Feeling sad--need support

Hello, I am feeling very sad today. I lost my sister a little bit ago and am having a hard time adjusting. My sister played a large role in my life and now she is gone. I feel like I don't know who to talk to especially since I haven't been talking about it. I wish I felt better. I spent all day alone today eating and watching movies because I didnt want to inteact with anyone. I knew I felt lonely and that this was not productive but I just didn't want to have to go out and pretend to be happy, doing high energy stuff. Ever since she left (physically...she is still alive) I feel really down and lonely. I feel like I am really unhealthy right now but I miss her so much and feel like no one could be to me as good a friend and that no one can understand me like she did. I miss spending time doing nothing and eating junk food and calling and telling her about stupid stuff that I was thinking about. Now she is too busy and I feel more alone than ever. I feel like I want things to go back to normal bu they don't. And I know that my other friendships haven't really changed that much but I feel like they have. I feel more sensitive to people not calling back because I feel like I need people to be more present right now than normal. Has anyone else ever felt this way? I'm not a really needy person, I just need more support now than I have in the past.

I also hope that someday I will feel better and will feel what I know to be true--that many people love me and want to spend time with me.

I'm so sorry you are hurting.

Thanks so much for your words of support.

I don't know about losing best friends or a sister, I have never been close to my brother, but even when I'm around people I feel all alone and no one can hear me scream, or understand me, not even my husband. I hear you and I want to tell you, you're not alone and don't be hard on yourself, give yourself credit for just getting up and moving, that is a big step. It is a great plus to cry out for help and let us help you feel better. Peace and Joy to you!!!!

Here is a little card for you.

http://www.castlemountains.com/index...=428&type_id=2

((((((((((( healer2011))))))))))))))

are you still in contact with your sister? tell her how you feel. sounds like the two of you had a very special relationship.

i hope things improve for you. but change takes some time to get used to. be patient. and keep reaching out and talking.

take care!

I know that losing someone you love is hard... For me, when I get depressed, the hardest thing in the world to do is take care of myself and function. But that's exactly what we need to do to help ourselves feel better. Could you try small baby steps? Take a shower tomorrow and make a healthy breakfast? Then add some steps?

The hardest thing about recovery for me was realizing that I can help myself get better, but only I can do the steps to get there, and doing the steps is the hardest part.

Wishing you were feeling better...
Lisa

(((((((((((((((( healer2011 ))))))))))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are going through this difficult time, I hope that things get better for you soon.

I am still feeling sad this morning. I woke up this morning and thought about a friendship of mine that seems to be going the way of the dinosaurs. I felt very depressed about that too. And still do. She wasn't and isn't as good a friend as my sister but still hate it when friendships change. I'm left feeling badly because I think of all the things I could have done, should have said, shouldn't have said, all the frustrations I had at the time that now I feel should have talked out. I think of all the things that could be the reason and then I wonder if maybe some friendships just change OR if some friends are just for a season. I never really know what the right answer is.

THE POINT is that I woke up feeling this way. And I thought "GAWD...I feel like Sh#!" and I thought of how many popsicles and chips I could down so I could feel better today. INSTEAD, I went for a walk to clear my head. I know this doesn't seem big but I have been eating a lot for the last 2 months because I have felt so sad. Today I took a baby step and I really feel PROUD about that. Instead of wallowing I did something for me that was healthy. I don't feel like I am at a 100% but I think that I am a little closer to who I used to be. Thanks so much for supporting me through this!

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THE POINT is that I woke up feeling this way. And I thought "GAWD...I feel like Sh#!" and I thought of how many popsicles and chips I could down so I could feel better today. INSTEAD, I went for a walk to clear my head. I know this doesn't seem big but I have been eating a lot for the last 2 months because I have felt so sad. Today I took a baby step and I really feel PROUD about that. Instead of wallowing I did something for me that was healthy. I don't feel like I am at a 100% but I think that I am a little closer to who I used to be. Thanks so much for supporting me through this!

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hi healer2011, just met you but this sounds very promising to me.. you can get there!

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Today I took a baby step and I really feel PROUD about that. Instead of wallowing I did something for me that was healthy. I don't feel like I am at a 100% but I think that I am a little closer to who I used to be.

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I'm so happy you were able to take your first baby steps. IMHO walking is a great cob web chaser. I use to walk every day, talking to myself all the way. For me it was also a great energizer. If I was feeling down in the middle of the day I would just take another walk to rejuvenate my psychic.

One or more of us is around so you never have to feel alone. Sometimes we aren't quite as quick as others but we are still around.

Keep stepping. . . .

(((( healer2011 ))))

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healer2011 said:
THE POINT is that I woke up feeling this way. And I thought "GAWD...I feel like Sh#!" and I thought of how many popsicles and chips I could down so I could feel better today. INSTEAD, I went for a walk to clear my head. I know this doesn't seem big but I have been eating a lot for the last 2 months because I have felt so sad. Today I took a baby step and I really feel PROUD about that. Instead of wallowing I did something for me that was healthy. I don't feel like I am at a 100% but I think that I am a little closer to who I used to be. Thanks so much for supporting me through this!

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Every journey begins with a step, even a small one. The fact that you took a step is great, and it's also great that you're proud of yourself for doing so! Good work.

((((((((((((( healer2011 ))))))))))))))))

Today was a not good day as well but I did get up and eat a healthy breakfast. I wish that things would just start to feel better and not worse. I feel really lonely. Please keep me in your prayers/thouhgts.

Today was a weird day. I don't look sad on the outside when I go to work but I don't feel fulfilled on the inside either like I did when I had a lot more nurturing relationships in my life. I have gained 15 pounds as of today (I got on the scale cause I KNEW that the weight had gone up). I thought "I WILL LOSE THE WEIGHT!" but I know the real issue is that I eat for pleasure and to feel fulfilled cause the fulfilling relationships in my life are gone. I feel like I'll never find replacements for my relationship with my sister because she's known me my whole life. Who else can speak to a history of knwoing me that long? And I feel like I'm so hard to get to know (cause I'm so in my head) that it would be impossible for anybody else to know me that well.

As I type this I think to myself that maybe that isn't true. That people I build connections with actually do get me pretty well. They see me. Maybe its not impossible to find people who understand me and see where I'm coming from. I think that maybe it's possible to have friendships where I feel as loved and appreciated as I did in my friendship with my sister. I think its possible to have that. What do you guys think? I do wish that my current friends would friggin call me back though. It would help this theory a lot and would make me feel a lot less lonely in a time when I really need my friends to be there for me!

Anyhoo, my thought for today is that it is possible to have loving, lasting connections with people who get me, love me, and understand me. Thanks for reading all of these words...pages and pages full of words.

i believe it is possible too healer

Would you like me to say No, No Healer2011 you should not eat for pleasure and fulfillment. Shame on you.

Ok Now that we got that out of the way. I do the exact same thing well at least sort of. I stay as far away from relationships as I can but that is my issue not yours. But we are both eating (even though we know we shouldn't) to get some feeling of comfort from our lives.

I'm just a frog of little brain but you sound like you at least are beginning to think in the right direction. It is not going to be all roses and sunshine but I get the feeling you have the strength to pull yourself though.

You can do it. Yes you can.

Today I woke up and realized that its really hard to share your guts with others and that maybe instead of food I need a big hug from my friends. I used to think (and sometimes wish) that I didn't need anybody ever. That I could do it all by myself and that I wouldn't have to depend on fallible people to do for me what I could do for myself. This seems to be breaking down as I am realizing that I do need help sometimes. I need kindness, care, truth like everybody else. I need people to love me and support me and offer me a place to be myself. I will try to stay alive to this truth today and to reach out to some of my friends who are near me during the week.

Thanks to all of you for letting me process and lending me support and wisdom! :0)

<font color="orange"> BIG HUG! </font>

(((((((((((((((((Healer))))))))))))))))))

just wanted you to know I care..... Jin xoxoxoxoxo

Thanks so much for your support. It has been really helpful to have this forum. Its nice to get some of these thoughts out of my head and out on paper, ya know? One of the things I loved about my relationship with my sister is that I always had a place to share how I felt and this board has provided me with a place to do that in a more consistent way.

Today was a bit better. I got several pats on the back at work today which made me feel so good. Grief/loss reactions/depression has this strange way of making you feel instantly insecure and unsure, but people seem to like me there (although I sometimes have the automatic thought of --why do they like me so much?). It was nice to feel competent in some area...to know I can do something well. I also ate sensibly today which made me feel good. I ate when I was hungry, stopped when I was a little more than full (BABY STEPS!)

I do wonder if I overcompensate in some areas where I feel like people have often teased me--like I am late a lot so if I do anything on time I feel the need to tell people about it lots because its almost like I'm saying "I told you I could do things right and on time" even when those people don't know me well enough to know that I have struggled with not procastinating in the past. The constant comments about it have really hurt my feelings in the past because I end up feeling underestimated. Do you guys have any areas that are like this for you? What do you do about it when you feel this way?

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healer2011 said:
I am still feeling sad this morning. I woke up this morning and thought about a friendship of mine that seems to be going the way of the dinosaurs. I felt very depressed about that too. And still do. She wasn't and isn't as good a friend as my sister but still hate it when friendships change. I'm left feeling badly because I think of all the things I could have done, should have said, shouldn't have said, all the frustrations I had at the time that now I feel should have talked out. I think of all the things that could be the reason and then I wonder if maybe some friendships just change OR if some friends are just for a season. I never really know what the right answer is.

I too, hate it when friendships change. I'm not good with change in general, but it seems I've never had a friend last longer than a few years. I had one friend of over 10 years just decide she's not talking to me anymore. I was depressed about it for months. Another person who seemed like she could be a new friend makes excuses everytime I attempt to take her up on her offer to get together. I always have to call people; they do NOT call me. I didn't know if it was just me, or is it them. Am I not picking the right, genuine kind of people for friends? If it is me, WHAT is it? I'm sorry this happens to you, but I'm also glad it doesn't just happen to me.

Kudos to you for those baby steps! I've also found baby steps to work with almost anything I find hard to try.

THE POINT is that I woke up feeling this way. And I thought "GAWD...I feel like Sh#!" and I thought of how many popsicles and chips I could down so I could feel better today. INSTEAD, I went for a walk to clear my head. I know this doesn't seem big but I have been eating a lot for the last 2 months because I have felt so sad. Today I took a baby step and I really feel PROUD about that. Instead of wallowing I did something for me that was healthy. I don't feel like I am at a 100% but I think that I am a little closer to who I used to be. Thanks so much for supporting me through this!

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Thanks for the comments. I was moving and haven't been on the forum in a while. It's interesting to be reading this just now. I was thinking a similar thing yesterday. I had called a friend of mine yesterday who lives far away because I really needed some support. I have called her several times in the last month or two without a returned phone call. I thought to myself, "Well f*&# her. She wants to end our friendship then fine!" I took it super personally. I then finally got a chance to talk to her and she says "I'm so happy to not be playing phone tag. I have the bar exam tomorrow and I have been super busy trying to get all this studying done." And then I realized this is what depression sometimes does to our thinking. We project how we feel on to other people ("I feel alone so people must be abandoning me.") even though there are a billion reasons that someone might not be able to call. Even though my friend might not have called because she wanted to abandon me ,there are a thousand other reasons she might not have been able to call. I think that is what depression does...it narrows your ability to see broadly. That's my thought for the day.

Also, a note on me. I have been hanging out with this guy a lot one on one and had developed a crush on him. I had sort of hoped we would start dating and yesterday we go out for hot water and we're talking about friends of ours who are dating (or were dating). And I tell him well *blank* doesn't like it when *blank* asks her about money. He feels really insecure about how much money her parents make. Anyway so we're talking about this and he's like "Well I mean if you and I were dating and you didn't tell me that I would be pissed" And in my head I was like "wait...is this in no way romantic?" And I felt like a jacka$$ for thinking this guy liked me as more than a friend. Although I don't know if I like him as more than a friend. Anyway I felt like a complete tool and all of a sudden found myself less interested in him all together. He kept talking and I found myself all of a sudden bored with all of his talks of travelling and being more secure than our friend *blank*--and just him. He's so drifty and unable to commit; and I get tired of hearing him talk about all of his travel plans. And he's like *blank* is so weird because he wants a girlfriend and I just feel like "IS THAT SO WRONG?!?" I just want a boyfriend! I wanted to slap him for saying this. Anyway, I just feel frustrated when I feel like I am developing an intimate relationship with a guy and they are like I totally just want to be friends. It's so frustrating! EEERRRRGGGHHH!!! I suppose I can appreciate the intimacy and keep making new friends...we'll see what life brings...