Bipolar check-in #56

I got my medication today many days late. When things in my life smooth out a bit I will work on coming off of it. It’s just not worth it. Things are too chaotic right now but I am working on it.

I was depressed a good part of the day but pulled out of it. Therapy helped as did watching comedies with mom on tv. My stress management skills need improvement and sometimes that spirals down to depression.

I’ve been going to bed between 2-3 since the ER visit and waking later. I don’t prefer it but I’m sleeping much better and I’m dreaming. It’s been a long time since I dreamed. I do have to get up at 6:30 in about 5.5 hours to get the trash out so that may reset me.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day tomorrow and I send hugs to all.

I'm not able to read, write, or understand well right now I spent all day going over a couple of posts. I always feel so stupid when this happens. I saw it coming due to stress but I don't know how to fix it. I have a headache and I'm worried its actually voices. I only have a couple of hours with music to concentrate. maybe tomorrow will be better.

Thanks for the heads up on the eclipse, Scooter. I googled it and it said to look for it at 12:41 pm where I am. Where I am it will just cover a sliver of the top of the sun. My city, Brno, Czech Republic, is a degree latitude that is between the ones of Vancouver, BC and Moosejaw, Saskatchewan in Canada. I have always found it interesting how many European cities are further north than most US cities.

This is actually so helpful to know because I did not know this!
She's still going to see me on Tuesday and can refill my prescriptions then luckily and talk about someone new.

My session actually seemed really productive and she said that we can talk about finding a new psychiatrist if need be next week.

Just finished my phone call with my APRN (11 minutes long btw). She's putting my on Vraylar, said it might cause nausea which is great because just before my phone call I threw up for the third time this week due to lithium (my levels, she said, were high but still barely in therapeutic range, and they didn't bother to tell me that 3 months ago when I got my blood work done). She's not going to lower my lithium dose until she sees how I react to Vraylar. She said I might have difficulty getting it approved but I can go down to their office and get samples until they clear up that mess.

I just hope it helps. It's an antipsychotic, right? Ugh, back on two APs. I was fine literally half an hour ago and now I don't want to be in this plane of existence at all. I need to go for my run.

Here's what the eclipse looked like this morning from Toronto (I didn't take this pic):

Solar Eclipse

I haven't been posting here since I'm quite confused about how I feel right now. I can work like a robot would, I guess. At least I'm okay with that. I can do my work and chores, but I can't feel anything. I'm just feeling numb at the moment.

How far do you run?

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What kind of work do you do?

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That's beautiful!

I was going to try to look for it, but confess that when my husband remembered, it was already about 30 mins after the fact. Oh well!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scooter9 Here's what the eclipse looked like this morning from Toronto (I didn't take this pic): Solar Eclipse

Thank you! That's quite magnificent!

My anxiety has reached a point at which I'm panicking throughout the days. While getting my hair done yesterday I was in such a state of panic that I couldn't even enjoy the time at the salon. All I could think of is that I wanted to get home. I've developed agoraphobia - me, who has calmly traveled all over the world alone or with a child, afraid to leave my apartment! I'm on all this medication and yet still having such anxiety, it's ridiculous. No reason to be on so many meds if they aren't doing anything but raising my liver enzymes.

I've awakened with a moderate anxiety this morning, so I have hope that today may not be as bad, all I ask for is less panic. The pain of this is excruciating, and it cannot possibly be good for my body. Something has to break this cycle.

On a lighter note, the weather is absolutely gorgeous. Mid 70's. I'm enjoying it while I can, as next week is predicted to be over 100 every day.

Hugs all 'round.

I wrote an extensive check-in post this morning, which caught up with everyone's challenges & victories...wishing all well, & what not. BAM!!! Somehow, when I looked up at the screen, everything I'd written was gone! It really pissed me off! Anyways, rather than starting over again, I'll just let you know I'm all caught up...& am still wishing everyone well.

I saw my pdoc yesterday about the sleep deprivation I've been experiencing. I hadn't notice anything (& my partner certainly hasn't complained), but the pdoc noted I'm a bit "happier" than normal (Quote: "You're laughing & smiling more than I'm used to.). Well, it's back on my AP (Vraylar) for a bit until I can get my sleep regulated. Apparently if one gets too happy, one gets sent to the "funny farm."



Sorry if that song offends anyone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by buddha1too I wrote an extensive check-in post this morning, which caught up with everyone's challenges & victories...wishing all well, & what not. BAM!!! Somehow, when I looked up at the screen, everything I'd written was gone! It really pissed me off! Anyways, rather than starting over again, I'll just let you know I'm all caught up...& am still wishing everyone well. I saw my pdoc yesterday about the sleep deprivation I've been experiencing. I hadn't notice anything (& my partner certainly hasn't complained), but the pdoc noted I'm a bit "happier" than normal (Quote: "You're laughing & smiling more than I'm used to.). Well, it's back on my AP (Vraylar) for a bit until I can get my sleep regulated. Apparently if one gets too happy, one gets sent to the "funny farm." Sorry if that song offends anyone.

Terrific song - and no, we're apparently not allowed to be happy, excited, or creative - apparently depression and anxiety are considered signs of successful treatment of bipolar disorder.

Apologies if I sound bitter...

All of the crap we've been dealing with, in terms of snafus, is still not over. It appears we'll have to pay the equivalent of US$47 in order to receive the package my sister sent. Only because she secretly included the stupid jewelry with our important tax documents. When the danged thing will arrive, I'm not sure, but we'd better have 1000 czk ready to fork over, in order to get the danged thing. As for our important quest to get public insurance, that's still stalled by the ridiculous name snafu. I'm just so sick of all of this bologna!

Waiting, and waiting, and waiting for everything. I really want progress already, for so many things!

I’m doing pretty good today. It’s been 2 days since I’ve been off the narco and my nausea is much better. My overall pain is better too after being able to take off my bandage and take a warm shower. I actually slept pretty well last night. I took some Tylenol this morning at 4:30 but I haven’t had anything since. My chest and side of my chest is really swollen and bruised. But overall things look better then they did before. I got some grocery shopping done this morning. Now I’m just relaxing for the rest of the day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour All of the crap we've been dealing with, in terms of snafus, is still not over. It appears we'll have to pay the equivalent of US$47 in order to receive the package my sister sent. Only because she secretly included the stupid jewelry with our important tax documents. When the danged thing will arrive, I'm not sure, but we'd better have 1000 czk ready to fork over, in order to get the danged thing. As for our important quest to get public insurance, that's still stalled by the ridiculous name snafu. I'm just so sick of all of this bologna! Waiting, and waiting, and waiting for everything. I really want progress already, for so many things!

Oh, customs is such FUN I'm truly sorry you are having such aggravation with your package. Hopefully, when you do receive it is in intact. I've had the unfortunate experience of waiting for something stuck in customs, only to find the contents have been stolen.

beautiful eclipse!
sorry for the bruising, any weight restrictions?
Sorry for your customs snafu!
Beth I am sorry for your anxiety!Could be from withdrawing of one or more meds?
bizi

My usual loop is about 3 miles right now. Working on increasing distance after an injury.

I don’t know how much I shouldn’t be lifting but it’s not much. My mom said I was doing too much when I put a carton of iced coffee and a carton of coffee creamer in one bag at Walmart. I don’t lift much though. But it’s reaching over and reaching up for stuff that is concerning and painful. Yeah I think people, especially my brother, would get sick if they saw how bruised and swollen I am. I took a shower and an Advil and I’m just in bed now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi beautiful eclipse! sorry for the bruising, any weight restrictions? Sorry for your customs snafu! Beth I am sorry for your anxiety!Could be from withdrawing of one or more meds? bizi

Thank you, bizi. I am withdrawing from Klonopin, but doing so extremely slowly. I sure hope that's not what's causing this.

I am still very depressed today but I have a little hope because a dr FINALLY listened to me and started me on seroquel xr. She’s taking me off of lithium as well since it’s a big pile of useless.

I had my individual session with my therapist today. I did tell her that the one year old’s birthday party I went to on Saturday may have triggered me. I do not like babies. My main trauma happened when my son was a newborn and beyond that he was such a difficult baby that I just hate being reminded of it. He always cried, he rarely slept, I had to hold him 24/7. It was terrible. It got a little better once I learned how to swaddle but seriously not much. And all his father did was tell me everything I was doing wrong. We also discussed some of my other recent behaviors and triggers. She asked why my weighted blanket makes me feel safe and I said because I’m weighed down and it’s gonna take extra effort for someone to try to get it off and hurt me. But I can’t use it right now because it’s just been so hot. So she said to find another safety object to use for the summer. She suggested a pillow, something I could hug. So I’m going out this weekend in search of a safety object.

I forced myself out of the house to the gym today. Rode the bike for 30 minutes. I also forced myself to walk to pick up my son from school. When RS came home we went for a nice dinner at a restaurant with outdoor seating on the River. It was gorgeous out, a wonderful evening for eating outdoors. Thing is as soon as I have nothing to distract myself I’m just so physical uncomfortable. Like I feel like my skin is crawling and I have to rip it off. God I’m hoping the med change works.

Hello everyone! This is coolbreeze74. I'm the one with the schizophrenic adult son and I was having 4-6 hour long horrific panic panic attacks. For some reason it went back to one of my old usernames.

Well I was put on a whole bunch of meds to stop the panic attacks. I'm still not on benzos, just other meds. I'm doing better, I still have a lot of anxiety but no longer having those horrid panic attacks.

Right after the January 6th attack on the Capitol my son was very delusional. Hes been there since March. He is not participating and there is no way he can come home. He had been becoming more and more violent with me. I was afraid to call the police bc I didn't want him having a huge record. But when he hit me in the head I had to call the police and go to the emergency room. It was quite traumatic! He has apologized profusely and he really thought that the nazi's were going to take over the country and that I would be forced to take him somewhere to get brainwashed. It was horrible that he was so delusional. He spent 2 months in jail and I wasnt allowed to talk to him. One of my sisters was a saint and was his rock while he was in there. I'm very grateful.

Hes not doing that well. Hes complying with meds but he thinks nobody there likes him and wants me to solve all his problems. I go visit him frequently and he came once for an overnight visit but it didn't go very well. He started getting aggressive and I just don't feel comfortable having him come stay the night again. He will never be able to come and live with me again. It really was miserable the last 2 yrs. And I know he wouldn't stay on his meds and I have my own problems. He is almost 26. I would love to see him participate and do something anything to improve his life. We haven't taken his TV or game systems out there yet bc his case manager wants to see him make some kind of improvement first.

Its been difficult but I'm adjusting. I just started on a weight loss journey and walking back and forth in my hallway. My back is killing me. So I'm starting slowly.

Anyway I'm just looking for some support.

Hope everyone is well.

tell me if you want to that is. what dose did you start at and tell me about the specifics of your tapering>
You really can get rebound anxiety from the klonipin. This sounds like you are tapering to fast. I know you want off of these meds, you seem to be in a big rush to do this.
Have you ever heard of the ashton manual for tapering off benzos?
There are forums specifically for people to discuss symptoms and get extra support specific to benzo taper horrors.
It might be called benzo buddies but am not sure.
bizi

I'm a teacher. Quite an unenthusiastic one last night, but now I'm feeling a bit better. My other job is a designer and I have an upcoming project that I'm trying to emotionally prepare for.