As the title says, I don't want to go but I need to. I hate these push pull feelings I have with t. She never replied to my text and so realistically I know she will wait until session but I perceive it as I don't matter, my feelings don't matter!
I want to punishe her and not show up on Thursday because it something I have never done with her and from being a trainee and knowing my own feelings when a client doesn't show up it will probably hurt her. I know it's childish but part of me wants to punish her for hurting me so much lately.
Please tell me I am being childish and irresponsible and to just go to my session.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Do go to your session, Mona. It might be better to tell her face to face that you feel you don't matter. *offers hugs*

[rainbow8]

Maybe it would be better to go to your session and tell your T that you felt like not going because you want to punish her. That might be more productive.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Whenever I don't want to go to a session it always turns out to be one of the best sessions and I am so glad I went. I think for me its a sign that I really need to go.

[Out There]

I don't think you need to be told you're being childish and irresponsible , and I certainly hope your T doesn't do that ( and it does seem to be what she's been doing lately ). I feel for you a great deal. From my own experience , my friendship with my BF of 25 years is no longer working. She is dismissive , condescending and patronising toward me. I can no longer say anything due to inappropriate responses. I've told her how I feel , she did it again. But its not malicious - she has her own issues. I know I need to let go of it , I keep saying to myself that I deserve better. There were better times , but it has gone wrong. And I'm trying to hang on to it , I'm trying to ignore the warning signs that I'm seeing.. Oh , and I'm about 4 and about 7 and about 15 - and I'm hurt and angry. No advice for you Mona , just and

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

As the title says, I don't want to go but I need to.

I assume you don't want to go because of the incessant emotional beatings you get from this woman. Understandable. What is the need? Does she somehow nourish or enrich you, or provide something that is healthy for you? Does the good outweigh the bad? [Q's for your to ponder -- you don't have to answer me]

I hope you can find your truth, and, honor it whatever that may be. Good luck!

My usual response to a thread like this would be to talk it out with T, but to be honest she's proven time and time again she won't listen to your needs, so I question the worth of ever returning to her. I wish you the best, whatever you do.

[Myrto]

Even if you're being childish, there is nothing wrong with that and it's completely understandable given your history with your therapist. I completely get your wish to punish your T, I often want to do the same with my therapist when she hurts me (which is often, these days). But I do agree it would be more productive to go to your sessions and tell your T all about your feelings.

[ruh roh]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Please tell me I am being childish and irresponsible and to just go to my session.

No. I won't tell you that.

This whole relationship is very painful to watch.

[AnxiousGirl]

I went through this just 2 days ago. I didnt want to go to my session because I had emailed my T and the response wasnt up to par for my standards and I was terrified to face my T and talk about some things I was afraid to talk about..

I came on this forum and asked what others would do and everyone encouraged me to go and I am really glad I did. I even sent a thank you email to my T the day after our session because it was great. I was nervous throughout the entire session but my T went above and beyond to help me stay calm, she even went as far as to hold my gross foot with my shoe to help me do muscle relaxation.

Go to the session, trust me.

Thank you all for your replies, I really wanted someone to tell me to stop being childish but I am glad that none of you did because it would have been like t telling me and feeling judged. I went to session and it was very painful and confusing. I am not sure how to feel about it and t got really mad throughout the session

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Thank you all for your replies, I really wanted someone to tell me to stop being childish but I am glad that none of you did because it would have been like t telling me and feeling judged. I went to session and it was very painful and confusing. I am not sure how to feel about it and t got really mad throughout the session

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks for the update. So sorry the session did not go well. Sending you hugs if you want 'em!!

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Thank you all for your replies, I really wanted someone to tell me to stop being childish but I am glad that none of you did because it would have been like t telling me and feeling judged. I went to session and it was very painful and confusing. I am not sure how to feel about it and t got really mad throughout the session

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Mona, would you ever treat your clients the way your T treats you? I wish you strength to make changes.

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Thanks for the update. So sorry the session did not go well. Sending you hugs if you want 'em!!

Thank you Allheart, hugs are always welcome ️

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Mona, would you ever treat your clients the way your T treats you? I wish you strength to make changes.

Never Rainbow, I would never treat them like that, so if there is one positive thing I got from all of this is how not to do therapy!
It was such a strange session. T said it was like pulling teeth seeing me, she said she gets so frustrated and I always feel her frustration. Her face was really red and she looked furious. I said I was still upset about her comments about my voice. She said I was very sensitive, she said it was about awareness. I said that was ********. I reminded her about her comment when she said my voice was whiny and she said that did I think my voice was whiny?
I said that's irrelevant and said it was like asking an ugly person do you think they are ugly? I said if I said I thought it was whiny it would be giving her the message that saying that to me is ok but it's not ok. Again she said I was being sensitive and that we had already looked at that and she felt the issue was resolved, I said well I am glad she felt that but I didn't. T asked why I was hanging onto this, why couldn't I let it go. I can't because it hurts. I hurt. I explained how it hurt more because she had said it. She didn't pick up on my strong attachment to her.

I wanted to talk about that but I think she wasn't in a space to even acknowledge that. At the end she asked how I was I said grand! She shouted well what does that mean? I said that I was fine. She said how can we work together when you shut me out. You give me nothing. I am pulling teeth. She said you shut me out and even if you said you will go away and reflect on what's happened that would be something, I said well that is more like a response you would give not me! I don't like to put words or feelings into people's mouths. She said I need to be more proactive about my life because nothing will change unless I change and I said I knew that and shouting at me wasn't helping. She never once apologised or denied it. She said that was her personality, she is very direct. I said yes, I know that and it has unfortunately been my experience of her.
T asked me a favour at end of session. I couldn't really believe it after everything went so horrible. It was quite a big favour and I wondered why she didn't ask her family. I don't mind doing it but it is a strange request and means I see her outside of session. I actually could not believe she asked me after that session. I was confused and wondering if she is attuned to me at all. I feel she is dismissive and very disrespectful at times. I have clients that frustrate me and irritate me but telling them that would hurt them and that's my issue not theirs. It's ts countertransference.
She also said she didn't understand my text. I just feel like she doesn't understand me and never will.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Thank you Allheart, hugs are always welcome

Never Rainbow, I would never treat them like that, so if there is one positive thing I got from all of this is how not to do therapy!
It was such a strange session. T said it was like pulling teeth seeing me, she said she gets so frustrated and I always feel her frustration. Her face was really red and she looked furious. I said I was still upset about her comments about my voice. She said I was very sensitive, she said it was about awareness. I said that was ********. I reminded her about her comment when she said my voice was whiny and she said that did I think my voice was whiny?
I said that's irrelevant and said it was like asking an ugly person do you think they are ugly? I said if I said I thought it was whiny it would be giving her the message that saying that to me is ok but it's not ok. Again she said I was being sensitive and that we had already looked at that and she felt the issue was resolved, I said well I am glad she felt that but I didn't. T asked why I was hanging onto this, why couldn't I let it go. I can't because it hurts. I hurt. I explained how it hurt more because she had said it. She didn't pick up on my strong attachment to her.

I wanted to talk about that but I think she wasn't in a space to even acknowledge that. At the end she asked how I was I said grand! She shouted well what does that mean? I said that I was fine. She said how can we work together when you shut me out. You give me nothing. I am pulling teeth. She said you shut me out and even if you said you will go away and reflect on what's happened that would be something, I said well that is more like a response you would give not me! I don't like to put words or feelings into people's mouths. She said I need to be more proactive about my life because nothing will change unless I change and I said I knew that and shouting at me wasn't helping. She never once apologised or denied it. She said that was her personality, she is very direct. I said yes, I know that and it has unfortunately been my experience of her.
T asked me a favour at end of session. I couldn't really believe it after everything went so horrible. It was quite a big favour and I wondered why she didn't ask her family. I don't mind doing it but it is a strange request and means I see her outside of session. I actually could not believe she asked me after that session. I was confused and wondering if she is attuned to me at all. I feel she is dismissive and very disrespectful at times. I have clients that frustrate me and irritate me but telling them that would hurt them and that's my issue not theirs. It's ts countertransference.
She also said she didn't understand my text. I just feel like she doesn't understand me and never will.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Wow, I am so angry at your T. If this is a pattern of hers, she is treating you terribly!

I really regret encouraging you to go now because she treated you so badly.

I'm sorry you haven't been able to walk away from this abusive relationship yet mona. Again, I would urge you to consider the benefit a competent T would have on your learning. I have learnt so much from my T because he models a healthy therapy relationship and good boundaries which I will carry with me when I become a practitioner.

This says it all:

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

T asked me a favour at end of session. I couldn't really believe it after everything went so horrible. It was quite a big favour and I wondered why she didn't ask her family. I don't mind doing it but it is a strange request and means I see her outside of session. I actually could not believe she asked me after that session.

She is a despicable manipulative abuser. I don't often give direct advice on PC, but please don't do whatever it is she wants you to do. Creating a dual relationship on top of everything else will be great for her, but extremely harmful for you. And when it ends up hurting you/going wrong, who do you think she will blame?
The gall of the woman. Honestly. It saddens me to see you being hurt unnecessarily week after week mona, it really does.

[junkDNA]

your relationship with your T reminds me of another posters- Indestructible Girl ( i think thats her name)

i know its so hard to let go when one is so strongly attached... no matter what the relationship is like or has evolved into. its so easy to say just leave! , but that could seem dam near impossible to the one stuck in it. so i will just give hugs

Originally Posted by QuietMind

Wow, I am so angry at your T. If this is a pattern of hers, she is treating you terribly!

I really regret encouraging you to go now because she treated you so badly.

Please don't regret it because I had a choice and I chose to go. I am glad that I did go and say what I had to say, she didn't acknowledge any of it or take responsibility but I don't know why I expected her to.

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I'm sorry you haven't been able to walk away from this abusive relationship yet mona. Again, I would urge you to consider the benefit a competent T would have on your learning. I have learnt so much from my T because he models a healthy therapy relationship and good boundaries which I will carry with me when I become a practitioner.

This says it all:

She is a despicable manipulative abuser. I don't often give direct advice on PC, but please don't do whatever it is she wants you to do. Creating a dual relationship on top of everything else will be great for her, but extremely harmful for you. And when it ends up hurting you/going wrong, who do you think she will blame?
The gall of the woman. Honestly. It saddens me to see you being hurt unnecessarily week after week mona, it really does.

Thank you Echos for your honesty. As I reflect on it, I have had five therapists and had bad experiences with all of them. I am beginning to wonder if any of them are capable or competent. I am lucky in that I have had two really wonderful tutors who have shown me what good therapy is, through their consistency, care and support I have learned much about the process and the relationship. I also have a very kind and supportive supervisor who is showing me what a healthy relationship looks like.
I felt that t was excellent at first, she was warm, compassionate and interested but now she is only interested in challenging and provoking. I actually could not believe she asked me to do this favour, and especially after last nights session. I wonder has she gone completely mad, or is she wanting to get to know me outside of sessions. I know that this favour suits her and she will benefit, not me. I will do the favour because I told her I would and would not let anyone down after promising something.
During our session she was really mad, her face was all red and she looked like she could strangle me, she stormed up and I thought she was just going to walk out but she went to turn the light on but didn't say anything.
At the end of our session when she said I need to be more proactive she shouted at me so loudly that I moved my chair back, she realised she was shouting then and calmed down, two minutes later she asked this favour. I think I was in so much shock I just said yes.

Originally Posted by junkDNA

your relationship with your T reminds me of another posters- Indestructible Girl ( i think thats her name)

i know its so hard to let go when one is so strongly attached... no matter what the relationship is like or has evolved into. its so easy to say just leave! , but that could seem dam near impossible to the one stuck in it. so i will just give hugs

Thank you for the hugs junkDNA
I am familiar with this posters name but not her story. It is hard to leave when you are knee deep in quicksand.
It didn't used to be like this and I still hope someday it will go back to the way it was.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[velcro003]

Omg the gall of her to ask you a favor! And the shouting?!?! So much is wrong here, and I hope you can gather the strength to leave this T, Mona. Last session my T was responding to me saying that I am a prickly cactus, and she said "I might feel resistance and reluctance coming from you, but that doesn't make me unable to relate to you as a person." In her way she was acknowledging my stubbornness (of which I already knew/agree with), but she said it in a much kindler and gentler way.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

It didn't use to be like this, and I hope someday it will go back to being the way it was.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I have a strong suspicion that once a relationship has devolved to this point-where she is abusing her power and just plain being verbally abusive towards you, that she won't magically realize her mistakes and repent. What seems to be happening is that she is digging her heels in harder and will drive up her defensiveness more and keep hurting you

[1stepatatime]

Run, not walk but RUN from this therapist. From everything that you have written she seems to be a horrible therapist. She's hurting you and causing you unnecessary stress and duress. Clearly this is not good for you.. Thankfully you have good mentors at your school.. You know what makes a good therapist because that is what you are learning 😊😊. Ive never met you in person but I do know that you are a good person with a gentle spirit.. You do not need this BS... I hope that you do not go back to her and I also hope that you do not do this favor for her!

Have you told your tutors about her behaviour?
I told my tutor about T1 contacting me and he said that was totally wrong and harmful. I found it validating and helpful.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Thank you Allheart, hugs are always welcome ️

T asked why I was hanging onto this, why couldn't I let it go. I can't because it hurts. I hurt. I explained how it hurt more because she had said it.

She said how can we work together when you shut me out. You give me nothing. I am pulling teeth. She said you shut me out and even if you said you will go away and reflect on what's happened that would be something, I said well that is more like a response you would give not me!

She never once apologised or denied it. She said that was her personality, she is very direct. I said yes, I know that and it has unfortunately been my experience of her.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

These seem to be the exact issues I had with my ex-T.
1. My T. went from "text me anytime, I only do this with a few clients" to not returning texts even for scheduling. When I tried to discuss it, I guess I now realize I didn't believe her reasoning. I kept bringing it up because I now see it was rejection over and over. She also asked me the exact same thing - why was I holding on to the subject. I didn't even know what to say back.

2. My T. said "you put up a wall and shut people out and then they get tired and don't want to deal with it". I DON"T do this and knew immediately that's how she felt. I was shutting her out because she was constantly triggering me by her temperament.

3. My T. also told me that she can't change her temperament of being direct. She also only apologized once. When I pointed out it was the first time, she said she must not have been wrong any other time.

This is all to say that I am so glad I'm not with her anymore. She made me miserable, gaslighted me and I was no longer the strong independent woman I was. My new T. is completely the opposite (which presents it's own set of problems LOL) and I can't ever imagine having such horrible feelings with her. Your T. is slowly chipping away at you. I haven't kept up with your story but that's got to be what's happening. You should not have to constantly feel like you are defending yourself or making things right. I hope you can find someone else and wish you the best.

[BrazenApogee]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I'm sorry you haven't been able to walk away from this abusive relationship yet mona. Again, I would urge you to consider the benefit a competent T would have on your learning. I have learnt so much from my T because he models a healthy therapy relationship and good boundaries which I will carry with me when I become a practitioner.

This says it all:

She is a despicable manipulative abuser. I don't often give direct advice on PC, but please don't do whatever it is she wants you to do. Creating a dual relationship on top of everything else will be great for her, but extremely harmful for you. And when it ends up hurting you/going wrong, who do you think she will blame?

This. Read this again. Just because you agreed to do something, does that mean you ALWAYS have to do it???? This T is destroying the boundaries of this relationship. What about your boundaries? Are you important? You agreed to do this thing under emotional circumstances. SHE is the T in this situation. Was it responsible of her to ask this thing? Are you NEVER allowed to change your mind or assert your own boundaries?

I feel like I am getting angry at this T for you. She got red in the face and yelled. Did you? Would you be willing to?