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#501
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He actually proposed taking three months to move back in until I’m comfortable and while he seeks help. So it’s not what you think.
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"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#502
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Oh ok I didn’t know that. So did you agree? Is that why he isn’t moving stuff out?
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#503
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I did not agree. He moved more stuff today.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() divine1966
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#504
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It's my conditioning from my father. I am used to being dismissed, overlooked and ignored. I am used to a male being the central focus. I am used to his needs coming first and mine coming last. My work ahead is to break this conditioning.
I am now angry over my husband's response to my ex fiance's death. I cannot believe he had to make MY grief all about HIM. HIs response to me was APPALLING. Just appalling. Why am I still surprised by his extremely self absorbed behavior? Each and every time, it shocks me. I told him he's a MONSTER. He is not human - he's the devil incarnate. I think he has many demons to contend with. The things he does are not normal behavior whatsoever. I couldn't believe that he tried to argue with me about US and our relationship on the day of my grieving a loss. Then after I told him he's a monster and to leave me alone? He does a complete 180 and tried to comfort and console me. He kept contacting me to offer his help. Yeah, right. I don't need YOUR help, thank you very much. It was a mistake on my part to even tell him. I was rattled, and I told him. I need to THINK first BEFORE texting and BEFORE acting. I often will act on my emotions - I need to stop doing that. I am pissed off this morning.
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"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes Last edited by Have Hope; Jan 18, 2021 at 06:09 AM. |
![]() RoxanneToto
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#505
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And he keeps telling me how unhappy and miserable he is without me. He says his life is empty now. He thinks that if he hammers away on that point, that I will somehow change my mind?
I have told him: I don't love you anymore my feelings have changed I don't view you the same way as I once did I can never trust you again - you ruined my trust in you you cannot make me happy And he STILL argues with me over this.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#506
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Quote:
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
#507
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Quote:
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#508
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When divorcing, do people typically keep daily contact and keep a close emotional relationship, and seeking validation? I see how you are all over the place emotionally, back and forth on this. (Someone even more shaky may be doing this dance for 25 years ![]() I understand it is very emotional for you and you have plenty of mixed feelings about your ex’s passing. I’m sorry it happened. ![]()
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"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
![]() Have Hope
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#509
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Quote:
He did eventually offer his condolences, but only AFTER I got fed up and called him a monster. Oh, I am well aware of the dance I am doing right now. Perhaps it's something I just need to experience and go through myself in order to truly learn. At least I am leaving an abusive marriage early on and before it gets far worse. The writing is on the wall, and I am proud of myself for leaving him, despite all his begging and pleading and tears. I should actually be celebrating my strength right now, rather than feel down on myself for trying to talk reasonably with someone who is unreasonable. I know that it's futile, and that is becoming more and more clear to me. And thanks so much regarding my ex fiance. SO sad and SO tragic.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() RoxanneToto
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#510
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Quote:
__________________
"And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
![]() Have Hope, RoxanneToto
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#511
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@TishaBuv, thank you!!! ![]() ![]() You said it!!!! He IS a drain on me in SO many ways. And he continues to drain me. I had a nice respite from him yesterday with very little texting and no arguing. We don't need to talk today either for any reason, so I get more of a break from him. And yes, he has substance abuse issues, or addiction rather. I have been drinking more lately, but I know I can curb the habit and I don't need alcohol in order to feel good or right side up in my life.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#512
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Quote:
__________________
![]() Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
![]() Have Hope
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#513
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Yes, however I am allowing it. It's a pandemic, I am home alone most of the time isolated from people, I am enduring an arduous job search and unemployment, and I am going through a nasty breakup and divorce. I think many people would be drinking if they were in my shoes. Many people may not even be able to manage and cope with all that I am enduring.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#514
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I'm watching Thelma and Louise right now. And it's quite significant to me at this moment in time. Abuse, over time, effects a person's mental health very negatively. I am testimony to that happening. I have unraveled emotionally, I have let loose on my husband in absolute and sheer rages on and off via texts, and I am not all there right now. Thelma went off the rails because of her abusive husband. And Louise? She was raped and then shot the man who tried to rape Thelma.
Obviously, I will not turn to a life of crime! But this movie is very suitable right now for my mood and the state of my mental health. I don't think people realize how much abuse unravels a person emotionally and mentally.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
#515
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Quote:
![]()
__________________
![]() Leo's favorite place was in the passenger seat of my truck. We went everywhere together like this. Leo my soulmate will live in my heart FOREVER Nov 1, 2002 - Dec 16, 2018 |
![]() Have Hope
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#516
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Yeah. I hear you. I don't have that right now.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() eskielover
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#517
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And.... once again, my husband tries to cross boundaries by asking ME to research cheap movers for HIM. WTF? What am I to him? A servant? A bank? I told him no, yet again.
I am getting better at strengthening my boundaries with him. I've said no to extra money, to researching movers and to emotionally supporting him when he thought he had covid.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() RoxanneToto
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#518
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Good for you for not letting him use you. He’s old enough to be responsible, the fact he wants to act like a helpless child isn’t your problem now.
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![]() Have Hope
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#519
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![]() SO true! He IS acting like a helpless child. He's not my problem anymore though. And I have far more important tasks and issues to tackle right now.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() RoxanneToto
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#520
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I'm having heart pangs - I think because I really miss having a partner to share my life with. I have reconsidered my husband several times now. Yes, I have - of course I have. His pleading got to me and got to my heart. But I know it's all lies and a front. I know he's full of BS and I know that it's simply just manipulation. I know all this. But a part of me wishes we didn't have to divorce. A huge part of me wishes he had been a different man - a far better man - and someone I didn't feel I had to leave. I sooo wish this had turned out differently. I cannot believe where I am at right now.
And he's acting all normal now. As though we're friends or as though we're on good terms. We're back to being cordial now as we coordinate details about switching the cable account to my name. We both had to complete paperwork, he has to scan the documents at his work, then email them to me so that I can upload them. What a royal pain in the butt! Geez. Could they make it any more difficult and arduous? But yeah, he's acting as though things are fine between us, when I am bitter.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() RoxanneToto
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#521
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He is hoovering me big time.
I know in my mind that it's pure manipulation, all lies and smoke screen. I know that he wouldn't TRULY change his ways. I know that if he sees a therapist, that he will simply manipulate the therapist and would find a way to blame ME or to place equal responsibility on ME for our fights, which he starts each and every time. I know that him wanting me back is simply so that he can maintain control over me. I know that he wants to be the one to leave me. I know that IF I went back, it would hurt even more than it has. And I know that he would set out to destroy me completely, while being able to leave on his terms. Right now, it's all on my terms, and he's probably suffering a narcissistic injury.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() RoxanneToto
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#522
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From one of. my abuse groups on Facebook:
"Ghosting a narcissist is a huge blow to their ego, one that causes a huge narcissistic injury and can potentially even lead to a narcissistic collapse (especially if they are struggling to line up replacement supply). If you discard the narcissist and this catches them by surprise and in their view they are not ‘done' with you yet, expect them to give you the fight of your life to stay with them. The narcissist needs to be the one doing the discarding, otherwise this inevitably causes them to accept their lack of control over you and lack of self-worth for being discarded. This forces them to see their ‘real-self' which is the vulnerable/ insecure person they spend their entire life running from. You can expect the narcissist to try and reach out to you, and for all of the good things you ever saw in the narcissist to re-surface when they do. This is to confuse you and make you doubt your decision for leaving. Narcs are good at making you feel like you are letting go a part of yourself/ soul for leaving them. This is why it is important to cut ties and go no contact asap, otherwise they will try and reel you back in."
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
![]() RoxanneToto
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#523
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I was soooo excited last night about my job offer and SO happy, that I picked up the phone when my husband called to congratulate me. We talked and I told him about the job. I had been sad that I couldn't actually celebrate in person with him, but when he threw a pitch in to the conversation to get back together, I had to tell him once again, that my feelings towards him have changed. I wanted to tell him about my job though. This is SO hard. Harder than I ever could have imagined. I think it's only natural that I wanted to share my great news though.
I told him I cannot see him in person - he is coming over tonight to move more things, he asked if he could see me, and I said no. Apparently, I am still not good at boundaries, but I am trying.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes Last edited by Have Hope; Jan 21, 2021 at 07:05 AM. |
![]() RoxanneToto
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#524
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I thought you were going to wait to tell him, you’ll need to tell because of health insurance but he didn’t need to know now. He’s going to start asking you for money even more than now and you’d likely pay for him picking up his stuff. He isn’t in a hurry to get his stuff. Well he hopes to move right back in.
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![]() RoxanneToto
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#525
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Like I was saying above, I am not good at boundaries and definitely need to keep working at it. It was SO hard not to share the good news with him. I was beaming with joy and I was all alone in my apartment, celebrating by my lonesome self - not fun. All I wanted was for him to be here to celebrate with me. I think my feelings are conflicted. Maybe I still care for him. I'm confused.
__________________
"Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |