How to tell if she wants romance or friendship

Man, ... deeeeeep. xD I agree, though. Don't understand the desire for the knuckle-draggers, but to each their own. I've actually talked to women about this a few times... they all tell me I should stay the way I am (not an arsewipe, basically) and how it's great that I'm not like the others, ... strange, right? xD

Yeah, but that's it exactly. They say that, but they don't DO that. I've been told many times what a surprisingly cool, caring and great guy I actually am, and how I'm what women really want. They why they going for those guys?

When I bring it up, they say I'm a typical nice-guy, a creep, a coward, a ******, etc.

There's just something about the cocky-funny jerk that is oh so irresistible. To me he is like Satan himself.

Yeah, they piss me off, too. Not sure how I've managed to be 2 serious relationships, to be honest. I'm rough around the edges, I guess. I workout, I'm a guitarist, and yet I'm also a bit of a geek, into German/languages and very familiar computer hardware/software. I'm nice, I'm told. I'm understanding, caring, loyal, and protective. All I know is that the 2 relationships I have been in, tell me that being decent can pay off... I can't be all that bad if I was kinda stalked by the second one and not just for a few weeks either. Maybe it's just the kinda women you're getting to know? From speaking to women online, I've noticed that some of them complain about the guys in their area; as though they're surrounded by idiots; I imagine it's the same way for us blokes.

"When I bring it up, they say I'm a typical nice-guy, a creep, a coward, a ******, etc." - to be honest with you, if that's the sort of rude morons you're hanging out with, you're probably better off looking elsewhere. (unless you're asking the question in an aggressive way)

I've got to admit, here where I live everyone is money crazy. When you got bucks, the ladies are on you immediately. I've had barmaids here flirt with me just because a gave her a large tip, and I happened to wear my branded clothes that day. People say women aren't after money, I guess not all of them, but you're going to have to search long and hard to find such a girl. All the girls I've met are going out either with a rich guy, married to some rich guy, live on some huge farm with a rich farmer's boy who inherited the place. A guy like me doesn't even stand a chance. My family was poor, everything I wanted I either couldn't get or had to work ten years for to get, by which time something new came out and all you get is "sorry, we don't make that model anymore" the salesman will even laugh and say "that was before my time sir, you're talking about something that's been obsolete for 10 years already, hahahaha". The only girlfriend I'll ever get is a homeless one living on the street, a drug-addict or a blind one that drinks methylated spirits, because it's all I can afford. Well, at least she's low maintenance, a bottle of methylated spirits is only $1-2.

Our country is really pathetic, the people here do anything for money. It's a culture that was created by our corrupt government. It has siphoned down into everything. Everyone here is some sort of con-artist or schemer to get money out of you. Poor people here will even steal metal lettering off the front of your house just to go and sell it for a couple of cents as scrap, and then they go and buy a cheap drug called tik (a variation of crystal meth with all sorts added - rat poison, toilet cleaner, chlorine bleach, potassium permanganate, you name it) with that money. That's the poor side.

The rich side - everyone drives a BMW or some kind of SUV. They drive other people off the road, flash lights, pay off traffic officers to get out of speeding tickets - that's the norm here. When you've got money, you're somebody and above the law. The law is for lowlifes like me who can't afford to rise above it. Our president just spent the equivalent of $25 million of taxpayers' money on his private residence!

Celebrities here don't go to prison, no matter what they've done. They are gods to the people here, just because they are rich and were on TV or something. When corrupt government officials here get caught stealing taxpayers' money they don't go to prison they get a golden handshake (a multi-million dollar retirement package)!

Sorry for the lengthy post, but I had to paint a picture of the pathetic and sorry state of affairs here where I live - people praise money here like some kind of god. Needless to say, a poor guy like me doesn't get very far. Never mind a girlfriend, that's just one aspect of it.

I'm seriously considering emigrating.

LOL! Problem solved?

I'm not rich at all, though. I've got a decent bit of savings, but that's only because I've saved up for 4 or so years, maybe more. I don't exactly go around showing off that money, though, and it's not even that much, in the grand scheme of things. I don't work due to my mental health, and therefore receive financial support; I'm a heck of a saver, so I just save most of my income for a time when I'll really need it. I'm also quite frugal, even though I do have some nice things.

I agree, some women only care about money, and that kinda sickens me, but it isn't my problem; I don't want them, anyway... eew. Imagine wasting your life with a woman who is only with you because you have lots of money? Sod that for a game of darts; give me a REAL woman any day; someone I can be proud and honored to spend the rest of my life with.

There's plenty of women over thisaway (England) that seem focused on money, but there's also a few that aren't. The aforementioned relationships I mentioned; they didn't care that I wasn't loaded. Heck, they didn't care that I didn't even have a job and basically had no money at all! It still baffles me that they were fine with that. I understand that security and stuff is important, and how money is important for starting a family 'n' all that, ... I just think at some point it disgusts me. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to find a rich woman and get bizzy wit it, ... but only if it's a real relationship filled with love and all that other good stuff; otherwise, to be honest, I just wouldn't feel right.

Man, that sounds like a brilliant idea. Maybe it would be great to get a fresh start someone else. Just remember, there are bumholes in all walks of life; traveling won't change that.

Wow, I am surprised that you think your interest in satellites isn't worthwhile. Satellites make the world go round at this point - maybe not the tv dishes, but it seems like your interest in that would translate to other satellite uses? Mobile phones? Weird military stuff that uses satellites and pays really well?

Do you have hackerspace there? It looks like there are a few: South Africa - HackerspaceWiki

I think you would meet people like you at something like that, at least people who might share your interest in the satellite stuff.

I googled for Autism/Asperger support groups in SA and saw a few - not sure if they are current or near you, but maybe it is worth checking out?

The Coca Cola habit is hard - I also have a problem drinking too much of it. I switched to diet, but the real problem for me is my teeth -- the citric acid in soda eats away at your teeth. My dentist told me to switch to coffee for the caffeine. Espresso is a good substitute-- I still drink soda, but probably less than I would otherwise. And even when I just have coffee, I still crave the soda, so I wonder what they put in it??

Yeah, I quit cola, although I stopped drinking the sugary crap years ago; that stuff is insanely unhealthy, not just for your teeth, but for your whole body. Seriously, it's scary how unhealthy it is. :| Life is precious, guys, ... we only get ONE body so we gotta take care of it. Caffeine is unhealthy, too. If you want energy, stay fit, try to sleep properly, and eat healthily; it does make a difference, at least normally.

Maybe Coke contains, well...coke (just kidding ). No, I read that actually sugar is almost as addictive as cocaine, there's definite real addiction potential with it. This is true for people who are more responsive to its boost (like depressed people). Like a sportsman that just uses it to give him a boost of energy won't get addicted. I think happy people don't get addicted to it as easily as depressed people, or something along those lines. It also alters brain chemistry and emotions and stuff so it's a real, bona-fide drug in my book. I also thought of switching maybe just to black coffee, but I hate hot drinks (and diet coke, oh, I hate that taste, it's the taste of fake sweetness almost like coffee sweeteners, it truly makes me want to hurl, I could never drink it. So, kudos to you, I don't know how you manage to drink that stuff . If I could only choose - seawater or diet coke, my choice would be seawater ).

I try talking to people here about my hobby, they don't want to share information because they work in the industry and it's "trade secrets" (despite the fact I know more than they do about their own field). I am on some groups in Australia, but these forums see little activity and it's not really something I have the time for anymore, I'm more focused on my work at the moment.

It's again that thing I was explaining earlier about how people are in my country. They do enough just to earn a salary. The guy actually knows nothing about his field, but just knows enough tricks to get by everyday. Everyone here is like that. I am an isolated person in my own country. People here just care about money. If you ask them about business, sales, how many women they've slept with, all that, then they'll talk to you. A guy like me who is passionate about a field is an outsider. Here they just mock people like me. This place where I live is a true rat race. Everyone is doing the same thing and applying the same "laws" of engagement to life. I'm so sorry I really can't explain it any better, you have to come here and experience it first hand to see what I mean. Everything has been reduced to a "how-to" guide, there's no passion.

It's the only thing that keeps me awake. I need the full 98-octane. Diet Coke is like diesel to me (totally incompatible) and water is like 91-unleaded. What you are suggesting is very good, but it's like throwing diesel into a Lamborghini, it needs the 98-octane jungle juice to have maximum performance. I see my body now as a machine with a fuel-tank. It would be great if I were made out of metal, I'd love that!

Your body should adjust if you had a proper diet. You are gradually killing yourself, dude, or at the least greatly increasing your chances of severe problems. (diabetes and heart issues, I'd expect) Have you seen a doctor about all this? It all sounds very self-destructive... are you sure you're not doing this intentionally as some sort of self-harm? Have you ever tried gradually lowering the dose? Because gradually lowering it should, in effect, wean you off the "drugs" (sugar and caffeine). Perhaps women feel that if you don't show your body any respect (killing it, ... sorry, I know this comes off harshly) why should they? I'm worried for your health, ... I can't imagine what they must think. It's bad for your heart, your teeth, probably your stomach, God knows what else. You could probably get medication that would help wean you off. If you don't make a change, it could be too late. I think you should be focusing on your health instead of women, to be honest. :| *genuinely very concerned* :\ Please seek proper medical help?

I seem to recall you said you're overweight... well, that's not surprisingly. Although the caffeine will be shocking your metabolism, it's probably still not enough, because of the sheer amount of calories and probably saturated fats you're taking in. I wager that your diet isn't too great either. Do you get much protein? Vitamins? You know there are natural sugars, right? You could be feeding your body with proper sugar instead of that crap in cans. A banana, for example, has tons of sugar in it, but it's slow, which means your body gets a gradual intake of nutrients.

Are you anxious? No wonder! With all the sugar you're piling in, and especially caffeine, you're sticking everything into overdrive which will of course enhance your anxiety. I have had anxiety issues most if not all of my life... I know that if I go near too much caffeine or sugar, I could really increase my anxiety levels.

I suspect that when you eventually crash from the sugar, you feel horrendous, ... let me guess, you feel crappy every morning? Do you get headaches? Bowel problems? There's so many issues here... please get help.

Really sorry for saying all this, but I'm worried and I feel it's important you know what you're in for. If you keep thinking it's too late, it really will be too late, but you can make a change, ... at the very least, you can try to make a change. It sounds like you did well a while back by biking and stuff, but it was likely misguided... I figure you probably needed to ween yourself off it, and I don't think a couple of months was nearly enough time for your body to adjust from several years of abuse.

I'll stop nagging now. GL, dude.

Sorry Zwangsstörung, not aimed at you at all, just using your post as a segway, so please ignore, it's not in response to your post . I feel it's time for a bit of a rant and rave (please, all who are sensitive, click to another post now already!!! You have been warned).

OK, this is going to come as a shock, I don't mean to shock but it's going to be one. I want it to happen. Yes, I want it to all come crashing down on me. You say it's slowly going to kill me? Then I should definitely up my intake! Because, clearly I'm not doing a good enough job of killing myself yet.

Doctor?...Our family doctor can go to hell for all I care, he is nothing but a self-assured prick who takes delight in humiliating me in front of my mom every time I go there, as are all of them. Have you ever been to a doctor when you're fat? I would rather go and have my balls cut off with a chainsaw. You are the epicentre of directed hatred and sarcasm, you are made to feel like a complete loser. So, guess what I did, I vowed NEVER to go back to any of them. Have I been in pain since then? You damn right. I have gout in my ankles almost every single month, for at least a week, which means I can't even walk for a week. I crap my pants because I can't even get to the toilet in time. Will I give in? NEVER!!! I won't even take a pain pill from them. I like being in pain, because I guess I deserve it. They say everything that ever happens in life to you, you have caused and deserve. So, here's to that (middle finger). But, what they didn't count on is me checking out before the game is done, so they should keep pushing me...

All my life I've had to endure other people's hate and vile crap directed towards me. Am I overweight now? You damn right, was I back then, no I wasn't! When I was thin, they kept telling me "Oh, you're not eating enough" "Oh, you gonna be a little skinny ******" "Oh this, oh that, oh you're anorexic now, look at you, just ribs and bones". When I was thin, that wasn't good enough, when I'm fat, that's not good enough. When I'm too quiet then I need to speak up, when I speak up they tell me to shut up. ****!!!!!!! What must I do to make these F****** people happy?

I AM happy with myself, but that seems to be a problem for other people! Are people so paranoid, so weak, so insecure that I've got to change myself to make them feel better about themselves?

No, I've had enough already! I've got to lose weight just so that someone can notice me for once and I can get a date? So that my girlfriend can say "Wow, my Adrian is such a great guy, he's the best guy I could ever have wished for! OOOOOOOOh, I love him so much". GOOOD GRIEEFFFF!!! I'm like that anyway, whether I'm fat or not! That's the problem, I know who I am, and I am who I am, why must I change form before someone else can accept that for once?

Twelve F****** years I went to that S***-hole they call school. It took those A-S-S-H-O-L-E-S I called classmates 12 f***king years to realize "Hey! You know what? That Adrian's not such a lame dickhead as we thought he was after all! He's actually a pretty cool guy! What have we missed out on?" Twelve years before they write in the school newspaper "No, he's really cool, so caring and such a great person, you just have to get to know him". GOOOD GRIEEEFFFFFF!!!! Just STFU.

I've got to lose weight and look like a million bucks before the shells can fall off of these people's eyes? What? Are only thin people good people, all fat people are losers and assholes? This is truly pathetic, and is the primary reason why I am beginning to hate everything I see around me more and more and more and more every day.

And, on top of that, I've got to have a million bucks too before someone will think I'm worth checking out?

You see, this S*** used to bother me before, but not anymore. Everyone can care less if I end up in an early grave? They can't care less if I exist or not, or I'm not worth anything to anyone? Then so be it.

I've said before, my weight and addictions issues are due to a traumatic time in my childhood. I couldn't control what was happening to me, I didn't even know it was happening to me. I'd love to tell my therapist and help me deal with this, but that is what is called repressed memories. I can't remember what happened!

That's why I've always been in the friendzone. Because the world is false, do people understand what I see now? They are false. They say "don't judge a book by it's cover, hehehe" and then that's exactly what they do. Uuugggghhh...whatever, I'm just sick of all of this. I think it's time for me to leave for good.

Please understand, Zwangsstörung, this is NOT aimed at you. I just had to vent. I thank you very much for your post, you DO give good advice.

But, I mean if I look out there at how people are going about their business, then I think my weight is an insignificant problem in comparison. I refuse to betray myself and give in to anything simply to satisfy these ivory towers and falsehoods about love and romance that these demonic people have constructed for themselves. We all have problems, but mine are blown out of proportion because you can SEE them. What about thin, sexy beautiful women who are psychopaths that manipulate all they come into contact with, NOOO!!! that's OK, they can get away with whatever they want because they are rich (from conning other people) and beautiful. I make one mistake, one mistake in my life, and it's not even something I could do anything about at the time, I was a little boy, and I've got to be punished forever for it. I didn't even know what was happening to me, dammit. That's how great this life and universe is. I've had enough, I want no part of it anymore. If I've got to spend eternity in a sea of flames for not "getting it", well then so be it. At least I know what I'm in for.

You say you are happy with yourself... but yet you want to die. Can you see how those two things do not make sense together?

I'm sorry that you've had such a crap go with life.... but you CAN do things to help yourself, and you are doing the opposite.

Childhood trauma is painful (stating the obvious here, sorry) but that is what therapy and counselling is for. If you can't find someone near you as you say that the healthcare in your area is ****... then look online for online counsellors. They exist.

I'm sorry that your family doctor is a s***head. You are old enough now to not need your family to be at an appointment at all, and you can try new doctors. They aren't all cruel or idiotic, and if you can't even walk due to health issues... then you need to go and get some help for yourself.

Having a girlfriend won't fix your problems.

There are lots of overweight people in wonderful relationships. Being overweight doesn't make someone unattractive. Not being healthy or positive can both make people less attractive. You

You say that you like who you are.... but I haven't read anything in your posts that is demonstrative of that. You demonstrate both a loathing of yourself and the world around you, including all the people that you wish to interact with.

Anger is understandable... but it's destructive. It seems like your anger has turned you into someone who isn't really even you. Please, try to find a counsellor to help you find yourself again.

This is me, there is no underlying beautiful me to try and find, I wish there was, but there isn't.

You don't understand. I am happy with myself when I am my true self (totally abnormal by the way with nothing in common with society or other people). But, to function in the world (role, job, getting a girlfriend, etc.) I have to become a false version of myself to be compatible with what is expected of me in society, and it is he with whom I am very uncomfortable and hate very much.

Everyone says, that to be happy with someone else, I first have to be happy with myself. But that's not true. If I'm happy with myself, it means I am my true self, who is totally incompatible with anyone else, and nobody is then happy with me because I make no sense to them. Can you see what I'm trying to say? How it actually works is, to be happy with someone else, you first have to be someone who they think you are comfortable being. For me, that means I'll always have to create a false self and I'll have to be happy with him for someone else's sake.

Maybe I wasn't clear before, I don't hate my true self, I hate my false self. But, at the moment, I am 100% having to be false-self because that's what is required. That's why I want to die.

I'm really struggling to try and explain myself here. I want to try and explain:

"You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else"
Also, you have to love yourself first..., and many other variations of the same saying.

My problem is coming in with the WAY normal (not me, I'm abnormal) people are DEFINING happiness, and then projecting it onto me still as well!

This is me when I'm happy - Sitting in a room, locked in for hours fiddling with something really obscure, but that I love, it is my passion and obsession. In there, there are no other people, just me and my obsession, in a zone of total control. I do this for 8 hours or more. I go outside, sit in nature and take in the fresh air. I think and become really creative during this time. I come up with stuff nobody else ever has. If I have more time (e.g. holiday) I go down the beach and spend the day in the sun, loving the sea and nature's beauty.

Now other people come along, and then they say "What, he's been in there 8 hours already?" "He is outside? It's becoming night already, is he mad?" "What's he doing the whole day on the beach?". Then guess what they do next? They say, "Ooh, that stuff is so abnormal, he has no friends, you never see him with anyone, he has no income, he never does anything cool, he just obsesses over, well, ****!". Next thing they say is, "Ooh, he never really smiles, he doesn't talk much, he's always off on his own mission." And, then they conclude - "Well he must be a deeply unhappy person by the looks of things." Yeah, exactly, you fools! By the LOOKS of things for GOODNESS SAKE!!!! Just because it looks that way, doesn't mean you can now just go and conclude all sorts of false **** about me!!!! I'm NOT unhappy! I don't show emotion because it's my INTJ personality, and my F***** UP Asperger's/autism condition I was born with. It doesn't mean I'm sub-human or something.

Can you imagine, 25 years of this ****, day in and day out? I'm right at the edge already, I'm at the END!!!. I can't take it anymore, the judgements and the assumptions (people will say I'm gay just because I never had a girlfriend - can you now see why I want one too, just to stop everyone's constant onslaught on me, the more normal I look, the more they leave me in peace, but I also do want one because despite everyone's assumption, I'm not a monster capable of not loving someone.).

And, what you say is not true. I'm not angry, just hurt. And, why should I even bother with people who have only ever seen fit to treat me like a piece of crap? I'll tell you why. Because I'm not a monster, I feel love, hurt, pain, happiness - why do people think I can't. I WANT to interact with people, I WANT to LOVE them! But, they don't want me to!!! They also TREAT me like I can't feel any feelings, they constantly hurt me, tell me degrading stuff. I'm just holding out for that one person that maybe sees my potential one day, but time is running out. It's not because I haven't met that person yet, it's because they haven't seen it yet.

And, I'm sorry, but you contradict yourself. You say not being healthy is unattractive, but yet you say fat people are in relationships. How do you know someone is unhealthy if not by them being fat? I'm not a smoker, nobody sees me drinking, so the only way they can know I'm unhealthy is by seeing I'm fat. And positive, that pertains to what I said above, it's all about portrayal. I'm a very positive person. Hell, I fail all the time at stuff and just laugh about it. All this stuff we do on this Godforsaken planet is so insignificant in His eyes, NOTHING you do is important. I know you are saying, no it isn't true, well, it is. NOTHING you do is important in His eyes, your works are so insignificant, He can wipe it out in a flash. That's why I'm not afraid of failure, or death even, it's nothing. But PORTRAYAL, we take everything SOOOOO seriously for goodness sakes. If I just walk down the road without a smile on my face, people say I'm negative!!! I'm not a person that naturally smiles a lot, is there something wrong with that? It's just me. If I am slightly overweight, people say I'm unhappy and negative and this and that. For **** SAKES!!! I'm just struggling with something at the moment, no biggie. In fact, I can do with a little help, instead of your judgement - that's what I wish to say to the people in the world that just spend the whole day judging me.

And, finally, PROJECTION. If you say someone is negative, and tell other people he is negative and everyone begins to say about that person "Ooh, he doesn't look like a very nice guy" guess what's going to happen...He is going to be like that! Why, because the way everyone has judged him already, they don't even realize they are avoiding him. The poor guy feels so isolated already, he get's depressed and negative. And, to top it all, he get's driven into such a lonely existence, that when someone does interact with him, and he comes off all depressed, then they say "Ooh, you see!!! you see!!! I told you, look at what a vile monster he is!!! I was right, I was right!!! I told you!!!" For F*** SAKES!!! What a pathetic bunch of people in this world! Why do people think there are gangster areas in big cities, and slums, and all the people there are criminals and drug dealers, because WE who live in the suburbs have said they are!!! We degrade these places with our words, cause investment and redevelopment to consequently leave the area and then these people are left with more nothing, so they turn to crime to survive! And, then WE dare call them criminals!

People have been projecting onto me all this time, and then they wonder why I don't like them, or find it hard to interact with them. How do you interact with someone who has already written you off and said you are a bad person?

You are summing me up wrong totally. I don't loath the people I wish to interact with, I loath the **** they believe about me. I don't need to find myself, it's them who need to find themselves.

Sorry for the rant, all, but I guess this is not the place to discuss any of this since I now am far away from my original topic.

Red Panda, thanks for your post, please know none of this is directed at you of course, I just used your post also a segway to rant a little. I really do appreciate your input .

I don't care about the nasty people, the bumholes, the peepoles, the users, abusers, etc. YOU are mattering, right now. YOU need to get "well" for YOU.

You have to remember there's such a thing as attraction. Don't tell me you want to hump every single woman out there (aside from family of course ) there's a level of attraction, right? Just basic biology. Different things attract different people, but I've noticed one thing that women seem to be attracted to, is those that actually give a damn about their body, and I think that's fair enough. I don't think it makes a woman a female dog if she simply doesn't find you or I attractive; it's a shame, but that's just life.

We are all attracted to different things. I love a woman with gorgeous legs... some guys are obsessed with huge boobs... whereas I prefer a regular size and still don't overly mind... some guys love blonde hair, I prefer brunette but ultimately ain't that fussed... see, we all like different things. It doesn't even have to mean there's something inherently wrong with you as a human being, just that they simply might be put off by this clear self-destruction, self-hatred, defeatist thing you've got going on. I've heard this several times over the years: "If you don't love yourself, how do you expect a woman to love you?" I don't think it's entirely true, as I hate myself but managed to get somewhere, but... I think there's something true in it.

I don't think you are in any way shape or form capable of coping with a relationship, right now, and that's fine... that's OK... I'm probably not either, or at least I wasn't a year ago. I don't think it's fair on the woman, either, as you would likely be far too intense, right now. I've been in a relationship with someone who was on a very self-destructive path and it hurt a lot; I never want to go there ever again. I think you need to work on yourself. Get yourself a decent doctor, if you can... kick up a fuss. Don't lie down and take it (sorry, I don't mean that in a mean way) make them take notice.

You are in dire need of immediate help, if anything, for physical reasons. You may actually have some serious problems going on with you, physically. By the way, the reason you're probably struggling with the bowels is because of the sugar and how your body is trying its best to flush it out... diarrhea is probably an expected result; it's the same if I drink a metric fudge-ton of fresh orange juice; it's just too much sugar and my body can't seem to process it, so it gets "flushed" out. Hah. The problem is, if you have bad, recurring diarrhea, your bowels will eventually weaken, causing even more problems that may not be fixable. (at least from what I've read) That's not the only issue, either... dehydration is a very serious and real threat with severe diarrhea; it can cause all sorts of problems, and can of course eventually result in death.

You know this is wrong and you know you don't want it this way, else you wouldn't be on PC opening up to us all. (thank you for doing that, by the way - brave of you) I wager you probably just feel like there's no other way, but there is.

This is triggering for me, and I'm not sure what I'm saying is getting through, so, I'm going to leave this thread alone; as it's unhealthy for me.

I hope you do get professional help... to be honest, I think it's worth admitting yourself to hospital, ASAP. It's OK to need help, and it's OK to ask.

Best of luck to you.

Sorry for triggering. It's weird though, I'm quite healthy actually, despite, you know, my "habits". Never had problems with the stomach or bowel system or that whatsoever. I do get the gout, but I read that can be related to my lack of melatonin production (I don't sleep much). It's also, the cola is acid obviously, so it lowers the body's pH which can make the uric acid crystals crystallize out in the joints. If I had normal melatonin, then the body will break down the uric acid before it can form crystals. But, I've got alkaline treatment for that and it works quite well, it usually clears it in half a day or so .

How much overweight are you? If you're moderately overweight, it shouldn't really be a factor.

It seems like you are caught in some sort of negative loop -- like you are just so frustrated and fed up that any solution seems obviously doomed.

It's not just people with autism that have to present a false self to the world. Almost everyone does. We have to put on clothes, pretend to be nice when we don't really feel like it, politely smile when it's appropriate, let others go first if they were ahead of us in line, make small talk about the weather for the twentieth time this week, etc. People judge us based on the way we look and interact.

It sounds like you've taken a lot of abuse for being the way you are, and that sucks. Instead of railing against the way the world is, it seems much easier to simply accept it for what it is. It's not going to change. Our perceptions can change. We can change some things within our control - but society, the world - that is not going to change. Hating the way it is won't make any difference. It is what it is and we have to figure out how we can be happy within this framework.

I really think you can find other people like you if you look in the right places, even though you think your culture is full of shallow people. You will find high concentrations of people who like being locked up in rooms for eight hours fooling around with stuff the think is cool but which bores other people to death in areas where software developers congregate. Many will scoff at the idea of eight hours - more than one of my friends has slept on their office floor for a week so they could devote every spare hour to finding the solution!

There are other people like you out there, even in your country. Don't write them off before you meet them. Maybe that person you think is normal is just pretending, who knows?

Soda formulas are different in all countries, so maybe your diet coke tastes worse than ours. I do think there's something in it that is addictive besides the sugar. I find it strange that I crave it even when I take caffeine in other forms. I think it's something in the coloring (based on nothing but my imagination).

Yeah, could be. I see what you're saying about the smalltalk, the smiles, and chivalry and all that, I can and do do that, almost like second nature. I did have to observe others doing it and then apply it to my situation, but I managed it. It's not that I'm talking about. It's gotten to the point where the world wants me to change my core structure, who I am, give up my identity, just to fit in. I'm sorry, but once you do that, you're lost forever in my book. People really hate me for just being different, I wish I could say I was imagining it (really, I mean it, I so wish it could be true), but I'm not. The only difference between adulthood and childhood was as a child other children told me they hate me and they wish I would die and go away forever. In adulthood, they still feel the same, but don't say it, they show it, and then dress it in a fake smile .

I'm insulin resistant, so losing weight is really hard.

I'm going to try something else though, hold thumbs for me!!!

I wish I could reveal it, but I first want to see if it works .

Okay, but what I meant was don't worry about it. If you're only moderately overweight, it shouldn't be a cause for concern regarding your lack of romance.

Oh guys I failed again . I decided I wanted to go on a diet again and two days ago I gave up the Coca-Cola. Last night I got really sick and had massive withdrawal, and I passed out till this morning. I felt a little better, but at lunch I cracked and I had a tin of Coke again. Then another, then another and now I've drunk quite a bit again. I'm such a miserable failure .

Oh yes, of course, sorry

First thing you need to do is not put so much pressure on yourself.

It takes a lot of attempts to successfully quit something -- you aren't a failure, you just didn't successfully quit on your first try.