Friday's session, and Seeing T at my work

well i just wanted to update everyone about my session with T on friday, if you care!

I definitely achieved the "therapy high". The session was pretty amazing. I went in and we started talking about the message i left on her machine crying because of something that happened that night. Last session we ended saying we will continue our conversation about my emails next time. Well, since something came up, we talked about that the majority of the time. Then randomly a stink bug flew in the room and T JUMPED up so fast and it landed on her chair. she took a tissue and made it crawl onto the tissue then she took it outside and layed the tissue down because it wouldn't fly off. She also told me that many of her clients have complimented my collage that i gave her for xmas and they ask if i'm an artist. she said i really should do more of them. With about 5 minutes left of the session i brought up how we never finished the conversation about my emails. She asked what it was i felt was unresolved and we talked a lot about that. When i asked her about boundaries that are different for dif clients she said like she feels comfortable putting her feet up and eating infront of me but not all of her clients. she says she only hugs some of them depending on the relationship they have. she described our boundaries like how her 2 year old son wants cookies for breakfast. The answer is No but there really isn't an explanation, its just because its whats best for him. She said thats what my situation reminds her of. That i wouldn't understand it. but i have to accept it....at the end i was very relieved to have talked about all of this and i left feeling good. We talked for a half hour over the usual time! When she ended she made sure i was ok with everything before she said it was time to go.

Today i was at work. I scoop ice cream. I walk out of the back because i saw customers lined up and GUESS who was there. T, her little boy, and her husband. My jaw nearly dropped but i hid it and i gave her a big smile and she smiled at me. All of a sudden i go sooooo nervous. My heart was pounding and i couldn't concentrate on what i was doing. I had to wait on someone that was before her and i gave him the wrong amount of change back! Then my co worker got ice cream for her little boy and i asked her if there was anything else, and i scooped ice cream for my T <3 <3 i put an extra scoop in there. She didn't really talk to me. (not that i was expecting her to.) but i dunno, when i imagined seeing her outside of the office i imagined us not acting like we dont know each other. I know they can't do or say anything because of confidentiality but i acknoweledged i knew her and smiled and said hi. But i guess i could have done that with someone i didn't know.... i dunno. i was kinda disappointed how that went. She didn't even say bye. The rest of the night i was sooo off and she was all i could think about. I couldnt concentrate with anything. I came home feeling really depressed and all i can say is that i miss her. I wish i could have spent time with her. i wish i could have gone home with her. oh T, can i just belong to you?

Wow, krazibean, what a lot of feelings in such a short time.

First, congrats on your great session and therapy high!

I love how your T treated the stink bug with respect and put him gently outside to fly away. Wouldn't it have been awful if she squashed him?

Very cool about your collage!

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she feels comfortable putting her feet up and eating infront of me but not all of her clients

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Totally cool! My T is like that too. He eats in front of me all the time, and it makes me feel all warm and special, because I think he would not be comfortable enough to do that with all his clients. In fact, he didn't eat with me present when we were first getting started as we didn't know each other well enough then. (I sometimes secretly think he likes to schedule me for the dinnertime hour so he can eat. )

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she described our boundaries

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">You don't say what your boundaries are, but are you clear on what they are now? I think when the client is clear on what the boundaries are, it can help so much, so they are not always wondering, "should I email her, should I phone, should I do nothing, is it OK if my email is over 2 paragraphs long?, etc.) This sounds like such a reassuring discussion with your T.

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i scooped ice cream for my T <3 <3 i put an extra scoop in there

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Alert, alert. Boundary violation! I love how you gave her the "gift" of the extra scoop and she had to accept it. (You guys were outside of the therapy setting so you can do this stuff if you want!)

It is a really interesting question about whether the T should acknowledge she knows you if you run into her outside of session. What has happened for other people? I have never seen my T outside of therapy (except for times we arranged). I feel like he would say hi to me. I would introduce him to who I was with for sure. I wonder if he would introduce me to who he was with?

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She didn't even say bye.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I think she was just treating you like any other ice cream scooper person. Nothing personal.

I think you are doing great, krazibean. Seeing a T outside of therapy can throw anyone off a bit. Hold fast to your memories and feelings from the session.

yeah, my guess is she knows how nervous you would be (any of us would be) in that situation, so to be as nonchalant as poss. At least she did smile at you =) I've been told before that the T would not acknowledge anyone if seen because of the boundary violation.
Hope you're not too upset by it!

kiya

i feel kinda odd with my feelings right now. Everytime i'm at work i always look for my T just hoping that maybe she'll show up. Even when i'm on the road DRIVING i look for my T thinking maybe i'll pass her. I think about her that much. Anyway, when i'm at work i'm always wondering if she'll come in, because we have talked in session about how she gets ice cream where i work but it seems i'm never there. So today, when i least expect it (actually i did have a dream i saw T outside the office last night, odd) T shows up and i freeze. It didn't last long enough. I didn't get to see her long enough. It was like a tease. I still have to wait until wednesday until i can REALLY see her. It makes me miss her. whenever i'm not busy or not thinking about anything and my mind is idle, i flash to her standing there holding her son with her husband next to her...with no make up and glasses wearing jeans. her "out of office look" her comfy look. her...what-she-looks-like-around-her-family look. Then she left. Went out the door, to who knows where. With the people that matter, her family. while i standed there and watched her leave. left behind. Left alone with myself until we finally meet again...

I think looking for one's T driving or wherever we may be (I've looked for her when I've been on vacation! LOL) is common.

I use to get very anxious though when we'd get to session together and have to ride the elevator up together to the floor. I'm pretty sure my T was a quiet, even "shy" individual and was not all together comfortable either, whether picking up my vibes or with her own :-)

After we had been seeing one another many years, my T forgot the keys to the office one day and I was more familiar with the area than she was and suggested we go to the library for our session but it was closed that day so we ended up going to a small cafe across the street from the library. Fortunately it was an odd hour and not any other customers so it pretty much worked out well. The next session we talked about it and she admitted that she felt she should have taken the lead, not had me do it (where to go). It was interesting getting that different view of her.

Be sure to tell your T and discuss how you felt when you saw her at work! You might get to know the "human" side of her a little better which will help balance her T-ness :-)

i was emphatic with my current T that i would be totally destroyed if he didn't acknowledge me somehow... and that i didn't want him to be concerned about who i was with or whatever. He is ok with that. My last T hurt me pretty bad by not even acknowledging i was a human being in public... even though he knew i wanted him to at least smile or say hi like yours did.

i need to scan back i guess and see what the email issue was... but i would not react well at all to the cookies for breakfast reasoning. That's just me. i hope that doesn't offend in any way.. if it helps it is a good thing. i'm more oppositional than most and i have bad reactions to *anything* parental.

My first experience EVER was with a female T who got up and went into her little kitchenette area WHILE I WAS TALKING and got her supper and ate it. i didn't see another T for over 10yrs. i was sort of traumatized a little by that.. i could not deal with T eating now... but that's very likely because of her.

i wish i could introduce people with female T's to people who gripe at me for seeing a male. i think the mother-child transference is as powerful as any other sort. It doesn't mean it's a bad thing.. like *any* transference, it's hard a lot of the time, wanting to see T, talk to T, be in their life somehow. Any transference that gets processed is a positive thing IMO.

My T says that in hard times, when i feel disconnected, to do some imagery work... think about the feelings when i felt connected, remember what was happening, try to hold onto the feelings. Maybe that could help? Think, maybe write out in detail all the stuff that made you feel good that other day?

ok, i went back trhough and i got more confused.. does T ever answer your emails? i wasn't sure about it... not that it is good or bad if she does or doesn't, just not sure. i am guessing she does because she gave you her email? Although.. i managed to dig up my last T's email by doing a search for him online.

yes, my T did give me her email address and at the time it seemed like she thought emailing her would be a good idea. Then i started doing it in place of talking in session and she suggested i hold out on it, but sometimes i can't. Anyway, she only answers occasionally. Usually she is very busy and she just prints my email out to read it later, only to find out that i asked for her to answer, but by the time she actually read that part usually i'm about to see her soon/that day so she doesn't answer. But on my end i see days going by with no response. We've talked about how she's not so good with answering emails and i have to accept that.

i don't mind her eating infront of me at all. I actually feel good when she eats because i know she has suffered from an E.D like me, and seeing her eat is a little reassuring that she IS recovered. Because she is still thin. Not emaciated, but thin. But yea i agree if she got up without saying anything and got herself dinner while i was talking i wouldn't be too happy either.