Getting a Life...

"Needy." I'll say it again, (((Zen))) - I don't know of ANYONE on this site who isn't in need of comfort and support!! Not to worry - just post, post, post - every little anxiety, every negative thought - get it out there so we can smush it flat!!

Good job sending that guy and your counselor e-mails - things like that stick in people's memories and so do you. Sounds like you made a good impression on that guy - if nothing else, he may be able to advocate a bit for you if necessary.

Even if for some improbable reason you don't get accepted, your future is NOT doomed. Since you know that your mind is going to try to force you to play the "what if" game (and only come up with the very worst scenarios it can imagine), why not make a pre-emptive strike. What if the worst happens (you don't get accepted)? Start a list of other things you could do with your life just in case - other avenues of study - other careers that you might be interested in pursuing. Sometimes the best way to combat your fears is to know your options - know that there are always possibilities available - make a Plan B, Plan C, Plan D.

Think ahead and develop contingency plans for everything that creates anxiety for you - if you can't do this, do that - if you can't go here, go there. That way you don't have all of your "eggs in one basket." You may find that this will help you shut that anxiety beast up and shove it back in its cave where it belongs instead of stomping around in your life.

In addition to turning yourself into a "Planner," pull out the stops on the healthy diet, good rest, exercise, and relaxation techniques. Turn your home into "Zen's Spa" - scented mineral salt baths, make up an essential oil and salt scrub to exfoliate your entire body, lotion yourself down, do nails and hair, whiten your teeth - go through your wardrobe and do any mending, ironing or steaming, invent different pairings of clothing to get new outfits, polish your shoes, clean your purses inside and out - pamper, pamper, pamper, and rest. This will help you feel and be prepared for anything.

Give it a shot, (((Zen))) - you know you can do this and we'll help.

I know that this probably doesn't fit the depression forum but I have PMS right now. I have feelings of intense anger and anxiety.

Right now, I am angry that the clothes I bought online do not fit me and that I have to go send them back (yes I know it's not that big of a deal). I am angry that my whole future is in the hands of my university. And I am anxious about calling the man at the program on Tuesday to find out if I am accepted or not.

My anger is so intense that I saying stuff like "what is the point in having a shower?", "why bother reading my DBT book?", and "why bother trying to get well if I might not be accepted into the program?"

Hey, (((Zen))) - PMS, depression, etc. - what's the diff - we can handle anything here. There's nothing wrong with throwing a little hissy fit now and then to release the tension. It's not that you're really all that upset about the specific things you mentioned - it's just that the slight irritation about those things tapped into that larger lake of anger, frustration, and anxiety deep inside. It's just magma rising to the surface through any little crack or crevice it can find.

Be sure to STAY AWAY from SALT right now. Makes the effects of PMS 100X worse. Can you go out and take a walk to release some of that energy and pump some endorphines into you? Trying to force yourself to read or concentrate on anything right now is probably only going to increase your anger and negative thinking. Walk away from it - breaking the atmosphere by changing your environment even for a little while can sometimes help. Or maybe even beating up a pillow or cushion can help.

Just don't try to force a lid on to your feelings right now - they'll just build up even more pressure and you'll blow up bigger later. Let it out a little as you go. Keep posting, too, if that helps.

I'd like to be able to help you with ALL of the issues that you've presented. However it's too much for me to process. I can say that I identify with a lot of what you are going through but, I just don't know where to start. Maybe you could start with your biggest issue and go from there. Maybe you aren't able to do that and I could certainly understand that too. I just wish there was more that I could say.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I hope things turn around for you.

(((Zen)))
We are here for you...keep posting, please.

Catherine

((((((Zen)))))) Even if you don't get into a program, you deserve to live without the constant pain and general ickyness that goes along with this illness. Take some hugs and tell the PMS trolls to go play somewhere else! It's good that you have enough insight to know where the blues are coming from. hang int there, dear. We are pulling for you.

Thank-you for your support!

I feel like absolute crap today! I am a couple of days away from my period that may or may not start (my period likes to play jokes on me!). Last night I had a horrible dream that left me feeling very disturbed when I woke up.

My brain is so sedated that I cannot function from the neck up. From the neck down I feel ok. I think I have to reduced the dosage of my anxiety medication.

I am considering asking my family doctor to prescribe me the birth control patch to reduce my PMS mood swings. I am scared to go on the patch because when I was on the pill I had terrible pounding head aches and bad chest pains.

I cannot say this enough today I feel like crap. My brain is of no use to me today, all I am doing is vegging out. I feel like a waste to society. I should be doing something more productive with my life. I like children don't get me wrong but I do not want to make my future career as a daycare worker. I must get accepted into this university program!!

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I sent someone I volunteered for off and on for a couple of years a Thanksgiving Day floral arrangement on Oct.7th. I have received no e-mail saying thank-you or that they received the flowers. I shouldn't be surprised by the lack of response from this person it usually takes 2 or 3 weeks to get a reply from the simplest e-mails. But still it makes me angry that I went to all this effort and money to send a floral arrangement and this person cannot even be bothered to send me a short thank-you e-mail! Maybe it's a subtle hint I shouldn't bother sending this person flowers...etc?

If someone sent me flowers I would reply asap with a big thank-you.

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I feel really stupid right now because my brain feels so sedated. I didn't over dose I only took the prescribed dosage because my anxiety spikes when I have PMS. When I don't have PMS I only need to take 2mgs instead of 6mgs of the anti-anxiety medication.

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I can barely function right now I am so upset and bent out of shape because of this application process at my university. On my account documents online it still reads "applied" not that the "program is evaluating".

This has got to gross you all out but I haven't had a shower in 2 days. This is how bad things have gotten for me. I don't seem to give a you know what about my personal health. Trust me I do not leave my home looking like this at all.

I feel so hopeless. I cannot even focus long enough to read my DBT & Bipolar Disorder workbook. I even told my new friend that goes to church all the time that I couldn't attend Saturday's service because of my PMS. She has terrible cramps when she has her period so I am hoping she will understand. I did give her 2-3 days notice that I wouldn't be attending. She doesn't know that I have Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. All she knows is that I take medication for a medical condition. And I don't want her to see me in such a negative state of mind/body due to PMS and the university thing. She is such a positive young lady (I am 10 years older than her) that I don't want every time we get together to be negative.

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On Saturday, I will reduce the dosage of my anxiety medication so I don't feel so awful.

I'm a-thinkin' you need a lot of hugs today, (((((((((((((((Zen))))))))))))))). Listen - I really don't understand how it got pounded into all of our brains that we are supposed to feel like going full speed ahead every day of our lives! That just is NOT realistic. We are complicated beings living in a complicated universe filled with billions and billions of variables at any given moment. There are times when you just need to cocoon - your body and/or your mind just isn't functioning well enough to do anything - so don't! Put on your comfies, pile all of the soft pillows and blankets on the bed or couch, put some safe snacks and tea (or whatever you prefer to drink) on the table, throw a movie you like into the DVD/VCR and just veg out - and stay there (if you possibly can) as long as it takes for you to feel better. Most of us here do not sleep well in the first place, so our brains/minds struggle to function anyway. So we probably require a little more veg-out time than those who sleep well regularly. This IS allowed. Give yourself permission to give yourself what you need when you need it.

As for the Thanksgiving flower arrangement - just send that person a quick little e-mail saying that you wanted to make certain that it arrived when it was supposed to be delivered. You will probably be able to tell from their response whether or not they truly appreciated it.

I did send this person an e-mail a couple of days ago. I simply said that I haven't heard from you in a while and was wondering if you are feeling ok or are you busy with work/life.

Thank-you for your thoughtful reply Lynn!

And this person didn't even respond to that e-mail? OUCH! I'd give it a bit of time - you never know what's going on in another person's life - but set a time limit. I usually give people a month at the max. At that point, depending on how well I know the person, I either send one more e-mail and ask again if they're okay, or I just let it go and leave it up to them to make contact when and if they choose.

In your situation, you might want to wait a week, then send an e-mail checking on them again and asking if they received the flower arrangement you sent. Then, set your time limit for a response. If they don't respond again, I don't think I would send them another arrangement in the future.

Lynn,

What has my knickers in a knot among other things as you are aware of is the fact that this person wrote me a very nice reference letter this summer. And we met at Starbucks for coffee (what else?) and she told me that she thought I was very intelligent and I wasn't seeking out compliments or attention seeking. We were just having a friendly conversation.

I need her reference letter in order to get a job in childcare. My paid working experiences weren't positive and I am certain that my previous employers wouldn't give me a positive reference.

I have thought this over and this is what I am thinking. If she didn't want me to use her reference letter she would let me know asap because her reputation is on the line everytime I use the reference letter she wrote for me.

I just HATE when stuff like this happens - you're kind of left hanging in limbo which feeds into any little insecurities we have creeping around inside. Of course, she would never have given you the reference letter to use if she didn't think highly of you - but then why not say something about the flowers or at least respond to your e-mail?? Weird.

But - like I said - in this case, I would wait about a week after you sent the first e-mail, then send another e-mail asking how she is and if she received the flowers, then put at least a one-month time limit on the new e-mail.

Perhaps she is still out of town having a really long Thanksgiving holiday with her family, or is having family problems, or is out of town for a wedding, or a death in the family or ????

Too soon and too little information to make any kind of assumptions or draw any conclusions at this point. This is one of those times when you have to extend her the benefit of the doubt and just wait and see what happens, I guess.

(((((((((((((((((( Zen888 ))))))))))))))))))

I feel very sad right now. I feel like crying and going to bed all day. I am having flash backs from abuse I experienced as a child and young adult. And I miss my Mom so much (she passed away Jan.3, 1999). And my period is late (no I am not pregnant) and my moods are changing throughout the day from sadness to anger.

Zen, have you ever seen an ob/gyn and talked about your PMS and mood swings around that time? You may have some kind of hormonal imbalance. When I still was getting my period, between my PMS and my PTSD/anxiety/depression it was HORRIBLE! I'd have maybe 2 good weeks then at least 2 bad weeks. Sometimes of course I didn't have any good weeks. Now they have meds that help with bad PMS. Back when I had it, it was something you really didn't hear talked about much.

I also ultimately was diagnosed with hypothyroidism too. I think my hormones had been out of whack for years but no doctor, or myself, ever thought to test for that kind of thing.

You definitely are not alone; reading your list of issues was like reading something I had written about myself. Wish I had some answers for us. Hope you're feeling better now . . . Mike

(((((((((((Zen)))))))))))

I am so sorry you are having such a terrible time!!
I agree with Pom, go see your GP and see if you can get some meds. You don't deserve to live like this.

Hi Pom

I recently had all my female hormones and testosterone checked out and my doctor said they were all normal. I was considering the birth control patch for pms but I think it might conflict with my lamictal (as in not make the birth control patch as effective as it would be without the lamictal).

((((((((((((Pom)))))))))))))))))))))))

Dear Zen ~ I can identify with everything you are saying. I have an anxiety disorder which does not allow me to leave the house unless I absolutely have to for some reason. I would imagine that, if you can make yourself do so, the best bet for getting a life is to attend public events of various kinds. You can start a conversation by finding something you can genuinely compliment someone on or by approaching someone else who seems to be alone and just asking how they are. You might also try going to the same restaurant daily to drink coffee or tea. Friends should follow, if you are consistent. People do not care so much about what we are like. They care about how we make them feel about themselves. billieJ

This afternoon I had a Vet appointment for my dog she needed to have her nails clipped (she figgets and moves around too much for me to clip them or even when a friend has tried to help me do them). I was feeling awful and sad (caught up in a mood swing) but I am starting to force myself to keep my appointments whether they are for me or my dog. I have a bad habit of canceling with very short notice. I got ready for my dog's appointment 2 hours before I had to leave. I actually had a good time at the Vet clinic! There was this massive beast of a dog that was getting weighed and he came in at 85 kg or 170 pounds! When my Yorkie was brought back out to the front of the office she was on cloud 9 and on her hind legs smiling. She loves big dogs...the bigger the better! The massive beast of a dog was a friendly giant and he lowered his big head to the ground and gave my dog a big sniff all over. It was fun to watch how excited my little dog (3.05 kg or 6 pounds) was when she saw this dog.

I'm glad you had a good afternoon! I hope it continues...

Great!!!! (((((Zen)))))

((((((((((ZEN))))))))))

How are you doing today?

Thank-you for your support!

I am having a slow brain day...kinda of in a fog. I have started to take my night medications earlier because I have to get up at 6 am in November for 2 days straight. My night medications make me feel hung over this early in the morning and makes it unsafe for me to drive until 10 am. Other than that I have just been veggin out listening to music, playing on the Internet, and experimenting with my light box. Yes, a very busy day!