I smile a lot, no one takes my depression seriously?

I'm like the sad clown. I can smile, even when I'm at my low point I smile, I laugh at my situation, it's funny and sad. I saw my therapist today, SHe asked "how are you doing today?" I replied "horrible" with a smile. therapist "With a smile? you're horrible?".

I felt like she thought I wasn't serious, I was faking my condition.

SHould I frown all the time? I do frown. Should I look sad? I look sad some times.

I feel I have to smile, I smile, it's a nervous smile? I smile when I meet people, I smile.

behind this smile is hell, I'm depressed, deeply.

I am a smiler, and a laugher for that matter. My insides are nobody's business.

Just because I (and you) have learned to carry ourselves with some measure of grace does not mean we are not suffering.
My doctor sees the gambit of unhappiness all day long. He told me he looks forward to seeing me because I am "pleasant". And now he tries harder to understand, and works harder to help me.

My doctor had the same reaction as yours at first. I Look Fine. I don't put on the IN PAIN face so I must not be.
Um, no.
My words are telling you.

Just because I don't wear my pain, my depression, my disappointment or heartbreak on my sleeve, or in my happy face, doesn't mean I am not.

What you give, a smile, I hope to get back 10 fold.

Depression Is tough. Hang in there, I am rooting for you!

I think that is pretty common theme for people with depression. To seem ok and functional we smile and act lime things are okay. It is hard to show immense sadness and what exactly does depression look like anyway? Sitting in a corner crying? When I was younger I was always discouraged from crying and getting emotional unless it was anger. I guess that is just the typical guy attitude my family wanted me to have. You start to invalidate your feelings and bury everything down and all you can do is smile because it is what is expected of you. Most people don't get that, but I think therapist can. Maybe she just wonderended how bad horrible is. Maybe you can tell her your thought and feelings in more detail to help her get it.

I think a lot of people have the wrong attitude about depression. When you feel sad, people tend to say watch movie, listen to some music and you will feel better. For someone without depression that works, but for someone with depression it doesn't. You just feel immense sadness and overwhelming despair and with lack of support and understanding you start to feel you are wrong and you get into an internal conflict where you are angry at yourself because you feel down all the time.

I reccomend trying to talk to people in your life that you trust and are supportive and tell them what depression is for you and what they can do to help you. Tell them when they do or say something that isn't helpful, like "get over it" or "your life isn't that bad, X has it way worse". Depression doesn't have to have a reason either. Some people are just born with the illness. I hope you find some support and help in dealing with your struggle.

I left home ill prepared for life, was overwhelmed by it and gave up on myself. During those first years of depression I learned that nobody wants you around when you're acting depressed (sad, apathetic, desperate, etc.). So I learned to pretend to care and present an amiable mask; mainly so I wouldn't be hassled. And eventually I didn't know what I felt anymore because I had to ignore my sadness to prevent it from showing.

I can't tell you how to be with your emotions and still function in the world. But I'm pretty sure you'll need to work through them with someone before you can move on to a happier life.

This is my first time here. I am recovering from therapy. This conversation just made me cry-in a good way. I thought I was the only one who did this, who struggled to be taken seriously. So, I just want to say thank you.

Theres a lot of us in the smiling club. Its a dafence mechanism I think. I told my sister I was depressed and I saw her Jaw literally drop on the ground!. Laughing on the outside and tormented on the inside (thats how I feel). I dont want anyone to know at work how I feel so I smile. That's what we do. Best wishes.

thanks for the replies, I thought I was the only one, no one relates to me, I have no support group. People keep telling me "just don't get depressed", It's not my decision, I didn't choose this.

I don't think anyone chooses it. It is difficult to find support. Some people don't get it and think depression is just feeling sad and it goes away when you do something fun. Have you thought about mediciation or talking to a therapist?

Yeah, that's a good one. For most people, "depression" is being a little down in the dumps, having the blues or feeling out of it. And usually all it takes is a cone of your favorite ice cream to make it all better. But that's not quite how it works for the clinically depressed.

When not in panic mode, I am a people-pleaser. I smile and make jokes and can sometimes be quite charming. But on the inside, it's still all wariness, over-sensitivity and cynicism.

I am the same way. I joke and laugh to make people like me and to smooth over situations even though I really want to talk to them about my feelings but I'm too worry some to bring it up.

Good grief, the last thing I want is to talk to people about my feelings! Well, I wouldn't mind having one or two people to talk to. But it's far too scary. So put on a happy face and no one will "bother" me.

Yeah, I agree with the last comment.

I do that when I'm at my job. That's because I love my job. The weird thing is that I get along much better at my job with people than at where I live. So since I like my job and pretty much like the people, I do put on a very happy face. But I feel like I'm hurting inside.

One day I felt very stressed out at work. One man just asked me, "what's going on with you? You always seem so happy". One other time someone commented that he couldn't believe that I don't go out and have fun. He thought that I had a lot of friends because I'm such a happy person. Outside of work, I am a real nothing.

One time a nice man at my job and I had a serious discussion about depression. He had it, too. The more we talked, the more I felt like we had things in common. He told me that at the area where he works, there's a lot of hurting people. He said that I may see lots of laughing and hoo-hahs around where he works, but they are all really hurting.

So I guess we all can pretty much put on a good act.

I think it's important to act well in public, so to speak - and part of that is being friendly, polite, pleasant, agreeable and of good cheer. Those things are also important components of more private relationships, with friends, family members and lovers or spouses. Our moods affect other people and we don't want everyone to join us in the pit.

But too much 'good cheer' when that's not always how you're feeling, especially in closer relationships, can also backfire by creating too much of a false front and isolating you even more from people. My brother, for example, is the classic clown, always joking and keeping up a constant light patter. He's almost 50 and I'm still not able to get him to talk about what he really thinks and feels about things. We spend time together, but I feel like I don't know him. He seems very lonely to me, and I'm very frustrated in my relationship with him. That makes me sad, for me and for him - like the cheerful mask has been there so long it's so much harder to shift.

In my experience, most people respond pretty well to genuineness. A friend might be really touched if you reach out from your heart to admit that you have troubles - even if it's someone you've only been 'happy' around before.

It's true that not everyone might appreciate or know what to do with such a genuine conversation. But your therapist - if she is good - certainly will, and telling her about your hiding behind a smile is an excellent thing to bring up in therapy. It should be a rich mine for exploration, and a good practice for opening up to discover more about how you really feel.

Beautifully put!

I also hide. Except to my psychiatrist and the only reason he knows my true position is that I had a melt down in his office a couple of times. You need to be very clear with your therapist and dr. They can't read your mind and as hard as it is to break the habit of masking your feelings, there at least you must be brave and show yourself.

Just put all your pain on this forum for people who are like you to see. We know it's real whichever face you may present to the outside world

If there are people you can really trust then open up to them but understand that they can't fully know what you are experiencing and may not respond completely they way you wish for them to.

I hope you feel better soon.

I'm in the same boat as you all. I enter a room and automatically a big smile comes to my face. Not because I'm happy, it's more of a nervous reaction to being uncomfortable I think. I've recently been diagnosed with depression, high functioning depression to be exact. I'm here because I know that nobody in my life will take this serious. I've tried a few times on the outside to talk about being sad or being angry, and all I get is "what do you have to be angry about". No one else gets it, but I need someone understand how much I hurt inside.

My family has no idea how unhappy I am. They think I am totally carefree and just let worries melt away. I somehow manage to hide it from all of them. Nobody except for a few close friends has any clue how depressed I am, and even they don't really understand the full magnitude of it even though one of them is very depressed herself. I always have to smile when I am meeting somebody for the first time. I smile at the cashier, the doctor, the mailman, etc...how are you, "good!". Inside I just want to be left alone so I can get back home as quickly as possible and hide.

I smile way too much even while suicidally depressed. When I went to the hospital this doctor didn't believe a word coming out of my mouth because of the smile and friendliness. On the outside it looked like I'm fine. But my Insides were being torn to shreds with anxiety and severe depression. I am just good at hiding it. Also I was showing signs of psychosis. The most recent stay was different. I was very psychotic and this new doctor believed me. I stayed for 2 weeks and he wanted me to stay even longer. But usually I sit and smile laugh and make jokes. I have schizoaffective disorder so I have the depression mania and psychosis.

I hate being asked "how do u feel?" When I say bad they don't believe me BC I smile & laugh. It's like people feel u are putting on a act to get sympathy. I don't want to be this way! It was so good to read that there r other people just like me. Thank u

i do this too
if people ask me how i am i will say good and fake a smile
or if im doing bad maybe i will say not good but laugh it off
its just a display to other people
because i am reserved about my own feelings and keep that to myself

I'm the same way, though my T can see right through it. I've been told that my smile looks fake because my eyes always look tired and they drift off when I smile. I also laugh a lot. I find humour and comedy to be my little escape when things get really bad. It's always something I can depend on and because of that, I was never really taken too seriously by my family. My brother is really quiet, really anxious, and makes his suffering with depression quite obvious (not intentionally, of course!) I always got compared to him in a way. I was always seen as trying to take the attention away from my brother when in reality, we were both crying out for help in two different ways.

Hang in there! At least you have us to understand what you're dealing with!

I've always protected my true feelings from being known by laughing and joking with everyone else, but then I found that no-one believed me. It's taken me a long time to trust and open up to my pdoc and have him believe what I say. The only time I wasn't smiling while depressed was the summer I was catatonic with depression. The rest of the time most people wouldn't believe I am depressed (schizoaffective). It is what it is, I guess.

*Willow*

as a guy I have learned to hide my emotions so well even from myself I did not releize when my depression started. It was several months before I understood this and now am in treatment. Some of us and I supect you hide your emotions very well making the t or pdoc have trouble seeing it.

Wow this all sounds so familiar.. it takes enormous effort to try to be happy and confident every time i step out of the house or go to work. Every day at work feels like an emotional marathon trying to stay cheerful and upbeat.

My pdoc totally annoys me with this, putting things in reports like 'she smiled at a few points' and 'she reports being unhappy but managed to smile during the session'
This bugs me because cant he *tell* it's a mask?!?!