[myoasis89]

Does anyone ever feel like a burden on a loved one. I feel like I am one to my bf. I ahve depression and social anxiety. My aprents don't take care of me and I don't have any other family memebers to go to. My bf is the only one I trust...yet he id not my husband. I feel like a little kid that needs to be taken care of...

I don't realize sometimes how stressed I am...or I don't realise I am doing something that might harm myself. I get relaly lonely because I have troubles connecting with people. Talking to people in general gives me anxiety and I have troubles breathing and start sweating. at nights I get scared or lonely so I sleep with him. I wish I was more functionning...I go to university and I work...but I find this in itself is all I can handle...and it is stressful enough...

I got hurt today because my bf was complaining about school...and I was trying to help him...and it was really stressing me...I thought I was contributing to him not getting things done...so I felt really bad...but he ensured me that I didn't do anything wrong. But I still felt bad...he said he wanted to go home by 12am to get sleep and then study tomorrow...I agreed...he came ot my house...and then he changed his mind and wanted to stay and sleep....I agreed...so i tried to make everything comfortable for him to sleep...I brought him water...and I was quiet...I was so worrie dabout him not getting enough sleep...then he left at 3am to watch a criket match. This kind of upset me..because I was so worried about him...and I was so stressed that I wasn't able to eat at night...I realised about myself that I get roverly worried about people...so in the morning he tried to explain that the game was an emotional one for him ebcause it was literally 15 minutes from his home in dhaka..and he didn't want to miss it...

He is taking me to a doctor today to get a referall to a psychiatrist...I ahve been to a counsellor before...but hat was before i met my bf...and I coudln't handle going to a counsellor by myself with no support...so I stopped going

[PleaseHelp]

I feel like a burden all the time. I basically only have my BF and his family and very few real life friends for support. He tells me I'm not a burden but I still feel like one. I completely understand where you are coming from.

[CedarS]

How did the doctor visit go? Do you have a referral? Therapy will eventually help quite a bit.

I've been in a situation like yours and therapy helped immensely.

[Leed]

Hi Myoasis ~ Bless your heart ~ You can't be a burden. Do you think that your boyfriend would stay around if you WERE a burden?? NO. He would leave and not come back!! So you are not a burden. Please don't worry about that anymore -- I know it is easy to say "don't worry" but try not to. He is with you because he wants to be. And he is concerned about you -- that is why he wanted to take you to a psychiatrist. Did you get an appointment?? When do you go??

I've been in and out of therapy almost all my adult life and it did me a world of good. Thankfully right now I don't need it -- yet. LOL But if you find yourself obsessing about something, TRY to switch your thoughts to something else. Yes, I know it's difficult to do -- it does take some practice -- but try. I'm like that too -- I obsess about things that I'm worried about and it drives me crazy -- so I had to learn to divert my thoughts to something else - something more pleasant.

I wish you the very best. Please don't think of yourself as a burden. God bless you and take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

[lovEternal]

I am the caretaker of my mother who is diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I am diagnosed with Major Depression and not an official diagnosis of social anxiety. I have no friends or family, so I cant really say if I am a burden. I have been able to function without hospital intervention and have been able to work. I guess the only burden I would say is financial. I had to quit my full time job because I couldnt handle the stress. So, I am working part time. I dont qualify for social security benefits. My mother moved in with me as opposed to going into a nursing home. We help each other, but I wish I was making more money.

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by CedarS

How did the doctor visit go? Do you have a referral? Therapy will eventually help quite a bit.

I've been in a situation like yours and therapy helped immensely.

Hey Cedar S. Thanks for the follow up. And yes I did get a referral. My bf and I feel much better that I will be seeing a psychiatrist. But yesterday, after the doctor's appointment I flipped out at him because I was feeling he was not taking it seriously. When I got home we talked...and he is taking this more seriously than I am. Me flipping out made me realize I need therapy even more. I was really sad at nightt and could not sleep. my bf kept trying to comfort me and help me fall asleep. I kept telling him I am not fit to be a gf and that I hurt him all the time...ande I can't see him hurting like this....he said that it is not true...that I am fit to be his gf and that he loves me...I still feel bad about how I flipped out at him. Valentines Day...I went through the whole day without having getting angry or upset....I think that is one day where I could go through wihtout having a hissy fit. I tried to be so good after that...but then I just crashed and burned yesterday...I feel like I intentinally try to make things that are good in my life bad...I destroy things that are good...this is also why I need therapy.

My bf agreed to going to a relationship counsellor.

[lavieenrose]

I feel like too much of a burden to even get into a relationship. I don't want to be insecure, depressed, anxious, and self-critical in someone else's presence. When I feel really bad, I can't think of anything to talk about other than my problems. And I hate doing that. I'm so lonely and long for someone to be close to, to share love and support with, but I can't stand revealing my dark side. When I'm depressed, it's really hard to be there for someone else. There are no reserves. And that brings up shame. I hate being so selfish and self-absorbed.

I'm glad that you're getting professional help. Couples counseling can really help. It sounds like your boyfriend really genuinely cares about you. Try to take that in. You don't need to keep sabotaging your happiness. Gee, maybe I should take my own advice.

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by lavieenrose

I feel like too much of a burden to even get into a relationship. I don't want to be insecure, depressed, anxious, and self-critical in someone else's presence. When I feel really bad, I can't think of anything to talk about other than my problems. And I hate doing that. I'm so lonely and long for someone to be close to, to share love and support with, but I can't stand revealing my dark side. When I'm depressed, it's really hard to be there for someone else. There are no reserves. And that brings up shame. I hate being so selfish and self-absorbed.

I'm glad that you're getting professional help. Couples counseling can really help. It sounds like your boyfriend really genuinely cares about you. Try to take that in. You don't need to keep sabotaging your happiness. Gee, maybe I should take my own advice.

lavienenrose...you will find the support one day...I understand how you feel about revealing the dark side. I did that with my ex bf...finally he got tired of me and told me I was crazy...it really hurt when he said those things and left me. It was traumatic even...I still have flashbacks today about him and how I embarrassed myself infront of him...I still at that time didn't udnerstand what was wrong with me and I was 19. I felt very alone after that, hurt and lost. It is never easy to find the right support when you need it and even with my present bf...it took me 11 months to get into his head that there was something wrong with me and something needed to be done. He still doesn't udnerstand everything that is wrong with me...nor do I...but I know he sill stick by me. My family is not interested in sticking by me...I know that...but I always have hope...and that is what you hold on to...without hope...you become lost...I wish you all the best...and I know what you are going through...if you wish to pm me anytime...please do...and you can be as self absorbed as you would like...sometimes all we need to get better is someone to listen and validate what we are feeling..(.hugs)

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by lovEternal

I am the caretaker of my mother who is diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I am diagnosed with Major Depression and not an official diagnosis of social anxiety. I have no friends or family, so I cant really say if I am a burden. I have been able to function without hospital intervention and have been able to work. I guess the only burden I would say is financial. I had to quit my full time job because I couldnt handle the stress. So, I am working part time. I dont qualify for social security benefits. My mother moved in with me as opposed to going into a nursing home. We help each other, but I wish I was making more money.

The money issue is always an issue. Seriously...I jsut went out today spent 100 dollars on things I needed to make myself comfortable in my home ( dish towels, toothpaste, nail polish)...this made me so happy...yet sad at the same time...I felt I spent too much...but I need to be happy too right...Life always seems to be a struggle financially...but I guess all we can do is find the happy moments and hold on to those...if we just concentrate on the bad...life is dark then...all the best to you and it is angering that you do not get some compensation for you illness while you are tryint to care for another person with a mental illness. Very difficult...koodos to you

Good luck, myoasis89.

[SakuraLi]

hi myoasis, ur situation sounds like how my bf is. id like to encourage u to be hopeful. also try to learn some relaxation techniques and maybe try yoga and tai chi. these can be very peaceful practices for people needing to relax. maybe ask your bf to get you some books and dvd`s on these subjects for u. or search for them on the internet for free. anyway take care

[Miss Laura]

I feel I am burden to everyone in my life...

My Parents
My Siblings
My Friends
My Work

I feel no one understands me and that I am running here on my own and then I get a wake up call that says they well maybe not my work lol all love me and that they would do anything for me. But I still feel like a burden and don't want to tell them anything if I am ill or not as I don't want them to worry. My friend the other night said she worries all the time about me which was really nice to hear in a really weird sense.

Sometimes it hard to let people see the real me as I am worried on losing them

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I feel I am burden to everyone in my life...

My Parents
My Siblings
My Friends
My Work

I feel no one understands me and that I am running here on my own and then I get a wake up call that says they well maybe not my work lol all love me and that they would do anything for me. But I still feel like a burden and don't want to tell them anything if I am ill or not as I don't want them to worry. My friend the other night said she worries all the time about me which was really nice to hear in a really weird sense.

Sometimes it hard to let people see the real me as I am worried on losing them

I totally get what you are saying Miss Laura. My bf didn't know how lonely I was until he read my diary ( I allowed him to ) he said it helped him udnerstand how I was feeling and why. He didn't realise how much pain and negative thoughts I think each day. I thought the thoughts I was thinking were normal...but that is so wrong...I need help. I think we become isolated and drown in our bad thoughts...when life can be much more enjoyable and fun if we weren't so isolated. I am pretty sure now that people love me more than I think...and I don't realize...thanks for your responce...it helps knowing I am not the only one with these feelings. I hope you get better...are you seeking counselling or treatment of any sort?

[Miss Laura]

Hey myoasis89,

Its always refreshing to know your not alone huh!!

That was soooo brave of you to let your boyfriend read your diary. I would never let my family whom I stay with read anythign I write. I take my journal out with me if I go out or I hide it in a box in my room. Paranoid much lol

I have a CPN(Community Psychiatric Nurse) who I see fortnightly and a Psychiatrist. I am on meds too. I haven't seen a counsellor since November as I can not pay for them privately as I am skint. NHS I have just had a counsellor for 8 weeks in the Oct-Nov 2010. Flying solo now for nearly 4 months. Feels like a life time.

I have supportive friends and family.... sometimes I find it hard that they would love me and want to be around me especially since my moods are sooo unpredictable at the moment.

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey myoasis89,

Its always refreshing to know your not alone huh!!

That was soooo brave of you to let your boyfriend read your diary. I would never let my family whom I stay with read anythign I write. I take my journal out with me if I go out or I hide it in a box in my room. Paranoid much lol

I have a CPN(Community Psychiatric Nurse) who I see fortnightly and a Psychiatrist. I am on meds too. I haven't seen a counsellor since November as I can not pay for them privately as I am skint. NHS I have just had a counsellor for 8 weeks in the Oct-Nov 2010. Flying solo now for nearly 4 months. Feels like a life time.

I have supportive friends and family.... sometimes I find it hard that they would love me and want to be around me especially since my moods are sooo unpredictable at the moment.

I used to thik my moods were controlled by me...and that I was jsut a grumpy, bad person. I would try to cover up my moods and be a different person...I feel just opening up to my bf has helped to heal me in many ways...yet I know I have along way to go before I am somewhat recovered. I am supposed to see a psychiatrist for my first appointment soon. He needs to call and set up a date. I am kind of nervous...I don't know what to expect or what I should tell him in order to help me out.

[Miss Laura]

Hey there,

I was soooo nervous when I saw my psych for the 1st ever time. I took a friend with me who sat in the waiting room with me. Didn't help he took me 30 mins AFTER my scheduled appointment lol. Guess it was a tester. I was pacing, wanted to run away from it, kept clock watching.... you name it I did it. My mate was great and was rubbing my arm.... I hate physical contact lol.

If it would ease you, you could write down how you have been feeling for a months period or something like that.

I went in and all he did was look at my GP's email to him and asked a few questions about how I was feeling, how I feel now/today, have I ever felt suicidal, ever self harmed etc etc!!! Then that was it.

I had 3 more sessions with him and then he made his diagnosis of bipolar. Eevrytime I went he read my GP report.... GP would write a report for me going as I was in weekly contact with her.

Hope that helps in any way possible

[SakuraLi]

Can I ask a question? For people who feel this way, "a burden" do you feel you can do something positive to contribute to each one of the people who love and care about you? Such as do nice things for them maybe give them a hug, massage or walk in the park, make them a cup of their favorite tea, in their favorite mug? People who love you like to be able to enjoy being with you in doing some happy stuff. I can only speak about the situation with my boyfriend tho. But when he did do nice things for me in the past it felt good, but these days he does very little in the way of contributing to the relationnship at all anymore.

[Miss Laura]

I feel I HAVE to give something back to people. I will do the ordinary stuff ie make cup's of tea's, send a funny text to cheer them up etc...

I have in the past few years

1. Wrote nice sentimental cards showing how grateful I am for having friends as friends

2. Took friends out for Lunch or Dinner and paid

3. Bought gifts for friends

They all say I am bonkers for the last 2. I feel obliged. I feel no matter what I do or say I can not repay them for being my friends etc

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

I feel I HAVE to give something back to people. I will do the ordinary stuff ie make cup's of tea's, send a funny text to cheer them up etc...

I have in the past few years

1. Wrote nice sentimental cards showing how grateful I am for having friends as friends

2. Took friends out for Lunch or Dinner and paid

3. Bought gifts for friends

They all say I am bonkers for the last 2. I feel obliged. I feel no matter what I do or say I can not repay them for being my friends etc

I have very few friends...I have social anxiety...I never really knew how to make friends growing up as a kid because my mom isolated me...and she gets jealous...she wants to be the only person in my life...this had a huge negative affect on me...I could not and still have troubles connecting to other people of my age group.

as for my bf I bought him choclate yesterday because our relationship was bumpy for awhile...and he works so hard. I met him after his work shift and took the bus home with him...told him to close his eyes...and I put the chocolate in his hand (he is addicted to chocolate...cannot go without the stuff)...he was so happy, wnated to eat it in one sitting.

I send my bf texts often...tell him I love him everyday...hug him...snuggle him...make him a romantic dinner..when he gets home late from work...make baked goods. rub his back...or massage his head when he is stressed.

we often work out together or study together as well. I try to make him feel like a prince whenever I can.

[Miss Laura]

Hey myoasis89,

I always over-compensate for being a burden by buying/showering friends with gifts. I hate them thinking I am taking advantage of their good nature by being my friend.... stupid huh!!

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey myoasis89,

I always over-compensate for being a burden by buying/showering friends with gifts. I hate them thinking I am taking advantage of their good nature by being my friend.... stupid huh!!

I do the exact same laura. Whenever me and my bf fight...I always try to make it up somehow...I feel I am not good enough...I am afraid he won't love me anymore if we get into a fight...he always ensures me that I am the only one and will be the only one he loves...we want to get married after university and I don't think I ahve bbeen loved as unconditionally as I ahve been loved from him.

why do we both feel so low that we need love by showering people with gifts

[Miss Laura]

Hey myoasis,

I know... I don't think I will ever get to the bottom of this one. This is one of my many mysteries.

What do you think?

[myoasis89]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Hey myoasis,

I know... I don't think I will ever get to the bottom of this one. This is one of my many mysteries.

What do you think?

I think it is different for everyone...for me...I have always been a burden to my parents growing up. my mom had me by mistake when she was 40...my sister was the first child...she attempted suicide for many reasons...one being my parents were to young and got pregnant before marriage...they didn't know how to raise a kid...I was a financial burden...my mom told me she could ahve had an abortion but she was a good mom and didn't. whenever my siblings don't get along with me...my dad says I am killing my mom by doing that

my mom cannot see others happy...it makes her unhappy...so if I am doing well...she gets bummed out ebcause she wants what I have...youth and no responsibility.

basically...she doens't want to be a mom anymore...and now I rely on my bf and his parents to be protected and loved...and to be honest...they do a much ebtter job of it. I feel if I am not perfect...or if there is something wrong with me...I can't be loved...

my ex bfs were abusive to me...I haven't relaly known what love is until I met my current bf.

In school I was always bullied...I had crushed on my male teachers because they seemed to care...I saw them as father figures.

I never had a safe place or people to go to...I became very isolated and took care of myself if no one else was going to do that job....I am much happier now separating myself from my parents..and family who abuse me...and take me for granted.

but I sitll ahve problems that keep me from having a normal, healthy, happy life.

my past seems more like a nightmare rather than a reality...

to be honest....this is ahrd to admit to myself...but I don't feel love for my parents...and I feel ashamed of this...I dunno what it feels like to love a parent....can anyone explain this feeling to me??

[SakuraLi]

Originally Posted by myoasis89

I think it is different for everyone...for me...I have always been a burden to my parents growing up. my mom had me by mistake when she was 40...my sister was the first child...she attempted suicide for many reasons...one being my parents were to young and got pregnant before marriage...they didn't know how to raise a kid...I was a financial burden...my mom told me she could ahve had an abortion but she was a good mom and didn't. whenever my siblings don't get along with me...my dad says I am killing my mom by doing that

my mom cannot see others happy...it makes her unhappy...so if I am doing well...she gets bummed out ebcause she wants what I have...youth and no responsibility.

basically...she doens't want to be a mom anymore...and now I rely on my bf and his parents to be protected and loved...and to be honest...they do a much ebtter job of it. I feel if I am not perfect...or if there is something wrong with me...I can't be loved...

my ex bfs were abusive to me...I haven't relaly known what love is until I met my current bf.

In school I was always bullied...I had crushed on my male teachers because they seemed to care...I saw them as father figures.

I never had a safe place or people to go to...I became very isolated and took care of myself if no one else was going to do that job....I am much happier now separating myself from my parents..and family who abuse me...and take me for granted.

but I sitll ahve problems that keep me from having a normal, healthy, happy life.

my past seems more like a nightmare rather than a reality...

to be honest....this is ahrd to admit to myself...but I don't feel love for my parents...and I feel ashamed of this...I dunno what it feels like to love a parent....can anyone explain this feeling to me??

No one is a mistake, and your NOT one either! I don't know why parents can be so f-ed up. And for a kid to have to find their way of that emotional muck is equally messed up. I have tons of issues myself but as I grow older I am getting so sick of what I have been through that I want changes now.

I understand you about the bad relationships. Bad relationships were my down fall and a product of my self hatred, low self esteem and social anxiety and my current one is coming to a grinding halt as soon as I can get ahold of my bf because he is away at college and is always unavailable these days.

But to you answer you question what does it feel like to love a parent? Well I love my mom but not my dad (I have serious father issues). I guess to love my mom feels great I don't know if it has a feeling so much as just something that's a natural part of me. Its something I don't think about because it is so effortless. She's a nice lady who cares about her children that happens to be married to a cold hearted, uninvolved, mean, unloving man who had neglected their relationship and the relationship with his children.

It's a shame and its obvious that lack of a father daughter relationship has effected me and my sisters each in diff ways. As I'm an adult my dad is still pretty uninvolved and cold but not very mean.

I hope you will be able to detach yourself from the pain of your past and have a great future. Its great you have your bf and his family to look out for you. Just remember to give back and look out for them equally as they do for you.

Trust me giving back is key. I know my bf has taken and taken from me and gives very little and he doesn't understand that he must give back too.

Anyway take care and good luck

[jb327]

I know exactly how you feel- my BPD constantly has me on an up-down roller coaster of emotions and I lean a lot on my BF for expressing said feelings. He's my best friend, so he gets put through the ringer more than anyone else.
Between him studying at an elite university, dealing with AD/HD and trying to find a job, I feel like being in a relationship with me is a huge burden on him- I feel like I don't honestly understand why he would want to put himself through all the crap I dish out, when he could be with someone normal, if that makes sense?
Despite everything though, he keeps me as level headed as he can and I've improved so much since I've met him. I think if two people honestly love each other, then they take the time to deal with whatever obstacles come their way.
And I think we can all agree there are many obstacles lol