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#201
Nov 05, 2011, 01:52 AM
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How do i subscribe
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#202
Nov 05, 2011, 02:16 PM
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To threads? That's what I'm guessing, so here goes...
Your specific question: http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=146773 A good guide covering many features that's more in depth than the FAQs: http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=116 Welcome to the forums, Hands64001! 
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#203
Nov 06, 2011, 12:30 PM
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Hello Everyone,
I'm Beebizzy, 38, and living in Europe. I was diagnosed with bipolar 17 years ago, and again with bipolar II a month ago by my new pdoc here, due to a depression followed by hypomania. Despite 2 diagnoses, I have trouble believing it. I feel like I absolutely must have an assurance that I wasn't making anything up, before I can accept it. However, I'm working on it, and being here and reading similar experiences helps :-) I have not told my family (who live in a different country) about this most recent diagnosis or illness because they were a bit dismissive/in denial last time and also because I don't see what good it would do me and it might worry them. My ex-close friend said I was 'lucky' to have BP because at least it can be managed with meds. Enough said. My bf is kind but doesn't really 'get it'. So my support is my T, my pdoc and this place :-) Wishing everybody a lovely Sunday! Beebizzy |
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#204
Nov 06, 2011, 01:36 PM
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Whoa, I've been creepin' on this site since Friday when I found out thru my dr. I have hypomanic biploar disorder. I, being the creative fool that I am , have begun to piece together these last few years and decided to write about every nuance of this recovery in a journal. Since I am on new meds, I am on the damn fence on whether the treatment is worse than the disorder. I tried splitting the pill in half and it did not help. I want to be functional so badly. Make sense?
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estherose |
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#205
Nov 06, 2011, 11:43 PM
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Hi everyone. I'm very confussed and i feel so alone yet my perfect child sleeps in the room next to me and my wonderful loving husband trys to cuddle and tell me he loves me and asks me what is wrong... He is so frustrated that I don't "talk" to him but the truth is I'm not really sure myself.
When I was a teen I had a battle with depression. I was hopolized b/c I tried sucide well I didn't really try but I thought about it fanatizied about it more or less. My family found a my posts on a site much like this one and had me admitted 1 week after my 18th birthday. by this time I had found comfort in cutting myself and digging my nails in my arm when I coudln't find a razor blade. I look at my scars now almost 15 year later and in my right mind I think what on earth were you thinking Jessi and in my current state I think GOD I JUST WANT IT TO BLEED OUT. Anyway in the end I was said to be uni polar no manic states. Depression comes and goes and is very alive in me during the winter months. About 2 years ago I was unemployeed and I had an anxiouity attact after a interview all I wanted to do was cry and panic to the point that I coudln't breath and I thought I was going to pass out. Last year on my son's birthday I compleatly lost it. I was so excited he was 4! YEAH MY BIG BOY. then the feeling of oh no set in. I lost it Don't really remember a whole lot maybe I blocked it out all I do remember is my husband being a mess with worry called my sister who lives 30 mins away to come "help" me at like 2 AM. Now the current state of mind. the reason I think this may be the place for me. and maybe not I'm no Dr. This past week I have not been tired I just can't fall asleep. my mind is racing we have been taking my son to kindergarden classes to get thim ready to start in August I've been so excited practicing flash cards with him and reading to him. Saturday morning I woke up and my husband and I made love. We went to Vince's soccer game and had a blast. I was overly excited and can't wait to coach next season and have a bunch of 4 and 5 year old doing everything I tell them to. I ran around the feild like I was one of the kids. After the game we stayed and talk to another couple and started plaing our spring soccer season. I want to be involved I need to be needed. normal excitement I thought. Keith and I had planed to run to some stores to get some idea for Christmas the dredded season of the year. Well we never made it out of the house. I went upstairs and yelled at my husband that I always have to do everything can't he get the kid dressed how about making him something to eat and i truned into she devil. I just all of a sudden had this need to clean I had to have everything looking perfect It had to be in the right spot when I got no help or support from my husband I started to throw things away I even pushed my steam cleaner down the basemant stepst. Keith asked what is wrong with you and I said I don't know just leave me alone and this isn't one of that moments where i say leave me alone and I mean come hold me. I ran to my room and locked myself in. Keith pounded on to the door for me to let him in. I just needed to get away I needed to be alone. the Window I thought. I opened it I crawled out it and I sat on the roof. and I thought about I wonder if I could fly. I thought this is stupid what am I doing it is cold i'm in my bear feet and of course I can't fly. I went back inside. still in a state of rage. I started yelling for no reason and tried to pull my own hair out. I rolled around on my bed like I was possesed. I started to cry and just kept telling myself this isn't me stop it stop it stop it stop it but I coudln't I just coudln't controll myself. I have to say this is the worse I have ever been. He went to grab me and pushed me on the steps it hurt and I cried.this made me more upset I yelled leave me along leave me alone just go just go he had this rage in his eyes I have never seen. I said go ahead and hit me give me a reason to hit you back. my husband finally pissed that I locked myself in our room and was yelling for no reason broke down our door. grabbed me and threw me on the bed I went to retaliate and left several scratches on his face and neck and ripped his shirt. I finally broke loose got up and ran up to the bathroom when I crawled in the tub and creid. all the while asking myself why am I crying why am I so upset. From behind that locked door I could hear a small scared voice saying mommy are you ok why are you crying mommy I'll make you feel better and he drew a picture of our family. my husband, myself, him, and our dog. with rage I cut myself out of the photo and told my husband I never wanted him. I never wanted kids. (which is true but being a mom I would never trade it for anything.) That Vince was HIS son not mine. I said evil thing about my 4 year old. his is just a baby how could I do this. Then the door bell rang it was my step mom she showed up out of the blue. She wanted to take us to dinner. As my son told her that mommy and daddy were getting unmarried. we blew it off and I put on a happy face and went along. When I got home I locked myself back in the bathroom. Keith knocked on the door asking if we were playing this "game" again. A game? A game really this was my life my thought my feelings not some game to me. but I couldn't tell him his. I finally emerged from the bathroom after all the tub was cold and not comffy at all. I went to my room remembering that I can't lock myself in there. then I thought if I push our king sized ben in front of the door he wont be able to get in. That is just what I did. He ended up sleeping on the sofa me in our bed alone. just the way I felt alone. By this time I wanted a hug but I felt like such a bad person that I ddin't deserve it. I didn't deserve love and affection. I was a bad person and I eneded to be punished. Well no one was punishing me but me. I did fall asleep early but then woke up and coudn't fall back to sleep. Remembering I was alone in my room I peeked out got our black lab and had her come sleep with me. in the morning my husband came in to wake me up and ask me how my night was he was sweet and caring I was tired and depressed. I told him to leave me alone and don't come back. I called our son his son and told him i didn't want to see him. My husband has been down this "depressed" road with me before and he left me alone but came back about every hour to see if I felt better and was ready to get out of bed. I didn't get out of bed till my lab was prancing around the room she had to go potty I had to get out of bed to put her in the yard. Keith asked if I'm going to stay up with them if I wanted something to eat. Did I want to watch something on TV with them. My answer was no and I crawled back in my bed. I did finally get the energy to get out of bed and I did go downstairs to spend some time with my family but I still didn't feel "right" I felt guilty and anxous. I was not comfortable. My husband tried to give me the space I was demanding yet still trying to let me know he was there. he kept asking me what happened yesterday. Why were you so upset. I didn't have an answer for him. He kissed me softley on my forhead and said he was going to bed. good night I love you. I stayed on the sofa watching TV. He asked me if I would dress Vince for bed. I said yes. When I did finally go upstairs I found vince crawled up on his bed fast asleep in his clothes. I woke him up took off his shirt and told him to go in and go potty. when he didn't return I figured he crawled in bed with keith. but no vince. and he wasn't in the bathroom. I ran downstairs wondering where is my kid. I found him on the sofa in the spot I was laying. He told me he wanted to sit in my spot he wanted to be with me. I picked him up and said oh baby lets get you to bed. I walked him up to his bed helpped him dress in his PJs and layed in his bed with him. he crawled up close and I said I love you baby. I'm sorry I'm such a bad mommy. I thought he was asleep but he said mommy i love you too your not bad. I kissed his little head and asked him if he would draw a picture of our family in the morning he said yes mommy. and gave me a squeeze. I stayed with him till he was asleep. I peeked in on my husband he will sleep better tonight in our bed thinking I will be in soon. Truth is I don't know if it is my turn for the sofa of If i will crawl in our bed. I figured I would play on the computer for a while before bed. That was almost a hour ago when I found this spot and I have been typing ever since. All the while I'm spirling out of controll the last few days I keep telling myself "get it together" "you need to go see a dr" "you need to go back on meds" "This is not you you need help" but I just can't say it out loud.... So My name is Jessi and I know I'm depressed. don't know if I'm uni or bi (polar that is) but I am depressed... Sorry for the spelling I'm not that good and my typing may be bad I just went to town... Last edited by Christina86; Nov 07, 2011 at 01:09 AM. Reason: added trigger icon |
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#206
Nov 07, 2011, 07:17 AM
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wow that sure is long. I know someone read it I hope others do to.
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#207
Nov 08, 2011, 09:44 PM
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Hi Star Gazer 80 and welcome!
Sorry to not write sooner... working that night, next day head was mud, ran around all day today, blah blah blah. Able to focus enough now. (I hate to admit it, because it's kind of an age thing for me, but I have trouble seeing which line I'm reading especially w/o paragraphs. Please don't take that badly, I have to remind myself constantly, but especially if I get manic-y.) Ok. So. Anyway! I digress...  Quote:
Referencing the rest of your post, he sounds like a real sweetie-pie.  Quote:
 Totally get the cleaning now and everything at once thing...Sorry not to have caught this part in the quote gathering thing, because it's really important: "All the while I'm spirling out of controll the last few days I keep telling myself "get it together" "you need to go see a dr" "you need to go back on meds" "This is not you you need help" but I just can't say it out loud..." Well, it's almost like saying it out loud to be able to write it here on PC, and you should give yourself credit for that. You know. You know you know. Please do go see a professional and get back on meds. I'm not one to tell people what to do, but in this case, it's something you already know, and I'm simply agreeing that it sounds like it would be in your best interest. I recently had a med adjustment that is doing a world of good, so I'd sure love to see you be able to get to a better place too... 
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 porcupine2
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#208
Nov 09, 2011, 06:30 AM
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I woke up very excited and full of hope after the outcome of the elections yesterday. I was feeling so rageful at the world in general and now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's been a long time...
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As I lay down in bed each night I look up at the stars and wonder "where the heck is my ceiling?" |
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#209
Nov 15, 2011, 05:45 AM
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[quote=Annie Laurie;2025083]
Quote:
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#210
Nov 15, 2011, 05:47 AM
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Quote:
Thankyou for you response. I'm kinda getting better at the moment, so I'm feeling a little more positive. Talk soon xo |
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#211
Nov 15, 2011, 06:02 AM
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Quote:
Thanks so much. Makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. I've just come out of a major depression & I'm fairly manic myself. Don't know what to do with myself. I try to do things that are productive & not naughty, but it's hard sometimes. Thanks again xo |
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#212
Nov 17, 2011, 11:19 AM
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Hi, I live in Garland, TX (suburb of Dallas).I am diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder, schitzoaffective disorder, and PTSD. I tend toward the depressive side although I'm manic now. The meds (lithium and lamictal) are sort or controlling it. I did recently spend over 600 dollars on shopping sprees. My husband was NOT pleased (600 bucks is a lot of money on our budget). He understands though. The temptation to stop taking the pills for the bipolar is strong, to fully experience the mania. But I know that's not the right thing to do. I'm a recovering alcoholic (3 yrs) and don't think I could make it thru a full blown manic episode without drinking or using. I'm still have a small part of my mind that questions my diagnosis'. I been diagnosed for a little over three years now.
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#213
Nov 17, 2011, 06:41 PM
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Hi I'm X and I have been diagnosed for 3 years. I have Bipolar NOS but some psychotic episodes, seems to be rapid cycle, and lots and lots of mixed states. I'm 32 but my last doc said due to what I have told him of my past I have had this since early adolesence. I am not in treatment at this time and not on meds. I am also pregnant but this is my third pregnancy without treatment (previous two were even without diagnosis.)
I've been in a three month long depressive/mixed cycle. Feeling totally disconnected, isolated, and thought I would join something where other people might understand a little bit. I have no one to talk about my illness with. I have been unsuccessful at finding treatment that I stick with. I guess I've been this way so long I just don't know how else to be. Anyway, nice to meet you all. |
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#214
Nov 25, 2011, 06:47 PM
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Quote:
__________________
*Plan for the worst, but hope for the best* 
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#215
Nov 26, 2011, 07:59 AM
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Littlehippie86 - just my own personal experience - but buspirone never turned out to be the wonder anti-anxiety drug they touted it to be. Big pharma bucks since there's no generic yet. I know some who have felt like absolute crap on that drug. Maybe it's worth a second opinion with another doctor? I hope you don't give up - sometimes we have to take charge of our own health management - sad but necessary.
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As I lay down in bed each night I look up at the stars and wonder "where the heck is my ceiling?" |
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#216
Nov 29, 2011, 02:50 PM
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I could relate i have no friends. My family doesnt understand me. My grandmother is not supportive of me going to na meetings. Im all a reck
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#217
Dec 05, 2011, 08:59 PM
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Quote:
Yes, I can. Without it I cannot even hope to stay or return to stability. It is the one constant in my regemine of drugs. I am utterly unable to stay remotely "normal" without it. Each time the docs try to take me off of it I end up in the hospital crazier than a loon. The "minute" they put me back on it I am up an running again. (i.e. my blood levels return to normal) No longer will I let anyone under any circumstances mess with my depakote. Thanks for listening.
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#218
Dec 05, 2011, 10:26 PM
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Quote:
i live in new York right know w/ my best friend and boyfriend i've been bipolar sense i was 8 never took meds 'cuse my mom never took me 2 a hospital when the school sent me. I was proscribed Lithium 3 months ago and my boyfriend thinks its 2 hard on me do you have any sagestions on what to do
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FOR EVERMORE |
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#219
Dec 14, 2011, 08:31 PM
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my name is Becky, my 11 yr old son has finally had a diagnose of bp NOS (changed from mood disorder NOS), he also has IED, ODD, ADHD and depression... the bp is the hardest to get under control... he has rages that end up with me having bruises and marks... i also have living at home my 5 yr old son who watches all this (and sometimes gets scared, but he is really honest with his brother).. i also have 2 older sons that do not live at home any longer and my oldest (daughter) that comes home from school on the weekends to work.... my 11 yr old, Dyl just got released from the hosp yesterday with changed meds , not sure if they are working or not,,, we are still in the honeymoon stage at this point...
these last few years have been a trial on our family with his outburst, every day is a new day.... |
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#220
Dec 15, 2011, 09:40 AM
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Hello everyone, my name is Bobbi and I am bipolar as well as PTSD, borderline, and anxiety...to name a few labels rhymed off to me over the years. I had my first of several stays in hospital when I was 23 but struggled with depression for most if not all of my life. I come from a strong family history of bipolar relatives some of which have not made it through. I wasn't surprised when my psychiatrist told me I was bipolar...because it fit. I almost think I knew I was before he did, he just had to see it all for himself...lol. Anyway...I have my ups and my downs and I struggle along day to day with the craziness that is my life. I am on Lamotrigine 500mg(Lamictal), Seroquel 500 mg and Clonazepam as needed! My psychiatrist is considering adding an anti-depressant to the mix because of psychotic depression...argh...not more pills! I hope that I can support you when I am able and really hope that you can all support me when I can't...Thanks for being here and listening!
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#221
Dec 15, 2011, 10:01 PM
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Hi Im 39 and was diagnosed in my late 20's with bipolar disorder just got out of the hospital on monday after not taking my meds for 4 months I got suicidle but Im not now Iam a full time student and that causes alot of stress and Im not sure I will go back next semester.I have begun to notice things that are triggers for me and school is one of them so thinking about giving that up,life would be so much more if I wasnt stressed all the time,I could enjoy it more. I have 3 kids and a wonderful and understanding husband and my older sister don't know what I would do with out them.Life is so hard right now,Im on new meds and starting over it seems like,Iam afraid of going out of the house right now bc I get disoriented when I get under stress and I never know when its going to happen alot of things trigger it right now.My moods are all over the place but never happy allways on the down side of everything.I just want to feel better about who I am and live my life to the fullest possible.My oldest,my daughter, is bipolar to,and my 2 sons have a genetic disorder they are all out of the house now and I miss them so much it hurts everyday I don't get to see them much.Sorry such a long post!!Im glad that Im here just wish someone would tell me how to live with this!!!
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#222
Dec 16, 2011, 09:08 PM
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I'm in my mid 30's. Divorced, but engaged now. I have bipolar, along with other mental health issues. I've been off my meds for over 6 months now, but will be seeing a doc soon. I'm on SSDI, QMB, and a Rx plan to help with finances.
I'm feeling very bad at this point. I asked my fiancé to take me to a mental hospital yesterday, and he told me that that would try to keep me there...for months. I have a feeling he's just too embarrassed to tell his parents ( we live with) that I have mental illnesses. His ex wife had some, and apparently she she was way worse than I am...and he says they won't tolerate any of it any more. But paranoia is another one of my illnesses. So it might just be me. I don't know. All I know is I want to feel better
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Night |
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#223
Dec 20, 2011, 03:07 AM
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Im 21, I was first diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder around age 13, and found out at age 14 that I also had Bipolar II. It was a crazy ride in the beginning between these two diagnoses and my already increasing self injury issue. My mom didn't know how to handle me so I spent a lot of time in rehab. I hated her for it at first, but I now know she only did it out of love. At age 17 I went off all my meds and ditched my pdoc. I thought I knew everything, and I was out to prove that I was fine without all the "drugs". I did okay I suppose until one day something just snapped, I decided to seek out my pdoc again and get back on meds. It lasted a whole 4 months till I tossed it all to the curb again. I pretended to be okay, I managed to save face so to say in front of all who didn't know of my issues. I had become pretty good at it, until the cycling started coming on faster and faster. One minute Id be fine, the next im crying, the next Im tearing up the house and all for no particular reason at all. I made the decision last week to start back seeing my doc, and I am currently on Lithium and Wellbutrin, so far so good. I have never done a forum before, and my doc suggested it. She said that hopefully the encouragement from you guys will keep me headed in the right direction. Thanks for taking the time to read all of this.
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#224
Dec 21, 2011, 06:42 AM
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Quote:
__________________
As I lay down in bed each night I look up at the stars and wonder "where the heck is my ceiling?" |
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#225
Dec 21, 2011, 01:22 PM
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I seriously am contimplating suicide. Whats worth it anymore? Pills to band aid the pain. They dont work. Im just rired of me. Tired of the let downs. Tired. Tired. Tired.
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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