Roll Call 198

I am okay. I am having a lot of anxiety but I suppose that is to be expected right now. I switched therapists and I am trying to get to know one and get enough help. My GP thinks I could benefit from two sessions a week but IDK how to ask for that or even if I should do that. Something to think about. HUGS Kit

Im sorry you’re struggling do you feel you need two sessions? If you fee you need them it might be a good idea to ask, the worst that can happen is they say that’s not possible

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Yeah that's true. I don't think I need two sessions all the time but right now I feel like it could be helpful. But I don't want to seem too needy where the T dumps me.

That’s understandable. I don’t think a professional would dump you though just for asking, it’s worth a shot. Maybe explain your fear to them, and work through it

Have you considered DBT? Official DBT therapists I believe you are in session once a week and have phone coaching available 7 days a week. It’s helpful for issues such as self harm and anxiety and stuff like that. Just a thought of something to maybe look into if you wanted. I’ve never been through it but there are also many therapists that work with DBT though in conjunction with other forms of therapy. There seems to be more support in that type of therapy

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If you’re not comfortable asking for more sessions yet that’s okay too. Maybe you will be when you’re more comfortable with your new T

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Yes. That's what I think too!

Oh another cool place is opening near here in the spring. A cat cafe! They have cats roaming around the cafe , you can order baked goods and coffee

My sister sent me a link. So we’re gonna go there this spring when it opens

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That sounds awesome! I know they have some in Los Angeles but we don't have any here by us!

Only slept 4 hours and very light sleep at that, so it’s making my anxiety worse today and making me paranoid, about people being out to get me

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Sorry about the smoke breaks and your friend Angelique and the roommate situation, I hope things work out /get better

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Fun! Life is fun.. That's all it is.

Of course, I struggle terribly. How much sui thoughts are fatal, idk.

But today was a good day - Went skiing =] Spent a nice time with my mom and a friend.

I'm helping yet again, another autist friend with addiction to stimulants. Usually just talking is okay.. But often, the stimulant needs to be completely consumed + run out of money. That's the only way.

Saw my doctor today. Got my gastro scope results back everything is all good with my gut and my celiac. I’m doing all the right things with avoiding gluten.

Anyway he asked how I was. Mood wise I think I’m pretty good still? But he asked about my anorexia how I’m dealing. I told him basically after I saw him I was looking at a cookbook and realized I was undereating worse than I thought. And I’ve become more aware of my skewed thinking about what is normal and how what I’m doing isn’t normal. This self awareness thing. Especially being around normal people this week.

Like I feel I’m on a right path. And he agrees. He says he’s not too worried about me because I’m making good choices now.

I know I feel better not so stuck in my head. But I still haven’t told my mom or sister how I’ve been because part of me wants to hold onto it. Like I’m not ready to completely stop what I’m doing.

Like it’s not really even about losing weight anymore I just don’t want to eat. It goes I don’t want to eat. Then I reluctantly eat lunch. Then I reluctantly eat dinner. It feels like a chore most of the time. Doctor says maybe it’s part of depression but he even admits he doesn’t know much about anorexia.

But I’m making progress. And I told my doctor I put myself on a wait list for a psychologist that specializes in eating disorders. So he said that’s good.

I see him in about three weeks. Hopefully I have good progress.

One problem I keep having is I find these healthy or low calorie snacks at like Winners or somewhere and I buy them. Then I get too scared to eat them. So they sit there. And then I find more snacks and the process repeats. I need to eat those snacks.

I heard from people about eating disorder treatment centres and they make people eat three meals a day and three snacks in between. That feels like so much to me. Nowadays I eat small lunch, regular dinner, and maybe a snack. My thinking is so skewed.

Anyway now I’m getting around and around here with my comments. I cried a little today when I was talking to my doctor. I apologized and he’s like ‘sometimes you have to let it out’. Isn’t that true.

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I talk about my anorexia relapse to practically everyone except the people I know in real life. Including my mom and sister.

I hate making people worry.

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I want to stop all of my meds and stay in bed for a few months. The world is a bit much for me.

I'm flying to see my sister in 3 weeks, so I should continue.. making a life..

Thank you Blue_Bird. Things are getting a lot harder, and I hope that's the extent of it.

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My anxiety is better but my depression is a lot worse. It's always one thing or the other. Anxiety. Depression. Paranoia. Hallucinations. Psychosis. I am destined to never be well apparently.

Hugs to everyone here

I don’t have much to update with, I’m going to the coffee bar place in a couple hours from now, looking forward to it.
I got some new detail paintbrushes for my miniature figure painting hobby

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HUGS Blue_Bird

Have fun at the coffee place and yay for new paint brushes!

Have fuuuuuunnnn!!!

I’m making tacos for dinner. Ned is getting his booster shot when my sister’s done work.

Weekend plans nothing really except I might try to pick up some doggy DNA tests so I can find out exactly what breeds our dogs are.

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Just got home from the coffee place. They have an actual bar in there too, like alcohol which is cool. They were very friendly and nice people. It’s a very hipster type vibe. I like it a lot. The food was amazing. The cappuccino I got was great. I got an oat milk cappuccino with caramel , and half a chipotle chicken sandwich and a black cherry soda. My sister got half a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup and a black cherry soda. She bought a book for her daughter/my niece. I bought Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman for myself. My sister said she didn’t want me to spend money on a book for her, she liked the books but just saw something she wanted to get my niece so she got that. I know she doesn’t want me to overspend on her. Anyway, it was very cool, very lively, they have ceiling to floor wall that’s just books and they have like really nice editions of really good books and they have a table full of paperbacks in the middle too. They also had like candles and little gifts and stuff.

They also have game nights, live poetry readings and live music sometimes as well

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Glad you had a great time! I encourage you to go another time for live music or something.

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That sounds great Blue_Bird! I'm glad it is a good place!

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Good day today. I worked at my regular job this morning, and then at my moms work until the evening.

Good focus, calmness, happiness =]

It's strange that people just naturally don't have to deal with constant ups and downs from meds/drugs (Unless they're bipolar).. It would be a relief for me, just to imagine that.

Although my mind doesn't really make sense - But I don't care.

I'm glad you had a good day

I also wish I didn't have ups and downs in mood, it's hard to deal with I hope you have a good weekend

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