I let him back in and now I am kicking myself #2

Good point!!!! He used to get me flowers every other week or so, so that's why he did this, I do believe. He knows I love flowers and they cheer me up.

Well yeah many husbands buy their wives flowers, but you two filed for divorce and are separated so no sending two dozen roses isn’t a normal gesture and isn’t done to cheer you up. Going through divorce doesn’t mean people can’t do something to help their former partner with something or cheer them up. It’s understandable. But not roses and not two dozen. He does it now because you called him and he now has more hope. He is love bombing. It worked last time so he’s encouraged.

You might want to reread your threads when you were separated last time. Unless memory fails me, everything what is happening is almost identical. You need him. He amps up his love bombing. You get together. He’s love bombing for a bit more. Then he stops live bombing and it goes downhill again.

He should not be “showing up” to his soon to be ex wife’s residence. It’s self absorbed and inconsiderate. You might have company. And in fact you had company few times! What if he showed up then? But he’s confident in what he’s doing. He’s smart

I think hes a idiot for treating Have Hope badly

By saying he is smart I don’t mean he is a wonderful human being. He’s smart in terms of how he knows what works on Hope, in a sneaky way. First “I am there for you, poor you” then it’s roses and now valentine day coming up and it’ll be roses and chocolate because he knows it will make Hope feel good not to be alone on valentine day because he knows what matters to Hope. He knows what works. I never said he treats Hope or anyone well.

sorry i miss understood what you meant

i didnt want Hope to feel as though him being smart makes her stupid or weak

cause she's not stupid or weak

You may or may not find this helpful:

In the past it seemed to be both of us (my h and me) who were doing the high highs and low lows. I then made myself very clear that I want steady consistency and will not engage in the high/low dance. I have stopped. I now observe that it is him trying to do the high lows. I’m not taking the bait. For whatever reason, he is incapable of giving me normal, healthy, moderate consistency. The only thing I can do is disengage, separate, individuate. I’m never going to get what I need from him. I have grieved that already. I’m just being compassionate to myself and to him.

He had sent a few lengthy texts too. I had unblocked him a week or so ago to discuss signing the divorce papers. He is trying to woo me back again. I am pretty astounded that he would want anything to do with me, after kicking him out of his home twice now. He is saying things like "you looked so beautiful" and "I was full of emotion after seeing you" and "I just wanted to hold you and give you love".

It does pull at my heart strings a tiny bit, I must admit. And a part of me wishes I could ask him to move back in, only to help me pay rent and bills. Obviously, I will NOT do that, because I don't love him and I don't want him anymore. A friend even asked if he could be my roommate. NO WAY. I am only sharing my deepest thoughts right now and they are there because I feel desperate. He is not allowed back in my life though. Never again. I will find other solutions - I will get a job if it's the last thing I do. I have to get determined.

I’m sorry to hear you lost your job and hope you find another soon. I’ll tell you what my mother would tell me: May your fingers fall off if you dial out to call him. Sorry if that was too harsh, it worked for me though.

Look at what you said when he last reached out to you. If you are no longer that person for him then it is grossly unfair and hypocritical to expect him to still be that person for you...

That is a strong message and a little harsh.

Wow! That does sound really harsh.