Bipolar Check-in #86

@Blueberrybook

I'm so looking forward to being able to read again! I have a hard time finding the right words. I'll be like, you know that big thing that you can cook in ect. Just feel very scattered in my brain. But you give me so much hope that it will be the best thing I can do for my brain in the long run. Thank you for that!

Yep, that's where I am. When I first got out of the hospital after having that psychotic break was the beginning of being put on tons of meds and the np I had on like the 4th visit basically forced me on the lorazapam to begin with. She said if I didn't comply I would be put as being non-compliance. She just kept adding more and more meds. I was brand new at it. And my family was like you need to listen to her. She completely screwed my life up. It was called being on a cocktail.

You are just so sweet! My sons 29. Too bad you couldn't talk to him and help him. I know you can't but it's just a though 😊

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Can someone tell me what I'm doing wrong on here to not get acknowleded? I just want to know. Like lately the members who do talk to me will quote my posts and talk about their own expirences and they will get a lot of hugs on a post quoting mine. Like I just want to know what I need to do to not be ignored.

Personally, I don't always give hugs, and it's not a reflection upon the original poster, I just don't remember.

The other thing I find difficult about your posts is so much food detail, vomiting, etc. in most every post. Plus you almost always point out you are not hungry and you detail your meals; it's just a lot for me to read with an ED in the past. Maybe it's a lot for other people too. No offense, that is just how I feel. I toy with blocking your posts, not because I have anything against you per se but that they are beginning to really really trigger me. So sometimes I skip over your posts just for my own mental health.

Like I said, it's nothing against you in particular, it's just how I feel. Have you noticed nearly every post you make is about food, eating, dieting? That's what triggers me.

I don't mean to be harsh. I'm just letting you know how I feel about so many posts dealing with issues that are close to the heart of an ED.

Are you talking about me not commenting on your posts anymore? I thought your post about "people being preoccupied" was pointed at me and a request to stop.

No I wasn't talking about you or anyone specfic. I'll be more careful with what I post. I was just posting about the stuff that was going on in my life and that wae a big deal at the moment.

I feel a ton better today. I'm not sure what I did that was different. I know I went to bed at 9 and I fell asleep almost right away. I took my meds at 1AM instead of waking up at 11. Then I got up at 4 but I was able to get back to sleep for a bit until 7. So I don't feel lethargic like I normally do. But yeah. I just feel a lot more energized today. My anxiety is good today too.

Dissociating as usual

@Blue_Bird So sorry about the dissociation. I was hoping the Thorazine had helped you. I know it really sucks, it happens to me all the time, out of the blue. It's gotten to the point where it's so common to me I often ignore it. If I think about it too much, then I get anxious and panicky and thinking I belong in a psych hospital, my brain's so crazy. But I don't know, I've been dissociating since I was a kid, I am more used to it. Can you do something to get your mind off it? Watch a show on TV, play a video game, maybe paint? I don't know about you but I have found with art whenever I do it, my brain ticks 100% into the picture I'm working on, nothing else penetrates for me. Do you have something you can do where that is the case for you?

@JaneOnceMore I'm sorry about your difficulties with your sister. That sounds tough. I am very lucky in that regard; my 2 sisters are my best (and only) friends. I just wish I could see them more often and life weren't so busy. My only other good friend I made in college and she moved to Connecticut but she also has dual citizenship in Switzerland and has been spending more and more of her time there. Not that I blame her. If I had dual Swiss citizenship and could speak German and French as she can, I'd probably just pack my bags and move there, the way the state of things are going in the U.S.!

As for me, I'm having a good morning. I slept well, and when I woke my cat Pecan was lying next to me purring. It's always so hard to get up when you've got a purring cat lying next to you! I took a long power walk, practiced planks, and now I can actually do a couple of real pushups after all the plank practice! I showered, made H's lunch for work. Read with the SAD lamp, had fantastic concentration this morning, didn't even get earworms penetrating, which I often do after listening to music on my walk. I drew and colored, 3 pics total. My cardinal came out pretty well. I experimented with drawing a still life, but I'm not so sure how that turned out (everything in the creative corner).

I'm a bit more energetic than yesterday, so maybe I will bake that banana bread today, and I've got plenty of library books to read. Shaping up to be a pretty awesome day

Wow! I got to sleep at a decent time and woke up at 9:15! I’m dressed already and feel human again!

It is bitterly cold outside there, -2 will be the high. Most things were canceled for today. But I have art class at 4:30pm today. Brr I’ve got to go out early and clear the snow off my car and go to the pharmacy where my insurance has been messing with my meds! I should have stayed with my old insurance company. What a pain.

Ooo blueberry 🫐 your cardinal is great! 👍

It helps to an extent but I don’t think anything will ever permanently get rid of the dissociation. It might lessen it but it still will happen sometimes. I might play my videogame that I’m really into at the moment, that will likely help

Banana bread sounds great! The cardinal looks awesome!

I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. I’m really hoping I don’t dissociate on the walk there or home. That time of day , the afternoon, seems to be correlated with when I tend to dissociate. And being outside and overstimulated by all the people and cars and noises etc doesn’t help. Nothings worse than dissociating in public while I’m trying to walk home. It’ll suddenly feel like I can’t get home and am drifting out of my surroundings which isn’t safe.

I might paint later. I’m gonna practice violin later. Other than that play my videogame.

I made coffee for that event today, hopefully people enjoyed it.

I visited papi’s previous owner today. She’s got a table and a cabinet she’s giving to me soon. She’s trying to clear out some stuff in her apartment cause she has a lot of stuff. I’m gonna use that table as a dedicated art table for painting and drawing at. Will be nice. She also got Papi and Mustachio each a toy and they like them a lot.

Here’s a pic of Papi with my violin. My violin is normal sized it just looks huge due to the angle of the photo. And here’s a pic of Mustachio as well

It looks like Papi is playing the cello!

@Blue_Bird How cute are your kitties! I really love Mustachio's name and unique coloring And Papi does look set up for a violin solo

I rarely read your posts because you’re usually on about throwing up food and as someone who had an eating disorder as a teenager I find your posts triggering so I don’t acknowledge them with a thanks or a hug. I find it very attention seeking.

Had an okay day at work yesterday. One rowdy class. Had to ring a parent of a kid who thought he was there to just play games all session. Turns out he’s grounded at home and not allowed on his device so he just takes the opportunity at school instead of doing his research! Mother was very supportive and was going to get him to do the missed work for homework last night. I have the same disruptive class again today. We’ll see how they go!

I don't think these vitamins are working out. I've barely gotten out of bed these last few days and I haven't showered in a week. I haven't even opened the curtains in 2 days. I'm just lying in the dark listening to music. I messaged my pdoc. But maybe I'll try a few days without them. I read they can cause increase anxiety and depresion. I guess I was trying to ignore it but its become an issue.



I read that the vitamins can cause light sensitivity. I wonder if thats why I've been liking the curtains closed lately.

My therapist got back to me and she said it sounds like I'm in some kinda depressive episode. So I'll see if going off the 2 vitamins helps.

I can't get out of bed and my bed is a mess of stuff that needs to be cleaned, and I am just drained.

I'm not attention seeking. And that bothers me that you say that.

Banana bread is done. I'm just hoping it's all the way done because we had a couple of brief power spikes, and it turned the oven off. I didn't notice until it was time to take the bread out, and I could tell it hadn't cooked. I turned the oven on guessed at it maybe needing another hour to bake; a knife came out clean when I stuck it through the center of the bread, so I'm hoping for the best!

I dont always answr bc you talk so much about ODing on your meds and it triggers me. its nothing personal but you do overdose weekly. overdose simply means taking more than your prescribed dose which you do all the time. its reckless and makes me triggered. i try to help as i can buti cant read about ODing all the time

I apologise if it bothers you. That's not the intent (to bother you) but rather just to clarify why you don't get a response from me. It's just my opinion. Especially when you go on about taking too many tablets. Why come onto a forum and tell us you've done it unless you want attention.

I often don't know what to say. I don't offer advice on most threads. Your threads are triggering to me but I still read them. I figure your posts are much like mine where I'm close to everyone so I need to update but not necessary need an answer back. I also get word poverty. I feel you're not taking Care of yourself whether that means you need a higher level of care or just more help that's up to you and your Drs. I don't think you're being honest with your team or you may need a new team. You have a lot of things going on both physically and mentally that need to be addressed. I'm not the one to say this as I struggle immensely right now too. Wish you best of luck getting healthy and stable.

I felt like I had low blood sugar a little while ago. It just hit me quick and sudden really bad. I’m not diabetic but I am like in the range where I’m close to prediabetes. Anyways suddenly I started feeling really kinda like faint and super shaky. Anyway, I realized the only thing I had eaten since 2pm and it’s about 8pm now was a miniature bag of chips. So I quickly made it into the kitchen and made a chicken sandwich which I devoured. I feel better now. Man it hit me quick and severe kinda scared me to be honest. Normally I’m super good about making sure I eat regularly but I got wrapped up in something this afternoon/evening and didn’t realize how many hours had passed. Normally I’ve had dinner by 5 or 6pm and it’s about to be 8pm now.

I’ve only personally made homemade banana bread once in my life and when I did my entire kitchen smelled like banana bread and it was amazing. Maybe I’ll make some again soon. Hope you enjoy yours! Do you put walnuts or chocolate chips in it or just plain banana bread?