Why can't we admit we suffer from depression?

Why is it more socially acceptable to struggle with depression and pretend it doesn't exist than it is to admit it, seek treatment, and be put on medication to control it?

It's as if ignoring the problem makes it disappear, when it really makes it worse. If I ask for help, it makes it real. If I ignore it's existence, maybe it's just a figment of my imagination and I can "fake it till I make it." Smile and pretend to be happy, and you eventually will be happy. You don't need meds. Meds are a crutch for weak people. Mind over matter. Think yourself better.

Saying I'm better on meds automatically means I'm a danger when I'm not on them, right?

i didn't used to be able to tell people about my depression either. it doesn't bother me any more- in fact, i want them to know so maybe i can help to dispel some of the stigma about all of it. And i don't necessarily think saying that i am better when i am on meds means i am a danger when i'm not . in fact i don't think i have ever really been a danger. i look at it as being on meds for any other condition. my husband has to take meds for his blood pressure. his blood pressure is great but it probably wouldn't be without the meds. and my life probably wouldn't be nearly so good without my meds. i don't know if that makes any sense to you or not, its just kind of how i look at it. I think its better to do what we can for ourselves to make our lives better- the meds aren't a cure but they sure do help.

I see it that way. But other people I have to deal with don't.

Off meds, I'm moody and irritable and can't focus. On meds, I'm "normal" but the people who don't know I'm on meds think I'm bipolar since I go from being perpetually cranky and pessimistic to having a decent outlook on life.

I can stay off meds and be considered just a ***** who hates the world and can't make friends, or I can go on meds and be accused of having a disorder that I don't. I feel like I can't win.

I'm going to have to face a crowd of people that I can't deal with next week. It's my daughter's 8th grade graduation. The ex will have his family and friends there, and I'll be completely alone, and I'll have to suck it up and pretend I like these people who made me feel like crap for being me or I can ruin my daughter's day by alienating everyone.

Being someone I'm not, trying to fit into everyone else's idea of acceptable helped get me where I am, and I refuse to bow down to their expectations and ignore my own needs. My instinct is to not even go, but I can't do that to my daughter. But I can't be there for my daughter and avoid all of these other people.

I want to keep myself safe, and I don't know how. No matter what I do, I'll be talked about.

Why people can't admit that they suffere from depression? Is a good question yet I don't have an answer for it. It seems to me some people don't want to admit they are depressed or they might make others around then feel worse about it. I don't think its nothing to be ashmed about, though I'm not sure if I am? The thing is I'm a weak person and so I might get medication to give me a boost up with everything! Depression is a word for me that I don't want to say to much or it will just make me feel worse. Does any one know what I mean?

wi-f .... I do so relate to the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" problem. I feel dogged by that at every turn. I have just now, at 54 yrs.old, gone to a doc and a therapist for the very first time for depression and anxiety and feel so mixed- on the one hand, relieved to be seeking help that's been a long time coming, and on the other hand, deeply ashamed and embarrassed about being "weak", "selfish", "jumping on a fad", and so many more hateful voices that would keep me miserable and barely functioning.

I'm grateful for those encouragements coming from here and some family and friends to stay with the meds and therapy, get a break, find out how it could feel to LIKE myself. and realize some Peace in my life.

I guess there's no easy answer. Shame is a terribly powerful task-master. I think there can be relief, though, in letting yourself be vulnerable and needy of help. It feels loving, somehow.

J

Miss A, you mean that admitting to yourself that you're depressed makes you feel more depressed? I think I can understand. Somehow admitting to it makes me feel like a bit of a failure for not being "perfect."

I know being on medication makes a big difference for me, even at a modest dose, but there are a few unkind people that I still have to deal with who think people that need medication for problems of a psychological nature are defective and don't deserve to be treated fairly. If you deny the problem and don't take medication, that's OK, but as soon as you admit it and get help, you're open for any and all attacks, especially if they don't care for you much to begin with. It just gives them one more piece of ammunition.

Jeannie, thanks for the words of support. They're much appreciated.

I've been on medication off and on since the birth of my son 12 years ago. More off than on because of my ex husband being so against treatment. Sexual side effects. Need I say more?

I'll go for a while on meds, things will even out, I'll taper off them. Things will go OK for a while and then I'll hit a speed bump, head into a depression, need meds, etc., etc. I think I need to just stay on the meds full time to avoid to bumps when I taper off. Especially now that my med has gone generic and it's affordable.

I just dread my ex finding out that I'm back on it because that means I can't handle the depression on my own and he could try to use it against me to get my kids away from me. But being off of it makes even little everyday setbacks seem unsurmountable some times. I'm sure others in here can relate to that as well

Whoa -- this is a very interesting topic. I have a lot of thoughts on this, because my husband suffered from a very long-term MDE and refused treatment for the first year of it. It was positively awful, from a loved one's perspective.

I'm going to read this carefully then chime in later.

Do you talk to a therapist (or even just a fam doc) about this? It seems to me that taking meds and functioning well would not go against you w/regards to keeping your kids. Does your ex have to know if you're on meds? I think you may need professional back-up and support. That's so heavy- the fear of losing your children (I know that one, too).

I'm a real green-horn here, but you sure are making sense to me

Jeanie, I don't have a therapist. No insurance. It's just not financially possible right now. I'm going to see a doctor in a couple of weeks through a free woman's health program though. I'll get a free physical and I can discuss my depression issues. My regular doc OK'd a refill on my meds since I've got the physical coming up. I've been off of them for well over a year and I've taken a serious down turn since then. Couldn't afford the physical that was required for him to OK the refills.

My ex is just so against medication of any kind. He'll suffer with a headache and make everyone else miserable with his complaints of pain rather than take an aspirin. If the kids have an infection that needs antibiotics, he refuses to give it to them because he doesn't think they need it.

He doesn't HAVE to know that I'm going back on meds, but it will most likely sneak out accidentally from one of the kids. Like I said earlier, taking the meds means I can't control it on my own. He could try and use that as an argument against me.

Being on meds makes everything run so much smoother. Depression affects so much more than my mood. It dictates how well and how fast I do my work, how well I sleep, how well I take care of the house and the yard. If I can't do those things as well as I see other people doing them, that sends me into a deeper depression. I'm isolated and friendless because I don't think there's anything worth liking about me. I'm always down. I don't feel creative or able to provide anything of any meaning to others. Because of the social isolation, my ex is trying to say I shouldn't have the kids, even though I take them places all the time. The depression affects my ability to make friends. It doesn't affect my ability to force myself to do things, even if it's alone or with only the company of my kids.

I'm not making sense. I'm all over the place, can't stay on topic, can't focus. Sorry.

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taking the meds means I can't control it on my own

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That is NOT what it means. It means you are using the technology that is available instead of being a martyr.

Not to mention the fact that I am on meds for anxiety and it is completely voluntary -- if I'm not on them, I'm ok, but not nearly as pleasant to be around because I'm so wound up. I actually think that the meds are GOOD for my long-term health, because stress can cause a number of health issues, like ulcers for one. I don't want that to happen to me.

WI - I have been on this site for about 6 weeks now I think and have followed your posts. I TRULY believe that you being on meds would look BETTER if your husband tries to take the kids , than if u were not on them and it came out that you have depression issues. It shows that you are trying to help yourself, which in turn, helps your children. IMHO I think you are giving too much credit to your EX husbands distorted thinking and his absurd ideas ( He doesnt want his own children taking antibiotics if they NEED them??? Where did he get his Medical Degree??????). He sounds very twisted, controlling etc, he is in serious need of help himself ! I hope that you keep a detailed journal of such issues with him, and look back at them and see how foolish he sounds !

As for your daughter's graduation - I wish I could attend it with you (and I am sure MANY here wish the same thing), not only to see the PRIDE in your face, but to see the PRIDE and JOY in your daughter's face cause her Mommy is there !!!!! (And perhaps we could all glare at the EX and have him wonder where all these people came from that ARE your friends and DO care about you !!!! Please do not allow him - his family, his circle of friends etc to prevent you from attending this important milestone in your daughters life. DONT give him that power !!!!! Hold your head up high, stay clear of them as much as you can, and enjoy the moment - pretend there is no one there except for you and your daughter if it helps you get thru it.

Another thought - altho typically I dont think its a good thing to "keep secrets" - but IMHO - I would avoid telling your children you are taking medication - IF you think he is going to find out thru your children, and you dont want him to know - BECAUSE this is putting the children in the middle and he needs to be smacked around a bit for doing that !!!!!!!!! You state you know you are better on meds.....so take them, feel better, function better, etc. Not only for you (which is foremost) but for your children. I have truly never known a Court or Judge to take away children from a functioning, clean, caring, loving Mother because she takes an anti depressant. Try and think of it in the same terms as the diabetic who has to take insulin to function......because it truly IS the same - you need an antidepressant to function better.........there is NO shame in that.

Again, IMHO - the sickest people are those who do not take advantage of what is available to them....and you are NOT one of them !!! Good luck !!! ANd I truly do wish everyone on this site could go with you to that graduation !!!

WI -- I'm right behind Parker10.

If you do have a friend who can attend with you, it might be good to have someone there for the emotional support. If you don't have a friend handy, I understand. Me, too.

I also agree with Ozzie -- I believe that some of the ignorance about depression is disspelling. Not in my personal blood family of course.

Try to enjoy your daughter's proud moment as much as possible under the circumstances.

wi-f, I am right behind Parker and wants2. I will add that your kids don't need to know you are on meds, nothing you have said indicates bad parenting, you are still being bullied and abused by this guy if only in your fears and memories. Also, you need drugs, there are ways to get them. The pharm companies are pretty good about it and I have other connections. P.m. me if you like. Oh Oh , sounds like I am a dealer. Naaa. Please stop questioning your parenting and please stop fighting the label of depression. It is as real as diabetes and you are taking care of yourself. Going off meds and going on when things are bad makes the depressions worse and more difficult to treat. By the way, depression is sometimes a four letter word on my spell check.

first of all, let me say up front that Wants, Parker and Wisewoman said exactly what i would have said...maybe the periods would have been in different spots or i might have used a different word or two........but i endorse their advice.............

now, shirley, let me talk about something else. you said that if you took the meds and got better, people would think you're bi-polar? is there a stigma that i don't know about, for people who have the bi-polar disease? that's how that sounds to me. hells bells, i'm thrilled to death that i have bi-polar disease. if you had lived inside my head and soul for the past 40 years, it would be a relief to be bi-polar. i thank my higher power every day for that psych doc that diagnosed me correctly. i've never been so thrilled to have the meds to help me live my life in a normal way. ****what others think. i don't have time to worry about it. who cares what disease that we're dealing with?...it's no one's business, unless we want to share with them. living inside our heads, is not living. and that's where you are right now. suck it up and get over it. you are going to your daughter's graduation and you're going to make her proud that you're her mom. you do not have to socialize with a bunch of *****ettes. they are *****ettes today and they will be *****ettes tomorrow. giving away all of your power to the ex AND them, leaves you very little energy, doesn't it? and letting him live in side your head is not giving you much time to rejoice that you can have your Celexa..and rejoice you must, about the Celexa. (a woman, here, died this week because she paid her rent over buying her BP meds.. she had a stroke)..he's a jerk and the word above. a thousand times over.

your daughter is going to do something that is going to be the biggest thing she's ever done!! she's growing from one level to another. it is a bleeping big deal for her! don't get defensive with me and don't tell me that toughlove isn't working today, because i know you.....you'll read it and you're fling some cuss words towards Oklahoma and then after you've calmed down, you'll smile and buckle down to it. everything we've said is excellent advice.....and you want it, or you would not have come and vented here. you know that i love you and want the best for you.......what you're putting yourself through, is not the best.....xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoand lots of nose, from Fayeroe.

Taking meds for depression is a responsible action for showing the world you are capable , evreyone and I mean everyone is held accountable for there action one way or another if we don't take care of us who will
You are showing the world you are helping yourself
angie

i know you..you can walk in there and say, "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR"......... "CAUSE I'VE GOT MY MEDS AND AIN'T LIVING IN MY HEAD"

Pat, I'm getting too sleepy right now to argue with you even if I wanted. But I don't want to. You made as much sense to my tired brain as possible.

I'm not sure if I'm tired for the sake of being tired or if the citalopram is making me tired. I don't remember Celexa doing that. It just gave me horrid heartburn for a couple of days. Stomach is doing fine so far.

I'll have a week's worth of meds in me by graduation. I could always feel a difference after 3 days, regardless of the warnings that it can take 2 weeks. Hopefully I'll be medicated enough by then to handle it.

Angie, you're right. Everyone's right. I can't beat myself up for taking care of myself, especially if it doesn't take anything away from anyone else in the process.

taking care of ourselves in one of the smartest and sexiest things that we can do!!! woooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooo.

(apologies in advance for those who don't like these terms of endearment) Honey, you are doing great. I want to go and stand beside you at graduation. You are a loving good soul and you are a good mom. Take the drugs, hell, thank the great spirit we have the drugs. You are a normal human with pain and sorrow and we all have our crosses to bear. You are brave, you are honest, you will do fine. By the way, even if you don't have friends to go to graduation with you, do you have supports from the woman's shelter etc to go and act like they are your friends? I would do it in a heart beat.

i'd really, really like to see about 25 of us, marching single file, behind Shirley, with our DX on our foreheads (scarlet letter comes to mind) and a sack of our drugs in one hand..carrying the mental health flag in the other. now, i don't know if there really is a mental health flag, but i bet we could whip one up pretty quick. it could incorporate the pharmacy symbol, the snake thing and then something for us!!!!wooooooooooohoooooooooooooooo, shirley, we'll be there in spirit..if i had the money, i'd hop in the truck and hit the road. me and fayeroe.

(((((((wi-fighter)))))))))

wow. If that isn't a storm of support........!

bump