How do you battle self-hate??

I cannot bear to look at myself in the mirror and especially not in photos. I truly believe I look absolutely horrible. There are only a few stores that I frequent with comfort. I hardly ever feel comfortable in public or in new places. I never feel "good enough".

The thought of meeting new people is sooo difficult. Dating is so terrifying I cannot consider it. I have a panic just thinking about it.

Every day when I get ready for work (or even on the weekends when I am able to dress more casually), I have in my mind, "this is the best it's gonna get for today. nothing I can do about it".

So, low to virtual no self-esteem...(check)

The other day, I felt so bad about how I look, so ugly, so unworthy, that I couldn't make myself go to work or even leave the house. Now that's some bad self hate

I got a glimpse of myself this morning (in a giant mirror - completely by accident)...

(I NEVER look at myself in full length mirrors in public in bright light. Oh the WORST for me!)

I was shocked at what I saw. I despised the way I look, and it totally threw me off.

I just wanted to go home and jump in the shower and get ready all over again.

Do I really look that hideous? Do people see me this way? Why do I see a huge, lumpy mess when I look in the mirror in public? Yet, at home, I didn't think I looked as horrible when I got ready. ((sigh))

Shocking really. I really want to go home and just hide.

I feel the need to talk to you about this, because I know what you mean. But I want to ask you to please try not to shut yourself off from the world. Try and remember not looking that bad when you were at home, and try to tell yourself that nothing's changed.

My dad always tells me that I need to stop worrying about what I look like because no one else does. That everyone else in the room is to worried about what they look like to notice what I look like. I only realized that that was true a few years ago, and it's my only lifeline right now. (my dad takes me to very rich and fancy parties where women wear ball gowns and look like angles... he's a fundraiser... I'm a broke arts student... it's intimidating)

Try hard not to lock yourself in your house, it is the worst thing you can do for yourself, and it's very hard to get out once you get stuck in it. Try and be brave, and try not to hide away.

(((((((Rose))))))))

No one is usually paying attention to what you look like. Movies and tabloids make us think that they are, but no one really cares unless you're famous, except you. Try and tell yourself you're pretty, even if you don't feel it.

I wear pretty underwear when I feel ugly... it helps.

It fluctuates. But when it comes, I deal with it. Never found anyway to get over it really...

Self-hate was trained into me. I have never been able to get rid of it.

I have done as much as I can to stay alone. The self hatred is worse around people. Love dogs and cats though, and every wild animal that comes along has a home on this property.

There are no mirrors in this house. The windows are covered.

I have had a couple of friends in my life, but I was an adult before that happened. Mostly, they left me alone which beats what people usually do. I really don't need people to tell me what I 'should be', because I can't be what they want.

If anyone knows how to stop self-hate, I would love to know your methods.

((bluestate))

Several people have told me to give myself frequent compliments throughout the days/nights. They have said that it becomes easier & easier as time passes. I can't bring myself to do that, but that's the decision that I made. Perhaps you'd like to try it?

My self-hate is worse around people as well. I think that it's due to me making physical comparisons, assumptions, and envy. Realizing that I do that doesn't really help me either with my self-hate. Just wanted to tell you that I can really relate to you on this issue. Animals and nature (trees, streams, etc) are a wonderful relief to me!

I used to hate everything about myself - 55 years worth. Then on the day I was planning to commit SU I walked into a store and heard Josh Groban singing "You Are Loved". Left. Walked into another store - heard the same song again. From that day on I started to heal. Today I refuse to let negative self talk enter my mind or my heart. I believe I'm worth treating gently.

Lots of hugs to everyone who is struggling

I think that it's wonderful that you've had success in kicking your 55 years of self-hate and SI. Thank you for sharing!

How did you get to the point above? Was this accomplished by snapping your wrist every time you had negative thoughts, focusing on something else, or believing in a higher power,...?

Personally, I am agnostic. Just curious if your self-acceptance came from something other than religion. Thank you!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by shezbut I think that it's wonderful that you've had success in kicking your 55 years of self-hate and SI. Thank you for sharing!

Hi Shezbut! First of all a slight correction...SU is suicide. I do struggle with self injury (SI) but that has been only since the age of 55. The day I heard that song twice in a row I was thinking about SU. Hearing that I was loved made me realize that I had people in my life who would be devastated if I went through with it so I didn't.

Self worth came slowly through lots of hard work with my T. The self injury? Stopping that is still something I struggle with. I had 1 1/2 years without an incident then SI/d during a personal crisis recently. Most of the time though I work on realizing that the intense emotions are only temporary, that I've felt this way before, and that this emotional state is not going to last forever. I went through a year long DBT program that taught me emotional regualtion and coping skills that was extremely helpful - I definitely recommend it. I don't believe in snapping a rubber band to divert thoughts of SI - pain in order to not cause pain does not make sense to me.

Beliefs? I believe in God. I believe that everything in life happens for a reason. I believe in putting out good karma into the universe. I believe I am a person of worth and dignity. And I'll stop right here before I start writing a sermon! Thanks for asking

I am struggling with it. I believe it is caused by all my stress and some depression from issues... I don't know how to cope at all. And I hate myself for feeling like crap all the time. Nothing ever works out for me and I don't know why.

I would say my self-hate is a part of my other emotional problems, but not the cause. They are going hand in hand, if you will.

Sadly, I have no special techniques in how to get me through my self-hate.

I think I've felt selfhatred my whole life and didn't even realize other people did not have those hateful thoughts about themselves All of the Time, like I did/do, until a couple yrs ago.
One thing I had an epiphany about in high shool tho...when my self-judgement and self-loathing was so extreme I could not walk out my front door...I somehow realized this: "No one out there is thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are"
Think about how much u obsess about how u look, what ur wearing, or what people think...you don't even have room to look around and pass judgement on the people around u...and they are in the same self- absorbed mindset. It is perhaps the human condition...I would say its definitely the American Human Condition. I could get myself out the door by repeating this, as fact, to myself everyday and now I'm 27 and for the most part, I automatically accept that point as fact.
Also, have any of you all heard of Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)? I heard about it because a musician I like, Lily Allen, has said she suffers from it: It is a "disorder" where you mispercieve your own appearance and actually see yourself as uglier and/or fatter than you really are. It has caused Ms. Allen to struggle with eating disorders all her life and even as a famous, successful, beautiful, and thin woman, she still doubts her attractiveness and relies on the support of a family and crew that offers constant support and reassurance.
And 1 more tip: my loving husband has told me multiple times that the specific insecurities that drive me crazy on my body ( my dimpled cellulite thighs, flabby upper arms, too big nose, yadda, yadda, yadda) are totally unnoticed by him. The right guy or girl is going to love you " just as you are" (that's from Bridgette Jones' Diary...and in my early 20s I adopted it as the ultimate requirement for a lover/partner) and they aren't going to give a flip about how one of ur boobs points in a slightly different direction
Keep on keeping on...ever poster on this thread is looking pretty beautiful to me

*Triggering*

Self-hate has been an issue of mine for a long time. What started it all was an extreme form of perfectionism that I was introduced to as a child. As a child I used to be beaten and sexually humiliated whenever I made a mistake or didn’t achieve perfection. I was beaten with belts, backhanded when I made a mistake, threatened, and assortment of other abuse. The school system abused me as well. I was removed from classes because I was abused by teachers, and the report cards I received labelled me “retarded” and “unlikely to succeed in life.” A large portion of my life was spent in dark, bloody, abusive times due to not being perfect. When I was 13 years old I began self-harming as a form of self-punishment for making mistakes. As I type this I have 16 stitches in my right arm.

Dealing with this obsessive need for perfection has been what I am working on with a counselor. As I am able to relax this perfectionism, I am able to better deal with self-hatred.

I believe my perfectionism creates my self-hatred which in turn creates my emotional issues.I’m being taught how to accept myself with an incredibly supportive best friend even if she lives a long distance away.

I have been working on this one a long time. I would say the first thing that helped me battle my self hatred was when I got into group therapy. I hated myself so much, and was so insecure and ashamed of myself, that I literally did not share in the group for almost a year. Luckily, even though I felt like leaving every single week of that first year, I decided to stick with it. I was in group therapy for 7 years in my early to mid twenties. The process of sharing all these things I was ashamed of and hated about myself and being accepted and cared for anyways went a long way to healing myself. This continues to be something that allows me to heal. Sharing my insecurities and feelings with others and having them accepted has helped me to heal from the self hate. It is still there somewhat, but much of the time I like myself now. Finally, I think being on this site has helped me hate myself less. Seeing that there are so many people who live with what I live with (or something like it) is comforting to me. I feel like I could go on, this is a great topic! However, that is all for now....

whoo, your story hurts me inside Mr.V. How can humans do what they have done to you?! I am so sorry you had to live thru it and u are amazingly strong to have lived thru it. All my hate is targeted towards the abusers at this moment...and that's prob not considered " healthy" either...
WTF society? Really. This is considered "civilization"?
Phew. I'm sorry. That's just not right.

I don't always see 'it' as self-hate but rather keeping it real. I'd almost say I'm in denial of my self-hate.

I must admit that there are sometimes that I hate myself.....But on a good note, they have become less frequent.....On the days that I do feel this way, its always good to note all the positives that you hold.....And also to get out and do things keep busy ( that way you have less tome to think about it ) .....

I still have self-esteem issues, like others here my T finds it exasperating that I will not accept compliments and that unlike other SU who were saved from certain death, I am not glad about it. I do not try any more because I'm more afraid of failing and the consequences of that failure than anything else. I don't much care what most people think and when I don't care what they think then I'm not so hard on myself. So I guess my major technique is self talk to myself that other people are really too busy living their lives to care what I look like or do/not do. Except for my ineptitude with spelling that drives me to self hate in the most fundamental basic form. I hate that about myself. Nothing I do changes that, I'm told it is not my fault-I was many in elementary school and there are gaps-well why can't I learn now then-the same mistakes over and over. And why can't I get the spell check on here to work? I have no technique for that one. Sorry this got so long.

I've always hated myself. It's funny to me how people say that you can't love others until you learn t

(((Mr. Venomous)))

I am sorry that you struggled such an abusive childhood. Kudos to you for working hard to relax your strong tendencies! Hope that things continue to ease up for you.

I, too, am a perfectionist. I hadn't ever thought of it as being related to my self-hate. Although when I say it now, Duh!! It makes sense!

I am often seeking out all imperfections to put myself down further. It is a horrible whirlpool of thoughts and feelings.

Thank you for sharing your perspective!

(((Sidestepper)))

You mentioned that you have a difficult time emotionally accepting compliments ~ unsure if the cause is your fear of not being worth it, or because it frightens you to feel beholden to someone.

That's a really good point, imo. I'm now 41 y.o., and have been in many romantic relationships which all follow a pattern. I cannot completely open up and trust him. Some men have tried to go farther than others, but they always reach walls.

Thankfully, my T has accepted my feelings of self-hate and inability to accept compliments. He doesn't agree with my feelings. He likes to point out good things that I do...therefore, I can't be entirely "evil". But, it's a struggle.

I do agree with your recommended technique in general. For the most part, people are too busy wrapped up in their own little worlds to bother analyzing and critiquing us for what we do/don't do. There are always exceptions to the general rule.

Thank you for sharing your opinions and experience!

I struggle with self hate, often I think people I know are happier, they enjoy life more and they don´t keep asking themselves if their life is worthy enough for themselves or for others.
I just see everyone else and think they enjoy simple things in life and they don´t think every 5 minutes how are they going to die.
I don´t know if self hate is a product of depression or it is the other way around.
When I go to therapy, the analist keeps saying that I seldom look at my life and I don´t appreciate my achievements. I gather this is right, but I realize that this is what I do when I am deep in depression and axiety.
I haven´t learned how to avoid or cope with self hate.
Thanks for listening,
cactus lover

When I get ready in the morning, or prepare to go out in public, I have it ingrained in my mind that "this is good as it's gonna get...so, oh well."

I have no expectations for myself. at all. that is how much I think of myself. I am totally alone out IRL. except for a handful of acquaintances, my T and at work. I cannot bear to have anyone new in my life (those first 3 seconds...terrify me!)

Yes, for me, I believe that the self-esteem issues have affected my emotional well-being.

I haven't made it past .... yet...