Roll Call #79

Hi SP. Glad this boyfriend is working out. It's all about finding happiness in life the simple ways of life. 😊 Hope your love continues to grow!

Going to go see The Nice Guys with a friend. Also got $2 tacos for taco tuesday =)

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I ****ing love tacos just saying ha ha ha.

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well the movie had limited seats and they were couches.. it was a couch theater. so we bailed. im back home now. my roommate and her fiance are watching a movie. im chilling in my room waiting to go to bed.

T told me today that he usually knows if ive been using bc it makes my psychosis come back out of nowhere. on saturday i thought he was in my brain listening to my thoughts. i texted him to get out and that i hate him. after he called my mom he said maybe now i wont get any more texts accusing me of being in your brain. i said um, yea. hopefully not. i have had a hard time admitting the drugs affect my psychosis. it was like i just didnt want to admit it and i would blame it on other factors. hopefully now my paranoia will subside. after my session with T my mom texted me "i love you". i thanked her for being understanding and willing to help me. she said she will do anything she can , and that i mean so much to her. i know i keep saying it- but i feel so relieved.

oh- my interview went ok. she asked a few interview-y questions. i think i did pretty well. she said she will contact me on friday or monday to let me know if i move forward to the face-to-face interview.

im off work til friday so im gonna have some free time.

good night yall

Morning...

I'm off to see my psychiatrist soon. Not sure what the outcome of the appointment shall be, as much because I am undecided about things myself but we shall see.

Hope everyone has a good day.

I'm sure that must add a bit of interest but I could see how they could get frustrating asking the same questions all the time!

As it happens, there are often medical students sitting in for appointments at the psychiatric hospital I go to. My current p-doc asks me if I mind, which for a while I've been saying I have... so they just go elsewhere. With other people they haven't given me the choice, just told me there was someone sitting in. Once they didn't even tell me who they were.

PS - Oh I am happy you are getting on well with your new b/f. It is definitely the mundane things that count! Can't always be doing exciting things.

PPS - 1.5? How do you see half of someone?

Well, back from my appointment.

For some reason my brain refused to work. Was like a blubbering idiot trying to find the right words, or things to say. A was a bit like that this morning talking to my Mum, so I don't think it was anxiety per se. Oh well.

Anyway, his thoughts on hearing that I've applied for the college course are to see if that helps in anyway since he thinks the social isolation doesn't help.

Seems sensible to me. My next appointment is like 2-3 weeks into the course. Things might even resolve themselves a bit in the 3 months before I see him again. Can always call if things get hard.

Of course, symptoms are playing up a bit this morning though so can't win! Seems to be the way a bit... I'll be fine for large parts of the day, or a few days then they start bothering me again.

So, fingers crossed a) I get a place on the course & b) my symptoms stop bothering me.

Good morning.

I'm Canadian so I'm going to medicinal marijuana myself. I applied before but they said no because of schizophrenia but I never knew it was "More legal" now.

Reasons;

- To prevent Alzheimer's Disease as it runs in the family.
- Nerve deterioration
- Severe agitation
- Spinal Cord Injury
- To gain weight
- Sleep disorder

Obviously I just want to get high so I can stop self medicating with stimulants and research chemicals to prevent the severe agitation.

If I don't get psychosis and it helps that is.

Fair enough federal govy?

Ps thanks

Pps two of us are mentoring one student so I only have half the responsibility....

Good morning everyone. Still feeling ****** here. I don't know how to get out of this dark place. I see pnp soon so hopefully a med change will help. My t put me back to weekly after being bi weekly for months. Not sure how I feel about that. I wish she were more helpful. I told her about my son and she acted shocked. I thought therapy was non judgemental. I don't know maybe I'm expecting too much out of it.
My symptoms are acting up. No voices but the paranoia is back with a vengeance. And this damn depression. Ugh I'm already on the max dose of Effexor I hate the idea of trying to come off of it. Anxiety is also high. Ativan is doing nothing. I'm thinking of trying vistaril for a change. Maybe it will shock my system. I'll have to remember to grab some when my husband gets home.

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SP I'm glad you found someone to do the mundane with. It really does strengthen a relationship.

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back after a while

when i first posted i self diagnosed myself. later i went through 7 months of hospitalisation and got my diagnosis for paranoid schizophrenia

with medication i can function normally, there are still some delusions present and some days i get a lot of symptoms

how are you doing?

I was just thinking of you on Monday! I hope you're doing well.

I'm not sure I'll tell the social worker when they pay their visit. I'm enraged by that moron cop last night. I can't even visit the thought of him in my head without feeling rage.

And now the damned pcp is making me come in to get the effing gabapentin. I hate his guts!!!!!! I cannot get down the effing stairs!!!!!!!

I think it helps to remember you think you cannot get down the stairs because you are scared of something bad happening. That doesn't mean you cannot actually go down them. Big difference.

Face the fear & it'll gradually get easier each time nothing bad happens. If you just take things slowly you'll be fine. I know anxiety can play havoc in cruel ways sometimes...

But that's what the fear is, I was telling myself similar things and i still fell on the damned stairs.

Accidents happen... I don't know what else to say.

If you'd fallen down them a few times, or it happened regularly... then fair enough. But...

Well, what would you do if you suddenly got very phobic of the stairs? If I can't get in the clinic by myself they will probably force me back to the hospital. And I don't think the hospital can help. All they'll do is tack on more drugs that will make me even more dizzy and afraid. There is no good way for this to happen.

Can you get your friend to come & help you down the stairs? I'm pretty certain that just doing it even once will help a lot...

This is from the NHS website:

I wish. No, he's still in Europe for work. Thanks for the suggestion though.

So the first thing I say after I finally get someone on the phone is that I need help with the stairs. Then the receptionist is saying he has an opening tomorrow and I completely forgot about the stairs.

This is just horrible. I'm losing my mind and I'm so freaked out.

Tomorrow I'll have to try to go. If I can't, I will call in with my apologies. I don't know what else I can do. He will be extremely pissed off at me but I don't know what else to do.

Thank god the son is home and I'm waiting on the daughter. I made it through another day without going to the hospital. 2 more days until the weekend when we will all be together. I can't wait until summer vacation.

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Well I managed to get a human again when I called the clinic, after being on hold for like 10 minutes. I hopefully won't have to deal with the stairs for a little while. I'm so sick of that clinic, they just want you coming in constantly.

I'm still really worried about the whole thing. I'm in a crappy situation. I'm really sick to death of everything.

I need help with the stairs. I don't know what I'm going to do.

And I have dementia and I'm afraid to tell anyone.

I'm really struggling to take my tablet every night. Most nights it's a battle with myself to take it. I've managed to take it every night for two and a half weeks with help from my bf. I'm just too used to not being well I'm actually missing it, which I know is ****ed up.

I'm really scared that the SW will commit me again. That would be a terrible idea because the April commitment very negatively affected me. It resulted in my phobia of the stairs which is a very debilitating condition.

Do not want to go back in. It will not help.

are you sure about the dementia?

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