Couch 91 - Forget the small change

I'm sorry granite.

thanks JS I just don't know how to be a mother to him any more and it is really hard . he went into the military when he was just 18 in fact he turned 18 graduated from HS and entered the military all in the same two weeks . and I have not had any experience in how to be a mother to him at this time in his life. I have not been able to grow into it with him . it is like five years of his life and our relationship as mother and son at this point is missing. I know it is stupid but I don't have a clue . he has been sheltered in the marines and is young in so many ways and very old in others. I had to explain what a bank check was to him the other day and how to get one . he is having a bit of a hard time adjusting to civilian life and I don't know how to help him or be an acceptable mother . I just a horrible basket case and no help from my husband

thanks art

Well, he's an adult now Granite, even if he is a bit naive. You have to let him lead. Your job as a mom now is to be supportive, to be there when he needs you, but to let him test his wings, so to speak, on his own. Try not to worry about every little thing. He'll be alright. You don't have to catch him every time he falls - sometimes falling is the best way to learn. Just make sure he knows you'll always be there to help him pick up the pieces.

im having a hard time figuring out this line people have those years to grow into this I didn't and I feel im screwing it all up so bad

Granite, don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure you're doing fine. That's the thing about being a parent - If you don't feel like you're screwing up at least some of the time you're doing it wrong

Now my little monster is throwing up all over the place because he has a snotty cold and the sneezing and coughing is setting off his reflux, which is in turn setting off his tendency towards dehydration. So I have him on continuous fluids through his feeding pump. Earlier he peed on the floor because he's attached to the pump and can't bring himself to the bathroom, and I forgot to bring him.
And the seven year old is sulking in her room because I followed through with a threat and docked her allowance.
Parenthood, I tell ya... All the sensible people in the world are childfree

Hang in there, Granite. When you act from a place of love and caring, I think kids can tell and appreciate it.

I hope everyone had a nice Easter. Church was lovely. We came home and made a big lunch to feed the troops and then we all took a nap to burn it all off. It was kind of a gray, rainy day here, so naptime was perfect.

But not all the childfree people are sensible

I was sensible enough to know I did not want children. Great if others want them - just not for me. I don't want little dogs either - same approach.

The seven year old was complaining that we didn't celebrate Easter. It sort of bothers me too, but Church is not my thing. I like the community, but I don't like that It would be compromising my own beliefs and identity. Did that kind of thing for far too long... I need to find some secular humanist-ish spring festival type thing for us next year...

Celebrating holidays was on my list of why it is good I don't have children. I would feel obligated to have an xmas tree in december and dyed eggs in april.

Easter is too freakin scary anyway. I never could figure out why they were telling us little kids about all that gory stuff. I got weird carp at home, weird carp at school. I just figured people were effin weird and to stay away from them. Was i wrong? I think not! Yeah not much...

Holidays always felt hollow to me as a kid - or at least as an older kid anyway. I'm still looking for that missing piece, because I love the idea of holidays. I think it might have to do with my parents always centering them around religion rather than family. It made sense for them, being an ex-nun and priest the Church was their family, but it left me very much out in the cold.
I was trying to explain to my mother yesterday how I see going to Mass in a church where you're not part of the community and you have no desire to be (because it's really not where you belong or want to belong) as entirely missing the point of the exercise. It was like trying to explain the color red to a blind person.

See, I think Easter is cool. It's all about endings and beginnings - the seed of new life contained in suffering and death. But the salvation message tends to get lost in the gory horror special. Especially for a literal-minded child.

I like seders with the right small group but I'm not sociable enough to have that so I skipped it. Not sure why I'm doing the 8 day no wheat, oatmeal, etc thing but I think it's a combo of an ingrained sense of obligation not to let the whole thing die out, a tribal sense of belonging, it seems like a good spring rite, pride in sticking it out???? I really should examine this. Will probably wonder if I should continue it till it's over. As usual.

You're supposed to eat them fresh.

I was thinking about what it meant today too. For my mother it just meant an opportunity to play cards. Which they did every weekend anyway so wtf. It was never a special time really Parent and child-wise. My godmothers would bring me easter baskets. As an adult my mother REALLY discouraged me from continuing those relationships - i didnt realize until it was too late that really the only reason she discouraged me was because she felt i was too fat. I dont break chairs or anything, im just your average fat computer programmer geek. But oh well.

"You can't get a man with a gun." Not that you'd want to.

Most lawns in California are brown these days, or so I hear.

Oh thats what you meant By no bread. duh. i told t to enjoy his gefilte fish; he told me to enjoy my hard boiled eggs! i understand there is quite a controversy over whether quinoa is kosher for passover.

I think you have cats? They would undoubtedly highly appreciate the opportunity to knock ornaments off of tree branches.

((Granite))

I'm sure your boy will learn to take care of himself - eventually!

Believe me, if I were still there I'd be saving all my dishwater and shower water for my flowers! I my garden!

This made me laugh. I can't have cats anymore because I'm deathly allergic, but for a time there, my parents had a cat. One Christmas we went down to see them and we took our dog. I have this vivid mental image of their cat catapulting (sorry for the pun) out of the middle of the tree about 4 feet up and pouncing on our dog as she walked by. Crazy cat.

Do it for your cat, SD.