Couch 246: Choose Change

thanks, it was an annoyance because of taking off work for it and it's also upsetting because he's having health issues and one of them is new that he doesn't already have a test scheduled for. he got it rescheduled though so that's good. although maybe it'll work out okay anyway now that i think about it, as he's getting an MRI on Dec 13 so results might be back from that before his rescheduled appt so he can deal with both at one appointment.

My mom taught outdoor cooking at 4H camp.

One year while we were camping she made apple pie in a reflector oven with the campfire.

That's pretty formidable!

that is cool!

Just sayin' - i used my apostrophes correctly on facebook today and a nice lady called me brilliant.

I've been seeing my T about every 2 weeks. I think I'm going to tell her this week that I'm good for now - don't need to schedule out into the future. My last bit of "business" with her is finding a way to get past the anger I feel toward my adoptive mother. She was a terrible mother for me in many ways, and affected me for many years after her death. I've been writing about it, and I feel like I've got it pretty well sorted. I think I will meet with her this week, and then call it quits for a while.

I'm in a really good place, and I think I've moved past all of the other issues. I will miss my T, though, a great deal. I've been seeing her for about 11 years, most of that time our appointments were weekly. She has become like a mentor and "friend" to me (in a therapisty way, and in a deeper, more personal way). She is the only person in the world who knows everything I've endured and worked through.

I suppose she'll be like one of those friends that slowly drifts off into the ether as we communicate less and less. It's gonna be difficult, though. I guess the bright side is that I feel well enough to not need therapy at this point.

So I've been taking Sertraline again for 6 days now... I don't know if it's just the placebo effect or what but this morning I notice I am starting to feel less anxious which is a good thing. i wonder if my brain 'remembers' being on it from before and so it's kicking in faster than usual as a result.

Glad ti seems to be helping! I tend to feel the effects of meds (including psych meds) pretty quickly, so it could be that.

Thanks LT.

One of the things about getting rid of cable and main streaming services is finding all sorts of super weird tv on over the air and roku.

What have I been telling you all these years…

Ex-hankster is way ahead of you and can help here.

Just don’t ask her where to find McHales Navy.

It sounds like you've done a lot of work and are in a really good place. I am in a similar situation in that I am drastically reducing sessions with intentions to end within a year. I've done a lot of work in therapy and adore my T, but I just feel that it's time. I don't want to be in therapy forever, especially if I'm really only staying now in order to hold on to the attachment to my T.

But it's also sad to realize that my T and I will eventually not be meeting at all. So there is ambivalence there, for sure. However, he is adamant that I could come back if needed and that our relationship can forever be a source of strength and comfort in my life.

Any ending or change in a relationship may naturally cause feelings of sadness and loss, even if you know it's inevitable, or natural (such as when a child grows up and moves away or the death of a loved one) or even if you are choosing the ending yourself. But that's ok. It's human and natural to feel sad sometimes. Change is hard. But accepting it, moving through it (feeling the feelings) and then getting to the other side can be so worth it because it may create room for new things and new experiences.

Honestly, I've been surprised at the opening and expansion I am experiencing by not having therapy be such a central organizing factor in my week. I've been in therapy for so long that I didn't realize how much emotional energy and space it took up in my day to day life. I thought about therapy all the time. I went to therapy a lot! Not that I regret all these years of therapy, but I do feel a sort of unexpected freedom mixed in with the sadness of ending.

*McHale's

InkyBooky - you are so right, it took me A WHILE to adjust to my non-t schedule. But being free from that, and now escaping the psychological prison i was in - no words.

RIP Andre Braugher... I was a big fan of Homicide (I know he was more recently on Brooklyn Nine-Nine but I never really watched it).

Thanks, LT.

Brooklyn Nine Nine is my favourite modern comedy series.
The tribute from Terry Crews was a hard thing to wake up to.

Oh no not Andre Braugher. He did a few episodes with our girl Mariska Hargitay and they were so cute together.

Just got our schedules for January.... I'm not too ready for this I'll be working 5a-4p Sunday-Thursday and 8a-5p on Saturdays. I am very glad the sertraline seems to be kicking in already, that will help I'm sure.

Still, I may be too old for this...

Yes, they were great together! Thought maybe they were going to end up dating at one point.

Artie those are some looooong days. Take care of yourself! Footrest? Lumbar pillow? Espresso machine?

every year they feel longer I have a lumbar pillow, figuring out a footrest is a great idea, and this may be the year i start drinking coffee haha

I need a massage. Wheres that kid that wants a hippopotamus for xmas?

Does anybody ever wonder what it is about these T's they can't just let us be happy? I almost had to ask L today why you tryna harsh my mellow?! Eh but it worked out any way - my mellow turned out to be un-harsh-able.

(I ended up playing in the sand for a while which I always enjoy doing, and my sand tray brought something up for me that I'm going to write about so it wasn't a waste in any case.)

So my old cat Stormy (he's 16 now I think?) is really slowing down lately, poor guy. He sleeps almost all the time now. He stopped eating his normal food a couple days ago, so I made a version of chicken baby food for him (chunks of boiled chicken breast & water run through food processor) and he ate that and seemed to be pretty happy about it, this morning. I made enough for a few days to keep in the fridge. I went to that because a couple years ago when he had a stomach issue i've forgotten what the vet called it, she recommended he eat chicken baby food and I remembered how much he liked it at the time so I figured making it myself wouldn't have the added chemicals & stuff.

gerber's chicken is just chicken, water, and cornstarch - I know watchdog orgs have found toxic metals in jarred baby food. I just had to feed a lot of it mixed with plain white rice to a sick dog. It is probably a lot cheaper to make your own.

The weather has thwarted my plans for the day - I am going to try to cast my own small wood burning oven with cement and a plastic barrel.