Is there something you'd like to tell your therapist but you can't?

Dear t, did you read the newspaper? did you see why i couldn't come in tonight or this week or even next week, right when i probably need it the most. opening days at a university.... AAAHHHHHHhh i am so happy for all the new freshman and their parents, but soooo much work! i really need to just vent...............

Dear T,

You would be so proud of me...a guy at work asked me to hang out this weekend and I didn't make up some excuse as to why I couldn't-I'm going to do it! I'm also still pursuing getting my own apartment-I feel like I'm starting to live my life more fully-and I'm excited that you are both sharing in this process with me and helping me along the way!! Also-when you said "take care sweetie" before the hug last session-it made me feel real good!

But it scares me.

we desperately need you right now.
i am sinking fast.
j.

Dear T,
I didn't like it when you asked me to turn around. I don't know what I was feeling. I wasn't angry at you. I was feeling so overwhelmed. You wanted me to not dissociate in session, and I didn't. But I needed my own space. Why couldn't you respect that. And no I'm not going to be able to tell you this. Everything is just too overwhelming.

I feel so awful. There is no word for how awful I feel.

Dear T,

I haven't seen you for a few weeks and I feel really disconnected from you now. I know you weren't able to fit me in til next week because of your vacation and busy schedule but now I'm scared to come back. Should I come back? Should I tell you about my mini-meltdown while you've been away or should I stay quiet like I always do because I'm not sure if I can trust you and you feel like a stranger to me now. I'm scared you'll give up on me if you knew more than I tell you. I measure my words so carefully because I've always been the strong one and I don't want you to see me as weak. I feel really alone and conflicted right now and I don't feel I can reach out to you

Ugh - I want to post, but I'm even afraid to post on here! Stupid issues.

Dear T -

I am not doing well at all. Last night I quietly cried myself to sleep.

See you Wednesday.

I wish I could find a way to tell my therapist how important, meaningful, and helpful she and therapy are to me. I think that she knows that but I wish I could find a way to say it from the heart.

T - I won't tell you but there is one more thing you did that still bothers me. I hope that someday it will come up but there's too much other stuff to process right now.

Dear T,

Unfortunately, I feel a 'mute' stage coming on for us. Last time it lasted for about 6 weeks!! I sure hope that is not the case this time. I was thinking about bringing in my notepad and writing notes to you in case I cannot talk this time. If you tell me I can't do that, I feel that I will just get up and leave.

My question to you is this: If I do something like that (get up and start to leave), will you say anything to try to get me to stay? Or will you just let me leave without saying anything to encourage me to stay?

I want you to encourage me to stay but I fear that you won't. You have told me all along that I need to be the one to ask for help. You will be there to help me, but I have to ask for it. So, if I get up to leave, does that mean that I have to be the one to stop myself from doing that?

Please don't do that to me. Encourage me to stay and 'face my fears'. I will be totally miserable for another week if you allow me to walk out the door without encouraging me not to.

Squiggle

I want you to be my mom

Hi T,

I'm nervous. I'm counting down the days to the end of your vacation. I know that when I see you next week, the real work of therapy begins. And that terrifies me. It's also exciting. It's important to me that you like me. I can't tell if you like me or not. I want your approval.

i want ti tell my therapist that i have a drug problem but i dont want her to think of me as a lesser person but i need help

i liked it when you said you'd always be my T...but I didn't like it when you said you were going on vacay for 2 weeks in sept. what if i relapse?

Dear T,
I don't know how to keep going, to keep fighting when I feel this low. You say to keep feeling my feelings, that I will feel better in the long run. That doesn't help me right now, in this moment when I want so badly to SI. And now it'll be another week and a half before I see you again.

Dear T,
i love you but am really having a hard time with negative transference right now.
i feel like you want to be in "control" all of the time and it is driving me crazy! Also, I am afraid to voice my own opinions.

Dear T, feeling blah... too much work
kinda afraid to go back
seems like whenever i take the ad on a regular basis, they do help, but then i feel worthless going to t... feel like i really have no problems. and any problems i have are not important.

and still reeling from what you said "lonely"... ya, duh! so now what????? don't think i would like your answer and maybe that is why i am not going back, just a thought!!!

Tomorrow I want to ask, first thing before I sit down: Is it really okay to hug you? Do you really want to hug me? Is there a right or wrong way? You tell me there's no right or wrong way to do EMDR. What about hugging?????? I'm sorry I feel so stupid worrying about how to hug you. I don't think I can ask you these things but if I don't I'll obsess about them.

Dear T,

Everything in RL is sooo good right now! I've built a circle of supportive people around myself, and I'm having FUN! Like, real FUN! All the work we've done in therapy has made that possible. So thank-you. Now, if only you could help me feel that good about our relationship, too!

I'm planning on giving you a letter to read next session, but I'm incredibly nervous about it. It lays out exactly how I felt in response to something you said... and something you didn't say. I feel very vulnerable with you right now, and I need things to go a certain way; I need you to have a certain reaction. I need you to be gentle and empathetic with me. I also need you to be expressive and clear. If you skip over or ignore the content of my letter-- and just say neutral therapy-esque platitudes--I will be extremely hurt. I really need you to be more open and direct with me; I need you to address my feelings, my needs, and my insecurities-- and I need to hear your assessment of and reaction to them. I need you to have a real conversation with me about our therapy relationship.

Love,
ScorpioSis

Dear T
It drives me completely INSANE when you disappear for days and days at a time!!! oh my gosh it just makes me mad because I think you are dead and you know it so please just CALL ME!! STOP DISAPPEARING!!!

Dear T,

Thank you for responding to my email about "What would you do if I try to get up and leave before a session ends?" I am glad that you won't just let me walk out without saying anything. I didn't expect you to 'restrain me', so I am not sure why you would even say that?

And to your response to the whole mute and regression thing. Yes, there have been a lot of changes the past month: going back to work, a change in my workload at school, and we have changed our location where sessions will be.

You also mentioned that maybe I was feeling overwhelmed and fearful about my youngest daughter being a senior this year, and the possibility that she will be moving out when she graduates. Yes, I do fear that she will be accepted to a college that is 4 hours away!! That will be so hard on me.

One thing you brought up was that my daughter is now 17, the age I was when I married the first time. You think maybe that is triggering something in me? I don't think so, but I will ponder that thought.

I hope that I am done sending you emails until Wednesday. I have already sent 3! I know that you say its totally fine with you and that this helps me. It does help me and I appreciate you working with me like this.

Squiggle

Dear T,
I don't know if I want to come this week. I don't understand what happened last week. Why you would just assume that I was angry when I wasn't. I don't know what exactly I was feeling. But I know I wasn't angry. I'm scared to come in. Why can't I experience the feelings I am feeling? I felt like you just wanted me to stop crying. I never cry. much less in front of someone else. It only happens in times of extreme stress. I just needed you to let me be for a minute. It made me feel so bad.

Dear T,
You have two choices: either adopt me or marry me. I can't do this T-client thing for much longer.

Dear T,

I ended up loving you in a way in which I never thought I would love anyone. You deserve a lot of credit for getting me to the point where I could hand my heart over to another person.

The bad news is, you broke it. The worse news is, while I used to think you wouldn't fix it, I'm beginning to feel that it's more like you can't.

The good news is, I have come this far and I think I can go further.

The bad news is, I think I need to do that with another T. Someone who can meet my basic needs.

I don't want to give you up, but I think I'll be stuck here forever if I don't. This is killing me inside.

Love,
Sally

Dear T,
I can't help but be slightly nervous about being at the same event tomorrow-I know you won't make it awkward...but I am slightly worried for my reaction to how you are interacting with others (I just have to remember that you are MY T and that just b/c we can't talk tomorrow a whole lot...I will have my time with you this week)...I don't want anyone there to know that you are my T (besides the few that do) soo I promise myself that I won't talk about it!
p.s. This week is going to be sooo hectic-I'm going to need my time with you!! <3