[learningtoloveme]

Hi, I am Amanda and I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD. I am working on a new combination of medication with my doctor and am not quite stable, I had a huge manic episode two days ago and am starting to crash into a deep depression. I am glad to be a member of this online support group.

[thoughtsthatithink]

Hi all,

Just joined this community-- my friend urged me to find some compatriots in my battle with BP.

I was first diagnosed with BP in 2009, but due to changes in location/jobs/insurance, my doctor changed. My last prescribed me 200 MG Zoloft. That megadose landed me in the hospital last Tuesday, and made me rapid cycle like the Tour de France. I've been trying to schedule a somewhat soon psych appt with no luck-- nobody's taking patients for several weeks-- so I might go to the ER again sometime soon, hopefully at will, not via ambulance this time.

Right now I'm hoping that my heartbeat will eventually calm down and let me sleep. I work seven days a week, but will have my weekends back in March. Hopefully that brings some relief.

I guess you can call me Thoughts. I really appreciate the work everyone has put into this community, and look forward to contributing what I can. Thank you for this space.

[mspence6]

Hey! My name is Marian and I have bipolar disorder type II. Before that I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, which I suffered through for several years.
The year 2011 (may it be stricken from the record of time) was a living hell of hypomanic and extreme depressive episodes. However, I'm currently on a brand new medication and I've been "stable" for a month and a half. Life is definitely better.
Well.. mostly. Situationally, the only complaint I have is that I'm single--and trust me, I complain about that one A LOT. Emotionally? Good question. I don't really know where I stand with that one. Having been suicidal for so long, I'm still getting used to "normal" emotions, whatever that means. Right now it just feels like I don't have any at all. From what I've observed of myself, I tend to show emotion for the sake of fooling a crowd. But when I'm by myself I spend most of my time apathetically analyzing everyone and everything around me until I can make sense of it all (or at least until I have assured myself of the universe's unlimited complications, after which I resort to daydreaming to pass the day away). I justify everything and do nothing. I don't enjoy school. The men in my life--do I really want to say "literally" here?--are fictional beings fabricated by the genius of filmmakers and storytellers. I think of them often so that I can fool myself into thinking that I felt SOMETHING that day.
Basically, I'm medicated and now I've got more problems. Great.

[moodiegirl]

Hi,
i've already introduced myself at the New Members section of the forum, but i'll write a bit about myself here too.

I'm 26 and i was diagnosed with bipolar about 6 years ago. I was manic first, didn't sleep for 2 months straight, then i had psychotic symptoms and later on depression. Since i started therapy and medication i've been relatively stable (with a few mild depressions in between). I had some problems with my meds some time ago and stopped taking Lamictal for a while, now i'm on it again and i'm experiencing moods which last for a much shorter time than they did before.

I hope to recieve some support here, to help others too and to meet some friends maybe, life has been a bit lonely lately - i'm currently "working" at home studying.

[Rose76]

I just got told by a pdoc, who is new to me, that I'm probably "on the bipolar spectrum." For 15 years, now, I've been told alternately: "Yeah, you are bipolar." - "No, you're not." - "Yeah, you are." - "No, you're not." It's back, currently, to "Yeah, you are."

This is not really funny anymore. I am in and out of severe distress, which, quite frankly, I think is due to being unemployed. (I am single and self-supporting.) When something in my life causes me real genuine hardship - like being out of work for an extended period - I become really increasingly distressed, and eventually get told that I'm bipolar. But, anytime I get the problem resolved - say, by managing to get a job that works out - then my diagnosis morphs into some vague chronic depressive issue.

For many years, I've been on amitriptyline, or one of its cousins. The only thing I know for sure is that I am greatly better on it, rather than off it. Every other thing that has been ordered doesn't seem to help much. I was down to just two meds, but now they got me up to 5 meds. I was tried on so many things that they are now just retrying me on stuff that was tried years ago.

I've been up all night because I am so upset trying to think what is what. I was in the hospital recently and was told that my diagnosis was Major Depressive Disorder and that they felt no need to re-think that. Now I get told this today and that I am to start taking Seroquel. The new pdoc says I might feel a lot better on "anti-psychotic" medication. Well, there are meds specific for bipolar disorder - like Valproic Acid. Why would he start with "anti-psychotic" stuff? I got lost listening to the answer.

I lost a job and a fairly decent income. My sig. other is in failing health, and I am very worried about him. I have a spinal problem of my own that I am very worried about. It's only recently that my own physical health has become a significant issue. My next of kin are my siblings, and serious family problems cause very strained relationships. I have a new job to start that I am frightened of. Increasingly, I am having difficult issues with physical pain. I feel distressed badly, at times. I don't think the 5 different psych medications are going to fix what has gone wrong in my life.

I am terribly depressed at the moment. Where I get my care is an awful place. It's a public facility, and it is described, even by staff who work there, as a broken institution. I feel like I have no where else to go, but I'm becoming afraid of this place.

I'm sorry if this is too much angst to put here in the "Welcome" forum. I didn't really know I felt this bad about everything until I started trying to explain it. I've been up all night just thinking.

[AniManiac]

Originally Posted by mspence6

Basically, I'm medicated and now I've got more problems. Great.

Actually, there's been some discussion recently related to this thought...

I doubt that you really have more problems. It's more likely that you have your bipolar symptoms under control enough that you're able to recognize other underlying or related issues, which may or may not be related to BP.

If you don't have a therapist, you might want to consider getting one to help you work through these challenges.

Good luck!

[argv]

Hi I'm zach.

I was diagnosed at age 21 with ADHD. Then a couple months ago (I'm 35 now) I got diagnosed with bipolar. I began to wonder about the ADHD diagnosis after reading some books about ADHD and having very little in common with what they were saying.

Anyways, after studying bipolar disorder, I determined (after a brief bit of denial that I'm still going through) that maybe I am bipolar. I dunno. I didn't realize my patterns until reading posts by other people. I've never liked people, or been able to make connections with them.

And I like to play music, paint, and watch movies.

[LadyLaura]

Hello,

My name is Laura and I was just diagnose 3 weeks ago as having bipolar type II. I was misdiagnosed 11 years ago so I am dealing with a huge change. My doctor and I are going through the thought process of treatments. I am having a bit of trouble getting the medication he wants me to be on but we are working on it. I have been reading up on this disease and I can't lie and tell you that I am not scared. The truth is, I'm deathly afraid and lost at the moment.

I will share more as time goes by. Just wanted to introduce myself.

[heytheresunshine]

Hi,

My name is Becca. I'm 21 and have bipolar. About three weeks ago I stopped three antidepressants and two sleep meds at one time. I went to the doctor and he is supervising me. I am continuing to take Lithium, but I'm finding myself feeling depressed.

Tonight there is a dance at my school. I don't feel like going. I know its not the end of the world for me to miss one event, but I'm worried I'm going to start a pattern. I used to keep to myself a lot and stay in bed all the time. I also have this fear of being around people when I'm depressed becuase I don't want them to notice it. I am no fun to be around when I'm not feeling well, according to my family. I used to attend a real life support group, but there is not one in my area. I'm thinking of trying to get one started, but in the mean time I was hoping to find some here.

[star123]

Hi i'm star. i'm 24 now and have many cycles of manic episodes, these may be symptoms of bipolar. I went to doctor they diagnosed me only for depression. These medications won't work . I have obsessive thoughts about all types of stuff and can't make them stop. I'm searching for a job but too much worried for that i cannot sustain job. I'm having very bad experience with relatives,friends currently.

Often i'm worried there are no support group here, and i have to suffer whole life having manic episodes

[ingalot]

hello everyone,

I'm ingalot (well... that's my nickname), and i think that i have bipolar. how can i know for sure?

one day i'm ultra hyper, and the next i'm extremely depressed and self-harming. in other words, my emotions are all over the place.

......... i've been severely depressed for a couple of years, with week-longish stints of really happy/exited/active times............. i also have lots of anxiety.............

how can i know for sure, and should i get help????

[Rose76]

ingalot - I'm not any expert. I'ld just like to say that I don't think there always is such a thing as being able to "know for sure." Not for you . . . and not for the pdocs. They are still kicking it around in my case - and have been for years.

In the case of uncertainly, what they tend to do - I've found - is try you on some mood stabilizing drugs and see if you improve. They might try Lamictal, or Lithium, or other things.

I hope you and the pdocs can get some kind of a handle on the source of the problem. It's not fun to be have emotions "all over the place." That's kind of how I get. Remember - you can have more than one diagnosis.

[ingalot]

....... i've never had any meds.......

^^ so little sleep............ i really don't know why i'm still awake........ hmm..... i might go salute the counselor today she'd pull me in to see if i'm sane if i did i've been....... avoiding her..........

eh! could be worse! i mean, i'm bouncing around today on 4 hours of sleep...... who knows what will happen! ^^ sooo hhhhyyyyppppeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr

this probably isn't good......

But it's FUN!!!!!!!!!

[ninjamel1644]

My name is Melissa Craig, and I am 27 years old, turning 28 in a month. I have probably been misdiagnosed since I was first diagnosed with depression almost 10 years ago.

I was recently re-diagnosed by my therapist as Bipolar, and if she had to pick between the two, even though both are similar she said type I. She left notes for my psychiatrist whom I see tomorrow, about my patterns and how I fit in as Bipolar. I am at least happy I have a diagnosis, something I can look up and figure out if I am getting better, getting the right treatment, and interact with my doctors to get myself better.

But the reality of it is I was told this very well could be a life long disease, and would need to take medications for the rest of my life so I don't relapse. I only hope that more Bipolar medications come out generic, as well as Depression medications, so that when I am off my manic moods I don't crash. Any help or advise anyone could give me I will welcome greatly! Glad I found this place. I am trying to find as many places and people to help me out including but not limited to my therapist, psychiatrist, my pastor, and psych central. I just hope that I can find everything I need to make this mental disorder more bearable. Thanks to all who will listen and give advise in advance!

[Cariad]

Hi Cariad here. I'm not sure if I did an intro ages ago when I first found this forum but as I haven't been active I'll do one now.

Female, 55, married, no kids. The pdoc who diagnosed me with BP1 said that he believed I've been BP since my middle teens based on details of my history. However, for most of my life pdocs and Ts just said I had major depression .. probably because they never saw me in mania and I didn't bring it up because I felt so damn good at those times! It was a relief to finally get a Dx and know that I could now be treated with the right meds and therapy. I was finally diagnosed at 49.

My pdoc is wonderful and I'm lucky to have found him, but he's now talking about retiring He's the first pdoc I've really been able to trust. This is mainly because a T sexually abused me when I was 20 (I was very vulnerable and my self-esteem was too low to take actions to stop him). Then I saw a pdoc who actually fell asleep during every session and the only thing he really said to me was "you have the lowest self-esteem of anyone I've ever met, so I don't see how I can help you". My current pdoc has very strong boundaries, respect for his patients and has been tremendously helpful.

Well, that's me

[thickntired]

Hello Everyone,

I was diagnosed as bipolar about 4 years ago, and it got so bad I had to stop working. So now I usually hide at home all day

Peace,

TnT

[thickntired]

Hello,

I was diagnosed as bipolar 4 yrs ago, and it got so bad I recently had to quit working.

I'm glad I found this forum.

Peace,

TnT

[crazylaura]

Hi. I got diagnosed in 2006 but didn't believe it. I had a horrible depression in 2010 then went manic and felt completely tortured for about 7 months. then my husband left me for another woman. i quit my job because i was about to be fired. my husband is turning my kids against me. my life is in shambles because of this illness. sorry to sound so pitiful but things aren't going great for me. I really hate this illness.

[StaticRainbows]

Hello, I'm very relieved to have found this site
I was diagnosed with bipolar1 seven years ago after seeking a therapist for self injury. It's been very very difficult and long road but I'm glad to say I've made it this far

[BlackPup]

Hi all, welcome to PC this is an awesome place to come for support and answers.... don't be shy and feel free to post new threads cos not everyone reads this thread...

[Roguewolf76]

Ok where to start.....well im...Iggy. Ive been talking to a friend who also has a bipolar disorder. Um I havent seen professional help mainly because lack of funds. For years I have always kept everything inside, bad idea I know. Every now and then i would basically...explode when I was younger, just about put my sister in the hospital, broke alot of things in the house, and...made bomb threats on my school without really realizing it. But now things have been getting ...worse. My friend ive been talking to has shown me her observations of my actions which are getting agitated easily, explosive anger, blacking out when I get angry, extreme depression to where im having suicidal thoughts and hurting myself, extremely happy at random times, and then just weird moods to where I think of horrible things. I have also been hearing voices, extremely paranoid, and seeing things. Its.......confusing.

[porcupine2]

Rogue - you might want to check out www.nami.org which is an organization here in the US that can help you find some resources that are affordable or free. It's a great organization and they are one of the only ones that have been really helpful to me when I didn't know where to turn. I was in crisis then and they calmed me down and took care of Everything! Sometimes county programs are sliding scale too. Please see someone, no one should ever try and go it alone. That's why we're here

[Stryder]

Thank you. I am new here and came in on a storm-cloud of doom and desperation. I've been in a huge depression for three months now and just got back from an appointment with my therapist. My situation is so bizarre I don't even know how to begin. How's this? Sigh. Okay, I was experiencing extreme panic and depression and told my whole family. I got slammed into inpatient by a new MD and they changed my meds three times, discharged me on Seroquel (horrid drug) and then four days later I od'd :-(. Everybody thinks it's b/c I was depressed, but I really think it's because of everything that had happened.

My family had quit my job overseas for me and I have nothing here. By the time I called work it was way too late for me to rectify things. Has anyone here had their family interfere the way mine did?

My life was NEVER this hard before I was diagnosed six months ago.
I feel so sad and alone. I don't even have my cats here. I'm on unemployment and have way less money than I'm used to - by a very long way. It's about 1/4 of what I was making. I am miserable. My family all think I'm insane.
Please help and I'm sorry I sound so sorry.

Originally Posted by Merlin

Welcome to our forum! Come in and introduce yourself to other members!! This thread is place for new members to get the attention and feedback of the older members, or older members to give more information about themselves. They can discuss diagnosis, treatment or another other topic of their disorder and older members will respond.

I created this introduction thread due to the number of introductions posted on the "Bipolar Chat" sticky. The Bipolar Chat that I lead is now scheduled on Fridays at 9 PM EST. It will cover a variety of topics which will be posted in the chat announcement and outlines will also be posted for those unable to make the chats. The first Friday of the month Wingin'it will lead an open Bipolar Chat. Those will Bipolar are also invited to the Depression Chat on Wednesday at 9 PM EST, but there will be significant overlap in topic.

Hi, my name's Gretchen and I just joined this site a couple days ago after google-ing "bipolar support groups online" and realizing I fit right in. A few weeks ago, I experienced what I believe to be some sort of panic or anxiety attack and that has lead me to finally seek help for my long-term (10yr.) depression. My husband has been adament for the longest time that I am bi-polar. I looked it up and thought "maybe". Then I looked up this forum and as I said, I fit right in. I can relate to so many of you here and finally have a place where I feel like I fit in. My mania is not so severe as some of you but my depression gets really bad. I have appointments lined up with a psychologist and a psychiatrist and I am excited about finally getting the help I need. I feel like I am at a point now to where I can stop keeping this a secret and now I can put away the shame and embarassment over my behavior and be honest about all of this. Thanks to everyone for being so brave and hugs all around!

[porcupine2]

Welcome HighPriestess - love the name by the way. I'm like you - my depression is much more prevalent than the mania, which tends to show itself as rage and impulsiveness. It is so helpful to have forums like this that you can see what is going on with others that are going thru the same thing. I think you will find you are among friends here.