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  #1  
Old Oct 30, 2013, 01:44 PM
Anonymous37864
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Ha HA I decided to copy the BDP one and make our own. Let's see if this will work with the comments!!! Come on people start it up, make me excited to come in here and check. Feed my supply and Ill do the same LOL!!!!!!
Thanks for this!
Aladamna, Atypical_Disaster

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  #2  
Old Oct 30, 2013, 05:07 PM
Anonymous33255
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So...my ex whom I've broken up with because of various issues I'm not going to address here because I'd rather not nauseate anyone with repetitive crap....and who I haven't spoken to, nor texted in over a week....is sending me songs. No kidding. On watsapp and email.

Songs that make me furious....such as 'I will always love you', 'I let her go'....I mean, I'm furious! I seriously want to text him....hey! I broke up with YOU remember bean head??? Wtf?? I won't tho. Refuse to 'feed' him.

That's power.

Is it possible he's more NPD than I am???? nahhhhhhh pfffft

Thanks for the rant.....still pissed. grrrrr
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Aladamna
  #3  
Old Oct 30, 2013, 05:28 PM
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Aladamna Aladamna is offline
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I just joined the forum and I am so excited to find that apparently there are other self-aware narcissists here?!

I love this thread already. I badly need someone to "report to" who will give me positive reinforcement for good behavior. (I know, I know, we're all lazy bastards who can't be bothered to lift a finger for other people without there being something in it for us , but I suppose we can manage to click the "hug" button, right? Right?!?!)

Not quite sure how these daily check threads work. Can someone explain the protocol to me?
Hugs from:
danvb
  #4  
Old Oct 30, 2013, 06:13 PM
Anonymous37864
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Well welcome to this forum as the action here is Not as much as other places but with that brings many more real "n"s here to speak with. Not all the nons or the over the top narcs. Please tell us more about yourself. If you look at other threads here you will see many of our stories.

And to Kathy great work on not responding as we all know how difficult that may be but as you said he is a N as well so I am positive that it's bothering him more than you!!!
Thanks for this!
Aladamna
  #5  
Old Oct 30, 2013, 06:20 PM
Anonymous33255
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Underground View Post
Well welcome to this forum as the action here is Not as much as other places but with that brings many more real "n"s here to speak with. Not all the nons or the over the top narcs. Please tell us more about yourself. If you look at other threads here you will see many of our stories.

And to Kathy great work on not responding as we all know how difficult that may be but as you said he is a N as well so I am positive that it's bothering him more than you!!!
Thank you! I soooo needed to hear that. lol
  #6  
Old Oct 30, 2013, 06:24 PM
Anonymous33255
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aladamna View Post
I just joined the forum and I am so excited to find that apparently there are other self-aware narcissists here?!

I love this thread already. I badly need someone to "report to" who will give me positive reinforcement for good behavior. (I know, I know, we're all lazy bastards who can't be bothered to lift a finger for other people without there being something in it for us , but I suppose we can manage to click the "hug" button, right? Right?!?!)

Not quite sure how these daily check threads work. Can someone explain the protocol to me?
oh fine then....((((Aladamna)))) consider yourself self-lessly hugged....sort of....
Hugs from:
Aladamna
Thanks for this!
Aladamna
  #7  
Old Oct 30, 2013, 06:48 PM
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Aladamna Aladamna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Underground View Post
Well welcome to this forum
Thank you!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Underground View Post
Please tell us more about yourself. If you look at other threads here you will see many of our stories.
Well, what shall I tell you? I am in my early 30s and have spent a third of my 20s enjoying myself in a very carefree manner, another third of my 20s aggressively rationalizing why the people who criticized me for being too narcissistic (using other words, though one did actually tell me that he was "afraid that my narcissistic tendencies were going to cost me too much" - guess who I fought the hardest ) and the final third in therapy after finally breaking down and admitting that everyone had been right and that I needed help!

If you ask me questions, I'll be happy to write more. And I look forward to reading up on your comment histories! Right now I'm off to bed though, but I'll be back as soon as I can.

A question for you (if the answer cannot be found in your past posts): How did you come to gain awareness of your narcissism?
  #8  
Old Oct 30, 2013, 07:27 PM
Anonymous33255
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Originally Posted by Aladamna View Post

A question for you (if the answer cannot be found in your past posts): How did you come to gain awareness of your narcissism?
I gained insight, if you want to call it that when I realized I was going thru hell with my bf and wanted to figure out what was wrong with him! lol

Eventually, he admitted being dx with BPD which certainly explained a lot, but not enough...I read into NPD and that was the door that brought the sun that brought the shadow into my own mind. Because, I was just like him, only with him, more of my BPD came thru with the clingyness, fear of abandonment....but we lasted as long as we did because we fed each other.

Sounds weird, but being in love with him was like being in love with myself...because he constantly told me how great I was, laughed at my jokes..you name it. As I did him. And then it fell apart because he got what he wanted...freedom from a controlling wife, and I wasn't required anymore.

So after enough headgame hostility/kindesses...I said enough, and broke up with him. He's not in therapy, btw...and refuses to believe he's anything but semi-depressive (!!!) but I am....avoiding meds and trying to work on my own emotional things. Empathy is an issue with me, but I'm working on it....but dual lack and the emptiness that goes with BPD...it's been a challenge for sure.

Still, I get a 'peaceful, easy feeling'....knowing as a true NPD, it's bothering him to be without constant feeding....course I have to temper that by knowing he'll find someone else eventually. That kind of need (which we filled for each other for 12 years---'no one could understand us, no one could love like us' pffft) he's not about to leave unfilled for long.
  #9  
Old Nov 02, 2013, 03:02 PM
Anonymous100180
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I'm doing pretty alright lately. Had a major manic episode on/off for two weeks, which really does exacerbate my PDs... Thankfully that's passed -- I much prefer going under the radar if at all possible! It's not always fortuitous to lay all your cards on the table at once.
Things with the boyfriend are great, now that he has a psychologist of his own. The problems from my cheating have been at rest for a while... I'm very thankful for the quiet & am taking advantage of that!! Though I'm still feeling confined after having to ditch my supply; it's not as acutely pissing me off since I'm focusing on other things.

Aladamna: I've always been told I was narcissistic. For a majority of my life, I just figured they were all jealous & delusional!! But it wasn't until I started to look inward & see if there was a reason why most of the factors in my life had been completely disastrous that I thought there might be some relevance to what they'd been saying... Then therapy happened!! Aaaaand all bets were off to avoid it by that point.
I know I still don't completely understand it. It's an objective understanding... But I guess I caught on quicker than most because I've always been very interested in introspective knowledge. It's sheer stupidity to see the same patterns over & over again & deny their existence! Hahahahh
  #10  
Old Nov 06, 2013, 09:45 AM
Anonymous37864
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It's like waking up each day either I feel normal or maybe I'm not right, with each day who knows? Then to top it all off, we recognize that we're not right and are we actually trying to be and do better or is it just how we want to be perceived? Crazy I tell you, these are my thoughts lately and I really believe in this last year it's been 90% reflecting change as an image but really no more than 10% has been realistic. It's so easy to remain what I know and are most comfortable with but is that the right path to remain traveling?
  #11  
Old Nov 12, 2013, 01:43 PM
Anonymous37864
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So today may have been the most eye opening session with my T today. More in the sense of what she came up with other than working on the BS. I told her more about my childhood and the category of "scapegoat" she put me in was one I already new. So good job to her!!!! She did ask things that were intended more as things for me to see rather than to answer which they did. This is why today was a good one, kudos to T for today's work!!! I think that the more I go on the more I see that staying away from the poison that runs so deep in a life I did not choose is best to stay away from. That the people who decided to have us does not mean we have to decide to have them. Why allow somebody who has made the incorrect decisions to continue to cause pain and knowing they will never change equates to why bother.... Right? Anyway I know that inside I was never given a mind that developed in all the proper stages to have a healthy way of oneself. This is why my wife always says the analogy if she tells me to zip up a pair of khaki pants, the same will not equate when wearing jeans. I guess this is why I work best from a list lol. I also understand that I am the way I am in different stages of my children's ages in their lives. How I can have so emotions towards them up till about 6 or so and then its difficult to understand their emotional needs or ways. MY OLDEST WHO IS NOW 20 I can speak to and stay with so much better than from years past. I recognize my issues and want to change, like I said to T today it would of been easier to get beat everyday to understand why rather than all this emotional or lack of that has created all these problems. Not taking away from people who go through this so please don't take it that way. Just all these mind games make me more nuts at times. BTW I have been switched to 60mg Vyvanse from Adderall last week anyone else use this??
  #12  
Old Nov 13, 2013, 09:26 PM
Anonymous100180
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Atypical: I regularly have to deal with that, too!! Though mostly not so much... I know it's because I want others to perceive me that way. I like me -- even with my flaws. And I revile changing that but it's unfortunately necessary.

Underground: Good to hear about all the progress you made!!

My update:

I missed my last therapy appointment due to medication side-effects for another disorder. And I've been really ****ing up. Bigtime. Even despite a lot of eureka-moment-revelations I've been making on how my past ACTUALLY transpired... This goes deeper & further than I thought. The eternal mystery!!
Thanks for this!
Atypical_Disaster
  #13  
Old Nov 28, 2013, 11:23 AM
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Thorn Bird Thorn Bird is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Underground View Post
Ha HA I decided to copy the BDP one and make our own. Let's see if this will work with the comments!!! Come on people start it up, make me excited to come in here and check. Feed my supply and Ill do the same LOL!!!!!!
Underground what is supply to you - what happens if you can't get it and why does my partner hate questions - thank you just really need to know
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'Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if you turn your attention to other things it will come one day and quietly sit upon your shoulder'
  #14  
Old Nov 29, 2013, 08:38 PM
ihatedepechemode ihatedepechemode is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thorn Bird View Post
Underground what is supply to you - what happens if you can't get it and why does my partner hate questions - thank you just really need to know
Most questions are annoying. I'll explain myself when I want. Funny thing is, most people don 5want to listen when you want to explain.
Thanks for this!
Atypical_Disaster
  #15  
Old Dec 01, 2013, 11:21 AM
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Thorn Bird Thorn Bird is offline
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Originally Posted by ihatedepechemode View Post
Most questions are annoying. I'll explain myself when I want. Funny thing is, most people don 5want to listen when you want to explain.
All I am doing is trying to help and understand I am on the receiving end of 'rages' and being blamed for everything - I don't know what to do or say anymore I love him but what can I do!
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'Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if you turn your attention to other things it will come one day and quietly sit upon your shoulder'
  #16  
Old Dec 04, 2013, 11:43 AM
Anonymous37864
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Thorn you have put yourself into these situations. He can act up and you probably are the one who feels crazy after an argument. How long have you been together? Questions to me depend on what they're about. If you are questioning my role or ways or anything to do with me it becomes a different way of speaking back. If it's something other than me than I never had a problem as I probably didn't care to really listen or that I was interested in the subject. Like most I just adapt better or worse(much higher or lower scale).
  #17  
Old Dec 05, 2013, 12:49 PM
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Thorn Bird Thorn Bird is offline
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Originally Posted by Underground View Post
Thorn you have put yourself into these situations. He can act up and you probably are the one who feels crazy after an argument. How long have you been together? Questions to me depend on what they're about. If you are questioning my role or ways or anything to do with me it becomes a different way of speaking back. If it's something other than me than I never had a problem as I probably didn't care to really listen or that I was interested in the subject. Like most I just adapt better or worse(much higher or lower scale).
I have been with him five years - the first year was great and then gradually I began to feel as if I was with jekyll and hyde or on a rollercoaster ride! The rages and moods are terrible and usually seemingly come out of the blue - he is so loud and so emotionally abusive - all I am trying to do is to understand more for instance what is this 'N' supply? I am asking you because you know more than any of us - all we can do is speculate! Thank you so much for replying to me Thorn
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'Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if you turn your attention to other things it will come one day and quietly sit upon your shoulder'
  #18  
Old Dec 05, 2013, 10:11 PM
here today here today is offline
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Sorry, Thorn Bird, I had PDNOS, not full-fledged NPD myself, but I support these guys trying to deal with their stuff and their lives.

It doesn't sound to me like you are as lacking in knowledge as you expressed above, based on the post you made in this thread yesterday:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/partn...-disorder.html

Reading your post there, after reading your post here, resulted in me feeling rage. If you'd like more information about what I felt, and why, reply here and I'll elaborate.
  #19  
Old Dec 06, 2013, 03:28 AM
MyUsername1111111 MyUsername1111111 is offline
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Hey guys, new here. I feel a bit out of the loop.. but i'd just like to start with saying:

You are all daisies in a field of roses

As am I, of course
  #20  
Old Dec 06, 2013, 10:42 AM
Anonymous37864
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My daily check in today is about devastating news. My closest friend was killed in a car accident yesterday. The feelings come and go and at times I cannot feel anything and other times I cannot pull myself together. When I was 24 I lost my best friend to cancer. Who has 2 of their closest friends die like this? This is what I cannot understand, why do I need to go through this again? To carry this pain for the rest of my life!! He leaves behind his wife, a 10 year old son and a 14 year old daughter. I just can't comprehend this. Anyway all I can say is what the f£%k!!!!!
Hugs from:
Atypical_Disaster, Thorn Bird
  #21  
Old Dec 08, 2013, 05:38 PM
ihatedepechemode ihatedepechemode is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Underground View Post
My daily check in today is about devastating news. My closest friend was killed in a car accident yesterday. The feelings come and go and at times I cannot feel anything and other times I cannot pull myself together. When I was 24 I lost my best friend to cancer. Who has 2 of their closest friends die like this? This is what I cannot understand, why do I need to go through this again? To carry this pain for the rest of my life!! He leaves behind his wife, a 10 year old son and a 14 year old daughter. I just can't comprehend this. Anyway all I can say is what the f£%k!!!!!
Sorry Underground
  #22  
Old Jan 13, 2014, 11:54 AM
Anonymous37864
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Ok updated status... So I go to Pdoc today to come off lexipro. I tell her I need something to calm me down to take when needed and she says no because of addiction. My reply is I will only take a few times a month as needed and definitely not an everyday thing. She says to stay on lexipro and she will have to talk with my T. Here's the best part for two months they both keep telling me they miss eachother and keep leaving messages for one another. Now I was already aggravated because of this idiot in the waiting room speaking on his cell like he was deaf. Tension already high, then after hearing she needs to speak to T I say you two have been trying to talk for two months what is that???? She didn't know what to say. After leaving I call T to tell her the story and told her this is absolutely ridiculous that you both cannot reach one another when all it is is a phone call. We'll see when I go to her tomorrow. WTF maybe they need adderall!!! Anyway just had to get it off my chest.
Hugs from:
kittyfaye
Thanks for this!
waiting4
  #23  
Old Jan 25, 2014, 06:17 PM
ihatedepechemode ihatedepechemode is offline
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Some doctors are paranoid by default. But if you can demonstrate that you have no history of addiction, they might be more lenient.
  #24  
Old Feb 04, 2014, 12:29 AM
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kala83 kala83 is offline
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I am starting to notice I come off rude, selfish and emtionally numb a lot of the time. And I really don't aim to....I feel poorly every time I do but it seems like it has just become a natural thing for me to do...
what worse is I do this more around my mother then anyone else...and it makes me feel like ****.

How do I not notice I am being rude...how do I act so selfish and poorly around others and not get it until its literally pointed out to me. What can I do stop being this way.
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Dx:OCD, AD/HD-C and ADD kinda both, General Anxiety Disorder, Separation Anxiety Disorder,Abandonment Anxiety, Cycothymic disorder, or mixed bipolar, Border Line Personality Disorder,Histonic Personality Disorder, Dependent Personality disorder, eating disorder
]Rx:Lamotrigine 25mg twice a day for my mood stablizer as well as I am on Escitalopram 10mg 1 daily, Buspirone 3 times daily 10mgs
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  #25  
Old Feb 04, 2014, 02:21 PM
Anonymous37864
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I am starting to notice I come off rude, selfish and emtionally numb a lot of the time. And I really don't aim to....I feel poorly every time I do but it seems like it has just become a natural thing for me to do...
what worse is I do this more around my mother then anyone else...and it makes me feel like ****.

How do I not notice I am being rude...how do I act so selfish and poorly around others and not get it until its literally pointed out to me. What can I do stop being this way.
You said in the other post that you see the same traits in your mother. Well then if this is happening mostly around her then why would it be any different. The defense mode comes on when your around someone like that. You have probably taken on the same role as you were taught. What was your childhood like? To be any different a better understanding is needed first and foremost for yourself.
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