Welcome to the Bipolar Forum

Rose76 · Sep 26, 2011, 09:00 PM

I've been on meds for years. Mood stabilizers have been tried: Lamictal and lithium. The Lamictal didn't do anything. The lithium made me very sick at a dose of 300mg twice daily. So maybe there is something that would help, that I haven't tried yet.

The main thing that I've been on for years is a tricyclic antidepressant. Without that, I would be lost. SSRI's don't do me any good.

wny-er · Sep 26, 2011, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose76

I've been on meds for years. Mood stabilizers have been tried: Lamictal and lithium. The Lamictal didn't do anything. The lithium made me very sick at a dose of 300mg twice daily. So maybe there is something that would help, that I haven't tried yet.

The main thing that I've been on for years is a tricyclic antidepressant. Without that, I would be lost. SSRI's don't do me any good.

I've never been on tricyclic anti-d's. Lithium never worked for me either nor did others. I am so happy that what I am taking now works but I had to wait for it to be invented, ugh, which took a while. I never did well on SSRI's. I responded them at first but than they failed horribly. I don't know anyone out there who uses them anymore. I now they still prescribe them but have no idea to who. Ever try Abilify? I added that to my anti-d when I was on a medical (physical) treatment that caused even more depression than I normally had. I am no longer on it because I am no longer on that medical treatment. I didn't remember it but this guy in my (offline) Bipolar Group said he was taking it and it really helped a lot. Of course everyone is different but thought I would pass that on.

porcupine2 · Sep 27, 2011, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rose76

I am rapid cycling and it is wearing me down something awful. Any rapid cyclers reading this thread? Any advice on stabilizing. I am dealing with being diagnosed as bipolar and then undiagnosed, and then a repeat of that. I thought rapid cycling was from hour to hour. Now, from my reading, I see that's more a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder. Rapid cycling is 2 weeks down, then a week okay. That is what I seem to be dealing with. I wish some pdoc where I go for meds would understand how wearing this is. Probably I have not explained it well enough. I want to get off this Merry- go- round. I am litterally sick to my stomach with the mood swings.

I understand how you feel. I have the manic episodes and then I crash for days needing to recuperate as I'm exhausted. There are so many different ways people experience this illness, which is usually coupled with something else. I still think that most pdoc's are out of touch. I'm now actively looking for a T that is openminded to listen and help me cope with these extreme ups and downs. I hope you find more support, I'm hoping somewhere down the line to start up one myself.

davepat2011 · Sep 27, 2011, 08:56 AM

Hey guys, I am Bipolar Manic Depressive. I have been that way since I was 12. I have made some mistakes in my past, since I wasn't on my medicine for a period in my life. This year I have been recovering from a major depressive episode. I have never had that happen before, because I have been relatively happy. Sometimes I wonder if I have been manic for long periods of time, because I felt euphoria type feelings. I wonder if anyone out there has had these feelings before. Now I am begining to become more stable. Thanks for listening to my voice.

Rose76 · Sep 27, 2011, 01:06 PM

Thank you both above. I makes me cry that there are members at PC paying attention to things I post. I am sorry to sound so pathetic.

My care is at a teaching hospital, so in the summer my pdoc got rotated to somewhere else and a new pdoc was assigned to me. She has canceled a few appointments, so I only saw her once and it's a few weeks until my next appointment. So I've gone a long time with no contact with any professional. There is psych urgent care, but they just don't do anything. It's done by an advanced practice nurse.

I think I was on abilify once and not helped by it. It might be worth trying it again.

Twice I was diagnosed Bipolar and then undiagnosed by subsequent providers. My diagnosis now is major depressive disorder. The pdoc who first said I was bipolar had known me over a period of 6 years. He certainly knew me the best. I didn't want to believe that. I have never wanted to believe that I was bipolar, because I had my own theory of my problems. I don't get manic, but I certainly do get hypomanic. I like that state very much, except for the tension I feel.

I want to ask the doctor and her supervisors to reconsider my diagnosis. This is a terrible way to suffer. Two weekends ago I went into being really "up" and I thought life was so beautiful. 5 days ago, I came tumbling down, and I've gotten worse. Today is bad. I have terrible anxiety.

I've been reading posts by bipolar members and researching what I can and I took some tests that I downloaded. The tests come out with strong likelihood of bipolar. On the tests, I tried to be very conservative in my answers and not overrate any bipolar tendencies that I have. The tests still came out very suggestive of bipolar. I know diagnosis is difficult, but I need better help than I'm getting. I had a parent with no diagnosis, but with severe mood swings than anybody could spot as bizarre. I am reading that there is apt to be a strong genetic factor. I would be the fourth generation of severe unstable mood. My great-grandfather died in a state psychiatric hospital.

I really don't think they are going to listen to me, partly because it's really rushed over there and I don't think they will take the time to get good feedback and then consider it. My suspicion is that I am bipolar type 2. I have never had full-blown mania. I get this state of mind that I have always called "being on a roll." It's way better than my basic neutral state of mind. People even notice it. I feel good and can get much done.

What I'm hearing is that the price of the "up" state is the depression, which, in my case, is really bad. Also, my anxiety can be severe.

Thank you for your posts. I moved far from where I was born and have little support.

cin1 · Sep 27, 2011, 04:01 PM

i am doing ok for now, better than at other times. but i don't feel i can say anything or do something that makes others think i have lost my mind again. at times what i say comes out incorrectly, or i do something like take the long way around when i could have gone straight. , that type of thing. i notice odd looks from people , i was getting good at ignoring it, but i stay at home , go somewhere and it begins all over again. any one else experience this?

GladeGal · Sep 28, 2011, 12:22 AM

Hello. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder last year. I have been experiencing manic & depressive episodes since I was a teenager. I've been on Depakote for the last few months (8) after trying at least 7 different medications with varying degrees of success/allergic reactions. Unfortunately I have to switch as my husband and I want to start trying for a baby late next year and Depakote is very dangerous for babies in the first 6 weeks. I'm worried I won't find something I can take while pregnant. I'm in the middle of switching and having a very rough time. I have panic attacks too during extreme stress and they are happening a couple times a day right now. I'm so anxious I can't even drive. Which of course is giving me cabin fever! My family doesn't really understand my condition but thankfully I have the most understanding and supportive husband possible. But I feel like I'm weighing him down constantly. I want to find a local support group but thought I should try something online first. Thank you for listening.

porcupine2 · Sep 28, 2011, 06:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cin1

i am doing ok for now, better than at other times. but i don't feel i can say anything or do something that makes others think i have lost my mind again. at times what i say comes out incorrectly, or i do something like take the long way around when i could have gone straight. , that type of thing. i notice odd looks from people , i was getting good at ignoring it, but i stay at home , go somewhere and it begins all over again. any one else experience this?

I love your pic by the way! I completely can relate to what you are going thru...I often do all of the things you are talking about, which is also why I no longer drive as I found myself lost more than a few times. As far as other people, you can't control what they think and if they don't accept you for who you are then they are not worth worrying about. I have learned to try and prepare for whatever errands I need to run and have lists galore. I still haven't mastered this but all I can do is keep trying. Good luck - I hope it helps to know you are not alone.

Rose76 · Sep 28, 2011, 03:30 PM

What is very striking is the contrast between how well I've felt during up intervals and how very bad I feel when the good momentum collapses. I really don't see will power as the way out of this. Years of mediation alterations haven't helped. I know that doesn't mean there isn't something out there. Lack of people support probably makes my situation a lot worse. Or, maybe I should say that I believe loving support must be helpful.

The people in my life, what few there are, tell me I do this to myself. I even believe them. I don't know where to turn.

cin1 · Sep 30, 2011, 08:20 PM

i have had mental illness since i had a nervous breakdown at 17.. Years ago. I was treated for schizophrenia because of delusions... the last episode i had because of stopping meds, the doc in the hospital said i was bi-polar. after 2 shock treatments, and watching myself and meds carefully by dr., i am ok for now. but i wiped out my photos, avatars, everything, trying to learn how to do this right. i have to get enough sleep or i am worse. i am determined, i am still holding up this wall.

Annie Laurie · Oct 02, 2011, 02:14 PM

Hello Cin1 and everyone,
I have to say, Cin1, that you look beautiful! I am glad you are okay for now. Joseph Campbell says, "Eternity is always now."

This morning was one of my days when I felt out of place in the human race (!). I'm trying the practice of mindfulness, so now I'm placing that thought on a cloud and letting it pass on by instead of letting it catch me and trap me in a state of alienation and depression.

My regular psychiatrist hasn't called me back to set an appointment, but I found a psychologist on the web (local) who looks very good and practices something called DBT using mindfulness. She's in a group with M.D.s who can write prescriptions, but I think she may be good. She has groups. I'm trying not to get my hopes up very much, but maybe there's a reason my psych. didn't call me back. I kept calling about the other group (bipolar) I'd heard about and finally got somebody. Although it took so long to reach someone, there'll be a mtg in about 9 days now. I'm trying not to rue the two meetings I missed due to not having spoken to a person with the correct facts (trying not to rue it too much!).

Annie Laurie · Oct 02, 2011, 02:40 PM

Hi, Rose 76,

Everything you're saying makes sense to me. I experience a lot of "mixed-state" moods and unfortunately can have deep depression underlying hypomanic states. After doing a lot of reading, I've decided I'm Bipolar II, and I've been diagnosed over the past 32 years by separate pdocs (first time I've used that; I like it! pdoc!) as manic depressive 32 years ago, then more recently bipolar). I think there isn't a DSM category yet for Bipolar II and that's why we aren't getting the diagnosis. It exists, nevertheless. :-). There are quite a few books on it.

Many docs label people with the borderline diagnosis, also, when the M.D.s themselves just don't feel equipped to work with the client/patient. I think it's a diagnosis that seems to blame the patient, really. Nevertheless, there is a supposedly reputable approach used for borderline personality disorder and now for bipolar that is based on a person named Marsha Linehan's book. Someone else wrote the new workbook for bipolar and it's titled Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for Bipolar Disorder. I can't remember the author, but I bought it last week and have begun reading. It looks very helpful. It includes a mood chart that can be copied.

Didn't I read somewhere here that there's something we can have e-mailed to us that's similar to a mood chart?

I am grateful to have found this forum. All of you have been very helpful and caring to me.

Annie Laurie

HaleBopp13 · Oct 03, 2011, 09:06 PM

I'm brand new to this site. I have had an official diagnosis of Bipolar I (rapid cycler) for over 5 years. As a rapid cycler, that means that I have several episodes of mania, hypomania, mixed, and depression a year. As I have followed the pattern it appears that I have manic episodes that last about 3 - 5 days... followed by depressive episodes that last up to a month. I have at least 2 (usually more) of these cycles a year.
I'm glad this place has an exclusively bipolar forum.

porcupine2 · Oct 04, 2011, 06:47 AM

One of the ways I used to try and get a handle on this disease was to move away from the city into a small town. But I now understand I was isolating myself which is common with BP and Schizoaffective disorder. Can't run from this illness - even in the most peaceful of settings I am still a wreck and if anything a bit worse because I know no one here. Thankfully, PC is safe forum. I did finally make an appointment with a T and hope I can make some baby steps out in the world again.

Annie Laurie · Oct 04, 2011, 05:48 PM

Hi, Hale Bopp! Welcome! You're in a good place. I'm new here, myself.

Speaking of comets, I remember when your namesake was streaking across the sky back in the 1990s. You chose a delightful, sparkling moniker.

wackywidow · 01:34 AM

finally made it to this forum! I have been "bouncing" around PC in several other areas. I have rapid cycling bipolar with suicidal ideation as my main Dx. In the mix

there exist acute anxiety (stress) disorder ... wonderful combination. I invite anyone to visit my Profile and see what I have posted in "About Me", feel free to "browse" at ease. I might be surprised by several of your responses

. Howwever, challenges can be fun.

My greatest support is laughter (

). It is the best Rx for me right now. You will find me in the "Depression is" thread. The thread has really helped to lower my depression levels. The support and understanding from my PC friends is invaluable. I would suggest, anyone dealing with an "overdose" of depression to take a look at this thread. If you do not laugh ... you will smile.

Depression roams at large in my life. It does not know any boundaries. My mania is minimal, but do I often think about going, "onward and upwards" at times. Faith keeps me glued to this earth. Mental health advocacy keeps my life meaningful, but I do struggle with some deep suicidal thoughts at times. Depression can be like cancer ... sometimes it can be fatal

Without further ado I will say

and will

again. I usually just

in.

to all.
PS: I luv to use the smilies ... as some of you already know.

HaleBopp13 · Oct 05, 2011, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Annie Laurie

Hi, Hale Bopp! Welcome! You're in a good place. I'm new here, myself.

Speaking of comets, I remember when your namesake was streaking across the sky back in the 1990s. You chose a delightful, sparkling moniker.

LOL! Actually I chose that because in 1997 I was 8 when I saw Hale Bopp, and I was obsessed with that comet ever since. lmao. Have no idea why.

nacht · Oct 05, 2011, 03:24 PM

Another new person. I was actually diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2005, in what was supposed to have been my last year in college. I lost my insurance coverage in 2006 and stopped taking medication, and tried to deal with things without any help. This past April, I picked a fight with my boss that resulted in me quitting my job on a very unpleasant note, and proceeded to spend nearly everything I had on expensive clothing. I didn't even care about the lack of income because I was convinced I was going to be rich anyway from writing three books and starting my own clothing line. (...if you guessed that I don't even know how to sew, you would be correct.) I won't go into details, but that wasn't even the worst thing I did.

Long story short, I ended up at the hospital where I was started on Depakote. The medication seems to be working, though it's taken getting used to after so long with no meds. The thing is, now I'm having to face up to the huge bills and the debts I now have to pay, unemployed, and that is not helping my stress levels one bit. I really need a regular doc but I'm on the county's waiting list and there's no chance before March of me getting in to see anyone. I'm just exhausted and mortified and really just sort of want to hide from the world for a while. But I know that can cause a depression spiral for me, so right now I'm trying to work past how tired and discouraged I'm feeling. I finished my degree when my family had written me off, and I'll find a way to get through this too.

Nice to meet you all.

porcupine2 · Oct 06, 2011, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nacht

I really need a regular doc but I'm on the county's waiting list and there's no chance before March of me getting in to see anyone. I'm just exhausted and mortified and really just

Oh my - a waiting list??? That is awful, and March is a long time from now. I hate to say it but sometimes we have to play the game in this health care system as things slowly begin to change. I would go to an emergency room, at least they may get you started in the right direction. Please keep us posted. You shouldn't be going thru this alone.

nacht · Oct 06, 2011, 10:53 AM

The county hospital does have an outpatient center I can go to, halfway across the metro area (but hey, it was a 20 mile drive to the emergency room so what's one more, I guess). Without insurance, it's probably going to be the best I can get for awhile. I'll let you guys know what's up, if anything happens. I was told that people occasionally get pulled from the list ahead of schedule, so maybe I'll get lucky.

charo224488 · Oct 06, 2011, 05:23 PM

Hi- it's my first day here. I joined after feeling like I have no where else to go. I am in a mixed state after beginning a new med. about a week ago that put me into a manic state and now trying to stop the manic cycle by reducing the dose. Yes, I am doing this with a health care professional, who is actually making it harder. I am scared and sad and desperate and tired and energized all at the same time, and I need help. I don't know where to get it. I am alone in this, as I suspect we all are. I am 42 years old, married, and a mom to a beautiful 6 year old son that does not deserve a mom like me. I'm so sick of struggling every single day, like running in sand. I spoke to my dr. a few hours ago and he got angry and basically hung up the phone on me. My husband is asleep because of a cold. My mom is dead, my dad thousands of miles away and told me not to start this s... again. My friends are busy. My son is here, but he's 6. I'm scared.

Annie Laurie · Oct 06, 2011, 06:28 PM

Welcome, Nacht,

I like your poem.

I agree with Porcupine2. Use whatever resources you can find.

Call your local crisis center or helpline and see if there is a free bipolar group that meets in your area. You may be happily surprised. I have been going through an awful time for several months and was shocked to find that there's a free group near me. It meets only twice per month, but that's something. I was so relieved to find a teeny bit of hope to hang on to.