Bipolar Check-in #88 (again!)

Prestiq withdrawels are kicking my *** this afternoon. I got hangry and acted like a complete ***** then I ate an early healthy dinner and then I did 120 reps with my ab roller out of pure adrenaline. So that makes 620 for today. That all helped and Now I'm going out of my way to be nice to my mom while also letting my Tyleneol work for my muscle aches.

Its like if I don't lose weight I could legit die in a few years according to my doctor. But the visteril is making me a bit hunhgry. So I'm just eating healthy and working out a lot.

I cannot stand big pills anymore. I can barely swallow little ones. My tongue starts swishing at them. Somehow they go down but i cant be paying attention.

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots I won’t help myself and I can’t find help, so I guess I will die. Whatever. Hope wherever I drop is in a convenient location. I’m sorry you feel the need to be concerned.

I know you don't want to hear it, but I think it's maybe time to head to the psych ER.

I accidently forwarded my therapists bill back to the billing lady instead of to my mom who does some of my bills. I do my pdocs bill since my mom doesn't have acess to what goes on between us.

Anyways the billing lady replied and said she got a blank email back and then said "do you need help?" And idk if she meant like mental health help so I quickly replied and explained things.

But god, today is just kicking my ***. I think its calming down for the night. 1:30-5 are the worst.

I did 50 more reps with my ab roller but that was all I could manage. My phone is charging so I can't listen to music righr now. So I'm kinda bored.

My back and knees hurt now from all the working out. I have my icy hot stick though. I need to clean up all the water bottles and zero sugar root beers I've chugged. My stomach has been fine. I wonder if thats from eating pretty good for once.

I'm eating dried veggie chips and they are legit good.

Hoping for a really good night of sleep tonight. I’m exhausted it’s been a long *** busy day. Im mentally and physically worn out. It’s 8pm now. Waiting till 9 to take my night meds. Then am gonna read for an hour. Hopefully be asleep around 10 then sleep as late as I want tomorrow.

Good thing is I managed to read for 2 hours already today. My focus seems quite a bit improved. To an extent. I can’t focus on shows really. But I’m able to focus on books and to a lesser extent games. During shows I get distracted like 25 times per 30 min episodes. It’s annoying. Reading I’m able to focus good on though. Idk why.

Got some carrot cake today!

I've either reached the depressive crash I get after manic episodes or this is turning to a mixed episode. The irritability was back today and then I got rather depressed (with SI) this afternoon and evening. I have some stressful changes coming up in the next few months and I'm terrified what my mood is going to do as a result of all the stress and change. I'm worried I'll either be depressed or mixed for an extended period of time.

Tomorrow, it's back to school. I will be lecturing in one of my subjects and they will be doing independent work in the other. If my foot is feeling up to it, I'm hoping to get at least a short walk in. It's going to be hot enough outside so it will need to be on my walking pad.

I survived my first day back after a 2 week Easter school holiday. I'm not thriving, but hey I survived and I'm ready to tackle tomorrow. No more classes for today but I have to stay here until 4:30pm then leaving to pick up my son from his school then off to a school council meeting until 6:00pm. I don't know why I put my hand up for school council but hey I now need to stick it out for the year.

I had a really good day today. Talked to my sister, took a shower, ate, had therapy, then spent the rest of the day looking for a book that could hold my attention because I'm trying to get into reading. Finally decided I'm going to go with a book list from a large book club and got the book and audiobook for $7 together because of the Amazon book sale. I'm hoping to read along with about a book a week. So next month I'll get Kindle unlimited so it's cheaper. Reading also makes me tired. Anyone know if any of the kiddles hook up to Bluetooth? I'm thinking of getting the kids version because it's $20 more w no ads, a case, an extra year warranty.

Slept only a couple hours MAYbe! Just took my morning meds. Part of it was sleeping a lot yesterday catching up from the week long singing marathon at church for Holy Week (the week before Easter). I’ve had a breakfast sandwich and the cat is meowing at me!

And you referring to the kindle fire tablet? They do hook up to Bluetooth. I have one and I’m able to listen to music, audiobooks, games, shows movies etc anything that has audio on it on my Bluetooth headphones

I hope you enjoy reading!

My poor daughter woke up sick this morning, nauseous and with a slight fever. The bad thing is her STAAR state mandated test for U.S. History is today, and H has to drive her to the testing location (about 30 min. away). I gave her some saltines which she did eat, chewable Pepto and children's Motrin (she doesn't like to swallow pills) to see if she feels better before having to leave for the test. If not, I am sure there is a makeup test, but she told me she wanted to get it out of the way. I really hate when she is sick, and I can't do anything to help her. She's rarely sick, and on a state test day, that really sucks.

As for me, I slept around 8.5 hr. I took a long power walk but am waiting to shower until my daughter and H leave (if my daughter can make it to the test). I am pretty grungy; it was in the 70Fs with 95% humidity, and that definitely is not a comfortable walk! Exercising in this weather always insures I take a shower daily!

@Blue_Bird That carrot cake looks good! I'm jealous; I LOVE carrot cake! It is wonderful you have been able to concentrate to read. Reading I think requires better concentration than watching TV and is altogether better for your brain, to my way of thinking!

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Originally Posted by June08 I've either reached the depressive crash I get after manic episodes or this is turning to a mixed episode. The irritability was back today and then I got rather depressed (with SI) this afternoon and evening. I have some stressful changes coming up in the next few months and I'm terrified what my mood is going to do as a result of all the stress and change. I'm worried I'll either be depressed or mixed for an extended period of time. Tomorrow, it's back to school. I will be lecturing in one of my subjects and they will be doing independent work in the other. If my foot is feeling up to it, I'm hoping to get at least a short walk in. It's going to be hot enough outside so it will need to be on my walking pad.

I'm sorry about the mixed episode. I really hate mixed! It has to be worse going into a stressful work situation as well.

@victoria's mom Nice to hear you having a better day! Going through a book list sounds like a nice & fun challenge.

@Crazy Hitch Definitely don't do school council next year! You have plenty of stress already with your wedding coming up & raising your son.

@Moose72 Sorry for your lack of sleep. Is there nothing the pdoc can do to help. Lack of sleep nearly always throws me into mania; I hope that is not the case for you.

Good morning! I slept okay , about 7 hours. I was hoping to sleep a lot but I woke up around 5:30am.

I took a 30 min walk outside. Gonna do 30 min on the treadmill later. It’s only a little after 9am now. Right now I’m having some coffee and listening to music. Also gonna practice violin today and read the rest of my book. I feel pretty good right now after my walk. Oh and I’m gonna work on my painting a bit. Maybe draw a bit as well. Anyway should be a good day. As long as I don’t start dissociating randomly.

I played pokemon go outside to motivate myself to walk. I was only planning on like a 10 min walk but ended going and doing 30 min. It’s not walking that’s hard for me it’s being outside with all the noise and people and cars and sun etc it’s so overstimulating so sometimes it causes me to dissociate severely so I’ve gotten kind of wary about walking outside but I’m trying to like expose myself to it more and more over time and hopefully get used to it eventually. It’s scary being away from home out on a busy street dissociating while walking, so I’ve somewhat developed a bit of agoraphobia about going far from my house. I still walk a lot because I have to I don’t have a car. And I like getting exercise and getting out of the apartment. It’s just a struggle sometimes.

Currently in the community room having coffee

Hope your daughter feels better soon! Yeah I always need to shower when I exercise in hot weather too lol

Here in New York it’s 57 degrees so pretty nice out, cool and a little sunny.

@BlueberrybookI just came out of hypomania with the help of Vraylar 3 mg. She said she might have me go up to 4.5. I see her a week from Friday. I have 10 pills left and 10 days till I see my Pdoc. I just texted my case manager. I’m already on 1 mg Klonopin twice a day. It’s become less sedating after 3 weeks or so. But I’m taking it for akathisia/tardive dyskinesia not sleep or anxiety.

I'm doing good today. My anxiety is fine and my moods are decent. I'm just kinda annoyed at how people are treated differently because of who they are.

I plan on going to the bookstore to get more cookbooks. I'm hoping to find 3 or 4. For breakfast I ate a piece of whole wheat bread with a cup of Jif to go peanut butter and 10 blueberries on top. I had some veggie chips and some lentil chips too. I did 5 minutes on my treadmill just to boost my mood for the day. My therapist says even 5 minutes can increase your moods

The Prestiq withdrawels are ok today. They just still come and go. But today they have been fine so far.

Didn't really get around to drawing with things so hectic this morning. I did get my bluejay colored:

I. Am. So. Darn. Tired!

Slept until 4:30am which is my usual when I’m back at work.

Don’t think my body has recovered from waking up at 2:00am yesterday morning!

What an amazing weekend! Had a celebration at my friend's house yesterday for my baptism. It was a really good night. I have mixed emotions right now, because even though all these good things have happened, I feel the loneliness in my heart. I miss my ex, I miss what we had, and as the days are going by, I know that it can never be. It will take a lot of growing up to do on my part.

Other than that, I feel really blessed for all that's happened and to be 4 years sober. It feels surreal. So much had happened with my ex-husband, I think I am just drawn to men that aren't good for me. I need to take my power back. Today is the first meeting of the Legion of Mary. I have no idea what to expect, or what is required to be part of this organization. I am hoping it brings me purpose and peace in my life.

I hope everyone has a great and productive Tuesday!

Oo stranger things is getting very complicated. It’s been so long since we watched the first season it was had to watch the last season that’s out. They were referring back, it was hard to know what was happening but oh so good. We have 2 more episodes then we have to wait for the new season to come out. It’s taking them so long to produce this show that the kids from season 1 are young adults.

I’m doing pretty good. I get tomorrow off, as in nowhere to be or nothing to do.

My case manager finally got back to me. She said to see if I sleep tonight and if not we’ll go from there.

I love stranger things! I’m excited for season 5 to come out this year

I’m doing good. I did some organizing on my laptop and my tablet. I also painted then took a shower. This is the result of the Kentucky derby painting I did (I lived in Kentucky during my high school years through early adult years and still have a friend down there and she suggested I paint this)