Couch 246: Choose Change

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 30, 2023, 06:08 AM

cool whip

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 30, 2023, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Hugs, Artie. I completely understand this. The only thing is, it could take you a long time to get an appointment with a new gyno, based on an experience I had. Possibly many months. Hopefully, you won't have to wait that long. Though it's good you're keeping the appointment with your regular gyno to ask questions. In case you do end up deciding to either get "the thing" or get another screening or whatever.

Thanks LT. yeah, it probably will take a while to get an appt with another gyno. I should have asked for the referral when my gp offered it on Nov 3 but instead I wasted all this time by eating my feelings about it instead of frickin' just dealing with it and getting the referral right away. And now it's the dang last minute cuz the dreaded appointment is Tuesday morning. h is out of town this week so I'm alone with all these feelings. Ugh.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 30, 2023, 06:52 AM

it's gonna be a long day, but at least it's the last day of my work week, my numbers are pretty darn good for the month so i can't do too much damage in one day, and i can take a nap on my lunch break if need be.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 30, 2023, 06:53 AM

ok i have spammed the couch enough this early morning. i'ma go take a hot shower then make myself a decent breakfast, before i have to log onto work.

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 30, 2023, 07:38 AM

Artie, I had a hard time too with the "thing". It wouldn't help if it was also suggested for health reasons. But maybe the second opinion will have a better option? It's for hormones, right? There are other ways to get hormones. Like I think the ring. The only reason I went the "thing" route was because I was told by a bariatric surgeon that in order to have the surgery, I needed a reliable birth control, and I didn't want hormones to mess with my mood. Just remember, even if you try the "thing" it can be taken out at any point if it's not right for you.

ArtieTheSequal · Nov 30, 2023, 07:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Artie, I had a hard time too with the "thing". It wouldn't help if it was also suggested for health reasons. But maybe the second opinion will have a better option? It's for hormones, right? There are other ways to get hormones. Like I think the ring. The only reason I went the "thing" route was because I was told by a bariatric surgeon that in order to have the surgery, I needed a reliable birth control, and I didn't want hormones to mess with my mood. Just remember, even if you try the "thing" it can be taken out at any point if it's not right for you.

Thank you, Scarlet.

I hope so and yes, for progesterone. I can't take the normal treatment which is oral progesterone because of blood clot risk. She told me that in her opinion this is the best, safest option for me. I just don't want it. Then again, I don't want any of this, so... ugh. I've been reading about the side effects and one of them is depression! I want to say to her dude, I'm already fighting depression just at the thought of getting the damn thing; how much worse will it be if I do?! Ugh.

NP_Complete · Nov 30, 2023, 02:58 PM

Anyone take sertraline? I took my first dose this morning. I was warned it might cause anxiety and I am feeling anxious, but I don't know if the side effects would kick in that quickly or the idea was planted in my head or I'm just feeling anxious today.

ScarletPimpernel · Nov 30, 2023, 05:39 PM

My dog got her feeding tube and stitches removed today. And she gained .5lbs! We have one more vet appointment in 10 days to do blood labs, but it looks loke she's in the clear! And I no longer have to feed her every 8 hours. Just 3x a day. No more 4am feedings! I am so relieved.

Things with G still aren't great. I guess it's a little better. But I almost feel like now he's a leech because he says he's not going to give up trying to be a support to me. He reminds me of a bf you're trying to break up with who won't go away. And I feel stuck. My pdoc gave me a referral to see another therapist. I might look into that. But if I go with someone else, I feel like I'll be cheating on G.

I just want L back.

LonesomeTonight · Nov 30, 2023, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

Anyone take sertraline? I took my first dose this morning. I was warned it might cause anxiety and I am feeling anxious, but I don't know if the side effects would kick in that quickly or the idea was planted in my head or I'm just feeling anxious today.

I've taken it. I'm sensitive to meds (and pretty aware of bodily sensations). I've found with starting any SSRI (or SNRI), the first couple days, it was almost like I could feel the extra serotonin swirling in my body. I'm not sure how to explain it. But made me feel a bit anxious. For sertraline (and Paxil), it subsided in a few days, and I ended up on it fairly long-term (a few years) on a couple occasions. With Prozac, it continued, but I've read that's a particularly "activating" med.

So you could in fact be feeling something from it. If it's at all tolerable, I'd give it a couple weeks to see if the side effects fade. Hope it helps!

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 01, 2023, 02:27 PM

So G pointed out something interesting to me: I caretake men and women caretake me. This has been the pattern my whole life (minus my mother). And the few men who have to somewhat caretake me (a doctor or nurse or even a mechanic), I don't trust except to do what their role is. And that might be why I'm so resistant to G: because he's a man trying to caretake me. Even saying that almost disgusts me. Not like in he has ulterior motives. Just that it is so foreign to me that I don't know what to do with that.

Maybe he can be useful to learning about myself from his perspective, but I don't think learning how to accept care from a man will help me in the long run. I just don't see any possible situations where I would need to depend on a man emotionally.

unaluna · Dec 01, 2023, 02:49 PM

Oh that IS interesting. I am so averse to women caretaking - its like a foreign language to me. I remember ONE TIME my aunt and her SIL put me to bed in the afternoon because they realized i was constipated from PMS - that was a total outlier. My mother never even noticed when i had my period. She forced me to go to school even if i had really bad cramps, i was just supposed to ignore it.

Caretaking is a missing gene for me.

ArtieTheSequal · Dec 02, 2023, 03:16 PM

Hello couch, hugs and head nods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

I'm getting ready to go out and be sociable, haha meeting one of my work friends for lunch at a local smoothie place I haven't been to yet. Every time I drive by it I think "I need to go there sometime". I bought a box of cheez-its last time I was at the store that I haven't opened yet, when she texted and said let's go out to lunch I was like oh thank you, you just saved me from scarfing on cheez-its this afternoon. I don't know what possessed me to buy them, I know better, I can't control myself once they're open!! I'm okay looking at the closed box.

LonesomeTonight · Dec 02, 2023, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

So G pointed out something interesting to me: I caretake men and women caretake me. This has been the pattern my whole life (minus my mother). And the few men who have to somewhat caretake me (a doctor or nurse or even a mechanic), I don't trust except to do what their role is. And that might be why I'm so resistant to G: because he's a man trying to caretake me. Even saying that almost disgusts me. Not like in he has ulterior motives. Just that it is so foreign to me that I don't know what to do with that.

Maybe he can be useful to learning about myself from his perspective, but I don't think learning how to accept care from a man will help me in the long run. I just don't see any possible situations where I would need to depend on a man emotionally.

That is interesting, Scarlet. Though what jumps to mind is your H--might you want to depend on him at times? Or do you mean more in the sort of authority figure role?

unaluna · Dec 02, 2023, 07:58 PM

Yay! My drivers license renewal can be done online this year! Im really only using it for ID at this point. So now i dont have to rush to get new glasses or cataract surgery in order to pass the drivers eye exam. God bless Uber and buses.

Ooh! Taking of Pelham 123 tonite. I dont think ive seen this version yet. With Denzel!

ArtieTheSequal · Dec 02, 2023, 08:10 PM

Spent about 4 hours with my friend this afternoon, such good talk. I miss sitting next to her when we used to work in the office! I need to get together with her more often, we talked today about planning a crochet afternoon (she learned when she was younger & wants to try picking it up again) and lots of other stuff.

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 03, 2023, 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

That is interesting, Scarlet. Though what jumps to mind is your H--might you want to depend on him at times? Or do you mean more in the sort of authority figure role?

No, I meant depending on a man in general. I do wish I could depend on H at times. He has stepped up since L's leave. But he's not really there for me emotionally except for cuddles (which equals s*x), and spending quality time with me. But he doesn't listen to me or comfort me when I cry. He even admitted that he doesn't really support me emotionally when I talked to him about this. And he agreed, I take care of him more than he take care of me. At least he's honest.

More revelations: my views of men actually started from my father. He taught me and my sister to be "strong, independent, free-thinking women", and to never depend on a man for anything. He wanted us to be opposite of how he viewed women. All the while, we were learning how to stereotype people by genders. I think I'm attracted to strong women because my dad is attracted to strong women. I was taught those traits to be appealing. And when I find women like that, I aspire to be like them.

ScarletPimpernel · Dec 03, 2023, 10:11 AM

Hey Artie, from your Dear T post, I have those "what's the point" feelings, too.L says it's one of my protector parts. I wonder what yours is trying to protect you from? In my situation, with L's leave, it was protecting me from future pain. Instead of running from that pain, we did deep emotional tunnel work, and that really helped. I find that doing the deep work often relieves those "what's the point" feelings, and helps me feel more grounded and in control of myself. Maybe you just need a re-do of your session? To get the support you were hoping for? Or maybe a call or email would suffice?

ArtieTheSequal · Dec 03, 2023, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Hey Artie, from your Dear T post, I have those "what's the point" feelings, too.L says it's one of my protector parts. I wonder what yours is trying to protect you from? In my situation, with L's leave, it was protecting me from future pain. Instead of running from that pain, we did deep emotional tunnel work, and that really helped. I find that doing the deep work often relieves those "what's the point" feelings, and helps me feel more grounded and in control of myself. Maybe you just need a re-do of your session? To get the support you were hoping for? Or maybe a call or email would suffice?

Thanks Scarlet. I could do either, I'm not going to though because I didn't even tell her I'm going through with it and after the bad start to Friday's session, I don't really want to even though I do if that makes any sense. I'm just going to leave it alone and when I see her in 2 weeks it'll be done and over with anyway and will probably end up being a non-event, as big a damn deal as I've been making out of it.

Oh - y'know, I think you hit on something there. We have been doing some really deep work the last couple of Fridays and now I won't see her until the 15th so I bet this is a reaction to that more than anything else - the "what's the point" I mean. Even though I'm the one who can't make it on the 8th cuz I have other plans that day, I wonder if I feel a little like I'm blowing in the wind or something with 2 weeks between? Hmm. it's interesting too what you said about protector parts. "what's the point" could be coming from that too, in addition to the other, because while it's been really good work the last 2 times, it's also been super-hard emotionally and maybe something in me is trying to protect me from more of the same? Oops my lunch is over I gotta sign back onto work.

ArtieTheSequal · Dec 03, 2023, 03:12 PM

In other news, I finished my mom's requested afghan last night, with the exception of weaving in the ends (turquoise is her favorite color):

ArtieTheSequal · Dec 03, 2023, 03:14 PM

I'm thinking my next one is going to be a Valentine's day one, red/pink/white.

unaluna · Dec 03, 2023, 03:31 PM

Artie, very pretty!

Lemoncake · Dec 03, 2023, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Yay! My drivers license renewal can be done online this year! Im really only using it for ID at this point. So now i dont have to rush to get new glasses or cataract surgery in order to pass the drivers eye exam. God bless Uber and buses.

Ooh! Taking of Pelham 123 tonite. I dont think ive seen this version yet. With Denzel!

I do the same with mine- use it and update it just for ID. Not driven a car for more than 8 years or so.

Hope you enjoyed your movie.

ArtieTheSequal · Dec 03, 2023, 06:18 PM

(trigger for medical stuff)

Possible trigger:

This afternoon I've been watching videos I found online that women have posted of their faces while getting an IUD. I don't know if it helped or made my anxiety worse. I did take heart a little when one of them said that the transvaginal ultrasound her dr did just after placement hurt; I've had 2 of those and while they were not pleasant experiences, they definitely didn't hurt. I'm also taking heart because in each of the videos their crinkled-up pain faces are very brief in duration. I'm telling myself three things going into this Tuesday morning: 1) pretend it's just a PAP and relax 2) compare whatever I feel during this procedure to the pain from the blood clot/mesenteric ischemia I had in June. It absolutely cannot even come close to the pain I felt with that. It just can't. Cuz if it did, remembering the high-octane pain meds I was on in June (Fentanyl) they would have to do more than just say "take ibuprofen" before you come in if it was gonna be excruciating. Or nobody would do it at all and IUD's would no longer exist. Right? and 3) any pain that I have with this would also be minimal compared to the pain that cancer would cause if I just let it go and did nothing and then as a result got endometrial cancer at some point down the road.

Thankfully H is going with me to hold my hand (assuming they let him come in with me of course). The closer it gets and the nervous-er I get, the less dismissive he's being about it thankfully. Well he has to drive me in any case cuz I'll be taking a valium 30 minutes before the procedure.

unaluna · Dec 03, 2023, 06:50 PM

Um -

Possible trigger:

didnt your boy's big ol' head already pass thru there? Or was he a c-section? I had a copper-7 placed (and removed) back in the day (of the Carter Administration), nulliparous.

I thought you were worried about the drugs, or maybe the frequency raising possibility of a misplacement. While i agree its not exactly a walk in the park, its not like 100 times worse than a pap smear. Maybe 2 to 5, max. More just that it lasts a little longer, not really sharper or more painful.

Actually i think it was removed during the Carter administration. It might have gone in during Nixon or Ford.

LonesomeTonight · Dec 03, 2023, 07:26 PM

Hugs, Artie. I hope it goes well and isn't too painful. Can you take ibuprofen before it at least?

I do understand your fears though.

Also, if someone took their photo while getting one but *didn't* feel much pain, I doubt they'd post it online. So that's not an unbiased depiction of the pain level.

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