Is it wrong to look up to people

Yes but it shouldn’t affect my behavior like that. A coworker has aspergers And he doesn’t look up to ppl, or at least not show it.

You are implying that people are being mean to you and rejecting you when what is being rejected is a specific behavior that you have been repeatedly asked to change. Your Asperger's is making it difficult at times for you to read social cues and modulate your behavior to conform to social norms. This is a challenge for you, but people are willing to be supportive of you, if you do your part.

I think you are being unfair to your supervisor and others. You are accusing them of disliking you and not being nice, when it is really you who is doing the rejecting. You are rejecting the requests that you adapt to the normal expectations of a workplace. If you are going to grow and have a fulfilling life, you must take responsibility for managing your Asperger's. If you were diabetic, you couldn't just eat whatever you feel like eating and stay healthy. A diabetic who is mature accepts responsibility for monitoring blood sugars and avoiding sweet foods. It's not your fault that you have Asperger's, but it is your responsibility to manage it. That means realizing you have difficulty judging social cues and need help recognizing when your behavior is a problem and modifying it. It's hard and it takes work.

People - like your supervisor and the district manager - are trying to help you. They understand that you have Asperger's and need extra guidance about how to interact. Stop making it so hard for them.

There is more to you than just your diagnosis. You are intelligent and probably have a lot to offer, if you will do the hard work of managing your habits. It's not easy, but everyone in this world has some difficulty that they struggle with. Some people with Asperger's have very good lives and get accepted and make friends. These are the ones who don't go around feeling sorry for themselves and saying nobody likes them. They pay attention to how others react to them and try to learn from the feedback they get.

It can be lonely to have a thought disorder and you can honestly feel you want to be closer to people you admire. But you can't demand that closeness, or you will fail and fail to get anywhere. Then you will be more and more frustrated and lonely.

You want to know what you can do that will be accepted. You are impatient to get what you want. Slow down and first learn what you need to stop doing. Stop focusing on what you want that meets your needs. Being at work is about you meeting the needs of your job.

Every week, go on the Internet to read at least one article about "Asperger's syndrome in the workplace." I tried to find you a good article, as an examlpe. This one isn't exactly what I hoped to find, but it's a start:

Asperger?s at work: 5 ways to be less annoying | Penelope Trunk Careers

At the end of the article above, it tells you to follow the rules of your job, even if you don't totally understand why a rule was made. Give real respect to the supervisor. That means stop being resentful and try to listen. It's not all about liking or not liking you. It's about the supervisor needing you to change some of your habits. Habits are very, very hard to change. But you can do it, if you are willing to put in the effort.

Here's another article: https://margaretjeanadam.com/categor...the-workplace/

These articles I've suggested come with ads for books on how an "Aspie" can find success at work. Order one of the books, like Unforgiven - the memoir of a teenager with Asperger's. Read a little of it everyday. You need to make a real study of how to succeed in managing your diagnosis. It's up to you. It's your responsibility . . . to yourself . . . so you can have the best life possible.

I pick up nonverbal cues at a normal level. What trips me up is that I subconsciously choose to ignore it bc it hurts too much that a negative cue is being sent. Like the cue that my supervisor sent. Finally she b!tched that she's had enough of me obsessing over her.

That said, I'm glad I also have another job. THis job is in retail and January will be my 5 year anniversary. I don't look up to anyone at that other job, so things are going just fine. However, my supervisor at this job did make me quit once bc I looked up to her. She felt like she was obsessed over, prolly. I left this company for a year before returning early last year. I found I don't feel any admiration for my supervisor like I used to. As glad as I am that things are ok at this job, I feel really down that I can't safely look up to anyone in general. I just don't know how to go about it. I only recently found out that I need to be subtle when I admire anyone. Like I could very occasionally compliment that person. I found that out too late because my fast food job is in jeopardy. And even if it isn't, my supervisor there would likely never associate with me again no matter how much I correct my ways.

I have friends, but I don't look up to any of them. I just hope to find someone to look up to that I could try my subtlety on.

Hmmm.... are you seeking someone that you want to aspire to be like?

What if you came up with your own goals, just for yourself, that you designed only for you and the person you want to become?

Like there may be traits that another person has, that you wish you had yourself -- you can certainly learn to adopt those traits to become more of the person you want to be. And you can do this without obsessing over someone or being intrusive and in their personal space.

When we admire someone, we can certainly compliment them on a job well done at work, and that is always nice for people to hear. But that is about as far as it really should go. Still, you don't want to intrude on people's personal space in even subtler ways...

You prolly going to have a lot of trouble at any job sooner or later.

Why do you need to look up to anyone? It seems like some type of obsession over the word "look up". What is your therapist or case manager says to all this?

Everybody’s searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my need
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me

Because everyone looks up to someone. My supervisor even had other people look up to her. Do u look up to anyone?

What qualities was it abour your supervisor that made you "look up to her?" You sure seem to have changed your opinion.

When you say "looked up to," I think it means - as you say - that you think you have found someone who can meet an emotional need of yours. You are looking to suck attention out of anyone you "look up to." That's not what heroes are for. When I'm around someone I "look up to," I try not to bother them . . . because I figure they have more important things to do than pay loads of attention to me.

I believe what you say in post #53 about you picking up normally on a lot of cues. The problem here is not your Asperger's.

That was the lyric to a Whitney Houston’s song, the greatest love of all. It spoke to me, so I posted it. The qualities she has, besides not being mean, are many. For instance, I like that she started as a crew member and worked her way to general manager at another fast food joint. It was all before she joined the fast food joint I currently work at. Also, our franchise has over 300 stores and she won that award for being the best at her GM job. She beat out the 12 that were nominated. I wanted to not only be like her, but follow in her footsteps. At least I had wanted to be like her until she grew ice cold towards me.

I believe the children are our future.
Teach them well and let them lead the way.
Show them all the beauty they possess inside.
Give them a sense of pride,
To make it easier.
Let the children’s laughter,
Remind us how we used to be.

Everybody’s searching for a hero.
People need someone to look up to.
I never found anyone to fulfill my need.
A lonely place to be,
So I learned to depend on me.

I decided long ago,
Never to walk in anyone’s shadow.
If I fail, if I succeed,
At least I lived as I believed.
No matter what they take from me,
They can’t take away my dignity,
Because the greatest love of all,
Is happening to me.
I found the greatest love of all,
Inside of me.
The greatest love of all,
Is easy to achieve.
Learning to love yourself,
Is the greatest love of all.

There are people I respect but I can't say I look up to anyone. What you are describing sounds more like obsessing rather than looking up to. Also this kind of "looking up to" sounds more like a young child looking up to adults.

Sounds like she is worth admiring. I don't believe a person like that just suddenly decides to be rejecting of anyone. You must have really been making yourself a pain.

I see from your various threads that you are quite aggressive and demanding towards other people. She should not have to accept that treatment from you.

I agree with Rose. You had many issues at work (various workplaces) and usually it's due to aggressively pursuing or bothering coworkers. I keep asking if your case workers addressing it with you? They are supposed to teach you how to behave at work. Do they?

Why would it sound like young child behavior? Kinda confused on that one lol. And yes, my caseworker is addressing it with me. And if she says anything to my supervisor, she’s not gonna defend my behavior.

I looked at my other threads. Only the earliest ones were about obsessing over coworkers. And I didn’t even look up to Carla from McDonald’s. I just wanted her to stop being mean to me. She’ll even seek me out to be rude and nothing was done bc she’s related to the GM. I did look up to a few managers at McDonald’s, but they turned on me bc I didn’t wanna put up with Carla’s rudeness towards me. I’m pretty sure if Carla never hurt me, these mgrs would eventually reject me for looking up to them. That was what made me mad.

I went on to be successfully employed at my other job. Sure she made me quit after 3.5 years, but she also let me come back and now I’m approaching 5 years this coming January.

children would follow other person around even if it's obviously inappropriate because children don't have full understanding of other people's feelings and cant think of long term consequences. Children also can't accept responsibility for their actions the same way you don't. You keep defending your actions even though your actions are not right. That's typical for children, not adults.

As adults at some point we learn that we can't always do things because we want to. Some behaviors are wrong. You seem to have difficulty with it (perhaps due to ASD). I am glad you are working with case manager and hopefully you can get additional services and treatments.

And are people usually more understanding of these children than they are of me? I tried to tell my supervisor that I had good intentions and I only meant to look up to her. She wouldn't hear it. And now, she refuses to acknowledge me at all when she sees me. She ignores me and w/e horrible things she wanted to say to me, she sends an hourly manager to tell me. It's like she's avoiding all interactions with me at all.

I do accept responsibility for my actions though. I only now learned my behavior is wrong even though all others I've looked up to also hated me. I'm just scared of people now.

People tolerate children much better because children aren't expected to know better. Adults are expected to behave. Just imagine 50 year olds throw temper tantrums like 2 year olds. No one will tolerate that from a grown up

It's understandable though that you aren't intentionally behaving in this manner. But you need to make an effort to learn. I don't think anyone hates you. They just don't need or want tolerate bad behavior. Don't worry about them. Just make an effort to behave. Attend therapy. Talk to a psychiatrist. Talk to case worker

She also complained about me to all the hourly mgrs and district mgr. I feel horrible that she has to talk about me like that.

Would it be very difficult for you to change your behavior?

No one likes to be talked about negatively. For most of us, since real early in life, that has been a strong motivator driving us to change how we act, so we get a positive - instead of a negative - response from those around us. You seem to be different. You don't like the disapproval, but something stronger is motivating you to stick with the old behavior. This isn't totally under your control. You're sticking with a pattern of behavior that is getting you a painful result. What makes you stick with it? It's not just that Asperger's makes you that way. You are sticking with something because somewhere, deep inside, you have a feeling that this is how you need to be to be true to yourself. That's my rough theory. I challenge you to think about this. People are mad at you because they think you could easily be different. I believe it isn't easy for you to just be different . . . but I don't know the force that drives you to stick with this way of being. You probably don't know either - right off the top of your head. But maybe you can come up with an idea about it.

People are frustrated that you don't just stop this behavior. You are frustrated because - I think - you can't just stop. What seems wrong to other people doesn't seem wrong to you. You're probably frustrated at people repeatedly telling you that you are wrong. So the pattern continues.

All the case managers in the world telling you to change isn't going to make you change one little bit. This is something you have to think out for yourself. Asperger's doesn't make a person stupid, which you obviously are not. Asperger's is a condition that has hit people of all different levels of intelligence - from dumb to genius. So I believe you have the capacity to think out a problem, if it interests you. That might be a suggestion of a direction for you to go in.

You show here that you can think. Mainly, though, you seem to be thinking about how to argue with what you are being told. Don't worry about what we think and about defending your point of view against other people's views. Challenge your own brain to really think about what keeps you in a pattern that leads to you being hurt and rejected. This coukd change your life.

You started this thread because you're not happy with what's going on in your life. No one is going to tell you that it is "wrong to look up to people." So why ask a question that you already know the answer to? Your mind needs to come up with a different question?

Sometimes the mind (yours, mine, anyone's) gets stuck in a whirlpool, going round and round, getting nowhere - like a little leaf caught between rocks in a stream. There is movement, but the leaf just shakes and wiggles around and goes nowhere. Don't let yourself be cheated by getting stuck in a whirlpool. You deserve a decent life as much as anyone else.

I like being closer to those i admire. I like it when they’re nice to me, so I go out of my way to be around them. I admire very few people. I have friends who I don’t admire. I like all the people I work with, but my supervisor is the only one I look up to. On days she’s not working, I don’t show up at all if I’m off. And now they accuse me of following her. I guess I find it hard to change bc I need a center or I feel out of control. People I look up to usually are that center. And indeed, she has helped me deal with personal stuff before. She even bought me drinks and lunch a few times.

I doubt those others who " look up" to your supervisor are staying late and in wait for her or coming in on their days off. I don't think you " look up" to her as others have said that implies respect and you are NOT respecting her boundaries.

When your shift is over go home. When you are not scheduled to work stay away from the work place.

Many here have suggested you speak to a therapist about this obsessive behavior of yours, it would be a good idea for you to do that. A therapist can explain to you in person why this behavior is wrong.

But see, you again insist that you like doing or feeling something and that's why you do it. But adults don't behave like that. Adults recognize that even if they like something, they shouldn't do it if they were told by many people that's wrong. I understand it's hard to change but you don't have other options. Why do you argue? Do you think your behavior is acceptable and everyone else is wrong?

It's normal that she complained. I would complain about coworker if she if he behaved the way you described. And if I acted this way, people would complain to higher authorities etc It's your job. It's not a social place. Not like you bothered her at a party and she told on you to a neighbour. You must behave at work or people will complain about you. That's how it is. If she is a supervisor she likely is stressed and doesn't need more stress.

Please keep working on improving. Find something else to occupy your mind

PS I bought plenty of things to people in my life. It doesn't mean I want them to follow me around.

She avoids me at all cost. Does that mean I don’t have the job anymore?