[Fuzzybear]

[Clara22]

Last Thursday I had my surgery. I am not in pain. We do not know if the result was good. I have to wait for some months to see if the infection has been eliminated. I am not sure when i will be able to leave the hospital. I am happy I have psychiaTric and psychological treatment here because my anxiety and depression are under control.

[SeekerOfLife]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Me too.

[VMblue]

My brother came to visit today. I have not seen him since October. While he quickly went to visit a friend, I made a special dinner. He won't be coming home tonight because he is too drunk to drive. And while I am proud that he does not drink and drive, I am so deeply hurt.

[hope2010]

Last evening I felt like am not going to stand one more minute the chronic anxiety, the racing thoughts, the constant crying, till I remember that I have to take my medication immediately when felt that bad. Sound silly but is not easy to jump and take an extra dose as prescribed by my Pdoc of 25 mg seroquel, but happened to me, I am afraid of medications, but I take them anyway, I am so confuse right now, I wish I can have a team of doctors and therapist just for me (someone can dream ) and all of them found out what to do to help me. I just wish ... thank you all for this thread. Hugs

[TheOriginalMe]

After several days of cold, sunny weather the clouds rolled in today, so that by 3pm there was no daylight left, just a grim twilight. My mood is that of grim twilight too, endings, fear, hurt, betrayal.

From eary childhood I was troubled by a recurring nightmare, in recent months I have started to believe that the nightmares began with a real life situation. I disclosed my fears in therapy yesterday, I wanted to be told I was mistaken, I wanted to find I am afraid of a bad dream, nothing more. How did a 48 year old nightmare become more important than all my other problems? I have done nothing but spend the day searching for reasons that I am confusing fact and fantasy when I should have been looking for jobs.

[Bark]

Hate myself. Don't want to sleep but I'd better force myself. The thoughts... I'm kind of blocking them out but I can't block out the feeling in my chest.

At these times I can't even imagine feeling better. I don't deserve to feel better. And everything is my fault, rational or not. I wish I could just give up. But I can't, because I've gotten people to care about me. Horrible mistake. I should have alienated myself long ago.

[Turtlesoup]

I've recently been keeping a mood chart & am looking to see how regular my mood swings are-so I've had 2 good days, 2 giddy/manic days, 2 IRRITABLE days, 2 depressed days, & now 2 more pretty good days. Wonder if this 2 day pattern is going to continue? It's not ideal I'm sure but it beats 10 depressed days in a row I guess.

Horrible. Horrible.

[favoritefountain2]

I've started doing a mood chart too. And a diet chart. I am having a lot of fluctuations and I don't know what is going on. I hope somewhere there is a link.

[tigerlily84]

Doing mood chart is a great idea. I notice that I will feel good for about 2 days, and the second day I am usually giddy, just really happy. And the next day I feel like crap. I'm so bad about eating proper meals too.

A busy day and a typical Saturday for me. But very lonely and I had a lot of bad feelings. A lot of "health anxiety" today and it ruined my favorite day of the week. I didn't get together with my only friend today. It would have been nice to.

For some strange reason, when I was out and about with the shopping today, a few women would smile at me. It was like they were attracted to me. They were total strangers. One woman smiled at me (she did not talk to me) and she was holding hands with a man. What's really weird is that women seem like they are attracted to me when I feel depressed or stressed out. I guess I should tell guys who are struggling to get women, is just be depressed or stressed out and that may work.

[VB1313]

I'm feeling relatively good today. The pain has passed, but the gloom persists. I'm fine, but I'm not okay. I need something, but I don't know what it is. No, not that, heh... I know what it isn't.

Hey guys and gals, I'm still here.. my username changed (under my status).. just felt like it didn't suit me.
The depression was bad yesterday, I couldn't eat. Until I take 25 mg. seroquel, and then, well not good...
I think this med has made me more depressed for a good 8 to 10 yrs now. Although I can't seem to tolerate antidepressants.
I couldn't sleep because of my stomach issues. I still want to get healthy, went to a chiropractor and I don't know if it helps. Not sure if my health will get better. I'm on lots of meds and not sure, if the diabetes one I can ever get rid of. It is not under control even though I struggle to eat sometimes.
Take care all of you

[Justicia]

I'm pretty new here to PC and just am really frustrated about where I'm at, I just feel isolated and worthless even though I don't really have that much to worry about. I'm moving in with my partner into a new house soon, I have a crappy but stable job, and what else … getting along with family recently even though I live so far away, so that's good. But then why do I feel so crappy still waiting for my partner to come home and interact with me. I feel like I am only happy when she's around. This isn't what I think is healthy. I do have good days, where I don't need to rely on her, but I think this is just a bad day ? Who knows ? All I do know is that I feel miserable. And should I pretend like my day was great to my girlfriend ? Or be real and have her again not understand why I feel so alone or worried about nothing … ?

[Turtlesoup]

Today so far is ok-kinda got a hoveround mood thing going-like it's ok but it could slip into depression mode if it wants. I've felt like this a few times since my last med change & think it may be the meds are keeping me from falling over the edge into something bad.

[tigerlily84]

I've been thinking about my new job and I need to stop worrying about if people like me. I'm not there to make friends, I have to prove myself. If I end up becoming friends with them, then great. I hate office politics.

[TheOriginalMe]

A too busy to think day, ok while they last, but when they are done then all the thoughts come rushing back in and I'm tired as well.

[angelene]

The premiere of a new TV show is going to be the highlight of my day. I just listened to the "radio" and futzed around with the web all day... No accomplishments to speak of, really... I still need to do the laundry...
I feel like I'm actually trailing off...

Not much of a day for me. Went to church and met up with my friend, but it was very brief. I thought that we would spend a little more time together. Did not do much after that. Just had a leisurely lunch that I made for myself and made a big batch of spaghetti sauce.

I had a slight chance to go to a football game tonight (New England Patriots at San Diego Chargers). I am a Patriots fan. My friend wanted to go to the game as a gift for me. But I'm not too crazy about going to a game with the noise and crowds. Plus, my friend is very old and cannot see. I don't think it would work out well for him. I'd rather see the game (if I could but wouldn't be able to) if it were to be played in New England. I think I could end up getting mugged if the crowd knows that I'm a Patriots fan at the home field of the Chargers.

[Justicia]

I'm going to try and be productive tray and hopefully that will brighten my day, I'm not sure if it will, but as long as I don't sleep today I'll be good, I just have to find ways of filling up my time so I don't have to think about being depressed, but it's so overwhelming. Yesterday was a bad day, but hopefully today will be better, that's what I'm trying to go for today. No Netflix no sleeping, but then what else is there to do ? All I feel is terrible. I'll go for a run maybe then a coffee shop to not isolate myself and read ? I do have a lot of books on my list to read, so maybe that's my plan today, but all I feel like is crying. But I will try hard to not give up.

[regretful]

Well, I suppose it could be worse; however, I can't think of anything worse than depression...

I am so burnt out on life. I wish I could feel something other than this pain and depression.

[Bark]

Still depressed. Maybe it'll lift tomorrow. Maybe not. At least I don't feel like hurting myself. I can live with it.

[TheOriginalMe]

I am facing an uncertain future and I am so tired of having to fight my corner. I wish I could give up and become a hermit. I vacillate between feelings of victimisation, where I am an innocent bystander in my own life, or alternatively feelings of intense guilt accompanied by a sense that everything bad that happens to me is because I deserve it, I have brought all my woes upon myself. I am feeling foolish and worried, I don't know what to do or how to get out of this mess. I've been in all sorts of messes before, but this time I can't help feeling there is no escape, no way back. I had a decent life and now I've ruined it.