Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

I got my lab work done. Sometimes its frustrating and an anxiety provoking 45 minute wait. This time I was in and out in about 15 minutes including checking in. I haven't taken any valium yet although I probably should so my anxiety doesn't sky rocket out of the blue. My nexium is working pretty well for my acid reflux. I started the reduced dose of the Prestiq today. Overall I just feel stable today.

I might have been hypomanic the past couple weeks I think. The lack of sleep, the constant pushing to be more and more productive at any cost even missing sleep, the overspending, the racing thoughts, the impulsively applying to 15 jobs last night even though I know well enough that I can’t handle it, over texting people etc

Seasonal allergies are kicking my butt - itchy eyes & nose, congested, harder time breathing, feeling it in my ears. I won't say I have an earache in my left ear but it nearly is. Ugh.

Mood though is okay for all that. I did pilates this morning, showered, read with the SAD lamp. I vacuumed a bit, especially around the litter boxes because those kitties can sure make a mess. Unfortunately, I think that flared my allergies up even more. I went to the pharmacy this time to pick up H's meds. I drew 2 pics, one only an outline to color tomorrow. The other is weird, 2 stretched heads; the tutorial did not give these heads mouths and I was pretty much following it, so I didn't forget them!

I hope to read more this afternoon, maybe sneak in a nap with these allergies because they tire me out too.

I hope everyone has a great day and gets plenty of sleep tonight!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I might have been hypomanic the past couple weeks I think. The lack of sleep, the constant pushing to be more and more productive at any cost even missing sleep, the overspending, the racing thoughts, the impulsively applying to 15 jobs last night even though I know well enough that I can’t handle it, over texting people etc

I hope the changes your pdoc made will help you out. Above all with bipolar, I have found you MUST prioritize sleep. Honestly, I think good sleep does more than all my meds combined (though of course, I have to take meds to get to sleep in the first place).

Up early okay despite a Rocky night. Did my drawing already too. Had to finish yesterday’s drawing of a shell. So much shading. I get terribly frustrated with drawing that have lots of shading. But the end result was good. The whale tail tho, ehh. The foot came out ok. Should have sharpened the pencil though, it could be crispier.

Blueberry oh, what a funny picture, attached heads. Great job.

Bluebird sorry your doc nixed the job but yeah, sleep is a priority for us. I attribute a lot of my current stability to the ambien and a good sleep schedule. I’ve never been so stable.

So I met a new team. They're going to be with me for 4 months. I was doing so well until the self reporting.

My program manager is gonna get me some contact information for the humane society near here so I can maybe also start volunteering there In addition to my volunteering with the other organization. So that’ll be good. Anyway, my meeting went well

F'N T Double booked today, and I get the short end of the stick even though I, uncomfortable nearby at the library by some drunk dudes calling out at me, get there over an hour early.


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

But, hey, at least I get to talk to my case manager who you can blow your leg up on a drunk mission of terrorism or something and she'll be like "hey, you got good color today!" "it's blood on the outside of my skin and I was trying to pull a horrific felonious act, but thanks." "You're not in jail right now, keep up the good work."

Took a nap, woke up coughing up so much thick yellow phlegm, I finally bit the bullet and went to the pharmacy to buy the pharmacy's generic of Mucinex D. Love how now you've got to sign all these statements to the effect your aren't planning to make meth with it and they have to scan your driver's license too. But hopefully it will help; I've got the congestion up into my ear passages as well, and I really don't want to have to go to the doctor for a sinus infection especially since they mostly are viral in cause.

Hey Muddy, you gotta eat something, even just a bit. Not eating affects your mind too and makes what's already difficult, even more difficult.

Please, try to eat something

Idk, was still able to “outrun” some drunk sleaze turds and make my case manager think things were dandy without lying today.

muddy, I know you know better. I'm very concerned for you. You need to take care of yourself. Put yourself and your care 1st for once.

Finally I had to ask my daughter's help, but I got that home screen on the iphone that shows weather, stocks and NEWS edited, and she took all the news off it. I have been completely unplugged from politics for months now (helps so much with anxiety & panic attacks), but it gets hard to avoid that screen when it comes up, now the news should no longer be there

Hey, I could’ve hung out with the sleaze turds.

I wasn't feeling good so I took an hour or 2 nap around 12:30. I woke up feeling much better. I got my blood test results and they were fine and then I went out to a couple stores. I just now took my 3rd valium. My mom said my moods were really good today.



Lately I'm sleeping a lot but my anxiety is better.

Saw my T had a nice talk. She said I had an interesting life. I said yeah, remember that Chinese curse, May you live in interesting times. I have, but it’s much better now.

I stopped by the tiny Starbucks they have inside the clinic. They don’t carry everything but they do have some specials. They don’t have the lavender matcha but they do have lavender Frappuccino no coffee. It’s sort of sweet though. I got a medium and I can’t finish it. But it did wonders for my dry mouth. Talked a lot today about the past, it just happened organically.

had to cancel t for tomorrow as i had a flat tire and my car ended up needing $800 worth of repair on top of nail in my tire. its been three years since i bought it and no repairs so im trying to be ok wit it. illl get car back tomorrow. i got a lot of homework done so im gonna watch a tv show episode on hulu to reward myself because it was hard. 2 1/2 weeks left of school yall. its almost over! i must remain focused.

Took my son to an indoor play centre but there was no one else there so he didn’t want to stay longer than half an hour. Went to the chemist to buy my nicotine lozenges. Really wish I wasn’t addicted to them but I guess it’s healthier than smoking. It adds up though because of the amount I go through in a day.

I reccomend green noise for anyone who can't sleep. It legit works. I use the 10 hour one on Spotify and I'm asleep in about 6 minutes.

Hey! I wish someone would do that with the drop down news highlights on my iPad! It racks up my anxiety every time I see the orange one’s name!

Can't eat because of my mouth, can't sleep because doxpin doesn't help, everything sucks, I wish I didn't do it. They made it out to be an emergency. I don't feel it was. Now I have to push back appointments due to healing that I feel I need. I hope everything goes well. I'm not healing fast and I can't take antibiotics or stronger pain meds because of the hadol. It's so frustrating I want to eat something. Anyone that has dentures please reach out to me. I'm not doing well. I need a solution before this gets too bad my mind keeps slipping to dark places but I can't do that my husband will always feel guilty if I did.

I'm glad you were able to take care of yourself in that situation.

Maybe food didn't come up in the conversation with your case manager and it's good that you didn't have to lie.

But, yeah, I understand what it's like when everyone thinks things are peachy when in reality things are really hard.

It's upsetting that it's so easy to create the illusion that everything's ok, and people are willing to accept that easily, when your reality is very different. It's a very personal and lonely struggle.

I know you're doing your best in the circumstances, doing what's necessary to survive, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't want to pressure you to eat. But I hope you can take a moment to appreciate how much you're doing and how well you're managing despite your treatment team's lack of care and insight.

It's nice to be able to make that decision and to act on it because it's something we can control.

I unplugged 6 months ago. Before that I had subscriptions to various news sources, some expensive ones too. I was really into the details.

But like you I found it triggering and I had a feeling things in the world were going to get bad, so I cancelled all of them and removed their apps.

I still get news, but it's when I want to read it instead of getting a constant stream of alerts and updates. It's been very helpful.

I feel ok today anxiety and mood wise but my stomach is just kinda off. I didn't do anything. I just had a protein shake for breakfast. I slept decently for taking a 2 hour nap yesterday. I think it might be from lowering the Prestiq. My pdoc said going off it can cause GI symptoms as well.

I just don't have much of a desire to eat anything but I did get a bunch of stuff from Walmart that I'm out of to be delivered in a couple hours

Good morning! I slept 9 1/2 hours. After 3 nights of 3-4 hours a night that was very much needed.

I’m just relaxing until around 10am. It’s almost 9am now. My psychiatrist said to not start any big activities till around 10am each day. To spend the morning reading or listening to music or journaling, pretty much any low energy activities to not hype myself up so much. Because I’ve been pushing myself so hard to be ultra productive early in the morning with like working out and doing errands and cleaning etc and it’s interfered with my sleep/stress levels, and stability. So yeah just chilling on the couch right now watching a favorite anime show. (Naruto). Probably gonna listen to some more of my Beethoven biography audiobook here soon. Then around 10 or 10:30am I’m gonna walk to the store to get some milk so I can meal prep later. Probably around 4pm I’ll get on the treadmill for 30 min then practice violin for 30 min. Aside from that just a lot of reading and other low energy activities. Maybe draw some or paint.

I got two upcoming volunteer shifts with my volunteer job with the rescue cats. One tomorrow from 6pm to 8pm and one next Thursday the 17th from 6pm to 8pm. So that will be good. Including this previous Sunday that’ll be three shifts this month of April maybe more if they have any more openings later in the month. I’m kind of a floater volunteer so like they’ll text me any times dates they need me and I’ll go if I’m able to. Im almost always able to go cause I generally don’t have much going on. instead of sticking to a strict once a week schedule at the same day and time. I think the floating shifts works better for me. I tried the once a week same day same time schedule a couple years ago with them and it was okay but it felt too structured for me. If that makes any sense. I’m more of a go with the flow kind of person rather than committing to a set day time every single week I like them texting me dates times they need someone and deciding then.

I did the same thing on my iPhone several years ago and it’s been a game changer for me. I hate getting constant updates and news shoved at me when I don’t want any of it so I went in a changed the settings a few years ago and it’s helped my anxiety a ton. Did the same thing on my kindle fire tablet as well. Like no thank you, I’m using this tablet for entertainment, streaming, games and reading. I don’t need to be bombarded with horrible news stories every 5 seconds 🙄