[PaulaS]

I´m hoping to start a new therapy soon and I´ve had to work very hard to find possible T:s. I still don´t know if I´ll find one. There are a couple of T:s I find "good enough" and I´ve felt a little more hope after meeting them in evaluation sessions.

But I though feel that it isn´t enough seeing a T just once a week. I feel I need to see a T for perhaps three times a week to feel real support and there´s no chance I can pay for that many sessions a week. Besides that, up to two sessions a week, not three, is here seen as "normal" when you´re seeing a T in a private practise, that is not belonging to psychiatric care.

I know I don´t belong to patient groups within psychiatric care, I saw a doctor and there was no talk about referring me into psychiatric care. I don´t have those kind of diagnoses either.

But I still feel a session a week is much of just feeling a bit happier or less anxious for a day or two, then I fall into the same patterns again that I can´t get myself out of. Sleeping at day time, having no motivation to do something. I feel trapped in my unemployment and so on.

Perhaps I need to see what therapy can give me in a longer term, I saw my former T just for 12 times. But I feel so lost and lonely and that one session is just a little bit more than "chatting over coffee". Even if the T is nice and competent.

[unaluna]

You seem to be making very good use of PC as a resource, which i dont think you were on while you were seeing your old t? So that is good. For example, it is difficult for me to stay on track over the weekend as far as cleaning and decluttering go, and it is difficult for me even to post or read the PC thread about it, so that kinda counts as therapy!

[ScarletPimpernel]

You're surviving now w/o a T. You might want to have a T 2-3 times a week, but I don't think it's a need and it's probably healthier that you don't. And wouldn't having a (good) T once a week be better than nothing?

[musinglizzy]

I see my T twice a week (her call), and can't imagine going any more than that. I don't want therapy to take up my life.... Once a week is better than none at all, which is sounds like where you're at now.

I love once a week. Works out great. And I have a lot going on in terms of being a mess, so it's not light material. I think that's partly why I like once a week. It's jam packed while I'm there, but doesn't consume me when I'm not.

[JaneTennison1]

I like once a week as it gives me time to really think and process before I go in again. Some weeks feel long but I survive. You will survive once or twice a week.

[gayleggg]

I don't know what my t and I would discuss if I saw him more than once a week. I alternate by seeing my t every week I don't see my pdoc, but on a week where I see my pdoc, I don't see my t. Basically mine are both just keeping an eye on me for any suicidal thoughts. I don't have any contact with my t or pdoc outside of sessions.

I but I agree that once a week is better than none and maybe you could slip a few extra ones in here and there, but they do get expensive.

I recently wanted to suggest to my T me lowering the frequency from 1 time a week to every other week. Funny thing is it was the exact same time that she wanted me to start 2 times a week. She had all sorts of things I could work on.

We compromised and I stuck to 1 time per week.

[PaulaS]

I was in therapy just once a week and already then, even if I hadn´t seen that T for that long, I rather soon began to feel that once a week wasn´t enough. To survive is not having a life and even if seeing a T once a week of course is better than being out of therapy, I´ll still feel bad, lost and lonely.

That´s just one more thing in my life I can´t change which makes me feel bad. It´s good for those of you who like the frequency of one session a week, I won´t.

[UnderRugSwept]

You need to give therapy with a new T a chance before you decide how you are going to feel in the future re: one session a week.

Ts can teach you coping skills so that you can more comfortably manage from one appt. to the next.

[Salmon77]

I would think once a week would be far better. No therapist can be there to hold your hand and take care of you all the time. They're supposed to help you learn to handle things on your own. Maybe your therapy will help you learn strategies for reducing the loneliness, by making friends and reaching out to people other than a therapist.

[ScarletPimpernel]

It's the fear again... You're looking for every which way to sabotage yourself.

Ts are not meant to be our friends or replace rl relationships. They are suppliments. They are, in a sense, teachers, mirrors, sounding-boards, cheerleaders.

They're not there to fill a need; they're there to teach us how to fill our needs ourselves. Whatever holes we have in us from our past will never be filled. But we can build around it. We build ourselves and our lives.

Glad to hear that you're meeting a few therapists that might have potential for being your new therapist.

There are times that I too have wished that I could afford more than once a week therapy. It's wonderful feeling to be supported and heard on a very deep level. But the reality is, I can't afford more than once a week. As hard as it is, we have to pay our own way in this world once we reach adulthood, and that means having to take the services we can afford and make the best of it. I wish things were different, and I wish everyone could have as much support and therapy as they feel they need. Somehow I don't think that will happen any time soon. I hope you find the right therapist and take the once a week and make the most of it!

[Lauliza]

If you need something more intense, are there programs that offer intense therapy for a period of time, something like a partial hospitalization but less intense. They would be a couple of hours a day and might alternate group and individual therapy. It may not be what you want but might offer the intensity you feel you need.

[Bipolarchic14]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

I was in therapy just once a week and already then, even if I hadn´t seen that T for that long, I rather soon began to feel that once a week wasn´t enough. To survive is not having a life and even if seeing a T once a week of course is better than being out of therapy, I´ll still feel bad, lost and lonely.

That´s just one more thing in my life I can´t change which makes me feel bad. It´s good for those of you who like the frequency of one session a week, I won´t.

I have been struggling with severe depression for quite some time too. Currently, I am only seeing a therapist once every three weeks, per my choice. Sometimes it can be difficult but one thing that helps is I discuss some of the things that make me depressed and we come up with some obtainable goals that keep me focused on improving even when I am not in her office. Also I have started attending dbsa meetings for extra support. This has helped me far more than I ever thought it would. Have you ever considered finding a support group in your area? This might prove beneficial to you as well.

[jaynedough]

I see my T every 2 weeks. Would love to see him every week, especially right now.

[scorpiosis37]

I also see my T once a week. I often wish I could go twice a week, but that just isn't how things work here. And, honestly, it's probably better that I don't see her more often. It forces me not to become too dependent on T. Instead, I rely on myself, reach out to friends, focus on all of my responsibilities, etc. Unless you have a more serious diagnosis (which you indicate you do not), seeing T more than once a week really is a desire--- not a need. In fact, it may even be one of those things we want but should not have!

[JaneTennison1]

I could be wrong but I feel a real sense of fear in your posts. What I hear is a lot of what if the T doesn't understand me/sex or what if the T is untrustworthy and now I need more than a T can give.

Searching for a new T must be terrifying. But you are putting up a lot of walls to things you can't control and that haven't happened. (and I feel you on this as I do it too. All. The. Time). Why not try it with the person you feel most comfortable with and see what the results are. You will probably never find someone who can help you right away but try not to let fear block something that has the power to be good.

Sending you hugs.

[PaulaS]

It´s an interesting point you make that I´m sabotaging myself. I mean that in an honest way but I´m not sure I understand what you mean by that? Am I sabotaging myself because I´m very thorough in my search for a new T?

I think a T for some time will be the most important relationship I have even if I get your point that the goal is to make the client independent and capable of solving issues in their lives.

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

It's the fear again... You're looking for every which way to sabotage yourself.

Ts are not meant to be our friends or replace rl relationships. They are suppliments. They are, in a sense, teachers, mirrors, sounding-boards, cheerleaders.

They're not there to fill a need; they're there to teach us how to fill our needs ourselves. Whatever holes we have in us from our past will never be filled. But we can build around it. We build ourselves and our lives.

[PaulaS]

I don´t know of any such programs unless you´re referred to psychiatric care and I´m not. There are a lot of group therapy available but to attend those groups you have to pay yourself, just as when seeing a T.

Originally Posted by Lauliza

If you need something more intense, are there programs that offer intense therapy for a period of time, something like a partial hospitalization but less intense. They would be a couple of hours a day and might alternate group and individual therapy. It may not be what you want but might offer the intensity you feel you need.

[healed84]

There was a period in time that I did therapy twice a week, and every once in while when I am not doing well, I will see T twice in a week. However, it is intense. The way I thought about therapy working is that you and T bring stuff up together in session, but you process that over the course of a week or two weeks or a month. You come back after your break and talk about what you've processed. When you are going three times a week, I think a lot of stuff will be brought up, but you won't have a whole lot of time to process it. Does that make sense? In any case, I hope you find what will help you.

[PaulaS]

It felt nice when I understand you´ve read several of my posts here at PC and that you´ve thought about what my posts may say about me. I agree with you about being afraid but at the same time I don´t understand the fear.

Of course I don´t want another termination but I think it also has to do with another more deep kind of fear. I can´t explain it myself though.

I´ve met several T:s now and even if I´m afraid I have the capacity to see both good and bad and I´ve been in sessions that just made me feel unseen and uncomfortable. That diminishes my hope immediately and gives me high levels of anxiety.

I will choose one of the T:s I´ve now met, perhaps I´ll meet a few more and I´ll also have to say no to a couple of T:s that could have been the right match. That also makes me feel uneasy and anxious as I don´t want to waste more of my time on this and on feeling bad. I´m scared my life will never get better.

Originally Posted by JaneTennison1

I could be wrong but I feel a real sense of fear in your posts. What I hear is a lot of what if the T doesn't understand me/sex or what if the T is untrustworthy and now I need more than a T can give.

Searching for a new T must be terrifying. But you are putting up a lot of walls to things you can't control and that haven't happened. (and I feel you on this as I do it too. All. The. Time). Why not try it with the person you feel most comfortable with and see what the results are. You will probably never find someone who can help you right away but try not to let fear block something that has the power to be good.

Sending you hugs.

It's an emotionally draining experience to search for a good therapist, especially after you've been terminated. I had to look at my search the same way I did when house hunting, and a friend told me to see a ton of houses of every kind so that when I found the right one, I would know. I didn't think I needed to do that. I thought if I had a specific enough list, I could limit my search, but it didn't work. I ended up seeing a ton of homes and then, bam, I was able to find the one I really wanted.

It has been very much the same in my search for a good therapist. As painful as it was to go through the interviews and searching, it helped me clarify what I really wanted so that when I found it, I knew. It led me to the perfect therapist (for me).

[stopdog]

I sort of enjoy the search. I still go check out new ones every so often just to see. Like seeing what features a new car might have even where the old one is not ready to be traded in yet.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

I don´t know of any such programs unless you´re referred to psychiatric care and I´m not. There are a lot of group therapy available but to attend those groups you have to pay yourself, just as when seeing a T.

I think you would need a psychiatric diagnosis for a program like this, at least in the US you would if you wanted insurance to pay. I believe here it's the same for standard therapy - a psychiatric diagnosis (depression, anxiety, etc) is necessary for coverage of weekly sessions beyond a certain period of time.