Are people in your life extremely unsupportive during your hard times?

You are continuing to feed the lie about being traumatized, that’s a pure fantasy you have built up by your entitlement attitude. You were not traumatized by your GM. The more you go on about that and bring it up as an excuse for your bad behavior the more you drive people away from you. What happened to your decision NOT to bring him up any more? I agree with Eskie, you don’t belong in a work environment.

Ok. I constantly think about him 24/7, even in my nightmares when I’m asleep. It’s exhausting, leaving me with zero ability to handle ANY stress. So the slightest thing made me go beserk and it happened so fast (split second) I didn’t have time to think through my actions.

But based on my 3 major outbursts (including today), do you think I have any chance of not being fired? Three outbursts in a week and a half btw. Cuz district manager had a talk with me before

I am beginning to think you are trying to get fired Ruby. Folks here have offered you fabulous advice. You say you are going to follow the advice, then you don't.

Your boss says no more outbursts and you have two more. You screamed in front of a customer today, then ran off crying. That is not acceptable behavior in ANY work setting, not just fast food. I'm not buying that you don't understand it is not acceptable behavior because of ASD. You have been told multiple times here and IRL that it is not acceptable. You've demonstrated in the past that you are capable of controlling your behavior.

I agree with Nammu. Your behavior comes across as entitled. You created a fantasy of a relationship with the GM. You now say you are "traumatized" by him setting limits with you. I'm not going to speak for anyone else here, but as a person who was abused, physically, mentally and emotionally, for years I find your use of the term "trauma" insulting. Someone setting boundaries on your behavior toward them is not abuse. It is not trauma. It is self care on their part.

I understand intellectually, but I have zero emotional control despite my best effort. Thinking constantly about that GM is exhausting. Therefore I have no energy left to handle any amount of stress. Short fuse is when you were hit so quick with overwhelming feelings that you have no time to think it through. You just explode.

I handle stress better when I could prepare in advance, but it’s impossible to predict EVERYTHING that could possibly happen. Such as when my helpfulness wasn’t acknowledged. That literally made me fight or flight.

Are you saying they’ll fire me if I don’t quit? It’ll help my decision

Then stop thinking about him. People here offered you good suggestions to distract yourself - use those ideas!

Keep up this childish behavior & you won't need to make any decisions. I agree with Lizardlady, I think you are trying to get fired.

You have made up a fantasy relationship with the GM & you are playing it for all it's worth. You no longer even have a concept of reality. It sounds like a serious attention seeking ploy at work & here just to get people to interface with you. If you are really as bad off as you make yourself out to be then your decision should be an easy one for YOU to make without the input of anyone else

I’m curious for how long has this been a pattern for you, Ruby.

Did you ‘look up to’ teachers or other adults growing up? Did they distance from you once you became overly needy?

You have mentioned a few of these incidents happening with the managers at this and past jobs.

I’m curious where this pattern started. It might help you to write out (you don’t have to do it here) the order of these fixations turned to meltdown triggers. Have there been many? How have you moved forward from them? Was it to find a new target of obsession?

Fourth grade. My teacher was 25. I loved her. She didn’t really like my attention all that much but I didn’t get a restraining order or anything. Hell, she very rarely even sent me to principals office.

I stopped this behavior throughout middle school in order to fit in my ever changing group of friends. I’m in popular group one day, average ones next. Back to popular group.

By junior year of high school, middle school type drama eventually died down completely. I needed guidance to move on to adulthood, so I had favorite teachers just like Kaitlyn from Arby’s did in HER high school years. Those teachers didn’t like my attention at all (unlike kaitlyn’s teacher). But I put my hurt feelings aside to hang out with my friends and they were EVERYWHERE.

But work? Being an adult? Forming caring adult relationships? I mean everyone seems to do that successfully but me.

I know it’s hard for you guys to directly answer what YOU think my chance of being fired is based on my 3 recent outbursts. So I took to Reddit. EVERYONE who gave a direct answer said they have a HIGH chance of firing me. High chance means it’s better to quit, right? Even my mom said I have around 20% chance of KEEPING my job.

I’m not ******* up on purpose. The slightest stress literally makes me explode in split second. For the past few weeks. My fuse is that short bc I spent my energy constantly processing my grief. Literally tried my very best

Ruby, there are connections here. Example, I am sure you were already told to stop going around the profanity filter, because mods came in and edited it, and you keep doing it. You know what the rules are at work, and you break them anyway. You blame it on saying your emotions make you out of control. If that is really the case then you should quit your job until you have therapy and can learn to control your behaviors. If you are not in control of your behaviors then you don't need to be living independently, shouldn't be making decisions, and should certainly not be working with heavy supervision.

“I know it’s hard for you guys to directly answer what YOU think my chance of being fired is based on my 3 recent outbursts.”

^I don’t know that much about how management procedure works. Are you trying to determine if it’s more advantageous for you to quit vs being fired for being employable for another job?

Yes and whether I’ll be rehireable so I don’t burn bridges. Cuz I’m sure they understand how hard it is to control my feelings cuz I’m at the end of my ropes

It's not about controlling your feelings. It's about controlling your actions.

You can feel whatever you feel. You need to control your actions though. And I don't believe that you don't have the ability to control your actions. You control your actions all the time when it suits you, I'm sure. I think you are trying to get attention at work, even if it's negative.

Idk it’s like having such a short split second fuse that I literally don’t have time to process overwhelming feelings before I explode. All that happens in split second.

My fuse hadn’t been that short in 3 years

If you had a longer fuse in the past it means you have the skills to control your behavior. Stop making excuses and start using the skills you have.

Having BPD can be the cause of this. I believe you, Ruby. I have zero fuse myself when it comes to my trigger. It doesn’t make your disruptive actions at work okay. You don’t get a pass in life because of this disorder.

I don’t think fuse is something you can lengthen at will unfortunately. I had short fuses many times before in my life and it was through great effort and quite a long time before I got it to normal length. Only for horrible things that happened to shorten in back down. I think it’s got a physiological thing to it, like the length of your hair.

That said, I’m doing my VERY BEST. The fact that I pulled off a good day yesterday means I’m definitely making effort. But it’s GREAT effort. I’m exhausted. Hopefully if they understand I did my absolute best, I’ll be rehireable if I give notice

Is your main trigger the ‘looking up to’ fixations with authority figures? Do you have issues in other areas, too? How do you do with friendships or romantic relationships? How is your relationship with your parents?

It is very hard to control your problematic behavior (inappropriate responses) to your triggers. Good for you for making some progress. If the main trigger is the ‘look up to’ the manager thing, don’t you think it’s best to avoid the whole situation in the future? Don’t work jobs with a manager so you don’t set yourself up for this same inevitable problem.

Others suggested differently structured jobs you can do that you have the college degree and intelligence to do. Tbh, working fast food with a college degree isn’t the best one can do. (I didn’t finish my college degree ).

IDK why you have the ‘look up to’ fixation, but accepting you have it, and knowing it’s going to go the same bad way for you every time…it makes sense to avoid it IMHO.

Can you see that as true and accept that for yourself?

I don’t thing my job is safe at this moment. I filled out one application so far… to big lots. VR is assigning me a counselor who’ll contact me in a few days.

While I’m waiting, just wondering who’s gonna send me presents? Anything is fine and any amount of $$$ spent is fine. I prefer a Porsche or Lamborghini. But I’d just as gladly accept an iPhone upgrade, an iPad, lunch at ihop, or even just a piece of candy. It’s the thoughts that counts

Ruby, you are the only person in control of what goes on in your head and how you act. No one shortened your fuse. You stopped using the skills you had. Yes, you had a good day at work yesterday. Then, today, you screamed at a manager in front of a customer.

It's good that VR has assigned you a counselor. Why don't you show them this thread to give them an idea what's going on.

That said, I am going to practice some self-care and step back from this thread.

This thing with your GM is a delusion and unless you work with aT to lose this delusional thinking it will follow you to every job you have.

Just few days ago you said VR refuses to work with you and your case is closed due to you having a job but today they assigned you a counselor. How is it possible? To reopen the case you had to submit some documentation and do application again and be made eligible. It takes at the very least a week or more like two weeks. How did it all happen fast like that? Or is this regular VR, not disability services based? What agency is it?

GM might lose his job and get in major troubles if word gets out that his subordinates have some kind of relationships with him, relationships so intense that subordinates can’t do their job because of him. Are you trying to get him in trouble?

“Screamed at a manager in front of customers.”

My earlier post on this thread mentioned the first time I worked for McDonald’s back in 2009. And how during my last month and a half, I was scheduled exactly ZERO hours. My final offense? I screamed at the GM in front of customers. All because a coworker refused to be friends (from the get go, btw. It’s not like she ever liked me).

This is eerily similar. Even more concerned now and I’m glad I contacted VR

I assumed my case is not gonna be reopened based on what my job developer said. She’s definitely not encouraging me to seek other employment. But I want to so I contacted VR myself and they’re contacting me in a few days

No. I don’t want him in trouble.

But I’m pretty sure it’s me they will ultimately kick to the curb. Cuz they see it as I’m crazy and harassing the GM. They see him as a victim just like they see my Arby’s supervisor as the victim.

They knew I “had a thing” for him for the past 3 years