Couch 246: Choose Change

There’s a difference?

Scarlet, I'm glad you won the appeal!

With G, could you just look at him as a tool to get through the time with L gone? A survival tool? And if you get something else out of it, great! If he just helps get you through L's leave, then that's enough.

That's kind of how I saw therapy during the first year of the pandemic--it was just helping me get through. I didn't expect to get much out of it beyond just surviving (as it was very difficult for me, having many of my coping methods/escapes taken away and having extremely little time to myself).

I figure exhankster and I take turns

Yes, I'm trying to just utilize him however I can. I think emails are helping because they're kind of gender neutral (can't see or hear him), and there's no awkward silences or pauses. He comes off much more confident, less passive, in emails. Probably because he has time to think of well put together responses. It's still weird to me because he is a man and one that seem to be emotional. From what I've experienced, he seems to be a really nice person. He just still not the right therapist for me. But for now, I'll continue emailing and see how I'll feel about that.

That makes sense about the emails feeling different. Hope those continue helping you at least. Are you meeting with him, too, or just emails?

Session with Dr. T felt much better today than Monday. Partway through, he pointed out the window and said, "it's snowing." Very light snow, but the first I'd seen of the season. So it was sort of a nice moment. The ground is too warm for it to stick, and it stopped while I was driving home. So it was well-timed.

Oh, WFS is definitely at least an honorary ruffian lady.

And @@ is our queen. Ni!

Just emails.

I thought emails would be helpful, but today's response just let me down. I talked about my feelings and fear towards L and mentioned love and attachment in a therapeutic relationship. I directed it mostly towards my relationship with L, but at the end questioned G on his stance. It wasn't even a direct question, just a fear. His response focused only on his stance, not about the emotions I brought up... I just can't relate to him. I feel like every time I try, there's a roadblock and I'm let down. It just makes me hate him more and miss L more. I'm not trying to compare the two because they are different in too many aspects. But that's exactly it: they are nothing like each other. He has no place in my life, and it's bugging me that he's even in it.

I have started playing around with thermal cooking - it is kind of fun to bundle up a pot of hot uncooked food and in 6-7 hours have it be cooked without using any more energy. So far I have done sorghum, beans, beef stew, pot roast, rice, and curry. I am looking forward to spelt and freekeh

I worry about you.

That does sound freaky!

Ooops that was una's line wasn't it

I was given a Wonderbag by a friend who didn't use it or want it (I think it was a misguided gift situation for them) -and that is how I have started but now I have made a couple of other type insulators I am trying out and I did the sorghum and the beans just in thermos jars.

that has me thinking about how in girl scouts we used to build reflector ovens using cardboard and aluminum foil and try to bake cookies in them. sometimes they worked, sometimes they didn't.

I had a nice, relaxing vacation day again today. Went grocery shopping and cooked spaghetti, and did some writing. I'm kinda glad the vacation calendar was full for the rest of the month (except for 2 hours here and there available) otherwise I would have worked today and rescheduled the 8 hours for another time. I am off for a few days before Christmas too which I scheduled a good while ago, as I had thoughts of going back to Missouri but then decided against it since I just went in May.

I just emailed T. I still email her once a month. I know she said for me to weigh the pros and cons AND it sounded like she was in support of me leaving G. She even said she would be there in an emergency if I needed her. That alone has brought so much relief. I'm grateful I still have her.

I have been looking at making a solar oven too.

I’m not sure either of you qualifies as a “lady.”

You’ve moved on from sand dancing?

[QUOTE=atisketatasket;7386870]I’m not sure either of you qualifies as a “lady.”

I wouldn't save for the old part.
I am an old lady which I think is different from being a lady. I doubt anyone would ever describe me as a lady but there are any number of people who have called me an old lady.
Crone even.

Exhankster, on the other hand, might be both.

THATS where Bey got that from! And why it had such worldwide appeal!

I'm glad T is still so supportive, Scarlet.

our doctor's office (gp) is getting a little ridiculous. h had a follow-up appointment today at 9am and due to traffic he got there at 9:04am and they refused to see him!! that's totally stupid considering their sign on the door says if you're 10 minutes late we'll reschedule you. But 4 minutes? I mean really. Especially considering how we almost always have to wait 20-30 minutes after our appointment times for them. He's ready to find a new gp that's closer to home. I'm all for it since the most recent NP we liked so much left there not long ago. I need to do some internet sleuthing and find out where she went.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Artie...

Four minutes is ridiculous, especially in rush hour traffic!

I hope they're able to reschedule his appointment soon.

I officially quit G. I'm worried that J and maybe L will be mad or disappointed. I gave it a month. J hasn't responded to my text saying that I quit. I'll try to reach out again later today.

L's baby is super cute. She took some pictures of him with the blanket I made him. I know I'm biased, but he really is a beautiful baby. I love that she's maintaining some contact with me. Though my body memories are starting to fade. I'm forgetting how secure I was with her. It's like a numbing. I hope it all comes back when she comes back.

*hugs* if wanted, Scarlet.

I'm glad you could do what you needed to do in order to feel comfortable.

I hope J can offer understanding first of all.