yourself. Many hugs .

Thanks so much for the kind words. I'm so sorry so hear that you lost the love of your life to another man. That must have hurt. I don't think you're a monster at all; if you were, you'd be thinking nasty thoughts of everybody else and wouldn't be here on PsychCentral offering support. Or maybe I just don't understand how you feel. Thanks for the support, and I hope you can manage life and find peace of mind.

Hi. I've found this thread by accident and I kind of feel like I can help you with this. I know all of what you are talking about, I watched the show and know the characters and how this whole thing effects some people. FS is my favorite character too. In fact, the reason I started watching the show was because of FS.

I won't say much on this post because I don't know if you are still watching this thread or not, I will just ask you... are you? If yes, just reply this post and I will talk. Or if you want we can chat, I have Steam and Skype (I don't do calls because it's still hard for me to understand spoken english tho, but we can chat).

hi bluemoonblueearth,

i couldn't stop reading your post because I recognized so many things you wrote about from my own life. it is not all the same and I can understand that there will be people that can hardly grasp your emotions about that cartoon. but your feelings are something real so they are not any less than other people's feelings about other things. I am very often confronted with people who do not share the same personal taste. and I have had to deal with this very much in the past and will have to in the future.
it is very important to realize that things to cause emotions in people can be very different and sometimes seem strange. but the feelings are genuine. so that's true for both you and people who don't like your favorite show or cartoon character. if you feel you need to talk to somebody about your feelings you could try to make it a more abstract description to give the other person a chance to imagine a situation when he/she would feel the same.

about the bullies… I also have been bullied in school which is now a very long time ago. and like you I reacted by withdrawing into my imagination which helped me a lot then. (okay, imagination and fiction are somewhat different but still similar.) I never told anybody about what happened in my daydreams and I still don't want to. I also got very involved and it has had an impact on my entire life. I sort of know the feeling to be ashamed of that. but it's nobodies business. not then and not today.
anyway this is no way your own fault. I know exactly what kind of terror is created there and it's not pretty and it's not a minor problem!!! I had horrible nightmares all the time I went to school dreaming about getting killed. was sweating a lot and had headaches for years. it caused me quite some anxiety that I would call abnormal knowing what I know now. then I thought this was all my personal problem and I had to cope with it by myself. I think I got damaged for all my life by that time which of course doesn't mean the same will happen to you. it's good you have some support!

I hope you can find a way to express your feelings to a therapist or any other professional so they can help you. I think you did very well here.

about mistakes in the past: you sure learned something in that situation. so they are all valuable. nobody is perfect. I know that's a boring thing to say. but perfect is boring. most exciting stories people told me were about how they did something incredibly stupid in their life. you may feel horrible about these now but I can tell you I had some big awkward moments in my life in public!!! and I still managed to get up the next morning and go and see all those people again and nothing bad happened. and sometimes I tell these stories because I'm proud of what weird things I went trough and that I've overcome it- and there is nothing better than somebody curiously listening to your story.

I was reading through the threads on the Depression Forum and saw this one was once again near the top, so I knew somebody had replied. I still have to have my mother read the comments for me to make sure they're supportive, coward that I am. Over a year ago, I posted a comment on another site explaining other struggles I have and got a very angry reply from someone because I thought something external was responsible at the time. It still hurts.

I would like to hear from you. I apologize for not posting much on this website; I often don't know what to say to peoples' threads.

Thank you very much for the response. I'm glad I'm not the only person in the world who does things I regret. F14ace's journal post on DeviantART makes me feel like I can't move on, and I've always felt that way since I first stumbled upon it.

I really do struggle with other peoples' opinions. If somebody says they dislike anything that I like, I feel hurt. Because of this, I feel immature and therefore ashamed of myself. But I know better now than to verbally attack people who think differently than me, though their opinions emotionally wound me; it accomplishes absolutely nothing and makes me look like a jerk.

I'm confused about one thing. You say that perfect is boring. Are you implying that people who care for others are boring? This is the mindset F14ace seems to have, and I still hate him for it. The virtue of kindness is something I feel very strongly about, to the point that I hate anyone who thinks kind people are boring. I am so sorry if this comes across as rude and/or offensive.

I registered here just to make a thread a couple of months ago and never got back. I found your thread on google by pure accident yesterday and I had to search my ID and password (which I forgot) just to log in and comment here.

Anyways, back to the topic. I know what you are feeling. In fact I think I perfectly know what you are feeling.

I've experienced Exactly what you commented on your first post with a very similar thing. If you want to know how I feel identified with your problem and how I solved it, read this below (It seems that there's no spoiler command but I will try anyways, or just read what's between [spoiler ] and [/spoiler] in case it doesn't work):

[spoiler]I've had problems with my memory when I was younger, it's kind of hard to explain, but easy at the same time.
The thing was this: when I was around 15 years old (I'm 22 now) I started realizing that I had some kind of "fake memories". I remembered places and a person that never existed. My memories on these things are not lucid, but they are strong. That "person" and places of my memories are important for me somehow. In my childhood I've always been alone and kind of depressed, I've been verbally bullied too always, so I think I found refuge into these memories, because it was the only place in where I had a friend. But as I said, when I was about 14-15 years old, I started to realize that these memories were just inventions of my mind, and that was the thing that triggered a huuuuge depression on me that lasted 5 years. I failed at school so bad because of it, I didn't care about anything else; I've had many problems with my sleep too, all exactly the same as what you said in your post. Constant depression, the need to sleep as much as I can to not be awake and suffering for something that doesn't exist. I never told anyone about it because I just didn't know how to explain it. Most people would find it ilogical, I guessed they wouldn't understand, so I kept it to myself for all those years. I used to think about suicide so many times too. The worst thing is that I started memorizing the final times I've been with this "person", and it was all about a lost, abandon, sad moments, no words, just sadness.

When I was 18 years old, I watched a show called "Kanon 2006". It's a dramatic but also cheesy (in anime terms) anime. The protagonist experiences things that were pretty similar (undefinied memories and a special person from the past that he can't remember). That show made me cry like a baby and made me feel even worse because of this character called "Makoto".

I didn't tell anyone this, but one moment I was amost decided to kill myself, but at that moment, I had something that to this day I can't explain to myself.... I had something like a "click" that made me laugh at myself, everything changed. I started feeling proud of that, not sad. I thanked this "unexisting person" for existing into my mind and helped me to be a better person, because that's what actually matters. For the first time in 5 years, I felt happy, so happy that I started smiling like a dumb everytime, in my home, walking on the street, I didn't care about anything else.

I discovered MLP in 2012, 1 year after I overcame my depression, and I found this character (Fluttershy), and just loved her, because it's just like that "person" in my "memories". She kind of represents this personality in my "memories", but I've never felt bad nor sad about it, because I'm no longer depressed about it. I just like the character, it's cute and reminds me of that, it actually makes me happy, not sad like that other show (Kanon 2006). So, I don't have this problem you are having with Fluttershy, but as you can see, I assume I perfectly understand what you are feeling anyways.

Also, you got to remember that people like FS actually exist, just that they are humans, it doesn't matter at all, since what makes us different is our personalities, and EVERY fictional characted is based on REAL personalities. Without reality there couldn't be fiction. There are people with any personality you can imagine out there, in case this makes you feel any better.[/spoiler]



Now, about your problem with F14ace. I know that what he said was just dumb, but you shouldn't pay much attention to these things. There are lot of people who hate the show without any good reason, and some people just dislike Fluttershy because they don't feel identified with her, it's normal. People like things when they feel identified with them. We don't choose what to like and dislike, we can't. Our tastes are based on our experiences in our lifes, even from our veeeery tiny and smallest experiences. Every single experience in our lifes make us be what we are.

I know many people who dislike FS into the fandom, but I don't care, because they just can't feel what I feel; the same way I can't feel what they feel, so it's okay, we should learn to tolerate our differences. Cursing is always unnecessary in my opinion, mainly when we talk about tastes, so yes, it may be hurtful sometimes, but then again... maduration is understanding why the other people are cursing instead of insulting them back, no matter how we differ from their point of view.

I know you already replied him and all, but it's okay, eeeeeveryone goes throught those experiences. I've been into that too, believe me it's Pretty normal, specially when you are 15 years old, the age in which one usually starts questioning things and being more emotional, so don't feel so bad about it, it's part of our experiences.

Remember this, our mistakes are never the worst possible thing; the worst thing is not learning from our mistakes, because there will always be mistakes.


About explaining this to psychologists and relatives, I will leave it by your own. As I said, I couldn't tell anyone my problem because I was veeeeeeeeery introverted and I had a very low self-esteem as you are having now, but if you feel okay, you can explain it. I would not explain it to anyone tho, only Very trustful people, like professional psychologists/psychiatrists or a very close relative or friend, because mistrusted people can just take that information you give to hurt you even more. Well, that's what I think, I actually don't know, I may be being a little paranoid, you will know it better by your own experience.

I repeat just in case you want, you can add me on skype or steam if you want, in that case just ask for my ID on a private message and we can chat, only if you want, it's just that I personally find conversations more fluent through chats over posts, but it's your thread so you decide. (If what I said is enough you can just ignore this). I just feel like I want to help you because I feel identified with your problem.

BlueMoonBlueEarth,

I hope you are feeling better than when you first posted and it's great that you have such an understanding and caring mother. I'm also a guy who likes MLP; it's a very lighthearted show that's rarely immature. Fluttershy is my favorite character too - she represents kindness, innocence, humility, empathy, and natural beauty. Perhaps these are the traits of people you admire? Even people who don't like MLP are very much capable of having these traits.

Internet bullies (tough guys, trolls, etc...) are people that should be ignored. Often times, these people aren't very happy themselves and only want to drag you down to their level and will argue endlessly with you. Trust me, I've gotten into numerous arguments with rude users online and things rarely end up well.

I hope you are no longer being bullied in real life. I find it difficult to reply to some people's threads as well because I want them to feel better, but can feel helpless.

No! this is not what I meant- I wanted to say that I don't want you to feel so bad for such a long time for making a mistake because it is a normal part of life to make mistakes. it is impossible to be perfect like people in commercials. ideas about being flawless don't fit into real life. you can learn from your experiences instead of having a static idea of what you should be/act like in order to be perfect because there is no such thing. of course I don't say you should do bad things on purpose!!

I realize you are having some trouble with other people's opinions on what you like. I'm sorry I don't know MLP. so I cannot talk about that. but I know how it is to deal with people being disrespectful of what you love.
first I really really want you to be aware that they are not insulting you as a person!!
they just say (in a rude way) that they have a different taste. and that's okay, right? because everybody has the right to have his own taste -like you do, too!
I think they should be more polite and respectful of your interests. but that's another thing.
so maybe you can be a tolerant person and accept that everybody has a right to like and dislike things and that not everybody can share your love for MLP? like you would like other people to be tolerant and not insult Fluttershy.

I have come to not take it so personally if somebody doesn't like what I like. mostly I don't understand it but i can respect it.

Lost my post I'll repost later..

Hey fellow Bronie! <3

Fluttershy is a sweetheart, and being able to relate to her so strongly shows what a loving and sweet person you must be.

I just wanted to point out, that being sweet doesn't mean being a doormat- even Fluttershy learns to be assertive!

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - Episode 45," Putting Your Hoof Down" - Video Dailymotion

Good luck in therapy. Take it one teeny step at a time. There's no rush. Open up as you feel comfortable.

and stay away from youtube comments! They are notoriously toxic.



If you are looking for a less toxic youtube community, are you familiar with the Vlogbrothers and nerdfiteria? They seem like they might be up your alley.

I think you may like .

I'm glad to know that there are people out there who understand how I feel. I watched Kanon 2006 a few years ago and the story of Makoto was very sad. I don't remember if I cried or not, for back then I was emotionally numb and didn't really feel anything, thanks to the bullying I've gone through.

I am sure you did not mean to upset me, but I cried bitterly when you said there are many people in the fandom who don't like Fluttershy. It had never before occurred to me that there are even fans of the show who don't like her, and that really hurt me. Now I daren't read the replies in the thread I haven't already read. I'm sorry if this upsets you. It's not your fault; I'm too weak to deal with other peoples' opinions, and I'm terrified of people who don't like her.

I've done everything I can to avoid people who aren't bronies, and now I can't trust people at all that I don't know. I feel as if I have to become a misanthropist and live away from other people if I ever move away from my family and make my own living.

I'm really sorry.

I understand, but please, try to convert that hatred into understanding. There are people of all types. If the possibility exists, there are people who are like that.

I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm really sorry. I meant that many people dislike Fluttershy into the fandom, but not most of them. every 10 people probably 1 dislikes FS, if this makes you feel any better. The same way some people dislike other characters. In fact, as far as I know, according to some statistics, Fluttershy is the second most favorite character in the fandom, after Twilight.

I've been having social problems too, people who insult me unconsiously, they just don't know what they are saying, it's normal. I used to hate people in general because of that, but then I started to understand those people. Not "agreeing" with them, just knowing why they think like that.

There will always be people that dislike you, or the things you like, there are over 7 billions humans out there, don't expect all of them to be like you, and there's nothing sad with that, because that's what makes you special. Having an unusual feeling that makes us feel left out usually helps us to find our closest friends (Twilight said that btw).


As I said in my previous post, everyone have their own and different psychological experiences, so please try to not get hurt when someone insults you or FS, because the only thing that matters here is what you and people who also like FS think about FS, just don't pay attention to those who dislike what you like. Doesn't it make you feel better knowing that there are thousands (or millions) of people who also like FS like you in the whole planet? Who cares about those who don't?

puu.sh/aJPlc/077d7a0ac8.jpg

Btw I have some friends who find Fluttershy adorable and they don't even watch the show, they say that it's not their thing but they admit they find Fluttershy adorable even knowing it's not real. Just think about these things.

It will make me happy if you understand this and overcome your depression, and I'm sure your mother will too. Do this for her, and most importantly, for yourself. Don't feel bad about yourself, there's no need nor reason to have low self-esteem, it's perfectly understandable but that doesn't mean you have to live with it for the rest of your life. Sometimes we find refuge in our depression and we don't even realize it.

I hope you find that "click" that I found 3 years ago.

Hello, BlueMoonBlueEarth. Fellow Brony here. Sorry if I'm a little late to the party, but I stumbled upon your story and felt a great need to reply. I want to let you know that I am actually very familiar with your feelings. Like you, I am very much in love with Fluttershy; there are days when I wish she was real, especially whenever I'm feeling down in the dumps. And those feelings are completely okay, I think. I can tell that your love for her is not an un-healthy obsession; it appears to me like you want to show love and appreciation for the truly kind-hearted and compassionate people in the world.

I think since we are always surrounded by so much stress, anger and aggression in real life, a lot of us want to have a deeper connection with those who are gentler and can make our days feel much brighter. This is also one of the biggest reasons why I love Fluttershy—though timid and the very definition of a shrinking violet, she can make anyone feel loved and belonging. A strong part of me wishes there were more people like her in the world for this reason alone. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and maybe one day if you're lucky, you will find a wonderful significant other who is very much like Fluttershy.

Now, about that Gilda fan you had the unpleasant experience with. While I do want to convince myself that the Brony community is all about love and support for one another, there are many others who fill our space with rude and obnoxious mannerisms. The problem is, most interactions of the fandom take place on the internet, where you can pretty much say anything you want and get away with it. I, personally, have a major problem with the control of this content spreading, because people don't understand the types of effects their words have on others.

The key is to not take what they say about you as personal or too seriously. One person will never define who YOU are, or how the whole world sees you. Only you know what kind of person you are. If Fluttershy did exist, I think she would want you to keep doing what made you happy, knowing that there are tons of people behind your back. So whenever you feel down and out, or like you are alone and scared, just remember these three words: Fluttershy Loves You.

I do hope you start feeling better soon and that you will win this personal fight. But for now, simply Keep Calm and Flutter On, and if you ever decide to return to watching the show, we will be there, welcoming you with open arms. Because friendship is magic.

Hello BlueMoonBlueEarth and everypony else. I recently startet watching MLP:FIM and guess who i felt in love with. By the way i am a 33 year old male from Germay. Searching for an answer if this is normal is found this thread here and i also felt the need to write something.

First of all i can totally relate to what happend to you BlueMoonBlueEarth. Unfortunately i made a similar experiance way back in school. I had some kind of obsession with plush animals. Someday one of my so called friends told this to my other schoolmates and they started bullying me. I think this is the main reason why i am depressed too.

After reading this thread i think here are a lot of nice people that also agree to what i thought about before searching for an answer. Love can't be wrong, especially if you love someone as nice as Fluttershy. Love feels great, even if it's for a fictional character. I think we love her, because we like to find someone who is like her in real life. Maybe this will not be an easy task, but we can make it.

So please do not let other people put you down. Usually they are not worth a second of your time. Stick to the one you like and love. Friendship IS Magic and it is real. Even if you are not able to shoot rainbows in real life, friendship can still bring you up and make you smile