confessions of little turtle

Being a number is "sub optimal" .....

Meds mask symptoms , masking anger will come back to haunt you, do not give others the power to anger you , it is self defeating ...
If someone tried to rob you at knife point , would you say kinves dont scare me and give them a gun, no , so don't let others know where your buttons are because they will abuse them and consequently you, why? ,because they can !
Making someone else angry is using there buttons to win "The fight" before it begins.when we make decisions or statements under the influence of anger , we give away our power to make sound judgements , you can turn your anger into a positive by using it as a motivator to channel yourself into something else , for me it's music , there is all kinds of music that can take you to all different emotions,if someone angers me I don't show it and I will go listen to something that defuse's the anger and allows me "space" , to reflect on why it angered me , then re engage with that person on a productive level not colored by anger ,doing this has shown people that trying to anger me is a waste of time ,because instead of doing or saying something out of anger ,it fuels me to examine why ? And then to resolve it .The people you love the most can oftentimes be the most toxic nothing hurts like or more than family .

thank you so much misterpain....you are so right

I am thinking about the past...I feel terribly guilty about leaving my patients when I was in private practice...I couldn't do it anymore...I didn't want to tell them that I was breaking down...one patient sensed my trouble and wanted to help me...that was so kind..but I broke down big time and never recovered fully...I was a lost person...I wanted to tell all... but was afraid to come out and say I couldn't do it anymore...I still am a partly broken down person...I hide out ...but I am doing much better about defending all of us who are dealing with mental illness...

my mental illness has to do with how I see myself...I feel in a straitjacket with other persons...I lack courage...I am terrified of being left out in the cold....left out in the cold..
people will not like me...everyone will leave me...I am not wanted...

for my patients long ago---I am sorry...sorry...please forgive me....for leaving you...and not telling you the truth about my breakdown...I let you down for not sharing my mental illness

Everybody has the fears of not being liked etc... but its people with a depressive or anxiety related disorder that those themes become an overwhelming runaway train. Try to remember you are doing the best you can , and that the MI enhances the fears we have, in fact anyone who has ever locked horns with depression or anxiety can be good friends because they share the fear or have conquered the fear. Most everyone on this site is very goodhearted generous people who give what they can when they can and take support when they are in need , people here are genuine support group. If we listen or give any credence to these old tapes in our head they will keep playing, so shut them down with positive affirmations when they start to eat away at your mind and spirit , "i am a loved and valuable person" " i am a good strong friend" " I have a lot to offer those who are patient with me " " people can count on me when i feel well and they can lend support when I am weary" circle the wagons and repeat those to yourself over and over when you feel those feelings trying to take hold, and no Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is resilience but it is possible to fight these feelings when they begin and guide your thoughts in another direction.

thanks misterpain

Honestly, you have to forgive yourself. When you are sick, you are sick. No harm was meant- so forgiveness is due. You deserve forgiveness. When your brain got fearful, it actually wanted to protect you. Serotonin was depleted and your brain wasn't working properly. It deserves forgiveness.

thanks sugarbeeme...

ok new insight...I talk about my mood disorder...my mental illness...
it can be made pretty simple------------I am scared of my emotions..
I am scared of me....I feel like a weak baby ....
my fears take me down...my fears broke me..
it started at 19....I recovered...
then at 34 I had a panic attack that eventually broke me down big time...at 42
I left private practice...

I identify with the cowardly lion in the wizard of oz..
I need others to go with ...
I am hoping that fuzzy will be Dorothy...
rohag will you go with fuzzy..
fuzzy will you go..
we need to clean up some of the poop that is out there...

Rohag would be which character?
Fear can be terribly paralyzing. I had no adolescent fun. Which could be considered good as it kinda protected me from doing stupid things, which I surely would have made.
Bad consequences and rejection would have devastated me for sure.
But wish I could have more fond memories of adventure without fear blanketing everything.

Cleaning up poop - I can try to help

sugar who do you want to be

fuzzy you need to lead us cleaning up poop

Could I be a munchkin? They seem happiest- but being bullied by a witch, so that's not cool.

sugar yes...munchkin

I have a lot to learn....my family members give me the most stress...
I really haven't handled that too well..but I am learning...I am getting stronger...
I am speaking up when they complain about me...I am trying to handle my anger...
my anger is there...and it is very strong...for years I have taken it and have not said much..it would just build up and then I would start yelling...but I didn't get anywhere..
now I am making some progress...I don't feel as cowardly as before...but these changes are very scary to me...I will not put me down because of my sensitivity....they will try to put me down but I will speak up...

I understand that. My family member is not too supportive to me. Sadly I depends too much on them financially.

I am now understanding better about anxiety and depression in real life....I am searching for the truth...the truth will set us free...

the chemical imbalance theory is wrong....
most of us are anxious and depressed because of what life is bringing to us...
all the chemicals in the world will not fix what is going on...it will just blunt it...
if I am depressed because of an alcohol problem...I need to stop alcohol..
if I am depressed because I am harming others...I need to stop harming others..
if I am being abused by others....I need to stand up and/or get out of damaging relationships....

we need to see very clearly what is taking us down....and I doubt very much that it is some kind of a chemical imbalance disease that only drugs will fix..

Of course people become depressed because of things that happen or have happened in their lives, but that can cause changes in the chemical functions in the brain as well. You are of course free to feel as you wish, but to me it sounds like a chicken and a hen problem. Who came first? I am glad that there are antidepressants available and they are of help for me. I am glad that there are still therapists out there who can give people properly therapy. I'm thankful! The meds and the former therapy have not taken away my depression totally, but I have to do my own things (watch triggers and so on) to have a good life. I don't understand your focus!

please see TIME magazine NOVEMBER 7/2016---TITLED ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND THE AMERICAN ADOLESCENT...we can have a good discussion here...

each person out there is different...each person needs help in different ways...
whatever works for you...but you need the whole story...we are making ourselves sick
by all the things we are doing now...we have many problems that have to do with our own behavior....we are not living healthy lifestyles...

if someone has a serious depression we need to know what is causing this depression...
I don't believe we all need antidepressants...I take an antidepressant and I see a psychiatrist because I was put on the antidepressant a long time ago because I was told it was for a lifetime....for me that was a mistake...I cannot speak for you...but I can speak for me..times have changed...I want to be on the very best bus...I personally believe psychiatry has gone downhill...I saw it with my own eyes...I saw it as a psychiatrist and as a patient and as someone who was a very sick puppy...

as a young psychiatrist I was told to talk less and use more drugs...
I was very upset about this...

little turtle,

i am having huge panic attacks.also having problems of concentration - finding it difficult to read the newspaper or a story book.have to force myself to do these.need emotional support.

prior to this i had to be hospitalized under a new doctor due to my anger outbursts. had developed akathasia as a side-effect to anti-psychotics. now i have come back home and am seeing my old doc. the anger is gone and he told me not to take risperidal - so the akathasia is almost gone too. now i am taking 50 mg x 2 of amisulphride and 2mg x 2 of trihexyphenidyl to counter the leftover akathasia. but new problems like panic attacks have emerged.need help.

wow...I am sorry that you are having these troubles...what are you angry about....are you able to talk with your therapist about your life...