Husband pressuring me to dress more sexy and “accidentally” expose myself to othermen

My husband and I have been married for thirteen years. We’re both 32 now. Two young kids. We have a fantastic relationship in every way. However this keeps cropping up and I don’t understand it. I’ve always known my husband to enjoy having... I guess you’d call it more “risky” sex. Not really risky. But like in a car or in a secluded outdoor area. Nothing too crazy. I thought it was just something he liked to do. I enjoy the excitement of it too. But he’s been being more direct lately and has now flat out told me that he likes the idea of other men seeing me naked. He wants me to go braless in public in loose fitting tops and bend over in front of guys. He wants me to post nude photos online like on Flickr or something for people to comment on. I keep blowing it off but he’s really serious about it. I’ve given in on going braless on occasion and he loves it. I’m not against it, I just feel a little on display. But it doesn’t seem like a phase. He’s been bringing it up more and more for the past couple of years. I gave in once while at a hotel (and several drinks past sober). He talked me into answering the door for room service nude. I regret it now. But he brings it up all the time. We had amazing sex after it and he’s always much more vigorous when he talks about that time. It’s like his favorite sexual memory. All this to say, I’m at a point where it seems like this is his kink and I feel like I can’t shake it. He isn’t mean. He just asks a lot. I don’t want him to be unfulfilled sexually because of this. And it’s not like divorce is even on the table. We are seriously amazing together. I would never even consider it. I’m just trying to wrap my head around why would a husband want another man to see his wife naked? And are my options really to hold my ground and disappoint him, or give in and find a way to enjoy his kink with him? It seems like this are the only options. But maybe someone has gone through this before. Sorry this is so jumbled. My thoughts are so scattered in this issue. Thanks for any help!

You should do what you want to do. You should not feel pressured into doing anything you don't want to do. If you want to dress more sexy but necessarily more naked, then go ahead. I dress sexy for myself sometimes, just to feel good about myself. However, dressing or undressing to allow men to see your so-called physical assets can go both ways. 1. It can make you feel good that you can still attract other men 2. you feel cheap about the whole idea. Thus, you don't have to dress sexy all of the time but just occasionally in front of him. I see no harm in it but if it makes you feel bad or cheap, then don't do it. As for posting nude photos online, that is up to you too! It is your body and life and no one should dictate you to do things you don't want to do. It sounds like he just wants some of his fantasies played out in reality. You should decide whether you want to play or just say nay.

I think you should stand your ground. I'm concerned that he's violating other people's boundaries as well. If I worked in a hotel and a guest answered the door naked, I would be uncomfortable.

I don't believe you should be forced to do anything that you don't feel comfortable doing. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. He has to respect your boundaries! It is ok to dress sexy in private, but it is perfectly understandable why you'd not want to do that in public. Please let him know this and stand up for yourself. If he TRULY Loves You, he will understand! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Noname1987, your Family, your Friends, your Husband and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Your husband is an exibitionist only he is asking YOU to be the one he chooses to exhibit. Do NOT agree to participate in taking nude photos of yourself that he can post online. That gives him way too much power and can open you up to abuses you have no idea of or control of either. Please keep in mind that he is objectifying you when he does this with you.

This is what Dorothy Straton experienced where her boyfriend/husband objectified her and used her for his own ego. When she grew independent of him jeopordizing HIS control over her to feed HIS ego, he killed her then himself. Actually, Cher experienced this kind of dynamic with Sonny Bono who used her to build up his OWN ego. She described this as being his prisoner and being held hostage and this led to divorce. Sonny Bono did not RESPECT Cher, he used her for his own ego and even cheated on her.

Do not consider this something that involves love and respect either, that is NOT the case. Instead this is about HIS ego and desire for power. You have a right to YOUR boundaries and to say NO. Fearing that you cannot say no is a huge RED FLAG. There is a difference from having fun together and HIM having fun and ego building at YOUR EXPENSE.

I think it’s important to be sexually compatible. You two aren’t. He wants things you aren’t comfortable with.

I am not a prude but I won’t do things that could put me in danger.

I have to say that you can get arrested for having sex in public or exposing yourself to hotel staff. No man is worth getting arrest record. If my husband insists I do these things, we would have to get divorced because no way I’d jeopardize myself and lose my job or get in trouble with the law. No man is worth that for me

I agree with all the replies you already have and I would like to share something I know .Consider it as "better safe than sorry".I am not trying to scare you but what I tell you is true .I know a woman who went along with her husband's different style ,but was not comfortable.Husband wanted her to go online sites and wanted her to pretend she was looking for a steamy relationship and not married.She went along.She asked for males private part pics and sent hers at the request of her husband.She talked with the online males in a kinky way.More and more happened,while the husband guided and encouraged her.He said she was an amazing wife and he loves her .She thought this is what he needed to be happy and she complied.After 10 years of marriage he filed divorce on the grounds of guess what????adultery. He provided evidence of her online profile on this adult website and all the pics and communication between her and strangers.I am not saying this will happen to you,but it looks like you are being pushed into danger zone.

One example of agreeing to do something that once you do you lose control and may not realize the consequences you have no control over.

Your husband is exploiting you sexually and is getting off on it. It is exploitation. It is not something you should give into if you're are not comfortable. He wants other people to be aroused by you, which is exploiting you.

NEVER agree to anything someone else wants you to do JUST to please them especially if you feel it is a wrong thing to do.....even if it is your husband. A real loving husband wouldn't ask you to do something like that. Have your boundaries even in marriage & be firm with them. Just say "NO"

I think you need to draw a line in the sand and stick to it no matter how much he tries to talk you into things.

It’s your body and only YOU can decide what your comfortable with.

Do you have a Therapist ? If not I’d advise finding one. This would be something that could help you process all this and it will help you decide what your willing to do and what is just not acceptable. You need to learn how to put boundaries in place and keep them strong even if he throws a fit and acts like a total jerk.

Just because your married doesnt mean he can expect you to jump when he snaps his fingers. It’s still YOUR body YOUR choice.

Take care

I would tell him to stop asking you to do things that make you uncomfortable, exposing yourself to other men? That could be dangerous; if he loved you he would stop asking. I would ignore him if he keeps asking. I would also suggest counseling.

If he really wants other men involved and you don’t object I guess you can find willing participants, some people like threesomes or orgies or just want to watch. But those should be willing participants, not random men you expose yourself to. They have rights not to see it and next time you expose yourself or have sex in public places, someone will make policy report.

There are men who like to see their wives have sex with other men. Your husband is into risky sex behavior and his expectations of you are escalating. If you do this, soon you will be doing even more.

I think you have a big concern here in this marriage. I suggest marriage counseling regarding this issue. It’s not simply you saying no to this and continuing to have a great marriage, I’m sorry to say.

Thank you all so much for your input and support! I set up a counseling session for us this afternoon! I love him and want him to be happy and fulfilled, but there has to be limits. He was abused as a child and I don’t think he’s ever had the proper therapy to get him past that. I’m wondering if that’s playing a roll in his less than typical sexual interests. I’m afraid I made him sound like a controlling monster. He’s really a good man and we have a wonderful marriage. He just has this thing about other men seeing me and I really don’t understand it. And when I try to research it there’s not really any info that I can find at least. I find more exaggerated version like swingers etc, but he doesn’t seem to be wanting that. He just wants other guys to see me. I don’t know. So hoping counseling sheds more light on all of this. Thank you all again. I’ll update tomorrow which how it went!

Wanting other men to see you doesn’t make him a bad person. That’s his sexual preference. I don’t see that as an issue per se.

What I see as an issue is that you don’t share the same excitement and those men aren’t informed participants. Making these men accidentally see your body parts is violation of these men’s boundaries and invasion of their privacy. Even if you agree to do these things, he needs to find informed participants. “Accidental” exposures to strangers are unacceptable

How do women feel when strange men expose themselves? Violated. So how does your husband think these men feel when you expose yourself?

I don’t think swingers are extreme compare to what you’d husband wants. Swingers give each other informed consent. What they do in privacy of their bedrooms is no one’s business. Unsuspected men didn’t give a consent to be violated in this manner. I’d focus on that.

My husband seems to think all men would be happy to see a woman at any point. He’s probably right, but I agree, that’s not someone else’s decision to make for them. Which I’ve told my husband. I’m ok dressing in a sexier manner, or even going braless sometimes. But I fully agree that it’s over the line to intentionally expose myself to someone. That’s just one of his ideas. He has also suggested having a couple of his buddies over and playing strip poker (which is not something we’ve EVER done) with the full intention of me losing on purpose. Like he wants friends he and I have know for 10-15 years to just see me naked. I’m like, “ how could I ever face them again after that?! These are LONG term friendships. How could we ever have a gathering where half the guys at the get together have seen me naked! And how can you be ok with your friends seeing your wife naked?!” He just says they’d be thrilled to see me and it would be fun. Like it’s no big deal. I really don’t think he’s imagining past the fantasy to the real world that happens afterwards. He’s just caught up in the fantasy and doesn’t play out the full scenario.

So it’s not only surprise showing, that’s just one idea he’s mentioned. What I don’t get is how he can be ok with his friends seeing his wife. Wouldn’t they think less of him (and me!) if he let them do that?! Not saying it’s his choice. But just for argument’s sake, I would think it would damage a guys ego if his friends all got to see his wife, right?!

Anyways, had to reschedule the counseling for tomorrow morning. Babysitter fell though. I’ll update everyone tomorrow. Thank you again for the support everyone!

I’m learning there are men that are into that. Thankfully he hasn’t mentioned wanting other men to have sex with me! I honestly didn’t think that was even a real thing until I’ve been researching my husband’s interests. I see plenty on that kink, cuckold they call it I guess, but almost nothing on just showing your wife off.

But you think if I give an inch he’ll want more? I want him to be fulfilled, while still holding to my limits. So I try to find ways to accommodate his desires in this area where I feel comfortable. But if you’re right then any accommodating is just egging him on, right??? You really think there’s no meeting in the middle? Not sure what that would even be... but you know what I’m saying.

No, your husband isn’t right about all men liking to see random women naked. So you are saying you believe that if my husband or father or brother knocked on some door and you opened it, they’d be happy to see you naked there? Why? That’s a strange thing to believe. Maybe all 15-year olds want to see every woman naked

I think it’s degrading to think of all men this way. I
think your husband projects his own ideas on other men.

I think if other men seeing you naked excites your husband, then no, it won’t damage his ego. That’s what he likes and I don’t believe he will stop liking. I am just surprised that after that many years you didn’t know that’s what he likes. Usually that stuff comes out rather early.

Good luck with therapy

How has you marriage been with him over all ??? Has he always wanted to explore new things in regards to sex or has this started more recently ?

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You're right. In my opinion, it's not respectful of your privacy (yours alone and yours as a couple).

This is very different than if your husband wanted a threesome with you AND if you were comfortable with it. Instead, your husband wants to expose you sexually to other men, including his own friends.

To me, it's almost like prostituting you, but without the sex and without the fee. That may seem like too strong of a statement, but what I am getting at is it comes across as really disrespectful of both you and these other men he wants to expose you to. And yes, his friends would probably think less of both of you. He is wrong to believe that his friends would enjoy seeing you naked. They may think it's weird and they may even think it's disrespectful themselves.


I truly hope the counseling helps as it sounds like your marriage is good otherwise, from what you've said. Wishing you the best with this issue.

Sexual fantasies in a marriage should involve both people's consent and enjoyment. It sounds like he is only thinking of his own enjoyment. It may not be a big deal to him, but it's a big deal to you. I'm concerned that he just sees you as an object.

Our marriage has been great. We got together when we were 16, married at 19 (young, I know). But it’s worked out fantastically for us. He has a great job which provides us with a well above average level of comfort in our life. He’s a great father. Super engaged. He’s my best friend and I’m his. We have so much fun together. Seriously, if people knew us they probably wouldn’t jump to being so harsh towards him. I probably framed my post poorly and painted him as some weirdo exhibitionist of me. The “accidental” flashes thing is one small aspect of this whole thing. And it’s like at a bar or something he says I should bend forward so someone could get a peek down. It’s weird, but it’s not like unheard of at a bar where people are looking to pick up women. So I probably should have titled it “ husband wants other men to see me naked” not anything about the “accidental” exposures. And that’s really where my questions are. He wants me (being fully consenting) to let his friends (also fully consenting) see me naked. So people are getting hung up on the “accidental” part and it’s not about that. Like fine, I totally understand that’s no good. I agree. But that’s not my issue, and I’m sorry I framed it wrong. It’s the him wanting other guys to see me. Like he wants me to go to a male gyno. Which I’ve never done. It’s not out of the ordinary for many women. But he likes the idea of another guy doing all of that to me. Or he’s booked massages for me and after I find out he requested a male masseur. Then he wants to hear if the guy saw anything extra than he’s supposed to. He just has a thing for other guys seeing me that’s cropped up recently in the last couple of years. And it’s been super gradual. Suggesting more revealing bikinis, then requesting me to stop wearing a bra, dress sexy when we’re going out, all the way to just saying he wants me to let his friends see me naked, or the naked room service thing. So it’s weird, and not what I think almost any other married men would want. But everything about our life and marriage other than this is great. He’s a loving, attentive, engaged husband and father. Divorce is so not even in my mind. Obviously something is driving this kink and I want to find a way to either work through it, or figure out how we fit it into our lives in a mutually acceptable way. Not sure what that looks like, but those are the questions. Oh, and like, why? Like what gets a husband to want to show his wife to other men. That seems so counter to how I know how protective men are of “their women”.

And to answer the other part of your question, he’s always been more adventurous in our sex life. If we try something new, it’s at his suggestion for the most part. Not 100% of the time. There’s plenty of things that are my idea (normal sex things I’m talking about here). But the vast majority of sexually ideas come from him and always have. He’s the one buying new toys etc. so he’s always had a very high sex drive. And I’ve had no complaints. It’s been fantastic up until this stuff.

I must be from Soddom and Gomorrah, lol. I know people who are swingers and into just where I think your husband’s kink is heading. I think he has been testing you, just a little bit of risky behavior, then more, and it won’t stop as you go along until you are full on swinging... with his lifelong friends!

Well I’ve definitely felt that way at times since all this started coming up. And I wonder if when that stuff is the focus of conversation if he sees me that way. But the reality is that the rest of our marriage is a fantastic partnership and friendship. You would never know he had these leanings. He’s an amazing husband and father. All my girl friends are jealous of what we have. And I feel incredibly blessed to have a partnership like we have. So there’s no other parts of our life where he treats me like an object. And we have your standard, everyday sort of sex plenty and he’s very loving and attentive in those times. So I have a hard time painting him as just completely sexually objectifying me when I know that to not be the case the majority of the time. It’s very confusing. And I don’t know if people are capable of compartmentalizations in that way where I could just be a sexual object in one instance, but the rest of the time not...