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#651
May 06, 2018, 02:07 AM
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Self harm TW
I want you to want me not to hurt myself, and not just in a generic impersonal professional way. I understand why you've kept the focus on me wanting it for myself, but I want to know that it matters to you. I want to know that I matter to you. And I want to know that hurting myself would bother you, because no matter how hard I try I can't make myself feel like it matters. I wish I could. |
 Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight
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#652
May 06, 2018, 03:43 AM
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I'm feeling guilty for bringing dad stuff into the room, talking about him behind his back. That's not what we're here for, I know.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| Anastasia~, ElectricManatee, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight
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#653
May 06, 2018, 07:32 AM
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Last session you mentioned that we didn't talk about sex. We don't talk about periods either. Because I feel like you would think that I was dirty and disgusting, even though you have a wife.
With today's email. I don't need a response. I just need to know you're there. |
| Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight, SummerTime12
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#654
May 06, 2018, 08:43 AM
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I am afraid of this ego state, that it is going to emerge again, which I know it will, and that I will keep getting into the uncomfortable situations I keep having to go through seemingly on a daily basis. I can't continue to go on like this, I am going under and may not reemerge. I want to find a hiding place and stay there forever.
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| here today, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, WarmFuzzySocks
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#655
May 06, 2018, 01:37 PM
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That person I thought was maybe becoming a casual friend doesn't seem interested anymore. My feelings are hurt. I feel like such a piece of ****.
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| Anastasia~, Anonymous55499, Echos Myron redux, ElectricManatee, Elio, LonesomeTonight
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#656
May 06, 2018, 01:37 PM
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*has busy weekend*
*stops for a minute* *misses you so much it hurts* |
| Anastasia~, Anonymous55499, Elio, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight
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 precaryous
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#657
May 06, 2018, 01:50 PM
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Quote:
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| DP_2017
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#658
May 06, 2018, 02:33 PM
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Quote:
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| DP_2017, SummerTime12
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#659
May 06, 2018, 02:38 PM
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I just one day rambled on about my period and cramps. I thought with a male T it would be horrible awkward but no. Not phased in the slightest so it's not an issue for me to bring up anymore, it's as easy as sex topics. Men are aware of it, they have female clients and women in their lives. Just go for it.
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| captgut, LonesomeTonight, SummerTime12
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#660
May 06, 2018, 02:38 PM
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Oh my poor T. He gets to hear all about my periods. Every gory detail. But my life has kind of been revolving around all of that recently.
In other news, T! I get to see you on Tuesday. I'm going to be a hot mess but I'm looking forward to seeing you. |
| LonesomeTonight, precaryous
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| captgut, LonesomeTonight, precaryous
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#661
May 06, 2018, 03:05 PM
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Hi t, is it Thursday yet? No? Well dang it.
 eta: actually, that shift is still happening inside me that started last time i was there. i so feel like i'm about to admit something else pretty big to myself. i'm on the verge of and can feel it coming... kinda like a freight train in that it will not be stopped. it's gonna get here. i think i might already know what it is. hmm. Last edited by Anonymous43207; May 06, 2018 at 04:24 PM. |
| LonesomeTonight
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#662
May 06, 2018, 03:20 PM
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I'm finally seeing you again tomorrow! A big part of me is excited to see you smile at me again and for us to get back to work. A smaller but much more intense part of me wants to scream at you for being away and storm out, never to return.
I think we both know which side will win out... |
| Anastasia~, atisketatasket, LonesomeTonight, lucozader
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| lucozader
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#663
May 06, 2018, 03:42 PM
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I'm sorry, I think I'm drunk. I'm sitting at home by myself thinking of you and wondering how the h*ll if all started going downhill so quickly. I wish I could reach out to you, but to be fair I have no idea what I'm thinking. Recently I've been having a lot of dark thoughts about well...what the point is in anything, to be honest. Is it all just b*oody random? Some people are lucky and some are not? Or maybe I'm just defective. Maybe I'm incapable of feeling things like a normal person should. Thank you for the one hour of normalcy you give me each week. Cheers to you.
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| Anastasia~, atisketatasket, ElectricManatee, LonesomeTonight, lucozader
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#664
May 06, 2018, 04:19 PM
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So damn tired of being brave...roll on the 17th.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
| Anastasia~, LonesomeTonight, lucozader
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#665
May 06, 2018, 04:34 PM
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Dear t
So you replied to me saying that it was absolutely fine not to talk about my mother and honestly that is worse. I want to reply and tell you not to be so reasonable. I don't know how to stop being annoyed. |
| Anastasia~, ElectricManatee, Elio, LonesomeTonight, lucozader
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#666
May 06, 2018, 10:32 PM
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T, I'm thinking about doing that thing you don't like. I just feel like it's a good idea. But I don't have a problem or anything.
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| Anastasia~, atisketatasket, Elio, LonesomeTonight
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#668
May 06, 2018, 11:36 PM
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You asked if I would be okay that I won't be able to see you until August, and I said "yes," which was true at the time but uhhh... I am not okay.
__________________
stay afraid, but do it anyway. |
| Anastasia~, atisketatasket, Elio, LonesomeTonight
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#670
May 07, 2018, 12:46 AM
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Lab, attention is a basic human NEED. infants die if they don't get enough. Kids and teens and adults don't lose that NEED. ((hugs))
You deserve care and compassionate attention from your treatment team and the doctors. |
| Anastasia~, atisketatasket, Elio, LabRat27, LonesomeTonight
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#671
May 07, 2018, 01:25 AM
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QuietMind,
Good people deserve care and compassionate attention. Infants and children are innocent. Their needs are pure and human. Mine are wrong and tainted and selfish.
Possible trigger:
Thank you though. I appreciate your kindness. |
| Anastasia~, Elio, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight
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#672
May 07, 2018, 02:24 AM
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I dreamt last night that I got drunk and sent you an embarrassing email titled "lets blur boundaries". I was relieved to wake up and find out that was a dream.
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| Anastasia~, Anonymous43207, Elio, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, precaryous, WarmFuzzySocks
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| captgut, elisewin, fille_folle, LonesomeTonight, lucozader, precaryous
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#673
May 07, 2018, 03:23 AM
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....and I love you so much it's painful.
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| Anastasia~, Anonymous43207, captgut, Elio, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight, lucozader
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| captgut
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#675
May 07, 2018, 11:50 AM
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What if you get hurt??
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| Anastasia~, ElectricManatee, Lemoncake, LonesomeTonight
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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