Hey guys.
This is my first post so I hope it's everything alright with it.

We've been together for about 6 moths and... yeah you could say we're pretty happy with each other, but there is one very big problem:
I have depression (as a sickness, not a feeling) since the 6th grade (I'm in 10th now). I ran away from school, jumped of a bridge to kill myself, got caught and taken to the psychiatry. I still think about that a lot.
I told my girlfriend, because she just had to know to understamd my behavior. You know, I just sometimes start crying for no obvious reason (what is really embarrassing for me, I'm a boy...) or I'm suddenly angry/sad or something. So I told her and she was really upset (for a reason, I guess). I told her the whole story via Whatsapp, cause I can't talk about that face to face. I would start crying and she wouldn't understand a word. So it took many nights and she was listening. Now, every time when we argue (which is not too often... but enough) she's complaining about I stole her nights and so on. That hurts a lot!
Also she just doesn't care about the fact that I have depression. She's just not understanding that I need a lot of attention. I sometimes think about trying to kill myself again and I tell her about that. She's just saying that she doesn't want me to and she would be very sad if I do.
And then again, she complains about I'm stealing her time. I'm just trying to tell her what's wrong but she doesn't give a sh...

I guess she'll never understand what's really wrong. At the time, I stopped talking about myself, but that just makes it worse. Now she's telling me she want to know when I'm sad and so on. Later, she'll be annoyed again. I don't understand it.

You know, I really love her, but our relationship is a bit complicated now...
I don't want to loose her!

[smmath]

I think that she needs to try and be more understanding. I think that she could be feeling overwhelmed with all that you are telling her. I am not at all saying that it is your fault, but maybe you talk to more people about what you are feeling, then she will feel less overwhelmed. Can you tell her some things about your mood, and tell a therapist or adult about some of the more serious issues like suicidal ideation?

[kaliope]

hi torbleh
sounds like you are getting mixed messages and that this relationship is filled with conflict over your depression. she is not accepting of it, nor is she likely to be. youre going to have to accept that. it going to be a deciding factor in this relationship. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome.

[wassupiig]

I understand you so well. I'm also a guy who needs a lot of attention and just not getting a text reply from a person I care about would just get me angry and upset. I think everyone has so much they can handle. Maybe your girl needs time to adjust and understand what's going on because it might be difficult sometimes, but hey, now you found about this forum so any time you need to talk you can come here and that way everything wont fall on your girlfriend. And it is not you fault, we all need a way to let all our feelings out and everyone here is very supportive and willing to listen. I myself have started to leave people alone and log in to this site and it makes me feel better. My best wishes to you and your relationship.

[Yoda]

Your girlfriend cannot take the place of a trained therapist. You need to talk to a T about how to deal with your depression. It is okay to tell your GF about your feelings but she cannot be expected to help you like a T would.

[hamster-bamster]

What you describe in in general is fairly common, except for REPEATED references to "stealing her time". That is completely, completely out of line, and I suggest that you part ways with her and let her enjoy her precious time on her own.

I am really sorry you had to hear that. It is appallingly rude. I hope the next gf will be a little nicer and more polite, too.

At first I'm sorry for not answering the last day. I just couldn't find the forum :/
Embarrassing.

Thanks for your answers at all! Even if I don't like some of them...
So let's just start replying:

Originally Posted by smmath

I think that she needs to try and be more understanding. I think that she could be feeling overwhelmed with all that you are telling her. I am not at all saying that it is your fault, but maybe you talk to more people about what you are feeling, then she will feel less overwhelmed. Can you tell her some things about your mood, and tell a therapist or adult about some of the more serious issues like suicidal ideation?

Well, I can't just tell her anything about my mood except of telling her that I don't feel good cause I miss her. And it's not a really good idea of talking to anybody else. I just started hating my T so much, I stopped the therapy. Couldn't take the pressure of talking about it anymore. My parents seem not to care about what happened. They forgot that I tried to kill myself (!) so unbelievably fast (or treated my like they do), that I sometimes forget they even knew. Talking to them would just start new problems. I guess there is nobody to talk cause I just can't talk about it.

Originally Posted by kaliope

hi torbleh
sounds like you are getting mixed messages and that this relationship is filled with conflict over your depression. she is not accepting of it, nor is she likely to be. youre going to have to accept that. it going to be a deciding factor in this relationship. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome.

But how? Should I just forget that she doesn't care about my feelings? It's just not the problem that she can't help me with that, nor is it that she can't handle it; I knew that before! But I kinda curious if she even loves me when not caring about me.

Originally Posted by wassupiig

I understand you so well. I'm also a guy who needs a lot of attention and just not getting a text reply from a person I care about would just get me angry and upset. I think everyone has so much they can handle. Maybe your girl needs time to adjust and understand what's going on because it might be difficult sometimes, but hey, now you found about this forum so any time you need to talk you can come here and that way everything wont fall on your girlfriend. And it is not you fault, we all need a way to let all our feelings out and everyone here is very supportive and willing to listen. I myself have started to leave people alone and log in to this site and it makes me feel better. My best wishes to you and your relationship.

Thanks for the nice words! I'll try to tell you guys instead of annoying my gf.

Originally Posted by Yoda

Your girlfriend cannot take the place of a trained therapist. You need to talk to a T about how to deal with your depression. It is okay to tell your GF about your feelings but she cannot be expected to help you like a T would.

I don't want her to take the place of a therapist. I don't want so called 'help' from one either, cause it's just the opposite of help. Just gets me more sad and kinda angry. I just want her to understand!

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

What you describe in in general is fairly common, except for REPEATED references to "stealing her time". That is completely, completely out of line, and I suggest that you part ways with her and let her enjoy her precious time on her own.

I am really sorry you had to hear that. It is appallingly rude. I hope the next gf will be a little nicer and more polite, too.

Well, I guess splitting up wouldn't get it better. She's the only person I want to be near to. Splitting up would just make so much more depressive I think. I don't know if I could keep myself away from jumping again down a bridge. And I guess a person won't make the same mistake again, so...

So... This was just what I got to say. I still don't know how to deal with it :/ But it's nice to hear that somebody is listening to me Thank you for that!

Has nobody any ideas how to deal better with it? It's not that I don't appreciate the ones already given, but I guess it's not the solution so far.
Don't want to bother you...

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Tapatalk

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by torbleh

I told my girlfriend, because she just had to know to understamd
... I'm suddenly angry/sad or something.

Now, every time when we argue (which is not too often... but enough) she's complaining about I stole her nights and so on. That hurts a lot!

And then again, she complains about I'm stealing her time. I'm just trying to tell her what's wrong but she doesn't give a sh...


You know, I really love her, but our relationship is a bit complicated now...
I don't want to loose her!

Explaining depression, as the reason for your sudden angry outbursts, to a girl/woman, can lead them to feel that you are, 'stealing', their time away from them.
You mention, 'needing alot of attention.', and have expressed frustration because she just doesn't understand? It's[depression], no excuse to argue. She's not, ever, going to feel what you feel.

You've dropped counseling. You are also, a minor, and depression, may be as far, right now, as diagnostic material goes.

It seems to me, a roller coaster, already. She may need, a lot more reading material, than just depression alone, to comprehend your behavior.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Not quite sure if I understand what you're saying.
Did you say I shouldn't have told her? Or that I should have told her in another way? Might be pretty right, cause the way I tried was probably the worst. Or at least a pretty bad one.

I might expressed that wrong. It's not like I get angry cause I'm depressive, but I get angry sometimes when I see how I mess up my own life. And she can't know why I'm angry in this case. Not that I would shout at her. I'm just very bad tempered and talking to me is not the best idea.
And of course depression is no excuse for anything. But it changes peoples behavior. A lot! Sometimes I loose myself in my thoughts about what happened and how stupid I am. When that happens, I just don't notice what happens around me and of course I don't response. And when I finished that, I have a complete other mood. That happens pretty often and she should know why.

I think I don't have to explain what depression is or what it changes.

[healingme4me]

No,,you don't have to explain depression, to a depressive.

Moods, changing on a dime, so to speak, can be symptomatic of something on top of depression.
So no, telling her depression is it, is true and not true.

I'm saying, she'd need more than depression lit, to comprehend, perhaps?

When these moods, occur, in those moments, are you in any way, feeling slighted, uncared for, unloved?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

What do you mean by?:
"Moods, changing on a dime, so to speak, can be symptomatic of something on top of depression. "
I have some problems with understanding what you're trying to say me. In my ears it sounds like you don't believe that I've got depression...

That I feel like that (slighted, uncared for, unloved...) Is one reason I opened this thread. The main problem is, that she (my GF) isn't doing anything but ignoring it and telling me she doesn't care... Or that she doesn't even want to care...

[grandmalady]

Hi sweetheart, I very touched by your openness and willingness to discuss your feelings, insecurities, and fears. For someone who is as young as you are, I am very impressed with you. She is still young and doesn't have the life experience to know what to say to you or how to clearly understand what you are going through. I am ten years older and am in your girlfriends situation. I love my boyfriend very much but it's hard to be with someone who is sad a lot and doesn't want to see a therapist. All I know is that you are miles ahead of most people and I'm very proud of you for talking and seeking help.

Originally Posted by grandmalady

Hi sweetheart, I very touched by your openness and willingness to discuss your feelings, insecurities, and fears. For someone who is as young as you are, I am very impressed with you. She is still young and doesn't have the life experience to know what to say to you or how to clearly understand what you are going through. I am ten years older and am in your girlfriends situation. I love my boyfriend very much but it's hard to be with someone who is sad a lot and doesn't want to see a therapist. All I know is that you are miles ahead of most people and I'm very proud of you for talking and seeking help.

Thank you for the nice words!

It is pretty interesting to see the other side. Maybe I got to understand her first before wanting she to understand me... I have a few questions to you:
What does he do when he is sad?
How do you feel when your Boyfriend is 'down' or that sad that he mentioned he don't want to live his life? Or if he didn't, how would you feel and what would think if he would do?
And do you even try to make him happy when he is sad and what do you try if you do?

Sorry for that much questions about your life. You don't have to answer if it's too much for you. But thanks anyway It helps to know that women are at least thinking about that. And thanks for being proud of me It's been a while since anybody else did...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

What you describe in in general is fairly common, except for REPEATED references to "stealing her time". That is completely, completely out of line, and I suggest that you part ways with her and let her enjoy her precious time on her own.

I am really sorry you had to hear that. It is appallingly rude. I hope the next gf will be a little nicer and more polite, too.

[spoiledprince]

Torbleh, this is a really sensitive situation. I understand your need and love to this young lady but you also have to realize she might be making things worse. You're in a very, very sensitive time- if you're still thinking of suicide, you need the people who are around you to be understanding and sympathetic. As in, you need someone who will pull you away from the bridge verses one who will push you off for annoying her.

If you're not ready to move on, you need to be patient-this is new to her as well, she may have not filtered just how serious this is yet- you two have only been together for a few months. Speak to her during good times about your condition and why you do the things you do, that you have no control over it, that you do your best, that it is not all of you, but it will be part of you and that you will be there for her, but she needs to be there for you.

But while you're being patient, she should be sympathetic with you. A relationship is supposed to be even, it can't be fun and love all the time. Bad things happen, and your partner needs to be able to carry as much weight as you do. I saw this quote from Marilyn Monroe and I think it suits this place "“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” Much love to you, I hope you find the answers you need.

Originally Posted by spoiledprince

Torbleh, this is a really sensitive situation. I understand your need and love to this young lady but you also have to realize she might be making things worse. You're in a very, very sensitive time- if you're still thinking of suicide, you need the people who are around you to be understanding and sympathetic. As in, you need someone who will pull you away from the bridge verses one who will push you off for annoying her.

If you're not ready to move on, you need to be patient-this is new to her as well, she may have not filtered just how serious this is yet- you two have only been together for a few months. Speak to her during good times about your condition and why you do the things you do, that you have no control over it, that you do your best, that it is not all of you, but it will be part of you and that you will be there for her, but she needs to be there for you.

But while you're being patient, she should be sympathetic with you. A relationship is supposed to be even, it can't be fun and love all the time. Bad things happen, and your partner needs to be able to carry as much weight as you do. I saw this quote from Marilyn Monroe and I think it suits this place "“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” Much love to you, I hope you find the answers you need

Well, I guess you're pretty much right: Sometimes she is making things even worse! But since she is my first girlfriend (I had some kind of relationship before, but... I would have never really called her my girlfriend, so...) I always thought a relationship is making things (life) much more complicated. She might sometimes bring me closer to suicide than I would normally be (cause kicking on somebody who's laying on the ground is never a good idea), but nobody should ever forget that she is the only person who could make me laugh. Even if she doesn't do that often she could. I'm having great times with her and it looks like I can make her happy. This gives me some kind of sense in my life which wouldn't be there without her. I'm not saying that I would instantly kill myself if she wouldn't be there, but it's a lot easier now to get away from bad thoughts if you know that somebody would be missing you. That might only help a very little bit, but... You know what I mean, right?

I'm not sure if speaking to her is such a great idea. I don't want to get her angry or something, because at the end I would just be the bad guy. Again.
Are you sure that I should Start talking to her about me again? Wouldn't that just be messing around?

[kykid]

I agree with Yoda.

If you are in therapy, continue to work on your problems and feelings with your therapist. If you are not in therapy, I think that starting therapy sessions will benefit you tremendously. It will help you understand more fully your condition as well as provide answers as to why your girl friend feels the way she does.

It could be that she is just overwhelmed and doesn't know how to handle her feelings, both her feelings for you and her feelings about your condition.

I do know this. If your relationship is meant to endure then it will and if it is not meant to endure there is nothing you can do to change that. Take care of yourself first then everything else will work itself out in time.

[spoiledprince]

Originally Posted by torbleh

Well, I guess you're pretty much right: Sometimes she is making things even worse! But since she is my first girlfriend (I had some kind of relationship before, but... I would have never really called her my girlfriend, so...) I always thought a relationship is making things (life) much more complicated. She might sometimes bring me closer to suicide than I would normally be (cause kicking on somebody who's laying on the ground is never a good idea), but nobody should ever forget that she is the only person who could make me laugh. Even if she doesn't do that often she could. I'm having great times with her and it looks like I can make her happy. This gives me some kind of sense in my life which wouldn't be there without her. I'm not saying that I would instantly kill myself if she wouldn't be there, but it's a lot easier now to get away from bad thoughts if you know that somebody would be missing you. That might only help a very little bit, but... You know what I mean, right?

I'm not sure if speaking to her is such a great idea. I don't want to get her angry or something, because at the end I would just be the bad guy. Again.
Are you sure that I should Start talking to her about me again? Wouldn't that just be messing around?

Torbleh, I understand what you mean- she sounds really important to you and I only hope she isn't only hurting you. Bringing up your emotions in a relationship should never end up with you looking like a bad guy. You are 50% of the relationship, it should never just be her needs over your own. Your partner should be someone you love, care for and can share anything with- someone who is willing to go through anything for you because they know you will do the same.

I'm not suggesting you go by her house one day and say "Hey, let's talk about my depression right now." It's something that takes a little time, a little working up to. Maybe during a good evening you'll turn to her and say " We need to talk... I care for you very much- you are the only person that makes me smile- makes me feel wanted...you've very important to me, that's why I want you to know about my problems...." maybe you shouldn't go into detail, but you should let her know that you have depression- it is the reason you react and act the way you do, that you want her to know this so that she can understand your actions. It's not something you can flick on or off. If you don't take time to explain it to her when you're clear, it will be impossible when you are down and she'll have no time to register what is happening.

Another thing, suicide is incomprehensible to some people. They don't understand why someone would do something like that, even though it seems like the only escape to us. It's a scary idea, that seems selfish- don't pressure her by saying things like "You are the reason I live," but be more clear, "I care very much about you, you help me feel value." Bringing up suicide, may make her feel like you're threatening her, or that you don't care enough about her to live, so she may lash out at you. Your relationship is still very young, and it will take more time to know about each other before it can work into a healthy thing.

You cannot detach from your depression, you cannot grow away from it, but you can live with it- you can find ways to be happy and you deserve them. Remember this, it is a part of you, you cannot live without- but if she is causing more harm than she is good, you have no chance, you can't go on living your life with her, but you can live without her. I hope this helps. If you need to talk more personally, maybe vent about your depression to someone that will listen, you can send me a private message. Much love to you, Torbleh.

[LexisBee]

Originally Posted by torbleh

Hey guys.
This is my first post so I hope it's everything alright with it.

We've been together for about 6 moths and... yeah you could say we're pretty happy with each other, but there is one very big problem:
I have depression (as a sickness, not a feeling) since the 6th grade (I'm in 10th now). I ran away from school, jumped of a bridge to kill myself, got caught and taken to the psychiatry. I still think about that a lot.
I told my girlfriend, because she just had to know to understamd my behavior. You know, I just sometimes start crying for no obvious reason (what is really embarrassing for me, I'm a boy...) or I'm suddenly angry/sad or something. So I told her and she was really upset (for a reason, I guess). I told her the whole story via Whatsapp, cause I can't talk about that face to face. I would start crying and she wouldn't understand a word. So it took many nights and she was listening. Now, every time when we argue (which is not too often... but enough) she's complaining about I stole her nights and so on. That hurts a lot!
Also she just doesn't care about the fact that I have depression. She's just not understanding that I need a lot of attention. I sometimes think about trying to kill myself again and I tell her about that. She's just saying that she doesn't want me to and she would be very sad if I do.
And then again, she complains about I'm stealing her time. I'm just trying to tell her what's wrong but she doesn't give a sh...

I guess she'll never understand what's really wrong. At the time, I stopped talking about myself, but that just makes it worse. Now she's telling me she want to know when I'm sad and so on. Later, she'll be annoyed again. I don't understand it.

You know, I really love her, but our relationship is a bit complicated now...
I don't want to loose her!

Hey torbleh, I can only imagine the amount of courage it took for you to open up to her. I still fear coming clean to those who are close to me in a personal way. The thing is i don't think the people we love and hold closest to our hearts can really understand us. The fact is they do love us, they want whats best but they themselves don't know how to handle it. Something we have learned to live with and learned to deal with is something foreign to them and complicated. It took me three years almost 4 to figure out how to cope with depression. My parents only recently have discovered my episodes and behaviour because i've gotten progressively worse. The thing is though i think we need to understand them as well. We know we are different and we know sometimes what we need. Wether that be we need to be left alone or we need constant attention and affection. Our patterns of mood swings and surprise crying is nothing new to us, but for our loved ones, it is new. Don't give up this relationship because no matter how difficult it becomes its the rough patches that help build relationships and even ourselves. She doesn't understand yet what everything is about. 6 months is a long time but short learning period. Try your best to open up with her and explain yourself the best way you know how. My friends are the people who are closest to me. It took a few months to get them to understand that my manic depression (bipolar) caused mood swings of terrible proportions. The whole topic of death became easy and acceptable to me but scared others. I opened up to them, showed them what it was like for me, what death meant to me and i as able to access all these emotions and become vulnerable, but it helped. They learned more about me and how to help me in times of stress and sadness. They learned while i learned. I think thats an important thing to know, its a day by day process of figuring out who we are while others do too. We don't know all the answers about ourselves either but we sure can learn a lot. So keep in mind that when things are happening to you that you should immediately share with her because then she discovers about as much as you do. Try your best to explain things, and if you have to hold out thats ok too. Sometimes even i get a little scared. I mean you've already shared with someone you love in a personal way. I haven't even gotten that far yet and I'm 19. I don't think is annoys her, i think it might confuse her and have her scared, but you have to be her reminder that you're ok and you love her. Remember to let her in as much as possible. If she does more harm than good bud id say maybe she isn't right, but for now it takes a little time before you truly know.

Remember that one day of badness will always have two days of good, even when its hard to believe it, its true. Don't think of it in any other way, keep pushing through, head held high and don't look back on the bad.

I hope all works out for you!

Originally Posted by spoiledprince

Torbleh, I understand what you mean- she sounds really important to you and I only hope she isn't only hurting you. Bringing up your emotions in a relationship should never end up with you looking like a bad guy. You are 50% of the relationship, it should never just be her needs over your own. Your partner should be someone you love, care for and can share anything with- someone who is willing to go through anything for you because they know you will do the same.

I'm not suggesting you go by her house one day and say "Hey, let's talk about my depression right now." It's something that takes a little time, a little working up to. Maybe during a good evening you'll turn to her and say " We need to talk... I care for you very much- you are the only person that makes me smile- makes me feel wanted...you've very important to me, that's why I want you to know about my problems...." maybe you shouldn't go into detail, but you should let her know that you have depression- it is the reason you react and act the way you do, that you want her to know this so that she can understand your actions. It's not something you can flick on or off. If you don't take time to explain it to her when you're clear, it will be impossible when you are down and she'll have no time to register what is happening.

Another thing, suicide is incomprehensible to some people. They don't understand why someone would do something like that, even though it seems like the only escape to us. It's a scary idea, that seems selfish- don't pressure her by saying things like "You are the reason I live," but be more clear, "I care very much about you, you help me feel value." Bringing up suicide, may make her feel like you're threatening her, or that you don't care enough about her to live, so she may lash out at you. Your relationship is still very young, and it will take more time to know about each other before it can work into a healthy thing.

You cannot detach from your depression, you cannot grow away from it, but you can live with it- you can find ways to be happy and you deserve them. Remember this, it is a part of you, you cannot live without- but if she is causing more harm than she is good, you have no chance, you can't go on living your life with her, but you can live without her. I hope this helps. If you need to talk more personally, maybe vent about your depression to someone that will listen, you can send me a private message. Much love to you, Torbleh.

Well, the "We have to talk" might not be the best starting. Don't know if you know, but when you say that in germany ("Wir müssen reden" in german) you are about to break up. So maybe that isn't the best idea.
But I understand what you mean. Maybe this could really help, so I'll give it a chance. In a few days, I go to Finland for an exchange (from school). Mabe I could give her something to think about before I got, so she has time to realize how I feel about her "ignorance".
What do you think? Is that a good idea to 'dramatize' it like that?

Originally Posted by LexisBee

Hey torbleh, I can only imagine the amount of courage it took for you to open up to her. I still fear coming clean to those who are close to me in a personal way. The thing is i don't think the people we love and hold closest to our hearts can really understand us. The fact is they do love us, they want whats best but they themselves don't know how to handle it. Something we have learned to live with and learned to deal with is something foreign to them and complicated. It took me three years almost 4 to figure out how to cope with depression. My parents only recently have discovered my episodes and behaviour because i've gotten progressively worse. The thing is though i think we need to understand them as well. We know we are different and we know sometimes what we need. Wether that be we need to be left alone or we need constant attention and affection. Our patterns of mood swings and surprise crying is nothing new to us, but for our loved ones, it is new. Don't give up this relationship because no matter how difficult it becomes its the rough patches that help build relationships and even ourselves. She doesn't understand yet what everything is about. 6 months is a long time but short learning period. Try your best to open up with her and explain yourself the best way you know how. My friends are the people who are closest to me. It took a few months to get them to understand that my manic depression (bipolar) caused mood swings of terrible proportions. The whole topic of death became easy and acceptable to me but scared others. I opened up to them, showed them what it was like for me, what death meant to me and i as able to access all these emotions and become vulnerable, but it helped. They learned more about me and how to help me in times of stress and sadness. They learned while i learned. I think thats an important thing to know, its a day by day process of figuring out who we are while others do too. We don't know all the answers about ourselves either but we sure can learn a lot. So keep in mind that when things are happening to you that you should immediately share with her because then she discovers about as much as you do. Try your best to explain things, and if you have to hold out thats ok too. Sometimes even i get a little scared. I mean you've already shared with someone you love in a personal way. I haven't even gotten that far yet and I'm 19. I don't think is annoys her, i think it might confuse her and have her scared, but you have to be her reminder that you're ok and you love her. Remember to let her in as much as possible. If she does more harm than good bud id say maybe she isn't right, but for now it takes a little time before you truly know.

Remember that one day of badness will always have two days of good, even when its hard to believe it, its true. Don't think of it in any other way, keep pushing through, head held high and don't look back on the bad.

I hope all works out for you!

Thank you for your feedback
You gave me new hope that it can get allright without have to leave her. I will definitely give her more time if this helps. I guess I have enough time... Any ideas how I could get her in the right direction?

[LexisBee]

Some things that i think can help would be:

1. Be as open as possible with her, don't hide away or shy from her, make sure she is involved in your life and every aspect.
2. As her how she is, make sure you keep her feelings in your heart to, let her express herself, if anything reassure her that if you both open up with one another it will help your communication.
3. Sometimes she may need time to take things in, don't get down on yourself if she seems distant, you need to remember that this is different for her.
4. In times of chaos when things are rough and you need alone time make sure she understands that you need time for yourself, for reflection, because i know i do a lot and most people mistake it for suicidal thoughts.
5. When you have suicidal thoughts make it clear you either need her or you need to be left alone, try to ease her mind though because she does really love you, and she cares.
6. Sometimes with these relationships maybe its best if she was part of your doctor appointments or therapy sessions, i know a therapist can really help with communication, this is crucial.
7. If you feel she is becoming stressed don't panic, sometimes we overwhelm ourselves with a million and one thoughts of someone else, we have to remember that we are struggling too.
8. expressing yourself is key. sometimes though i think there could be limits so if there is something that pains her to hear maybe it isn't best to let her know right away, maybe subtly hint to her things that are happening or bothering you.
9. Suicidal thoughts, i think its best to let her know when you are at your lowest, we all need someone.
10. Continue to ask her what she thinks or feels, its good for you to know where she stands with this all.

Good luck love, i wish you the best, and if you need someone i'm here too, i know how rough it is.

Originally Posted by LexisBee

Some things that i think can help would be:

1. Be as open as possible with her, don't hide away or shy from her, make sure she is involved in your life and every aspect.
2. As her how she is, make sure you keep her feelings in your heart to, let her express herself, if anything reassure her that if you both open up with one another it will help your communication.
3. Sometimes she may need time to take things in, don't get down on yourself if she seems distant, you need to remember that this is different for her.
4. In times of chaos when things are rough and you need alone time make sure she understands that you need time for yourself, for reflection, because i know i do a lot and most people mistake it for suicidal thoughts.
5. When you have suicidal thoughts make it clear you either need her or you need to be left alone, try to ease her mind though because she does really love you, and she cares.
6. Sometimes with these relationships maybe its best if she was part of your doctor appointments or therapy sessions, i know a therapist can really help with communication, this is crucial.
7. If you feel she is becoming stressed don't panic, sometimes we overwhelm ourselves with a million and one thoughts of someone else, we have to remember that we are struggling too.
8. expressing yourself is key. sometimes though i think there could be limits so if there is something that pains her to hear maybe it isn't best to let her know right away, maybe subtly hint to her things that are happening or bothering you.
9. Suicidal thoughts, i think its best to let her know when you are at your lowest, we all need someone.
10. Continue to ask her what she thinks or feels, its good for you to know where she stands with this all.

Good luck love, i wish you the best, and if you need someone i'm here too, i know how rough it is.

1. Wouldn't that just be ignoring what she feels like? I mean, she obviously doesn't really like to talk about me, so wouldn't that just be forcing her to listen? Will that help?^^
2. I'm trying the best I can. She told me recently that I'm good at listening and mental helping, so I guess it's allright about that.
3. I will! Thanks for reminding me
4. Never acutally tried to tell her that I need to be alone... Maybe that will help her to understand how serious this is.
5. In most cases it's just better to be alone, even if I would need somebody to talk. I mean, she isn't listening so talking to her does not help at all... Kinda curious what she will think when I tell her, that I really need to talk to her about that and that she has to listen...
6. I stopped the therapy a long time ago and I'm not about to start a new one... Might not be understandable but I hate doctors. The mental one most!
7. How do I react when she seems to be stressed?
8. The 'give hints' thing isn't really a good idea. She only hears what she wants to her and she is not thinking about stuff that I didn't CLEARLY tell her cause she doesn't understand often what I mean. Not sure whose fault that is.
9. The last time I mentioned something like that, she said something like "If it will help you..." ("Wenn es dir hilft..."). Yes she might be stressed and got some problems herself, but what the...?! I think she didn't understand what I mean by 'Maybe cutting myself will be the best for everyone here...'. Well, not the best idea to say something like that, but I didn't knew what I was doing... I was so desperate...
10. Asking her directly to the depression thing? Never did that before, cause I thought everything was clear... You think she might change her oppinion if I ask her directly?

And thanks to everyone again for offering me to talk to you! You are awesome!

[spoiledprince]

Torbleh,
If you're leaving, maybe spend a fantastic "last" night with her, get her something nice and permanent, like a stuffed animal or necklace. Leave her with that, the memory that you care for her and that you're worth any inconvenience she may go through.

Aside from that, it sounds like you two may need the time away from each other.

I hate to be rash like this, but reading your other responses, you are too involved with her feelings and wants and needs, you end up neglecting your own. You have many problems, and all you have spoken about is her...it sounds as if she's also a problem. I understand you care for her and want it to work, but you need to think about yourself as well. If you wanted her to be in a perfect relationship, you'd put a mirror in her hand and let her talk to herself.

I'm sorry if I'm sounding impatient, and a bit out of tune, but I'm horribly concerned about you. You fret over the fact that for a second she may think you're breaking up with her, but if she spins you into a spiral of depression or belittles your time with her, it must be your fault...not only is that inaccurate, it's unfair! You deserve more, you deserve better. Give yourself the chance to make yourself happy, to find someone that will make you laugh, but will hold your hand and dry your tears when you are not.

I know that my words will do little to turn you from this relationship, and if you truly feel like you need her, I wouldn't want them to. My suggestion? That you leave her with the gift and the memory of a great time, you go and focus on your studies, on yourself, find a passion for something and when you return, visit her...is she wearing your jewelry? Does she sleep with your toy? Does she have your picture as the background to her phone? If not, take final note: she doesn't think you are worth her time, and isn't worth yours. You DESERVE better and you NEED better if you're going to GET BETTER. So sorry if I upset you, I understand if I did. I don't want to sound like a parent who doesn't understand, but I'm afraid of the damage this will do in the long run. If you decide to devote yourself to her even before you go away, I'm still here to support you and try to find ways of helping you get what you want. Much love.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by torbleh

She's just not understanding that I need a lot of attention. I sometimes think about trying to kill myself again and I tell her about that. She's just saying that she doesn't want me to and she would be very sad if I do.

She is not responsible for you and your illness and is not your girlfriend just to give you attention and watch over you so you do not kill yourself! What do you think she can do to help other than to let you know she cares (doesn't want you to kill yourself and she would be very sad)? If you do not work to recognize and treat your depression, accept yourself (so you cry and you're a boy and it is uncomfortable; either you trust those you are with to be with and help comfort you when that happens, to wait until you can talk again to help you with what has made you suddenly feel so sad upset, etc. or you will be stuck with just yourself and talking to people on chat instead of in person?) and live the best life you can while you are working to treat your illness then I do not know what someone else can do better?