[Flyer]

Yesterday:

Introductions,,,

Whew. Where do I start? Surely you jest. Okay, I'll try..., if I have to,,, I guess.

It's been a long road from there to here. Been MI since at least the 3rd grade, following a dramatic event. Prior, was known to be extremely [I guess] shy and quiet.

Dx'd @ 17. Been through many professionals. Only thing lacking has been the funny farm. Been on quite the variety of medications. Finally found my drug and for the first time in my life I felt like a 'normal' person. [Wow, did that open my box!]

Through it all I have come up with a bag of tricks that work for me, generally. The most important ones I recall at this time are: Slay my dragons as soon as possible, when they rear their ugly heads. I have learned what is important in my life. I strive to not worry about things I have no control of. I separate myself from toxic ppl, tv shows, situations, etc [garbage in/garbage out], and surround myself with positiveness as much as possible. Does a dog, who's lot in life is to function with only 3 legs complain? They don't whine, so why should I? Like that would get me anywhere.

Deep breathing works well for me, as does blocking visuals, removing myself from loud conversations, what ever it takes to protect me. I practice [though not as frequently as I should] music therapy, candle lit baths, and other relaxing techniques. I fully believe it is possible to retrain our brains to a certain extent.

I do not 'know it all'. Sometimes I fall. Not fail. Life is a journey.

I come here at this time because I have been in a funk since November. Nov/Dec are my most stressful months. That is understandable. What I don't know is why it is not lifting. Of course I can think of a few excuses, but can't pinpoint 'the one'. That is where the difficulty lies. If I can't identify it, I can't try to remedy it. I feel stuck.
I hope this forum will become a place to come home to when it seems no one could understand. If I have anything to offer others, that might help them, I'm up for that too.

Today may have been totally different, as will be tomorrow. I think I may be in a frozen to mixed state. Isolating, bored, unsure, stuck, not much to feel exited about, etc.

I may not be perfect, but I am Unique.

[Flyer]

Something that is bothering me though, is some of my posts showing and then disappearing. Some not showing at all. I hope this is over soon.

Thank you.

[Silver Eagle]

I have bipolar 1 and have had a very hard time the last ten years. I'm from Sweden and the long, cold and dark winters make me deeply depressed. I have seasonal affective disorder also. In the springtime comes the mania or mixed. At first i love it, everything's so easy, but after a couple of weeks with this hight speed i finally crash into an awfaull tiredness. Even if i take meds. Now i looking forward for the spring, but I'm also afraid of the crash that's always comes.

[Kimba9407]

Hi! I'm Kimba. This is my first time trying a forum, I don't really talk about my diagnosis. Aside from taking my meds I think part of me wants to believe it's not real. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 in 2002. I was initially diagnosed with depression and it was a good 6 months before I was properly diagnosed and got on the right track with my meds. I had a 7 day hospital stay because I was having suicidal thoughts and came close to acting on it. After going through a couple of psychiatrists I found a great one who found the right "cocktail" of meds and got me on the right track. I made a strong comeback, finished my Master's degree and aside from some seasonal blues was doing ok.

Then my husband and I started doing fertility treatments since we had not been successful on our own. Over the course of 2 years we did several rounds of treatments and achieved pregnancy twice, one through IVF, but we lost both. The second miscarriage was at 9 weeks, the week after we saw the heartbeat. It was a very difficult time. The first loss happened while we were house hunting. We were pregnant when we started searching for a house, but weren't when we moved in. I did some therapy with a fertility counselor but stopped when she had to close her practice and I didn't find a new one because I felt like I was doing ok. During the course of all of this I really felt like I was handling things ok, with the normal ups and downs that anyone under those circumstances would have. I certainly don't recall dealing with suicidal thoughts.

To get to where I am now, I had a Dr suggest that I might be peri-menopausal and I panicked. I went back to my fertility doctor and had testing done and was told that I'm healthy enough to try another round of IVF but they won't do it with my eggs after I turn 43, which is next month. At the same time, a friend's daughter went through a miscarriage virtually identical to ours and I found myself reliving all of the emotions as if it had just happened. The combination of all of this and some other work and family events triggered a major depressive episode, complete with suicidal thoughts again.

I started going to therapy once a week and talking to my psychiatrist once a week. My husband helped me dispose of the harmful medications a couple weeks ago. But I am still struggling. I'm working through some issues that I've buried pretty deep and I am overwhelmed with it all. To the point that I have a new plan and I'm feeling a pretty scared. I'm fighting the demons and winning so far but it is exhausting. I'm on the forum to get some help because I can't do it alone.

Wow... This turned into a really long intro...

Originally Posted by aubreypaigeee

Hey! I'm Aubrey.. I just had a baby. I have lots on my plate, & sometimes I worry about not being able to support my daughter. I have made some major mistakes in the past, & I'm really trying to mature & grow up. I am bipolar, along with a couple other things.. & I'm thinking about getting some major help. I want to be an amazing mother, even though I'm very young & have lots of things to be worrying about (including myself). I just need to get my life back together.

Hi Aubrey I to am also a mommy full time just had a baby and am struggling with bipolar disorder it is very very difficult and frustrating I want to be a good mom and be able to take care of my son I to have made mistakes in the past I am praying nothing like that happens again I am a wife too and am struggling to stay married bc of my mood swings and my depression hang in there!

Hi I am new here I am a full time stay at home mom and have been through a lot I have been diagnosed with bipolar depression I have anxiety and panic attacks I have been struggling to stay married my husband is fed up with me my mood swings are out of control I am constantly agitated one minute I'm happy next minute I'm yelling and then crying and can't get out of bed it's a constant roller coaster ride my marriage is falling apart I want to be a good mom it's so hard living with this disease I came here to get some understanding and help and advice nobody can understand me I feel so alone and feel like a freak nobody understands what I'm going through so I came here

[Agarwaen]

Just a positive note.

My SO is bipolar. Diagnosed 17 years ago. We made it. It can be difficult, and has resulted in several break ups and reconciliations. That is not all her. I have my own issues. It is a soup of emotions and moods that is definitely a roller coaster ride.

In fact, right now we are going through a bad phase. The problem being the SO is that I have to allow for the fact that not everything she says, she means.

I took it very badly at first. I was young, and especially ignorant about mental health. I made many mistakes as it concerns her. I feel guilty to this day.

I wish I could go back and change my reaction. I lost myself in online gaming. She slept most of the time. I ... I wish I could do it again.

I hope your husband is better than I was.

[knowyourdoses]

Hello everyone. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder & PTSD over 20 years ago & have been doing my best over the years to get by. Some days are better than others. I've been on the same combination of meds for a few years and I think this is the best I can hope for. Still, there are days when I really wish I could feel good without approaching mania.

The things that help me most are writing and drawing. I've kept a journal for years--that helps. So does having a couple of people in my life who understand and don't judge me. I have a hard time leaving the house most days, so online connection is a lifesaver.

[knowyourdoses]

Originally Posted by Sky101

Hi I am new here I am a full time stay at home mom and have been through a lot I have been diagnosed with bipolar depression I have anxiety and panic attacks I have been struggling to stay married my husband is fed up with me my mood swings are out of control I am constantly agitated one minute I'm happy next minute I'm yelling and then crying and can't get out of bed it's a constant roller coaster ride my marriage is falling apart I want to be a good mom it's so hard living with this disease I came here to get some understanding and help and advice nobody can understand me I feel so alone and feel like a freak nobody understands what I'm going through so I came here

Are you on medication? If your mood changes that frequently, it sounds like rapid-cycling bipolar. Finding the right meds can be a challenge for "regular" bipolar disorder, but from what I understand, it can be even more challenging for rapid cycling. I'm not an expert, btw.The Depression & Bipolar Alliance website has some good info on rapid cycling (and other topics).

I'm a mom, too, so I understand that part all too well. (My kids are grown-up now.) Just know that you're not alone!

Good morning.

I am a 39 year old male that was several years ago diagnosed Bi-Polar.

I rejected the diagnosis, figured like my family always told me I was just "moody"

After several years of battling, relationships not working (2 marriages and 2 LTR's, and several short term relationships nothing over 3 years) and some other very life changing situations (of my own doing), countless jobs (again, nothing over 3 years except for my current career(yes.. career. I do not want to lose this one been here 3 1/2 years!), I returned a year ago to see a Psych. I said nothing of my previous diagnosis, just sat and talked with her about my day to day, month to month life. How things were, how I handled things, my thoughts, feelings, behaviors.

She gave me the diagnosis of Bi-Polar with aggressive tenancies. I think there is some Anxiety in there too, but more on that later. I am manic at times (everything is great and nothing can go wrong!) and I have very angry outbursts. Overly so for the situations when it arises. I get very confrontational and demeaning.

So the Psych put me on Depakote ER, I started with 250mg, went to 500 and was pretty happy on that dosage, but still unhappy with the diagnosis. When the prescription ran out, I made an appointment but kept making excuses to change the appointment and finally just quit trying to go back to see her.

Well, now it is a year later. I finally went back to the doc. She re-wrote the Depakote, this time for 1000mg. I filled it today and having finally accepted the diagnosis, plan on continuing and going back in 3 months to see the psych.

The other side of this is I get very anxious in some situations, mostly negative situations (I am a Regional Manager and I have to deal with my guys when they do something wrong.. and that tears me up... bad, or when it comes to breakup's/conversations about negative things in relationships. in these situations I get extremely nervous, start shaking uncontrollably, talk extremely fast, cant think, sweat.. ). I feel certain my psych sees this, as I talked about all of this with her. I think she is waiting to see what the Depakote does before adding/adjusting or maybe it will help with that too. I dunno.

Anyway, I felt it was time to find a support community. Somewhere to talk about things and hear true thoughts on situations.

Thank you for being here, and thank you for letting me be a part of this!

[bipolarman]

Hi All,

I live in the UK and just turned forty. Was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar two years ago, after having suffered for probably twenty years or more. Finally getting the right cocktail of meds now and am interested in other peoples experiences with the disease.

See you around

[thom2297]

Hi, my name is Thom. I was diagnosed Bipolar I several years ago. I have been struggling with the meds and the therapy for some time now. I need to be honest with myself about my condition. It can be debilitating at times. I am currently experiencing a deep depression. I am glad that I found this organization.

[lunaticfringe]

Hello all,

My name is Daisy and I'm 25 years old. New to this forum so I wanted to say hi! I am diagnosed bipolar 1 with psychotic features, and it's been about 8 years since my first diagnosis. I'm currently struggling to find the correct med combination...having quite a hard time with depression with agitation and poor impulse control mixed in. Looking forward to talking with you all!

[tommyp]

Hi, my name is Tommy. I am 60 now and was diagnosed some 12 years ago with bipolar 1 and anxiety. I have been hospitalized 8 times and have had ECT 12 times. My current meds seem to be working well and my psychiatrist says that I am doing very well with my anxiety. Lately I have been very irritated and snarky. I am also a type 2 diabetic. I am married (40 years) and have no kids.

[Bob C.]

Originally Posted by confused777

I am 50 yrs old & I have struggled with depression since I was a teenager, then in my 20's I was in an abusive marriage & had 2 children & suffered severe depression. I was but on Pamalor at the time & the depression subsided but never went away. I have always felt there was something wrong wih me, but my friends & people I knew would say I was a very smart person & why not snap out of it. I tried, read ever self help book & therapy but nothing worked. By the time I was in my 40's I was in my 2nd marriage, he was an alcholic....then my mother passd away, I found out that I was pregnant at 41, my husband became very abusive during my pregnacy, my father died & my world just crashed to the ground. I was hospitalized for the 1st time because I was theatning suicide. There I found out that I was biplor. I started seeing phyciatrist that put me on meds but didn't address the biplor. After a while things seem to be going a lot better & I quit my meds....what a big mistake. 2 more hospital stays & finding a wonderful phyciatrist that I have been with for 3 yrs I am just now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. However, I also have fibromyalgia & ADD. I haven't worked since 2007 & am on disability. From the outside people looking in don't think anything is wrong...my 7 yr old is an honor student that always gets awards, plays baseball & is in cub scouts.....but I hate to admit it that it is still a struggle to make it through the day most days....I am no longer suicidal & haven't been for a long time & I thank God for that & my faith in him that better days are ahead...I why I am telling my story is that I want to know who other people with biplor live & cope

hi, i caught the attention of your post because I am 50 too. Have struggled with manic depressive illness (old name) since 18 years old. Can't say things have turned out well, but given all that I have gone through, can't complain too much either, try to count the blessings, not the losses.
Take it one day at a time, and try to find real support for yourself, I think this blog can help. Glad you posted your message.

[Nevvy]

Hello there,

My name is Joe and I'm 25 years old. I have been recently been diagnosed with (after a long diagnosis and failed treatments) bipolar disorder combined with social anxiety disorder. I am currently trying to come to terms with it and learn how to manage and to get back to my functional self again. I am currently a student as well doing a high stress study, which frequently causes my anxiety to trigger and I am having trouble trying to even get myself to fall back into student life again.

My mother and sister have both been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which you would think provide me with adequate support...but unfortunately we don't talk anymore, and I live very far away, so I am here hoping to get some support and understanding.

In terms of how my condition is, I am having mild anxiety attacks quite often due to triggers that I cannot avoid, and my mind is often busy and I can not shut down. I have been very irritable as well, and I am in the process of getting my medicine balanced ( Paroxetine, Seroquel, and Lithium) so I am not yet stable yet. I am also having periods where I can't do anything but just stay in bed, and can't dare do go outside.

Along with trying to find understanding of my condition and use this forum as an outlet for support, I also want to learn how to learn myself and to reduce my manic episodes.

[pacificcoast]

Originally Posted by Merlin

My name is Laura and I live in western Canada. I have type II bipolar and post traumatic stress disorder. I am currently stable due to effective medication and am devoting the efforts I used towards getting well towards helping others get well too. I am a community rehabilitation worker and am taking a bachelors in social work focusing on mental illness.

Hello, My Name is Andrew and I am 22 years old. I am living with bipolar I disorder and OCD, my first symptoms began when I was 13. I stated having very large thoughts about myself, then came an inability to sleep. After a lot of stress on my family and 6 days w/out any sleep I was taken to the hospital. By that time my OCD had gotten fairly bad as well, this caused confusion with my doctors and I was not diagnosed bipolar till my 20's. This was a bit of a problem due to not being treated correctly for nearly seven years, resulting in my almost complete inability to function. Now only two years of treatment for bipolar and I am in school, working and expressing myself creatively. My life is still very hard but for the first time in years I have hope, Thank God.

[helpme1414]

Hi, I am kind of lost right now. I do not want to identify too much about myself yet, but I need help. I am in a relationship with someone who is bipolar and we are struggling. More than I can explain. I don't want to give too much info because I am not sure if they use this site or not. (I know they do use some online support sites). I am afraid if they know I'm on this site (and they are too) they will accuse me of interfering with their circles or become angry with me. I'm losing the person I love more than life itself and I can't stop it from happening. I'm sure many people here know and understand the anger that bipolar brings whether it's wanted or even understood why. The effects of that anger have been devastating and I don't know what else to do but ask for help. I don't see any forums for loved ones trying to help someone with bipolar and I don't know where to turn. I'm hurting, both from her anger and from feeling her push me away. I need to find someone to talk to. Please, if anyone has suggestions where i can find help, i need it desperately. I'm falling apart and have no where to turn. suggestions please?

[mrba08]

Hi everyone. I came across this website just looking for more info on bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 16 years ago when I was 18 but never believed the doctors so I didn't take the medicine they rxed me. All my life I suffered off and on with severe depression and self medicated by partying in my early 20s. I settled down when i met my husband but once I started having babies the hormones triggered deep depression and irritability. In 2014 I was hospitalized for a Bipolar 1 mixed episode and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I pretty much had a mental breakdown. So, I was put on Lithium 900mg at night, Depakote 500mg twice a day, Ativan as needed, for anxiety attacks, and Seroquel 200mg at night and 50mg 3x a day! Luckily I have recovered well with taking my meds diligently, seeing my psychiatrist, and psychotherapy every other week but most importantly (for me) putting all my time into studying my faith in Christianity. I feel good but still sometimes question my diagnosis at times. I wonder if I will ever come to terms with it.

[jackicee]

Greetings to everyone. I'm new to the forum here, and felt that it might be helpful if I started looking for some outside support to understanding myself better while going through treatment for Bipolar Disorder.

My name is Jacki, i'm 25 and was diagnosed in 2012 after some years of struggling through issues and not knowing what was going on. I've been better at watching my symptoms and understanding various aspects, but that doesn't change being able to vent to someone who understands completely what the disorder can do to you, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I have a very supportive husband who pays attention to changes as well, and he's always there for me to talk to about anything that is bothering me. The rest of my family is supportive as well, I don't have a negative air around me when it comes to support, but sometimes it seems almost difficult to explain how I feel when they haven't experienced that same type of feeling.

I do hope to meet some new supporters here, as well as be as supportive as I can. I appreciate any help in getting accustomed to this new form of support! Thank you to any and all!!!

[lonelylilbee]

Hello,

I'm Bee. I was diagnosed with Type II Bipolar Disorder in January 2015. I had been struggling for a number of years and finally decided to seek medical help in May 2014. With the help of my PCP, therapist, and psychiatrist, I have begun to better understand what is going on with me.

I now attend group therapy sessions twice a week and have individual sessions with my therapist once a week. I am currently trying to find the right medicine combination (I have been told that this can be a daunting task) to treat my diagnosis.

I have browsed this forum for a few months and finally decided to take the leap and join.

Look forward to communication with all.

Bee

[lonelylilbee]

Hello Jacki, I'm new here as well. I've been lurking as a guest on the forum for while and decided to finally make the leap and join lol. Nice to meet you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I have been recently diagnosed Bipolar and ADHD and all I have been doing the past 2 weeks is obsessing over when it first started happening and how I could have prevented it. I was diagnosed 2 years ago and refused to accept it. It's been really hard being unmedicated and I have progressively gotten worse. I no longer work, feel like a terrible mother and put my boyfriend through total hell. I finally drug myself out of bed and went and got on medication. Earlier today, I sat down and wrote out what I could remember of my manic and depressed states and what could have possibly triggered them.

I'm happy to have found this group. Everyone's stories and support seem wonderful. I look forward to taking this adventure called life with you guys.

[mythorn]

My sign-on is mythorn because bipolar disorder is a permanent day to day, minute to minute reality for me. It's a biblical expression referring to an illness Paul was inflicted with that God would not remove from him. God said he would give him the Grace to manage the illness, but would not heal him of it. Thus, my sign-on! I am sure some people with Bipolar Disorder can identify with this. Anyway, I am joining this community to get support from people who know what Bipolar Disorder FEELS like. My loving family just doesn't get it...and I suppose that is because they cannot know what it feels like. I am also mourning the death of my son, which further complicates life for me right now. I am hoping to learn and share here with others who understand.

[Simakitten]

I'm still learning my way around this site, but anyway, hello to everyone here on this forum. I first developed symptoms at the age of 32 but refused psych treatment until four years later when I had quite fallen to pieces. At first I was dx'd with schizophrenia and depression. A few years later, while hospitalized again, the pdoc called it BP and prescribed Seroquel and an AD which did help a lot. Finally, eight years ago I was diagnosed by a different pdoc as having schizoaffective disorder, though I'm not sure if that's accurate and feel that I am more BP with psychosis.

Anyway, I first became ill in 1993 while I was in my third year in a PhD program in Education. I'd been doing well before then and felt fairly happy, but suddenly I was having symptoms of mania with delusional thinking... followed unfortunately by a long depressive downturn and eventually had to withdraw from my program. I feel that this illness has robbed me of my life.

Now I suffer all the time from terrible fatigue. I have trouble doing basic house chores -- I've tried working many times but it always brings my symptoms on something terrible. I just wish I had the energy to socialize again... and to lead a semi-normal life, as I am quite isolated these days.

Anyway, I appreciate this opportunity to introduce myself to the board.
:-)