Am I experiencing emotional abuse? I’m feeling like I’m going crazy

Why does it bother me so much that I’m blocked when I know it’s a toxic situation…

I would say consider yourself lucky.He blocked you and saved your time. The guy has lot of issues and is a bad news.If you are feeling hurt and unable to move on consider therapy.

It’s understandable. When we get attached to wrong people, it’s not easy to let go. I think good therapy can help to explore why you were interested in a man like this. It could help you to heal and avoid such men in a future. Stay busy.

Yeah, the filling the void definitely does happen. It's common in recovery circles in my country too. You have good insight because what you told him is correct.

The love that he's seeking needs to come from within himself, for himself, and for some time if there's to be any chance of improvement, I believe.

His wife most likely left him because of his substance abuse problems.

This guy is just going to be a problem for you. You can’t believe anything he tells you and his dysfunction will only make you feel crazy.

AA for two months? He is not committed and one thing strongly advised in the AA program is to not get into new relationships.

Please end this relationship, it’s only going to be very unhealthy for you.

He has been gaslighting you, so yes, that is emotional abuse. He is accusing you of what he himself is guilty of, which is projection. He is unstable and unhealthy. I would block him and steer clear of him. Let it end and let it be over with. You don't need this kind of toxic man in your life.

I’ve seen people abuse Xanex and they are on psych meds AND they still consume alcohol.

BIG RED FLAG OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE DISORDER.

Yes! They exaggerate and lie. They will go hungry to have money for their drugs/alcohol.

thank you for that I don’t know much about AA at all but I can see he isn’t truly focusing on himself like he should be…or he is focusing on himself but just in the wrong way. when I told him this he basically said I can’t give him my opinion, but GUC is something new because we’ve always given our thoughts to each other.

yep he is prescribed xanax, klonopin, lorazepam & adderall I believe. along with his prescription weed he smokes almost 24/7…

thank you. I guess I’m just confused why I’m so…doubtful & second guessing myself of is he really the problem or was I..

yes he told me last year when she filed that she claimed he was an “uninvolved alcoholic father” and “emotionally abusive” of course he swore up & down this was all untrue & that she was narcissistic, and the problem because when he got home from work nothing was done, etc.

his dysfunction has already driven me crazy I think lol, I’ve been “friends” with him for about 11 months so I’ve listened & witnessed a lot of it. I hate the way things ended for us but I also realize me being in his life right now doesn’t benefit either of us, especially him because he needs to prioritize himself & healing…which I guess he still isn’t regardless since he’s dating a new girl

Abusers deliberately try to make you think that you are the problem instead of them. This is why they accuse YOU of what THEY themselves are guilty of, and this is why they project all their own problems onto you.

but I am feeling like the abuser right now by the times I’ve had emotional outbursts towards him & said hurtful things to him…

That’s how abusers operate. They mistreat you but when you react, it’s your fault. It’s also typical to feel unstable in a relationship with an addict. They keep you off balance. Stop blaming yourself

That's called reactive abuse. You reduce yourself to their level because no other communication method or approach has worked. And yes, they can turn it around on you, accusing you of being the abuser, when in fact, they are the abuser. Don't feel awful about this... it's sooo common and very natural to react to abuse in these ways!

is it normal common to react though even if you aren’t being abused necessarily at that exact moment you blow up?

is it common even if you aren’t being abused in that exact moment that you have blow ups?

YES most definitely! I am a member of several abuse support forums on Facebook. I read countless stories about reactive abuse from women and men. It is very common, and can happen at any point.

I just feel like I don’t know….I’ve been struggling with borderline personality as well so I have a huge fear of abandonment & I think my body & mind goes into overdrive & I feel like that also makes me freak out sometimes & be anxiously attached….which in turn also makes me feel like it’s my fault. like I feel like I just pushed him and pushed him until he broke instead of giving space

Bordeline Personality Disorder within yourself does not justify or explain him gaslighting you and abusing you. You do not deserve his abuse, regardless of your mental health status or diagnosis.

It's good you are so self aware of your abandonment issues and attachment style. He would have abused you, even if you had been perfectly behaved. It's not your fault. Engrain that statement in your DNA. His abuse is not your fault and it's not your responsibility.

thank you for that, it’s just really hard to get myself to believe it right now. I feel like I ultimately just pushed him away from not regulating my emotions well

Read up on emotional abuse tactics and see if his behavior matches. That may help you to feel a whole lot better.

Don't be that metaphorical frog sitting in warm water that is gonna boil soon.Jump out of that pot and save yourself.Most likely you are trauma bonded to him,because of abuse tactics he played.

what is trauma bonding?

part of me just feels like I am TRYING to see him in a bad light if that makes sense