My T is angry with me, sent cops to my house

Hi TC and Everyone,
TC, I forget whether or not you said you've done DBT. I wasn't aware you had another therapist besides the one you've been seeing. I think that individual DBT could help in this situation, as it could interrupt the "rollercoaster pattern" that you so clearly outlined in an earlier post.
And I think in her last response, MU was saying that it's her work to figure out why she gets pulled into the pattern of reading your original post, and then just getting caught up in responding in a way that might not be the healthiest for her. Not that you were targeting her specifically or anything!
Honestly, when I read your OP, I thought for sure you were actually leaving t, and did feel very bad for you. When I found out you had texted her, gone back and things seemed fine again I realized it was the same thing as so many times before. It is exhausting for you and everyone.

Thanks, adel34....Apparently, TC had some of her posts deleted, which is also typical bpd behavior - lash out, then retract...That, in itself, could be exhausting for moderators! *sigh*...

Anyhoo, I'm assuming there was a reaction to this. You are absolutely correct, I did not mean that bpd's "target" me like they are predators 'out to get me', LOL. You described it very well. Thanks!

Mixed, I just got tired of engaging you.

I came here for support, not to be attacked. NO ONE is making the four of you click on or read my posts, so why are you expending your energy if I am making you SO EXHAUSTED? Just avoid my threads.

Beginning with empty's post, I should never have responded. My post was never about me doing anything mean to my T. It was about her calling the police instead of me when she was concerned.

Yes, I want to run every time I feel like we are getting too close. Yes I wanted to stop therapy again. That's not a crime and its not abuse. It's one of the issues I am working on in T.

If my T was feeling abused, she is perfectly capable of saying "Hey TC, you are mean to me and you cancel our sessions too much so I no longer wish to work with you."

But she hasn't said that to me, and she continues to encourage me to return.

We have already discussed what I'd like her to do if I say I'm not coming or I try to cancel my sessions; ignore me and remind me that she is expecting me to show up to my session. If my T and I can reach that agreement, what is the problem YOU are having with it?

So- PLEASE, Empty, Auto, Mixed, Adele- go find someone else to gang up on. I wouldn't want you to waste all of your energy on me.

But thank you for helping me understand that I am a horrible, mean spirited mentally ill imperfect person.

Thanks too for making me feel like I don't deserve to be helped. I don't know what I would do if people like you weren't here to tear down the little bit of self esteem my T has instilled in me.

I just wanted to say to you that I completely agree that what you say and do to your T is not "abuse." I am not fond of people using anything that is less than ideal behavior as a definition of abuse. I work with abused women, and I have a history of childhood abuse, and what happens in cases of abuse does not really resemble at all what is going on in your therapy.

I don't think that people are ganging up on you, though. I think that they are trying to give you honest feedback about what they see, and there may be something in their perspectives that might be useful to you. I'd like to see you give up an automatic reaction that suggests that people are doing something bad to you and instead be able to understand where they are coming from. We can learn so much from others even if we ultimately reject what they are offering, as it may be that how people react to you here is somehow replicated in life off-line.

I also think you have a done a good job at figuring out that you don't need to respond to posts that miss the mark if you don't want to. That is an important insight for you.

One last thing-- no one said that you were a horrible person or that you didn't deserve to be helped. No one made you feel anything, your reaction belongs to you. I think the very fact that folks took the time to write what they thought, rather than ignoring you and rather than coming in with a 1 or 2 sentence zinger, suggests that they are not just trying to be mean to you. And there wasn't any name calling here, and I don't think you are being fair to them by saying these last few things. I'd like to see you get to the point where you could acknowledge negative-tinged feedback, and be reflective about it. You can tell people that they've missed the mark or the point (as you did in the beginning of this post) without putting words and intent onto them that are not there.

FWIW, I see you as working through some important stuff with your T now, and I'm really glad you posted. I think you are trying to figure out how you can move forward, you have so many strengths that you can rely on. I think people see that and want so much for you to get better and that's why they post to you, we collectively want you to reach the incredible potential that you seem to have. People care, even if they don't respond to your posts the way that you want. I think everyone is rooting for you. I know I am. Let us know what you need.

Thank you for your support, and while they didn't outright say I don't deserve to be helped and I am a bad person, that is how I feel after reading their posts and their repeated allegations that I treat my T like crap and lack a basic human decency to want to improve that behavior.

Hi TC,
I'm sorry you feel like me and others were saying you're a horrible person and don't deserve help, this is not what I'm saying at all! I see you struggling so much and do want you to be helped. And I don't think you're a horrible person.

When people say feelings are facts, this is the kind of thing they are referring to. Your feelings are your own, and it is fine to feel however you feel.

But telling people that they MAKE you feel a certain way is a very destructive way to communicate to other people, and is either designed or has the effect of pushing them away-- usually when they are trying to help.

I'm totally cool with pushing them away and wish they'd stay off my threads. Nothing they said was helpful.

But I do hear what you're saying about destructive communication. Maybe I can rephrase.

When you say/do ________________, I feel like ___________.

Is that better? I learned "I feel" statements in a group once.

I feel bad enough on my own. I came here for support, but instead I FEEL attacked. Maybe I'm wrong to FEEL attacked, but I do. All I have to work with are my feelings, and this board is now producing bad feelings instead of good ones. I'm already fighting self harm impulses, and I don't need any extra negative input.

I agree that some of my own "stuff" came through in my posts to you. I don't believe you are a bad person and I definitely don't believe that you don't deserve to be helped. And none of my responses were in any way implying that.

I imagine that you're struggling with some really intense feelings that must seem overwhelming.

I'm wondering if you could try a different approach when it comes to your feelings by taking some ownership, realize the affect it may have on others and trying to see how to perhaps do things differently...or communicate your feelings in a different way. It may be a worthwhile experiment.

Instead of making us out to be the "bad guys", which is the easy way out, be curious about what's happening and use it as a learning tool rich for exploration.

It requires being very honest with yourself BEFORE reacting....exploring the feelings that come up, the impulses that it creates and trying to understand what those feelings are telling you.

I'd imagine that would be something valuable that could come of this instead of chalking it up to what I see as some kind of narcissistic injury.

I am trying to explore my piece in this as well, to see what value is in it for me. Considering I am triggered by a lot of what you post, I'd imagine it's in my best interest not to read your posts. I've known that...so it's important for me to try to understand why I decided to read and respond.

It's all good stuff in the world of exploring human behaviors and trying to get a better understanding of ourselves. Even the most grueling of exchanges tends to yield very valuable results....although it can be unpleasant.

And yet you still can't help adding just one jab in there.

((((TC)))) I am late to this thread...and I don't really have a lot of background on many struggles and what you are working on (I'm super behind), but I did want to comment that if the police barged into my home unannounced for whatever reason - without fair warning - it would have scared the heck out of me.

You mentioned in your OP that some things were said in your session ... perhaps that created concern on the part of your T and after trying to reach you via email (what seems to be your normal mo with your T) to no avail, she was probably afraid for your well-being and called for help for you.

Back to the original point, though, a phone call definitely would have been nice; however, if her concerns were in writing and something DID (God forbid) happen, she would have that for her files (so I think she was also protecting herself in those terms, while trying to protect you at the same time).

Had it been necessary for some kind of investigation and/or review after, she would have back-up that she tried her best. A phone record of a one or two minute call would not be of much help in that regard.

Back to you, though, I really hope you feel better, realize the consequences that when you speak there IS someone that is taking you very seriously (which has probably not always been the case) and that you continue to make gains.

I am writing the last remark simply out of experience: (about someone FINALLY taking you seriously) because no one in my family cared at all that I was deeply depressed and serious about my feelings and how deeply I was hurting...and I knew if something happened to me, they wouldn't care at all. In fact they would probably feel happy about it. That is how much they thought about me.

But with my T1 (when I expressed the same feelings to her...that is what brought me to her in the first place), she took it very seriously and I knew that she cared and also the consequences right off the bat from my feelings (if, then) - and that in itself helped me on a road to recovery

I wish the same for you. There are people that really DO care; depite whatever happened in the past to bring you to this point.

This place would be very unhelpful if support always meant hugs and kisses, never any advice or different perspectives.

Just like therapy would be very unhelpful if it was just a place where all of our thoughts and feelings were validated and we were never challenged or pushed or encouraged to change.

I don't think you are a bad person at all. A confusing person, yeah, but so is just about everyone else who posts here. You asked how your behavior could hurt someone, and I only posted to give my perspective. If it was not wanted, then you should not have asked that particular question.

I am glad this problem resolved itself without any further incident, and I hope you can continue seeing your therapist.

I asked for specific examples, which wasn't given, just a bunch of "yes I agree you're abusive." over and over. No, that didn't help me feel good. If I was in a better place emotionally I would have just ignored empty in the first place, but I wasn't and I didn't.

Sometimes yes, I think I do/say mean things to my therapist. But I don't think any of it can be considered abusive, and she gives as good as she gets. She also understands where I'm coming from and knows/accepts that being bitten is a part of the process. She is willing to be with me anyway, even if she gets bitten or scratched. And holding back won't help me erase the behavior and she doesn't want me to hold back. She wants me to trust her and is willing to have some bites and scratches in order to get me there.