Long and Painful

Thanks guys so so so so much....

Haven't contact him today and neither him me....have keep myself busy all day.

Patty your words of wisdom are priceless...YES I must remember the anxiety, and hard time he has put me through..and realise that he is not going to change for me and indeed why should he..????

So move on soilder on ....I must.

I still check my phone and I had thought to go down to him...but what will that acheive...?

I so want to just clear the slate...ie sell my house and move on.........really thinking of channelling my energies into that one.....and leave the memories behind.

Once again thanks

GodBless
SpringStar

SpringStar,

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Reading back on all of your posts regarding this subject, it's pretty clear that he doesn't have the relationship as his priority. He sounds like he wants it all and relationships don't work that way. For many years, I let my husband do whatever he wanted to do, never (hardly ever) asked for help or what my needs might be. But, a relationship is a two way street and each must take responsibility for their actions. He clearly hasn't.

You listened to your gut and having second thoughts is only natural. During a time of longing, it's easy to forget all the things that led up to this. Maybe re-reading this thread will help to remind you of why you are doing what you are doing. It's easy to forget the hurtful times when one is going through a difficult time of loneliness.

Those times weren't easy for you, as they wouldn't be for anyone, and althought this time in your life is hurtful and difficult, you know that this is leading you to a healthier, more fullfilling road.

A mate should be a companion, not convenient.

Best, Songbird

Thankyou

Thankyou all for your words of widsom

Yes I did re-read my thread and it puts thing back into prospective.

Yes it is the lesser of two evils at the moment, the loniless is quite overwhelming . But your right it will lead to a more fullfilling life.

(((((((((((((((((Hugs to all)))))))))))))))))

A girls got to do what a girl has to do........

XXX
SpringStar

Its 3.42am over here.....and I'm couldn't help myself any longer...I check the bike forum......and sure enough lots of get togethers for his birthday....

Pictures from the "pool and beer" nights. I feel like his new mates are rubbing it in....how they are having a party for him...............I just want to cry...other (girls) are coming down to spend time down there...........My God the bed isn't even cold yet...!!!!!

It just hurts.............hurts so much.............. I know I could just go out and find a fling.......but that not the same...is it and I won't drop myself to that level.

My biggest fears all my life have been................me left on my own.........and its happening.

i just want to pack up and go down there...............and say I'm here everyone can go home now....!!! I want him to welcome me with open arms.

He brought me an engagment ring for Christmas.gave it to me but didn't propose.................!!!!!!!! What should have been a wonderful time turn really bad.

You see its all my fault..........He's lovely and caring and I want him back.

What do I do................??????????????????

I'm crying...crying..sobbing and it all my fault.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've lost the love of my life

The person who knows me best,

The ONE

UGH! I'm sorry that now you have a visual...If you can try to stay away from it...

Wishing I could make it better...

Me Toooo

Had a really bad night last night onli one and half hrs sleep.

Text him at 5am then 5.20am then 6.00 got up and ready to go down there.................

I text him to tell him I was coming and he got really angry and said I don't need your help and that I am stressing him out.....I know he had big plans today and it involved other women and his new mates.

I cried but I didn't go down...he said he will ring me tonight.

I'm just re-reading this and God I'm an idoit.how desprate do I sound.

Anyway got to chat with my sis...god bless her she just had surgery on her tooth and could hardly talked. I told her of the brake up and she said good...when has he treated you right.

I told her I was lonely she gave me a good kick in the *** as all good "older" sister can do.......I just need to hear her said it and reassure me........He has not treated my right for a long time...............i really think my pride and ego is screaming out in pain.....How vain is that.

I have decided to sell my house and invest my money and go on a good holiday.

Funny thing today was my stars.....ask my what I was going to do with my big dilemma....the answer is hidden within the question....a solution is staring you in the face

All thoughts and comments most welcome.

Cheers
SpringStar

((((((((SpringStar))))))))

I really think you're doing the right thing hon. It's what's best for you, and I really think you are better out of it. I know you miss him though.

I'm not sure if this will help any, but apparently half the reason people get sad after breakups is because of the lack of all the "happy chemicals" that are associated with love. Apparently, (my sources are popular science magazines, you can probably find it on Google), getting over love is just as difficult as getting over a cocaine addition, for exactly similar reasons. So you can blame all your bad feelings on the chemicals if you want.

You're doing really well, and your life in the future will be so much better for it, even if it's hard to see right now.

Sending love,



Meander

(((((((((((((((((((((meander))))))))))))))))))))))))

Yes, like you and Patty have said it is an addition......a friend has rang and I am heading out for the night....just have fun and get my mind off him....he hasn't rang yet......

But thats OK...!!!!!!!! I can handle that.

Thankyou for all your thoughts and support....deep down I know it is the right thing, its a bit hard to cause the kids are away as well....that why I have all this free time to think...

Love
SpringStar

PS my friend is 8yrs younger and very cute...LOL

SpringStar

<font color="blue">I am glad your sister is there for you and that you went out with friends. Try to not beat yourself up over HIS actions. He is what he is. People don't always change for the better.Let him take responsibility for what he does.

You are responsible for your own happiness ~ trite but true saying. I know getting to that point is difficult. Me, I'm still confused with what I'm going through but sometimes it takes an outside voice to help us see what we are really saying.

We are here for you.

Songbird </font>

Hi, Springstar,
I hope you are feeling better today! You've had a tough weekend, but considering all, you are doing well! Good that you got out with your friend last night.
Love
Patty

Please sent friend to US Assuming she rang...very lonely ... I have friends that are girls ... doesn't help knowing I will probably always just be the friend.

Being alone sucks...and hard...hang in their...sounds like your sister was able to give you a IRL perspective..

Thanks you guys.....

I had a quick night out my friend got called out for work. Anyway it was nice that I got motivated and "put my face" on and did my hair and did go out even if it was for a little time.

He rang last night.....trying to explain why he broke us up and how much he loves me and the kids and how hard it is for him . He said tha he hasn't been doing anything but working and had a very dull birthday.

He wants me and the kids to go down next weekend.......Whats that all about...??????

I'm so confused...

He also said that he is soooooooo ready to sell the business and come home

Hi, Spring...
I'd be tempted to believe him! Maybe he's ready to settle down and be the partner you deserve!
Love
Patty

Thanks Patty

It truely is a conflicting issue..........To be honest I really must give myself the chance to live life with out him....the trick is dealing with the overwhelming feeling of loneliness...which is the lesser of two evils...only I can decide that...having the distance is probably not a bad thing.

Its 11.00am on Monday here its a beautiful day and I am cleaning the "junk room"....huge job....

I also have Fleetwood Mac playing really loud.......last song
"you can go your own way"....I was sing and dancing....felt good.

Thanks for the support and advice.....all comments are welcome.

take care
Love
SpringStar

You are dealing with this very well, and a true role model for others going thru the same.
Patty

Thanks Patty

Not out of the woods yet ............do antisapate ups and downs for along time.

The addiction is hitting me again.........and I feel like I a need a 'fix".........

I did check the web site and it has changed...i.e. my name has been deleted form the intro...........

Last night he was telling me he loved me and wanted us to go down next weekend................I'm so confused

One thing I will have to learn not to do is check our web page and forum..........I always find something that will trigger my emotions and set me into total...hurt.

So I will have to remind myself not to check.....it.

Big wave coming.....

SpringStar

QUESTION:

How do your tell the difference between reality and your imagination.............

I try to believe in 'seeing is believing" but sometimes and somehow my imagenation is very powerful.

Thought or comments...???

SpringStar

I always hope for the best...might I suggest going without the children to have a candid sit down about what each of you are expecting.

One of the things as I long back - I would have thought that each of us having a night to ourselves to go out would be good as well as a date night weekly...anyway just one example of things that could be discussed.

Maybe prepare him ahead of time and suggest he write down expectations and what he wants from the marriage...you never know they may be surprising similar...

Thanks direction....I won't be able to get down there for another two week without out the kids.

He wants to come home every Friday and would like me to come down one weekend in a month. Thats reasonable..

Lots of phone calls today........he said he still loves me. The conversation were fine....Then just before I'm going to sleep everything racing through my head......I ring him...he is sound asleep and I ask how does this work.....? He get very angry and I regret that I phoned him.

I'm just not getting it at the moment.............

Together...not together.....which ever way I don't seem to be happy.......

Maybe its just me......I have to much time to think.

((((((((SpringStar)))))))))

Talking with him in person probably won't hurt. Before that, I think Direction's suggestion to get him to write down expectations, and perhaps for you to do the same would be helpful, to make sure you're on the same page.

Its been over 2 weeks since I have seen him, and a lot of rare emotions have been spent.

He wants us to go down there this weekend or him to come up on Friday.

I really feel numb about this, I'm really hurting by the fact that last weekend (which was his birthday) he didn't want me around. I really don't know if this was because his sister (well we don't really get on) was down with eight kids had anything to do with it. He said his birthday was very dull.

He says he is sick of fighting and wish we could get back on track. That he can only take one day at a time and only wants me to be happy.

Maybe I have vented to much of my angry on him and he feels helpless to help me, maybe I'm just to demanding...I don't know.

Last night we were going to have a long talk, but he decided to go to "pool and beers" instead, I couldn't contact him on his mobile either.....normally he has his phone on him all the time.

He doesn't like seeing me like this and is worried about my mental and emotion health. He said he knows what he is responsible for and has tried to help me deal with it...but thinks that what ever he does isn't good enough.

I was reading some of the other posts .....the one about what is depression...........mouse hit it on the head for me with............"some say its angry turned inwards" I think this is very true for me and I am so ANGRY on the inside.

How can I cope with this.? How can I make it go away?

Has being angry may me lose my lover/partner/bestfriend.

Would I do this with other relationships..?

Still so confused......at the moment he is coming up Friday to take us all out for tea and spend some quality time together.....only if it is for a short time.

I really don't feel that I can be "with" him at the moment with all this doubt running through my veins.

Thanks
SpringStar

SpringStar,

take a second, and read your post again. It looks like you're entirely blaming yourself for what you're going through, both mentally and with your partner. Which is not true.

It takes two people to make a relationship work, and from what you've shared of your story, your partner hasn't exactly been a model of good behaviour. Please try not to blame yourself.

As for the depression and anger, I don't know how to make them go away, and I don't think there's a magic cure, except to keep talking, online or in RL to people that care, and do little things to boost your mood. One day at a time.

Although these feelings certainly don't aid relationships, I don't think they necessarily spell doom for them either. People should be able to look past the symptoms to the real person inside, and recognise the depression for what it is- an illness- as they would with a person with flu or measles.

I don't know if any of this is helpful or not, but just want you to know that I'm thinking about you, and listening.

-Meander

Thank you
((((((((((((((((Meander.))))))))))))))