[radio_flyer]

...............Gosh, where do I begin? And what woke me up? Lordy, Lordy. my pants are on fire. My x asked me to type a letter for him for a settlement from Exxon. Well, I opened the envelope and read the contract from the sale of his one gas station. $100,000 cash down payment and another $200,000+ to pay in monthly payments for balance and equipment. And the other gas station he sold for $150,000,000.

Would you believe, the first year after our separation, my son had to apply for free lunches at school? I was a housewife during the marriage, so after the separation I started back to work and re-entry into the work force, one does not get paid much.............my x was a millionaire and his son had to apply for free lunches at school. OMG

What in the world happened to me? Where was/is my fire?Was it beaten out of me? Was it the adoption? Seems my fire peeks out and glows and the minute the mere mention of water, I vanish to submission or hide. The fire awakens only to see what a mess I've made of things and out of horror goes into hiding, leaving me with this pathetic, wimp, of a person. All that I can say is "what a fool I have been".. Now that I said that, I guess wimpy me returns..... rolls my eyes at myself and grrrrrs.......Many years down the road and I just see this. I woke up. Kind of late I'd think. grrrrr...

I just needed to get this off my chest. I am not even sure why. Replies aren't necessary. Because I already see and understand now what I floated through during part of my past. Can't mend the past. That is for sure... Just feeling so disgusted with myself. I hate the wimpy side of me. Guess we all have strengths and weaknesses.. Just seems like mine peek about and leaves me with the mess to clean up... shakes my head at myself......................

[MyBestKids2]

I know exactly how you feel. I use "floating" as a coping mechanism each and every day. I imagine its not the best for me, and one day very soon I will consciously realize that. But until then....it will get me through!!

((((radio_flyer))))))

I know you said replies aren't nescessary... but if it helps and it probably won't... I too... went down that path.. even gave money to my ex... found new and intovated ways to "cut down" my budget, just to find out how much he really had when my son turned 18 and my "ex" was safe...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr to say the least..

[radio_flyer]

..........You know what? to top it off, I am not 58, I am 55. I thought I was 58 and I'd whisper my age to folks who asked. A friend told me I am 55.. hello... why in the world would I add years to my age? Have I become a total idiot that I don't even know my own age..... rolls my eyes again at me...

Hi mybestkids2. Sure don't want to happen to you what happened to me, so maybe it would be best to try to find out why you float about. Might prevent disaster for tomorrow.. (((mybestkids2))))


grrrrrring with you freewill...........

[bebop]

my question then is he single? could you rekindle that fire with him? sure would try it sucks doesn't it? been there done that but not near that much money!

[radio_flyer]

lol r u kidden. I would not let him touch me with a ten foot pool... and yes he is up for grabs. r u interested? grins.. I can fix ya up real quick...

oo he did go to Iran to find a wife. he did find a lovely 30 year old with a little girl. He gave her $30,000, bought her a $45,000 utility vehicle, gave her x $5,000 to let her bring her daughter to USA. ummm when he went to pick her up at the airport, she told him she did not want to go to his house and that she was not interested in him.. I think she went back to Iran. He still has the car, if your interested. Is an ummm gosh let me think, a light gold Lexus.. His heart is broken and he needs some TLC.. Let me know, I will fix ya up.. grins

oo I forgot to mention, he does like the younger ladies, even tho he is 57. and yes i have his age right. lol He still has hair, but is worried a bit since his hair is starting to thin out. Oh , you can't see the scars from his face and eye lift. They did a pretty good job. lol...So, if you are within the age bracket of his desires, go for it..

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sign me right up.... LOL... say would you like to swap... my ex... well he likes to beat on women a little,,, and you have to wait on him hand and foot... and then there is the little problem he has with the women that he lives with.. not living long .. and him being the sole inheirtor...but then he too likes women that are much, much younger.... sooo well unless you are in the 20's range you might not have a shot..

let me know.... LOL

[radio_flyer]

lol thinks I could be his mother lol...... my x liked to control, manipulate and beat on women too.. Sounds like yours and my x came out of the same mold. oh my, his ladies don't live long and he is sole inheritor, goodness, thinks I will pass. But then I am broke and old as dirt, so am guess he is plumb out of luck.. grins

I told my x that if he married the 30 year old from Iran, he would be older than his mother-in-law. lol Is funny, seeing these old farts with women old enough to be their kids hanging on their arms, or could it be the ladies are hanging onto the old farts wallets.. And the men r gulping down viagra.. Grins..

LOL somebody please go and change that l0 foot pool to l0 foot pole. .lolllllll

[seeker1950]

RF...this is a dumb question, I guess, but are you not entitled to any of the proceeds of the sale of this business?

I've done the same, allowing my domineering husband to write the divorce agreement without benefit of a lawyer, as I had been so intimidated by him for 20 years, and not wanting to make him mad! Just wanted OUT! I didn't touch his investments, retirement, inheritances, etc., and the law master said to me< "Your assets are considerably less than his; are you sure you want to settle for this?" to which I meekly replied, "this is what we've agreed on." She stated that by signing the agreement, I could never come back later and ask for a better settlement. Now, 11 years later, I'm really feeling the pinch financially of being on a single income.
Patty

[radio_flyer]

Umm, it is sort of a long story. I had a Christian atty that I think hates women . lol... It wasn't just me.. I ran into my preacher's sister a few years ago, and she said the atty was a scum bag. And the counselor I was seeing told me the atty did the same thing to one of his clients that he did to me.

The atty didn't do a thing for me. He even lowered the child support payments without consulting me. lol I had no money to hire a good atty. I got what I paid for. I am a believer tho, what goes around comes around. The atty's day will come as will the x husband and perhaps the counselor too...

Seems the x hid his assets well. what can i say..

[seeker1950]

Well, then, since you didn't stupidly sign your life away like I did, seems to me you could go back and find and sharp atty to get what you deserve...
I know ....what a stressful hassle, but sounds like you've had hardship, and need to be compensated financially!
Patty

[radio_flyer]

I don't fully understand what was happening to me at the time of the separation and divorce. I was so detached, far away, not grounded and panic stricken and afraid of everyone and everything. That is why I got into counseling.

Bottom line is if you don't look out for yourself, no body else will. And if you are in a position of being in a fragile emotional state, you might as well dig a hole and bury your head in it, because nobody understands and they don't care

As far as going back to be compensated. I don't see that happening. I don't even know if I signed my life away. My atty drew up the papers and I signed them. Everything was such a mess then. My son was out of control. My life was out of control. My x was the only one living it up, traveling and parties. And I was the one he beat up. Doesn't make sense. But life doesn't always make sense. I just feel his day will come. I learned the hard way, "money talks"..

[seeker1950]

Sounds to me like you could get some financial compensation with a tough, smart lawyer.

[radio_flyer]

Tough, smart lawyers cost money. Besides, I've been divorced many years. I don't even know the date of the divorce, but I think my son was in the fifth or sixth grade. Heck, I don't even remember when we got married.

Yes, I have struggled. Financially and emotionally. I have alwaysssss until this time, bounced back and moved forward. Seems my "bouncer back" broke. Like I said, I don't know or understand why I didn't or could not bounce back. I still struggle. I can't even go into a department store let alone drive myself there. Thinks if the x had a good atty, they'd call the men in the little white coats to come get me.. Maybe if they were cute I wouldn't mind..

To be honest, I should be back on my feet. I don't know why I am not. I ued to have spunk and drive. I prob still have it, just can't hold on tight enough I guess..........Only I can change it. Ball is in my park, just I keep missing the ball..

Thank you Patty. I appreciate your suggestions.

ohhh been there and done that... so sorry.....

I know I signed my rights away... but just maybe you didn't...

an atty would know for sure... maybe worth a shot?

[seeker1950]

The only time I asked an atty about going back and trying to get financial settlement which was fair, she replied, "You screwed yourself!" Oh, well.
Patty

[radio_flyer]

I am soo sorry that happened to you Patty. So sad this happens to women. Then there are women that go for the kill and gets almost everything, Then women like us. (((huggs))))

You know Patty, to be honest, I don't want the x's money. Kind of gives me a sick feeling in my tummy even thinking of it. Would only validate that I am needy or helpless and still needing the x's support. I am a firm believer we are responsible for our lives. I am even responsible for this pathetic life I am living now. It sickens me that I've crashed and crumbled to what lil piece I have left of me. And I don't want the x to get puffed up thinking he won. Even if he did. I guess I still have a little pride left. Just not a whole lot of doing left. Life is survival. The strongest survive. Guess I haven't been good at "surviving"..guess I am not one of the "strongest". Falling all over myself. I can't remember exactly how that saying goes..

for all of us...

[radio_flyer]

Yes.. for all of us....

[radio_flyer]

With all this "hashing" over the past, I can say I made a terrible mistake marrying into a culture I knew nothing about. I can say my kids are the best things that came from the marriage. I love them dearly. So it all wasn't a disaster.

Maybe the marriage part, but never the kids...and yes I was hurt. I can say all the money in the world would not take away the pain and suffering I endured in the marriage. Money doesn't take away the pain and heal a shattered life. Maybe money would put a roof over my head, food in my tummy, pretty clothes on my back. But it really isn't until the "inside" heals or mends that one can go forward. All the pretty clothes and material things does nothing for a broken spirit. I could be driving a fancy car, but what good would that do, if inside I am broken and falling apart?

[radio_flyer]

A rush of memories. My thoughts maybe scattered, but bear with me. Electric being cut off. Standing in line at the women's center for a bag of food and the holiday free "turkey" . Co-worker taking me to the shoe store to buy me a pair of shoes for work. My son applying for free lunches at school.

Please don't get me wrong. I appreciate these services were available when I needed them. And it is not the fact that I feel I am "too good" to have had to ask Catholic Services to help pay the electric bill or apply for "free wood" for the wood stove for heat for winter. The fact is my atty did a crappy job. He protected the x husband. He didn't care about me or my son's welfare. So the x lived it up big time.. while I struggled. This is when a "fair" financial settlement was needed. Not now, when my son is grown.

Too much is flooding my mind right now. Am not sure if I am saying clearly what I need to say. I can say yesterday is gone and today is now. Those extra pressures on me were "needless". A man with all the money he had, and he put me and his son through hell.....He didn't even call or see his son. And he lived 3 miles from us.

ok i am done......... can't go there anymore..... time to focus on today.......

Thank you Patty, freewill, bebop and Dee for your comments. I appreciate each and every one here

hugggs

[sassypants]

I truly believe that you are a survivor, with all that messy
divorce. And yes it is true, what goes around, comes around,if not in this lifetime, for sure in the next lifetime.
I also got a divorce, no children and asked for half of the
furniture. My attorney also did me in, by asking me to pay
half of our credit debts, which he bought. When I threw him
out, I only had $12.00 left every two weeks for food. Thankfully, My Mom took me back in.I'm not rich by any means. But I am rich, to be blessed with a roof over my head,food and clothing, and a nice car, and being independent.
I think we all make mistakes, when we are challenged to
decide what we really need and want ,when in a crisis.You
also have a lot of strength, about not asking for more money. He truly doesn't know how POOR he is, because
he is rich. He definitely has to learn compassion and
moral values.Sorry, but this is the way I feel.

Wishing you the best,

[seeker1950]

RF...I've thought a lot about your posts...
May I ask, how long have you been divorced? It sounds like you experienced a lot of unnecessary hardship, both emotionally and financially.
It also sounds like you were emotionally (and physically?) abused by this man, who has financial assets.
I'm angry and appalled at this!
So...a tough smart lawyer takes half what you would receive...rightfully yours! I am much like you, secluding myself from the world, hard to go out, but I think you would receive some validation by asserting yourself. I think a lawyer would fight for you!
Love
Patty

When I got divorced, he took all the bank accounts money.. I got the credit cards, all bills, my car payment, the payment on his brand new 6 week old car, the furniture except for my son's bed, the food... well everything..

it does not pay to be nice.. be as mean as snot.. if you can get a lawyer.. get one.. see what you can get..

it would be about time for all of us...

[seeker1950]

LOL, yeah...like Freewill says..."be as mean as snot!"