Home Menu

Menu


Closed Thread
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #126  
Old Jun 28, 2018, 11:07 AM
Anonymous49235
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Right. At the time she threatened a restraining order against me, she told my job developer that she’ll file one if I ever return to the store again. So I never did. I guess the feeling of helplessness got me to act out elsewhere.

advertisement
  #127  
Old Jun 28, 2018, 11:30 AM
s4ndm4n2006's Avatar
s4ndm4n2006 s4ndm4n2006 is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,052
quit blaming everything but yourself. the feeling of helplessness is just that the feeling of helplessness, you felt bad and you chose to act out elsewhere. realize this and most of your problems will go away. You're choosing paths of defiance and irresponsibility and then acting like everything outside yourself is making you do these things. when you take responsibility fully for your actions you can then realize that nothing outside yourself needs to control your behavior because you're making a choice. taking responsibility works wonders for helping you think twice on making a bad choice.
Thanks for this!
eskielover, lizardlady, Nammu
  #128  
Old Jun 28, 2018, 11:48 AM
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover eskielover is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 25,082
Quote:
I guess the feeling of helplessness got me to act out elsewhere.
again....NO.....we all have feelings.....it is a choice YOU MADE to act out. The helpless feeling didn't MAKE YOU act out. You can LEARN to act acceptably in spite of your feelings. Usually children are taught this but as you said....yiu refused to listen to what your parents said & did what you wanted anyway. You are still doing that & begaving like a child when you aren't for whatever reason you are chosing your behavior....it us very unacceptable in a child & even less acceptable in an adult... which YOU ARE.
__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
Thanks for this!
lizardlady, s4ndm4n2006
  #129  
Old Jun 28, 2018, 02:24 PM
scorpiosis37's Avatar
scorpiosis37 scorpiosis37 is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,302
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
I NEVER used profanity or done anything stupid on the sales floor before. Maybe I very occasionally did it in the back room. I never dared offend customers.

Also, I remember when I first returned to Sam's, I used to be very careful not to screw around even in the back room. My supervisor used to say I've improved from the first time around and that I'm acting professional. Then the fast food supervisor threatened a restraining order against me, at which point I felt that my world is ending. I felt like life has no point ever since.

I screwed around at other jobs, but definitely not to the extent that I ended up screwing around at Sam's. I sure as hell never did or said anything stupid on the salesfloor. I never before cried over every little things (e.g. spilling coffee) or called coworkers mom and nurses. The fact that I started to shows the extent of my mental breakdown.

I'm not blaming Sam's for me losing that job. I did something wrong and I got what I deserved. Sam's has nothing to do with that fast food supervisor hating me, so they shouldn't have to deal with my mental breakdown. Also, I've already been there 5 years 5 months.
You have posts on this forum going back to 2012 about doing inappropriate things at work and continually get fired/asked to quit, getting re-hired some time later, and then being let go again. You were behaving badly at each of these jobs, over many years. This one incident swearing on the sales floor is hardly the worst that you have reported doing. Had you not behaved badly before, you would not have been fired/asked to quit from several jobs. You also previously said your world was ending when you missed the company Christmas party. But, as you can see now, our worlds don’t end when we don’t get something we want. Learning how to regulate your emotions— and take responsibility for your own bad behavior— will make most of these problems go away. Most people have challenges in life that they have to overcome. They can’t just act out when they feel like it. Even young children learn that they have to act appropriately at school (their “work”). You can do it; just make the choice to behave appropriately.
Thanks for this!
Albatross2008, eskielover, Gus1234U, lizardlady, s4ndm4n2006, ~Christina
  #130  
Old Jun 29, 2018, 07:41 PM
Albatross2008's Avatar
Albatross2008 Albatross2008 is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Nov 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 1,808
No workplace is going to "tolerate acting out." As long as you choose to act out, you can expect to keep losing jobs. The rules may be different from place to place, but you need to learn those rules and follow them if you expect to stay employed. And that's not got anything to do with anything that's happened to you in the past. I have PTSD from past abuse, but if I acted out on the job, I could expect to be canned too.

Repeat, no place of employment is going to just let you act any old way you want.
Thanks for this!
Chyialee, lizardlady
  #131  
Old Jun 29, 2018, 07:57 PM
Crazy Hitch's Avatar
Crazy Hitch Crazy Hitch is offline
ɘvlovƎ
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 28,072
I think this thread has run its course. Everyone has the same response to the OP.
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
*Laurie*, Buffy01, ~Christina
  #132  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 03:45 AM
Anonymous32891
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arbie View Post
No workplace is going to "tolerate acting out." As long as you choose to act out, you can expect to keep losing jobs. The rules may be different from place to place, but you need to learn those rules and follow them if you expect to stay employed. And that's not got anything to do with anything that's happened to you in the past. I have PTSD from past abuse, but if I acted out on the job, I could expect to be canned too.

Repeat, no place of employment is going to just let you act any old way you want.

This ^

Every workplace will want their staff to behave and do their job. No exceptions to this, even if you went self employed you'd still have to behave around your customers or they wouldn't come back and they'd tell others not to go to you, word of mouth is a powerful thing.
Hugs from:
Buffy01
Thanks for this!
Buffy01, lizardlady
  #133  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 09:31 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
The infraction was using profanity on the salesfloor. My coworker asked me where I went and I replied, "pee and ***** room," referring to restroom.

I've been at this company several years total. I had left and came back. I followed all the rules and acted professional until a few months ago (March). I suffered a mental breakdown from what happened at another company and had since screwed around and acted out just to distract myself. Nobody said anything to anyone about it until I recently said it to the wrong person (pee and ***** room).

Now I'm suspended from work until further notice. My supervisor documented it and sent it to employee relations asking them what to do about it. She'll call me when they reach a decision.
I'm sorry that this has happened to you!

Last edited by Buffy01; Jun 30, 2018 at 09:32 PM. Reason: I forgot to have instant notification
  #134  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 09:34 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
The infraction was using profanity on the salesfloor. My coworker asked me where I went and I replied, "pee and ***** room," referring to restroom.

I've been at this company several years total. I had left and came back. I followed all the rules and acted professional until a few months ago (March). I suffered a mental breakdown from what happened at another company and had since screwed around and acted out just to distract myself. Nobody said anything to anyone about it until I recently said it to the wrong person (pee and ***** room).

Now I'm suspended from work until further notice. My supervisor documented it and sent it to employee relations asking them what to do about it. She'll call me when they reach a decision.
Perhaps it possible that someone has a personal problem with you and made a complaint just to get you suspend and possibly fired.
  #135  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 09:37 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by whispershadow View Post
This ^

Every workplace will want their staff to behave and do their job. No exceptions to this, even if you went self employed you'd still have to behave around your customers or they wouldn't come back and they'd tell others not to go to you, word of mouth is a powerful thing.
I completely agree!
  #136  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 09:40 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Other employees likely talk about your behavior. Management typically knows.
It quite possible!
  #137  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 09:43 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
She said she wants to hear from them if it warrants a termination, so she definitely took me off the schedule for today. However, she also left the rest of my shifts on my schedule in case I keep my job.

She did say she was sorry for having to do this but customers could have heard and be offended. Therefore, her hands are tied. Company policy also said it's usually automatic termination for using profanity. She will reach out to me shortly.
It possible that she may be confused about what to do because of the guideline.
  #138  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 09:44 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
It's just that I act out bc of what the fast food joint did to me. Now I wanna stop blaming that supervisor bc it obviously did me no good. There are a few things I did that's way worse that she didn't know about. Otherwise, I woulda gotten my consequences sooner.
I am sorry that this has happened to you.
  #139  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 09:45 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
Just wanna clarify: am I senior colleague?
She didn’t seem like she wanna let me go outright.
It possible that there is still some hope.
  #140  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 09:48 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
She did say that she was diagnosed with PD. Just don’t know which one. I thought the same thing. There is the light at the end of the tunnel IF the person takes it seriously and tries to learn some techniques to behave in a more appropriate manner rather than focusing on how the world did them wrong.

I understand it must be hard but what’s the other option but trying to improve.

I really think that ruby isn’t getting the right help.
That possible!
  #141  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 09:51 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
I NEVER used profanity or done anything stupid on the sales floor before. Maybe I very occasionally did it in the back room. I never dared offend customers.

Also, I remember when I first returned to Sam's, I used to be very careful not to screw around even in the back room. My supervisor used to say I've improved from the first time around and that I'm acting professional. Then the fast food supervisor threatened a restraining order against me, at which point I felt that my world is ending. I felt like life has no point ever since.

I screwed around at other jobs, but definitely not to the extent that I ended up screwing around at Sam's. I sure as hell never did or said anything stupid on the salesfloor. I never before cried over every little things (e.g. spilling coffee) or called coworkers mom and nurses. The fact that I started to shows the extent of my mental breakdown.

I'm not blaming Sam's for me losing that job. I did something wrong and I got what I deserved. Sam's has nothing to do with that fast food supervisor hating me, so they shouldn't have to deal with my mental breakdown. Also, I've already been there 5 years 5 months.
Have you thought about asking what kind of proof they had that led into the restraining order and the most recent harrassment? What about going to hr or getting a lawyer to fight this?
  #142  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 10:00 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
Right. At the time she threatened a restraining order against me, she told my job developer that she’ll file one if I ever return to the store again. So I never did. I guess the feeling of helplessness got me to act out elsewhere.
Did you ever seek legal help by having a lawyer investigate the incident that allowed you the equal opportunity to explain your situation? Such as provided for evidence of the wrong doing? Have you threaten to file a lawsuit against the company for future problem?
  #143  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 10:03 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
K thx. I was just wondering bc my consequence doesn’t seem very light.
I can see having a talk about what not to do. But unless you cuss out a customer and threaten someone harm. I don't see why you would be suspended or possibly fired I think you should get legal help.
  #144  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 10:07 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
Well I’m definitely owning it now. I remember in my previous threads when I talked about emotionally devolving and calling coworkers mom and nurse. That was a few months ago and that was the beginning of my unprofessional behavior. Then I started doing other stuff like swearing 🤬 and making inappropriate jokes. I did these things bc I couldn’t cope with the incident at that fast food joint and wanted to distract myself from the hurt. I thought it was ok to act out bc of what happened at the fast food joint. I thought people would understand.

Now I know that the incident at the fast food had nothing to do with my current job and I should’ve moved on. I just hope the decision swings in my favor and I won’t ever behave like that again.
Have you tried explaining that you were blowing off some steam and without consciously thinking about the future problem it would created because it had never occurred to you that the comment might offend someone or that it could create unseen future problem because it causing problems with your job?
  #145  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 10:11 PM
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 Buffy01 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,822
Quote:
Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
My fast food supervisor threatened a restraining order against me long after I been canned. The reason was bc I went back in to see her. My current supervisor at retail is another person. I behaved myself at my current job before March. My current supervisor said I’ve improved and that I’m behaving professionally. After that, I unraveled.
It sound like the restaurant had a personal problem with you. Instead of you being the victim it sound like they took advantage of you
  #146  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 10:44 PM
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw seesaw is offline
Human
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffy01 View Post
It sound like the restaurant had a personal problem with you. Instead of you being the victim it sound like they took advantage of you
I am sure the restaurant documented quite well Ruby's stalking behavior. This wasn't a personal problem. Ruby was canned for stalking the supervisor, then went back after she was canned and continued to stalk her. THAT is why she was threatened with a restraining order. Before she was fired she was given numerous warnings to change her behavior but instead she escalated it. She was not a victim nor was she taken advantage of.
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
lizardlady, Molinit
  #147  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 10:48 PM
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw seesaw is offline
Human
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffy01 View Post
Have you tried explaining that you were blowing off some steam and without consciously thinking about the future problem it would created because it had never occurred to you that the comment might offend someone or that it could create unseen future problem because it causing problems with your job?
I'm not sure how you think this would play in her favor. The rules of her employer are no swearing. To say, well I was blowing off steam, is to say that you acknowledge that you broke the rules, but because you are upset, you think it's okay to do so. As an employer myself, I expect my employees to control themselves. If they are unable to do so, then they need to take a personal day. Isn't it better to lose a day's pay versus your job entirely?

I don't know, your suggestion just seems to me like it would make someone seem more unprofessional and not serious about their job.

I mean "never occurred to you that the comment might offend someone"...what does that have to do with anything? Ruby knew that the employer had a rule against swearing on the sales floor. Ruby's own opinion of whether or not it's offensive is entirely a moot point.

I think the best thing Ruby could do is just apologize WITHOUT making excuses and give her word that it will not happen again. And then make sure that she adheres to ALL the rules of her employer, not just when she thinks someone is watching, but all the time.

Seesaw
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
lizardlady, Molinit
  #148  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 10:51 PM
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw seesaw is offline
Human
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffy01 View Post
I can see having a talk about what not to do. But unless you cuss out a customer and threaten someone harm. I don't see why you would be suspended or possibly fired I think you should get legal help.
Because it's a direct violation of the employer's company policy. Most company's have civility policies that include NOT using foul language. You do and you get fired. You're told that on the first day. There is no legal recourse here. She would be fired for cause. It doesn't matter if you agree with the employer's rules. You still have to follow them or risk getting fired, and it's entirely legal. It's likely Ruby is an at-will workplace as well, which means she could be let go with NO cause and no explanation. Unless Ruby believes and has proof that there was discrimination based on age, gender, religion, race, or disability, she would have no case. In some states sexual orientation is also included but it's not federally protected yet.

Seesaw
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
lizardlady, Molinit, s4ndm4n2006
  #149  
Old Jun 30, 2018, 10:56 PM
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw seesaw is offline
Human
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buffy01 View Post
Did you ever seek legal help by having a lawyer investigate the incident that allowed you the equal opportunity to explain your situation? Such as provided for evidence of the wrong doing? Have you threaten to file a lawsuit against the company for future problem?
What exactly would she claim in a lawsuit? "The consequences of my stalking someone traumatized me?" I don't think a lawyer would even take that case. I'm not sure what you mean when you refer to as "equal opportunity" but they don't have to hear her side. Equal opportunity refers to the hiring and firing of people based on discrimination due to gender, age, race, religion, or disability, NOT "I have a right to have you hear my side of the story." Employers can generally hire and fire at will. I'm not sure why you think threatening a lawsuit against her former employer would be helpful.

Seesaw
__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
Thanks for this!
lizardlady, Molinit, s4ndm4n2006, ~Christina
  #150  
Old Jul 01, 2018, 12:07 AM
eskielover's Avatar
eskielover eskielover is offline
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: Kentucky, USA
Posts: 25,082
These companies are all big enough to all have a lawyer on retainer for situations like this. One of the reasons why they don't fire her outright is most likely because they run it by their lawyer to make sure they have a case that will win in court if she were to decide to file a law suit....which anyone can do whether they are right or wrong or really have a leg to stand on... so lawyers can get rich off people who think they have been victimized when in reality they haven't.
__________________


Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this.
Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018
Thanks for this!
Molinit
Closed Thread
Views: 17043

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:54 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.