[rainbow8]

I had my session today. We mostly talked, at my request, and did some IFS with the angry parts. I think I've reached rock bottom. My T doesn't have an answer as to how I can stop my pattern. She went as far as to say that maybe I shouldn't be in therapy. When I got angry about that, she said it came from me a few weeks ago. True, but I didn't really mean it! I told her I didn't want to talk about that as an option; it means she doesn't care about me. So she said that she cares very much about me, and that everything she does is to help me. If I feel so bad when I leave, like last session when I called her, we have to change that, and go slower. Or, maybe talk about my other issues, not about her and me.

I said that we have to talk about this because my anger is about what I can't get from her. She asked what that part wants from her and I said love and attention. Of course she asked who can give me those things in RL. I'm not sure. We talked about my being angry with myself for not being able to get out of this pattern.

I said maybe I just have to use radical acceptance and she agreed. In other words, my former T was right. There is NO one solution for me! My T is never going to satisfy me and I have to accept that. If I can't, then maybe therapy isn't helping. When I brought up about how she changed, she said that in the beginning, we tried those methods, but it wasn't enough. The emails weren't enough, or the right way, holding her hand wasn't even always right though I disagree with that. She didn't want the "blanket of love" to be about HER loving me. She apologized for hurting me in that way, by taking away some of what she gave me because it wasn't helping me.

I said I'm trying DBT as a way to help. And my H and are hugging, and it feels good. Maybe I have to settle with those for now.

I was still angry at the end of the session, though more sad than angry. I asked if she would hold my hand, so she did, for a short time. She made sure to say she was doing it just so I could feel safe. It helped, but I feel so sad! How many times do I have to tell myself over and over that my T is just my T, and that's all? She likes me and is nice to me but that's all.

I have to radically accept that. I'm crying now but I couldn't in the session. I told her I wanted to cry. I told her I'm so stupid for having this pattern over and over. She kept saying therapy is about ME, not her. I KNOW that but it makes me feel very, very sad.

My T didn't contact my DBT leader yet because I just signed the release today. I asked if there was anything about me I didn't know that she was going to tell her. She said "no", she just wanted to be sure I get the most out of the group.

I don't want to face the truth about therapy. It hurts me too much.
I DON'T FEEL GOOD

[Asiablue]

Do you know what it is about your T that she supplies that you need? What is it she does specifically and is it something that can be replicated by someone else?

Can you pinpoint why HER love/affection is important to you above all else?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Do you know what it is about your T that she supplies that you need? What is it she does specifically and is it something that can be replicated by someone else?

Can you pinpoint why HER love/affection is important to you above all else?

I wish I knew! It's not just HER, though I like her best. Sigh. I thought the same about my other Ts too. She listens to me, tells me she likes me, is nice to me all the time. No one can replicate that. We talked about that.
HER love and affection is important above all else because it's unconditional. She never calls me stupid. She doesn't criticise me. She may have changed some things but she said she did it because those things weren't helping me.

[mixedup_emotions]

I can understand the sadness. It's hard to accept something so painful.

I'd imagine that the fact that therapy relationship is all about you, that unconditional love, support, attention...non-judgmental empathy and softness...as a whole, it is unrealistic in real life relationships. We can hope to get some of those needs met, but not without reciprocity.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I said I'm trying DBT as a way to help. And my H and are hugging, and it feels good. Maybe I have to settle with those for now.

I find this sentence a bit sad, Rainbow. Why isn't your husband's affection for you enough? Why is it "settling" to have a husband who will hold you?

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I'd imagine that the fact that therapy relationship is all about you, that unconditional love, support, attention...non-judgmental empathy and softness...as a whole, it is unrealistic in real life relationships. We can hope to get some of those needs met, but not without reciprocity.

That's exactly what I thought as well. The therapy relationship is the only relationship that can be all about you, your thoughts, your desires, and your needs. Since that is the kind of attention, support, and unconditional love that you crave-- the best way to go about getting that in RL is to offer it to someone else. If you build relationships with others where you pay attention to them, listen to them, love and accept them unconditionally-- then they will be more likely to offer you that in return. Of course, it's a reciprocal relationship-- but you know what? In a lot of ways, that's better! That's what I've built with my best friend; I give him the time that he needs to tell me whatever is on his mind and I love and support him unconditionally. Then, he offers the same back to me. And you know what? It feels GOOD to be able to offer that to someone else. It feels good to help others. It feels good to be able to be a "giver" and not just a "taker." And reciprocal relationships offer something that a T relationship never can-- the depth of relationship and intimacy that comes when BOTH people share and BOTh people are personally (not just profesionally) invested. And, in reciprocal relationships, the other person loves you as much as you love them. It seems that is what is causing you so much hurt with all of your Ts. You want to be a part of T's personal life and you want T to love you in the way that you feel you love her. But that isn't possible. Your T can care about you very much, but she can't feel towards you what you feel towards her and she will never be a part of your life in any non-professional capacity. But if you can learn to have close, intimate, caring, unconditional relationships with people in your RL, then you can get those kinds of emotional needs met. But, in order to attract that from someone else, you FIRST have to be the kind of person who is capable of giving that in return. Do you think it would help to work on your capacity to listen to others (and care about what they have to say), to be attentive to others, and to offer support to others? Often, when we focus so myopically on what we WANT from others (and how it's unfair we're not getting that! and how big our want is!) we forget about exercising our capacity to GIVE that TO others. At the beginning, it might make you feel like a martyr-- like, "I don't have this and here I am trying to give it to someone else!"-- but, after awhile, being able to GIVE that actually fills up the "hole" you have from not receiving it. And, by golly, when you start offering that to others-- people just seem to come out of the woodwork wanting to be around you and offering you the same. Honestly, the more generous I've been with the people in my RL, the more generous they have been with me as well.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

She never calls me stupid. She doesn't criticise me.

Yeah, your husband doing these things isn't good at all. That relationship needs work and the hugging is a good start! Who else called you stupid and criticised you?

[rainbow8]

I will answer the replies in a minute. I'm so aware now, and I just want to cry. I realize that I have to stop making my T so important to me. I've GOT to do that. I would be very depressed if she were to die. How do I make her less important to me? I seem to manage okay until I see her. But I don't want to quit therapy. I've got to work on my other issues in therapy, like shame. That helps me. I don't know why I refuse to do that.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I can understand the sadness. It's hard to accept something so painful.

I'd imagine that the fact that therapy relationship is all about you, that unconditional love, support, attention...non-judgmental empathy and softness...as a whole, it is unrealistic in real life relationships. We can hope to get some of those needs met, but not without reciprocity.

You're right, MUE. I've been hitting my head against the wall all of these years, haven't I?

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I find this sentence a bit sad, Rainbow. Why isn't your husband's affection for you enough? Why is it "settling" to have a husband who will hold you?

Because it feels good when we hug doesn't negate the needs that T triggers in me. I think the other needs are preverbal and can't be satisfied any more. That's what I mean by settling.

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

That's exactly what I thought as well. The therapy relationship is the only relationship that can be all about you, your thoughts, your desires, and your needs. Since that is the kind of attention, support, and unconditional love that you crave-- the best way to go about getting that in RL is to offer it to someone else. If you build relationships with others where you pay attention to them, listen to them, love and accept them unconditionally-- then they will be more likely to offer you that in return. Of course, it's a reciprocal relationship-- but you know what? In a lot of ways, that's better! That's what I've built with my best friend; I give him the time that he needs to tell me whatever is on his mind and I love and support him unconditionally. Then, he offers the same back to me. And you know what? It feels GOOD to be able to offer that to someone else. It feels good to help others. It feels good to be able to be a "giver" and not just a "taker." And reciprocal relationships offer something that a T relationship never can-- the depth of relationship and intimacy that comes when BOTH people share and BOTh people are personally (not just profesionally) invested. And, in reciprocal relationships, the other person loves you as much as you love them. It seems that is what is causing you so much hurt with all of your Ts. You want to be a part of T's personal life and you want T to love you in the way that you feel you love her. But that isn't possible. Your T can care about you very much, but she can't feel towards you what you feel towards her and she will never be a part of your life in any non-professional capacity. But if you can learn to have close, intimate, caring, unconditional relationships with people in your RL, then you can get those kinds of emotional needs met. But, in order to attract that from someone else, you FIRST have to be the kind of person who is capable of giving that in return. Do you think it would help to work on your capacity to listen to others (and care about what they have to say), to be attentive to others, and to offer support to others? Often, when we focus so myopically on what we WANT from others (and how it's unfair we're not getting that! and how big our want is!) we forget about exercising our capacity to GIVE that TO others. At the beginning, it might make you feel like a martyr-- like, "I don't have this and here I am trying to give it to someone else!"-- but, after awhile, being able to GIVE that actually fills up the "hole" you have from not receiving it. And, by golly, when you start offering that to others-- people just seem to come out of the woodwork wanting to be around you and offering you the same. Honestly, the more generous I've been with the people in my RL, the more generous they have been with me as well.

Thank you, Scorpiosis.
There IS someone, a friend who is also a relative, who GIVES me a lot already. She probably gives me more than I give her, but she freely says she loves me. I try to give to her too. I do get some of those needs met by her. I say I love her too (that was very difficult for me) and I try to reciprocate the nice things she does for me. But it's not the same as my T. It's better but not totally. I will try to give more to others, like my H. I gave the hugs first, and got back! So it's a good start for me. The problem is that thinking about my T is so painful; I just have to endure it or quit. I've got to work on other issues. I think I've been going just to be with her. There's the excitement part of it too. We talked about progress in other areas today. There has been some, especially with mindfulness and shame. It's not ALL about my T and me. It's just that those child parts are so, so needy. Okay. I have to work on myself more to be more giving and be a better listener. Challenges.

Originally Posted by Sannah

Yeah, your husband doing these things isn't good at all. That relationship needs work and the hugging is a good start! Who else called you stupid and criticised you?

No one that I know of called me stupid. My brother taught me to read and write before I went to school and he admits he used to push my hand to get me to do it. I don't think he called me stupid though. My parents never did. They criticised me, but my Mom thought she was helping. I've said before on here, like "You're so pretty; so why don't you stand up straight?" Things that made me not feel I was okay the way I was.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

It seems that is what is causing you so much hurt with all of your Ts. You want to be a part of T's personal life and you want T to love you in the way that you feel you love her. But that isn't possible. Your T can care about you very much, but she can't feel towards you what you feel towards her and she will never be a part of your life in any non-professional capacity.

I want to add that you're exactly right about the above. It's what hurts me intensely. I want her to be part of my life. I want to be part of HER life. I have to give that up. Knowing that makes me feel very depressed.

What you wrote is all true, about reciprocal relationships with other people. There's something wrong in my brain, for still wanting my T to be that person.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

There's something wrong in my brain, for still wanting my T to be that person.

(((((((((((((((((((((( rainbow )))))))))))))))))))))))
no, dear, it's just a process. you will be OK.

[adel34]

Hi Rainbow,
I'm so sorry you had a hard session and that your t was even talking about therapy not working anymore. That must have been so painful! Maybe working on the other issues will help. And I'm so glad you and your husband are hugging now!

[Asiablue]

It strikes me that perhaps what is so addictive about the feelings you get from a T is the bonding. Do you feel like you want to be totally merged with her? So close that you and she are one of the same thing. If so... this is a stage newborns go thru and if you didn't bond with your own mother then that's why you crave it now. Newborns don't realise they are separate from the mother, they are emeshed to her, rely on her for everything; emotional regulation, food, protection, warmth etc it's not until they are a few months old that they begin to realise they are separate. Also i read that breast-feeding is a sensuous (not sexual) experience for an infant, they get great pleasure from it as it satisfies their need to be close to mother and also their need to be fed is met. Do you know if your mom had problems breast-feeding when u were born or trouble bonding? Because it seems to me that this intense need to be physically close, and have unconditional love from your T might be down to attachment issues.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

(((((((((((((((((((((( rainbow )))))))))))))))))))))))
no, dear, it's just a process. you will be OK.

Thanks for all the hugs! It's a process but I have to do something to change the way I feel about my T but I don't know how. I'm stuck.

Originally Posted by adel34

Hi Rainbow,
I'm so sorry you had a hard session and that your t was even talking about therapy not working anymore. That must have been so painful! Maybe working on the other issues will help. And I'm so glad you and your husband are hugging now!

Thanks, Adel. It's not that therapy isn't working; it's that everything I liked so much in therapy didn't help me as much as I thought it would. I will try to work on something else next session.

Originally Posted by Asiablue

It strikes me that perhaps what is so addictive about the feelings you get from a T is the bonding. Do you feel like you want to be totally merged with her? So close that you and she are one of the same thing. If so... this is a stage newborns go thru and if you didn't bond with your own mother then that's why you crave it now. Newborns don't realise they are separate from the mother, they are emeshed to her, rely on her for everything; emotional regulation, food, protection, warmth etc it's not until they are a few months old that they begin to realise they are separate. Also i read that breast-feeding is a sensuous (not sexual) experience for an infant, they get great pleasure from it as it satisfies their need to be close to mother and also their need to be fed is met. Do you know if your mom had problems breast-feeding when u were born or trouble bonding? Because it seems to me that this intense need to be physically close, and have unconditional love from your T might be down to attachment issues.

Thanks, Asiablue. My intellectual side won't let me admit to wanting to merge with my T, but it sounds like something I might want. I've been told I didn't separate from my Mom, and maybe I didn't bond with her either. I think they say that about people with BPD. I was a preemie but my Mom told me that she could not breast-feed me. She said that I got another mother's milk. I assume in a bottle! My T has told me that I have attachment issues. The problem is that they haven't gotten better even though I have been in different kinds of therapy. Radical acceptance that it's not going to get a whole lot better may be the only way to go now. DBT will help, I hope, but I still may have my "t-cravings" forever. Not to make light of it, but maybe it's like "chocolate cravings." It's always going to be there so I have to accept it and control it the best I can. My problem is that being with my T and knowing that's how it is, HURTS.

[unaluna]

that's when you know you're making progress, when you can finally see how your former T's agree and that they were right. Then you know you are seeing the big picture, the true narrative of your life. Then, as Asiablue says, you can start to pick parts of that narrative to work on as an overriding theme for that year in therapy, is what I do. my first year back with this T, it WAS attachment - it was a new topic to me, I learned all I could about it from books, and tried to piece together what my non-remembered past must have been like. Realizing I had no concept of attachment at all, I had a lot of catching up to do. But you are SO insistent that your childhood was great and you were attached to your mother and vice versa, that it doesn't give one much wiggle room to find any problems, except for when you were in the incubator. But I am reading a book that says preverbal depersonalization and derealization issues could arise from fixed feeding times, that the infant feels that they are powerless over their environment. Would that have been your case, do you know?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by hankster

that's when you know you're making progress, when you can finally see how your former T's agree and that they were right. Then you know you are seeing the big picture, the true narrative of your life. Then, as Asiablue says, you can start to pick parts of that narrative to work on as an overriding theme for that year in therapy, is what I do. my first year back with this T, it WAS attachment - it was a new topic to me, I learned all I could about it from books, and tried to piece together what my non-remembered past must have been like. Realizing I had no concept of attachment at all, I had a lot of catching up to do. But you are SO insistent that your childhood was great and you were attached to your mother and vice versa, that it doesn't give one much wiggle room to find any problems, except for when you were in the incubator. But I am reading a book that says preverbal depersonalization and derealization issues could arise from fixed feeding times, that the infant feels that they are powerless over their environment. Would that have been your case, do you know?

Hey, I never said my childhood was great. My Ts have all told me that there must have been something wrong with my relationship with my Mom to have the needs that I have. It could have been her anxiety not allowing me to feel safe with her. It could be that simple. I had selective mutism. I had a brother who was a bit weird and abusive towards me. I never said my life was like Leave it to Beaver or Ozzie and Harriet! I lived in my own world, not sharing my feelings with anyone. Yes, I was loved. Yes, I always had a few friends, but I always felt like an outsider. Not quite "with it", you know. I still feel that way somewhat. I don't know anything about my feeding times when I was an infant, just about my Mom not breastfeeding me. I do feel powerless over my environment, though. Always! Maybe that's why I didn't talk. My T said it was a way to control my extreme anxiety. I can't figure it out. I just want these feelings about my T and therapy to go away already. I can't take it anymore. Really. I need a solution other than quitting. I'd be miserable if I quit now. I'm not going to think about that option until after I finish DBT.

[Asiablue]

Rainbow, have you ever seen a Therapist who deals specifically with adult attachment problems? I think you need someone specifically trained in this area.

It makes sense that being a Preemie and then obv not have the nurturing closeness of being breast-fed would absolutely have an impact.

I think the jealousy you get about your T and the rage you feel when she won't tell you things about her personal life are all feelings infant get when they start to differentiate from their mother. THey begin to see their Mother as separate and the get rage if their needs are not met efficiently and they get feeling of jealousy if they sense the mothers attention is else where. It threatens their very existence and their survival. It sounds like that's what you are experiencing?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Rainbow, have you ever seen a Therapist who deals specifically with adult attachment problems? I think you need someone specifically trained in this area.

It makes sense that being a Preemie and then obv not have the nurturing closeness of being breast-fed would absolutely have an impact.

I think the jealousy you get about your T and the rage you feel when she won't tell you things about her personal life are all feelings infant get when they start to differentiate from their mother. THey begin to see their Mother as separate and the get rage if their needs are not met efficiently and they get feeling of jealousy if they sense the mothers attention is else where. It threatens their very existence and their survival. It sounds like that's what you are experiencing?

No, but I've seen 5 t's with different orientations. My current T knows I have attachment problems. They all did. One did object relations therapy with me. Another CBT though I fought her about it. Another psychodynamic therapy. Another one was a Freudian psychiatrist. One thing I know for sure is that I am NOT going to see another T. Never. This is my final T. I'll be in DBT but will not seek out another T. Yes, what you wrote sounds like me! My T, using IFS has tried to get ME to comfort the baby and small child who didn't get what they needed from my Mom. She says my needs are probably preverbal. She wants my adult Self to learn how to soothe the baby. I've done that at times, and will have to do it more. My T always said I could visualize her being there too.

I'm curious. Is there a certain book or something online you're reading about attachment? Thanks!

[delicatefade26]

Hey Rainbow,

I've always been curious about this...in your ideal world or fantasy-how would the relationship between you and T look? What kind of things would she do/say-would she not be your therapist-and it becomes something else? or do you keep her as your therapist but have different ways of interacting? I don't know-I just think it would be a good idea to play around with what exactly it would be like if you were granted a wish for it to be like you want-to maybe see what's underneath it...

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

No, but I've seen 5 t's with different orientations. My current T knows I have attachment problems. They all did. One did object relations therapy with me. Another CBT though I fought her about it. Another psychodynamic therapy. Another one was a Freudian psychiatrist. One thing I know for sure is that I am NOT going to see another T. Never. This is my final T. I'll be in DBT but will not seek out another T. Yes, what you wrote sounds like me! My T, using IFS has tried to get ME to comfort the baby and small child who didn't get what they needed from my Mom. She says my needs are probably preverbal. She wants my adult Self to learn how to soothe the baby. I've done that at times, and will have to do it more. My T always said I could visualize her being there too.

I'm curious. Is there a certain book or something online you're reading about attachment? Thanks!

I've done a lot of reading on attachment theory... something i'm very interested in because of my experiences. There is a ton of stuff online to read about it. I will try finding some good sites i've read from tomorrow but right now i must go to bed!

I think if you can read this stuff and begin to understand what you're going thru from an intellectual stand point 1st it helps to internalize it, normalize what you're feeling and eventually minimize your distress. (hopefully)

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by delicatefade26

Hey Rainbow,

I've always been curious about this...in your ideal world or fantasy-how would the relationship between you and T look? What kind of things would she do/say-would she not be your therapist-and it becomes something else? or do you keep her as your therapist but have different ways of interacting? I don't know-I just think it would be a good idea to play around with what exactly it would be like if you were granted a wish for it to be like you want-to maybe see what's underneath it...

Interesting idea, delicate. I will have to think about it more, but my first thoughts about it would be that T would be like a sister to me. I never had a sister. Or a very close friend. She would let me come to her house and see her artwork. I would meet her H and her kids. They wouldn't be "off limits" to me. T and I could talk about stuff with no time limit. But then it gets into another need.

She would hold my hand for as long as I want. It would turn into a romantic relationship. No, that sounds icky to me. I think mother/sister/friend is more what I'm looking for, unless she turned into a man. We could take walks and talk, and go to the beach together. She'd help me with painting and I'd help her with drawing. She would confide in me too. I'd learn what her problems were. I want it to be reciprocal. I want that from other people but that doesn't mean I don't want it from her specifically.

I don't want to be "her job". I hate that more than anything! I want her to meet my grandchildren, not just see photos of them. I want her to meet my kids. I want to see her pets. I guess I want it to be a real relationship. It hurts me to have her "halfway" the way I do. It makes me want more, with HER, not someone else.

The child parts would climb into T's lap and she would hold them for a long, long time. As long as they wanted. It would never have to end. It would be REAL, not therapy, and not fantasy either. This is all so pathetic. I can't have it but maybe it helped to write it out. Writing is my way to let out my feelings. Thanks, delicate.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I've got to work on my other issues in therapy, like shame. That helps me. I don't know why I refuse to do that.

Yes, don't forget this!

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My parents...criticised me, but my Mom thought she was helping. I've said before on here, like "You're so pretty; so why don't you stand up straight?" Things that made me not feel I was okay the way I was.

It doesn't matter if they didn't mean to hurt you. What they did still affected you.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I lived in my own world, not sharing my feelings with anyone.

Hmmm, think about this. Sounds like your parents were closed off too so this is why you had to develop your own world?

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I always felt like an outsider.

Again, you must have not been allowed into their world (because this was the type of people that they were, emotionally closed off).

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I do feel powerless over my environment, though. Always!

Not feeling secure while growing up?

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Maybe that's why I didn't talk. My T said it was a way to control my extreme anxiety.

Ditto.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I just want these feelings about my T and therapy to go away already.

Maybe this is why you aren't pulling together all of this info Rainbow because you aren't really allowing yourself to connect with it and digest it and really figure out what it all means to you?

Originally Posted by rainbow8

The child parts would climb into T's lap and she would hold them for a long, long time. As long as they wanted. It would never have to end.

Because you didn't get this as a child.

[Sannah]

And if your parents wouldn't let you in, T is triggering this by not letting you in also?????????????

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Yes, don't forget this!


It doesn't matter if they didn't mean to hurt you. What they did still affected you.

True.

Hmmm, think about this. Sounds like your parents were closed off too so this is why you had to develop your own world?

I don't know what you mean "closed off". I didn't tell my Mom anything personal that bothered me, like my feelings! I wasn't closed off in other ways. I would have been happier if I would have talked about what upset me, like when I didn't have friends in my new school when I was 9 and 10 years old, and it would have been helpful if I could have talked about the "not talking". The pediatrician told them I would outgrow it, so they weren't at fault for not doing anything about it, though.

Again, you must have not been allowed into their world (because this was the type of people that they were, emotionally closed off).
My Dad was very quiet; my Mom worried a lot. We all knew that. I don't know if that's considered emotionally closed off. She worried about us, her kids.

Not feeling secure while growing up?

I felt secure that I was loved, just couldn't confide in my parents.

Ditto.


Maybe this is why you aren't pulling together all of this info Rainbow because you aren't really allowing yourself to connect with it and digest it and really figure out what it all means to you?

Right, because I don't understand what it means to me. I get confused about it.

Because you didn't get this as a child.

I found photos of my Mom holding me.

Originally Posted by Sannah

And if your parents wouldn't let you in, T is triggering this by not letting you in also?????????????

For whatever reason, T triggers my not knowing about her life. But my Mom and Dad weren't secretive. I just can't figure it out exactly what they were! If my Mom asked me what hurt, I'd say "I don't know". I didn't let HER in! I'm referring to when I was 9 or 10 and in a new school, and I didn't feel good--was nervous, so I didn't go to school in the mornings that year, at least for a while, not the whole year!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My T is never going to satisfy me and I have to accept that.

That is a very difficult and painful thing to accept.
I cried for a week.

Here's the interesting part.

Once I accepted that she couldn't satisfy all my needs, I became much more aware of what she did do for me.

When I wanted everything, she wasn't enough.
When I accepted that, it turned out she was enough.
Very strange, but a good outcome in the end.