Am I experiencing emotional abuse? I’m feeling like I’m going crazy

It is hard to explain for a layperson like me.Experts have explained traumabonding very well.Google it and see if you can relate.My suggestion is to stop thinking about him and try to educate yourself. Posters have already suggested some psychological phenomena. Please Google those and read up.A lot of times people like us can't imagine these maladaptive behaviours are actually abuse.Our minds just donot function like that.We try to come up with some kind of logical reasoning for illogical behaviours. That confuses the hell out of us.So it is very important to read up on this and get awareness.

It builds up in your system. You aren’t satisfied in this relationship. It’s not a healthy one. So it doesn’t matter if it’s that moment or another

Work with your therapist on managing BPD symptoms. But this guy isn’t a good partner regardless if you have BPD or not.

That's because you're taking responsibility for his poor treatment of you. You're blaming yourself, when you should not be. Many victims of abuse blame themselves. Again, it's not your fault, and his poor treatment of you isn't because of your own blowups. He is treating you poorly and is 100% responsible for his own behaviors.

The fact that you have to “try” to see his bad sides and it’s not obvious to you, tells me he’s not the first man to treat you poorly and it’s not the first time you blame yourself for their behaviors.

When Victims Blame Themselves For Their Abusers Actions

"According to the Mayo Clinic, it is common for victims of domestic violence to at least partially blame themselves for the situation. This is often due to the way that domestic abuse eats away at the person’s confidence and self-esteem. They may even blame themselves for what is happening in the relationship.

The following are four common reasons this can happen:

- They believe their partner. Abusers generally fail to take responsibility for their actions, instead blaming the victim for their loss of control. After months or years of hearing this message, victims often begin to believe it.

- Their partner is considered ‘nice’ or ‘normal’ by other people. Domestic abuse is about control and manipulation. As a result, many abusers end up being very charming and are often well thought of among friends, family, or in the community. This can lead victims to blame themselves and to think the situation is a result of some shortcoming on their part.

- People they do tell downplay the situation or refuse to believe them. Sadly, there are times when a domestic violence victim will confide in a doctor, therapist, co-worker, family member or friend, only to have the person downplay the incident or not believe them. This only reinforces the idea that the victim themselves is to blame.

- There have been occasions where they acted out against the abuser. Everyone loses their temper sometimes. For domestic violence victims, episodes where they yelled, slammed a door and stormed out of the room, or took some other type of action against the abuser may be viewed as justification for the abusive behavior."

4 Reasons Why Victims Blame Themselves For Domestic Violence

You're welcome. I don't know what GUC is but other than that, if I was offering my opinion to someone in the spirit of goodwill and helpfulness, and they turned around said 'you can't give me your opinion' (above quote), for me, that would practically end any chance of me wanting to develop the relationship further. I am a sensitive person though.

I'm not sure about the criteria of how to label certain things as 'abuse' or not, but I know what's acceptable to me and what isn't and, respectfully, if that's how he talks to you then more trouble will be waiting for you down the track. You'll likely end up quite depressed. Sorry. 🙏

thank you! I’ve been reading on narcissism a bit when I’m able to but then it just got me questioning myself if I’m the narcissist & not him. My therapist told me last night, “if someone is making you feel crazy, that is diagnostic” which made me feel better that I’m not the problem..

sorry the GUC was a typo haha. It’s just like he doesn’t want to hear my opinions or thoughts anymore but if HE has an opinion he feels like he has the right to tell me. a few weeks ago he told me I was a “dumbass” for asking why the wallpaper he was getting installed in his daughters room takes 2 days….I told him he was being aggressive & he said “when you ask dumbass questions you get smartass answers.” and I called him a name & he said “just because I’m acting like a *insert name calling* doesn’t give you the right to call me one”

thank you for this! abuse is just such a big word it scares me that I throw it around loosely in regards to his behavior towards me

Trust everyone here who says it's abuse. Like I've previously suggested, do research online for emotional and verbal abuse tactics, and see if his behaviors match. Then you will know for certain for yourself.

Him calling you dumbass was insulting and provoking act.They poke and bait you until you lose your ground and then call you names,call you crazy or call you the abuser .It's an abuse tactic. No wonder you are confused and feeling crazy.

A man calling you names should be enough reason to leave him. It’s offensive.

Okay, at this point I say it's abuse. It's fair to say he's abusive. Please. Maybe this kind of talk seems funny(?) at the time or what-have-you, but if you fall in love with him, this stuff will destroy your soul. It's the only way I can put it.

Throwing around loosely? He called you dumba$$, please. You really think it’s ok?

My dear smile1217,looks like you are in denial.A defense mechanism when in abusive relationships. I can relate with you .I thought something was wrong with me,and I deserved the treatment I was getting because I was a faulty person, when I was in denial. In denial you normalize abuse.Not until I accepted it was abuse and I was not at fault, nothing made sense.Now it's like puzzle pieces falling into place to form a clear picture of what it really is.Oh,boy.

oh I definitely did not think it was funny at all, it really caught me off guard at how aggressive he got over a simple question. so I called him out on it and asked if he was bipolar, because he was literally fine & then just snapped & but my head off. he freaked out when I asked if he was bipolar….he said “excuse me? you literally shrink to the lowest levels of the words you use. **** off. don’t ever ask if I’m bipolar again”

Oh okay, yes I understand @smile1217.

My gosh, he has a long way to go in the way he talks to you (or probably to anyone else for that matter.) Very abusive and hurtful. Emotional abuse, yes. I'm sorry you've had to endure that with him.🙏 He has a lot of problems obviously, and there's the 24/7 drugs and addiction issues. It all points to someone who is lost, and any kind of relationship with him will be very challenging, in my view.

Of course, the final decision will fall upon you in this area. Choose wisely, friend.🙏

I’m just feeling really pathetic because I’m sitting here wishing he would reach out when I know I don’t need him to

Aw. No, it just means you're a caring person and you want what's best for him, and obviously you've tried to encourage him to reach out, so that's good. I mean I don't see him as some kind of 'monster' or something, he's just a guy on his journey through life, playing the cards he's been dealt like all of us, and whether he sees it or not, he's struggling with his life. It can be heartbreaking to think about really. You're not pathetic smile1217, I just want you to know that.🙏

I haven’t really encouraged him to reach out. I haven’t tried contacting him in 3 days. The last text I sent him was basically saying I have to walk away & that I’ll always love him & be here for him if he needs me….I don’t know how great that was to say though if he is in fact narcissistic like my therapist says he is

@smile1217

Oh okay, I thought you'd encouraged him with his AA - which is a kind of reaching out. Anyway, that doesn't matter now. Well, good on you for ending it, it takes courage.👍 Without sounding critical though, you basically left the door open for him by saying 'you'll be there for him,' so, you didn't mention whether he'd been trying to contact you in the past 3 days? If he hasn't then that's good - the drama can end. Peace can come back.🙏

no he hasn’t tried contacting me

I am really struggling today trying not to reach out to him…*sigh*

Not easy. Try to find distraction and things to be busy with

When ever a feeling or thought about him tries to intrude,take a distraction immediately. Don't let the thought take hold of your mind.Grounding activities are good distractions. Gardening is one example. Do something that needs focus.Take up some hobby.Do some self care.