[Wysteria]

This week, my T sent me to a DBT therapist and the ice queen told me that I was unequivocally BPD and needed to be under the 'whole program of DBT' for the next few YEARS. She said I would have to leave my T in the process and that she had talked to my T about all of this. Every horrible thought came to mind, and I spun out completely.

I totally doubted all the months of trust that my T had worked on with me, felt like he had betrayed me and sent me away, shut down, compared him to every one else that has ever hurt me, and was completely ready to throw away everything.

I finally was able to talk to him directly yesterday. He said that in no way did he want to give up on me or want me to leave our work together. That this lady did not represent correctly what they had indeed discussed. But, I still feel cold and distant inside. He said he wanted to talk to her, and I actually accused him of thinking I was lying to him.

I'm confused by the fact that I would allow someone else to come in between my T an me. I'm hurt by what that ice queen said to me about why people do not like people like me with BPD. I'm afraid now of the new people coming in my life. I'm ashamed of my disloyalty. All my fears of abandonment or rejection, and being worthless and unloveable just came up and hit me between the eyes. I immediately thought of T as just another man. I just let someone come in hurt me, and I took it and ran with it.

Why am I not better at protecting myself? I can't stand that I just assumed so quickly that my T would hurt me after all that he has done for me. How do I build back the core values that used to hold fast through this kind of turmoil or just plain BS?

I'm so incredibly angry at myself. My friend tells me not to be angry at myself, but who else is there to blame? I allowed it.

It feels like my whole reality this week took 3 big steps to the left, and I'm standing here alone and naked again. I'm deeply entrenched behind my walls and now things are muted and simmering cold.

I feel like I'm snapping and snarling inside at everything and everyone... and have broken all the connections to self and others I was trying to build. I'm in such a bad place. I could really use some wisdom here....

[Omers]

The process that you got caught up in, but by the best of my understanding DID NOT CREATE, is called triangulation. IMO your T started it ever so slightly by calling the ice queen. I believe he had the best of intentions... wanting to make sure, given your previous experiences, that this road would be an easier one. The ice queen however SERIOUSLY triangulated, mind reading your T's intentions, talking for him, interpreting for him and making crap up. Triangulation, according to systems theory, is a VERY normal thing to do... a diad, or two person relationship is very intense and unstable... this then causes a drive to pull another member in (have you seen the popularity of our psychotherapy forum, those in psychotherapy and the number of T threads in other forums???? and YES, I am just as guilty as then next) Anywho... I digress... Our motives and outcomes in pulling in additional people to relieve the intensity and improve stability can and often go awry... intentionally or not. IMO ice queen went awry because she has such a narrow focus, and is a tad on the egotistical side... as in her ego is as big as TX... YEP, I am triangulating here... just FYI!

Anyway... ice queen, rather than dealing just with you, as she should have IMO, she made a triangle between you and your T. THIS created the instability between you and T. She knew he was out of the office and you could not verify anything she said he had discussed with her.... OK, I am going to run off to triangle land again... IMO this is a really good way to make anyone, borderline or not FEEL crazy and, in turn get her more damn clients by creating a dramatic crisis. I do believe the dynamics she created fall into the label of "crazy making".

K, dats just my little opinionated self... Next...

[shezbut]

((((Wysteria))))

I agree with Omers. The ice queen went off in a tangent on her personal beliefs ~ certainly doesn't sound professional to me! Her coming up with a treatment prediction, expecting it to take years and necessary for you to leave your current T & immediately sharing her personal beliefs is just WRONG!!

I do understand your self-blame and dissociation. I know that I'd do the same thing. But, as a bystander, I can assure you that this lady's words were very inappropriate. I hope that your T gets that point across to her, so she doesn't do the same thing with other people in T!

Gentle hugs to you.....

[stopdog]

I can certainly understand (in that it is what I do whenever hurt - I allowed it so it is my fault) how self blame comes to mind - but I do not think you did anything wrong here. The ice queen sounds like an insensitive clod and hopefully your t can straighten her out. Are there no other dbt practitioners out there? I have read a lot about people seeing a dbt therapist and their regular therapist with no mention of having to ditch the regular therapist first. I am sorry you are experiencing this. It seems they(the two therapists) created an unnecessary situation of doubt for you.

[unaluna]

My DBT lady tried to pull the same crap on me, saying oh, you'll never get better with THAT... That what? Making me feel ashamed of "transference", like I don't know I'm ugly. What a hostile b!tch. I later found out she just needed bodies for her DBT research grant. It was a HUGE group, over 15 people each session, it was insane. And very uncomfortable, everybody I think naturally leans towards telling their story!
I think DBT T's see psychodynamic clients, like you, who are being successful, and want to snatch you for THEIR camp to claim us as DBT success stories, when in reality all the real, hard work was done previously. Seriously! Sneaky Petes! Nice try. I'm sorry you suffered this, it really makes you doubt yourself, AND want to kill somebody else, and you would think by now they would know not to eff with us like this! SFB!

[rainbow8]

Wysteria, I feel so bad for you. I don't blame you for feeling hurt and angry and alone, as well as betrayed by your T. It's not your fault at all, so please don't blame yourself.

Wasn't your therapy helping? I know DBT is supposed to be THE therapy for BPD, but it's not the only way. My former T thought it wouldn't help me so I never pursued it except online for a short time. I thought it takes 1 year, not years. I hope you can find a different DBT T than the one you saw if you decide to do it.

How could anyone say people don't like you for having BPD? You are so very nice, helpful, and considerate on this forum, and I don't think people are so different in RL as they are here. You're very special, and don't let any T tell you otherwise!!

I hope you and your T can work this out successfully and you can rebuild the trust you have for him.

[Gus1234U]

DBT is intended to be a warm fuzzy place to learn skills, to make life more managable. anyone who makes it into anything else, must surely pay... so sorry you got in the crack,, Wysteria, hope you find an option~! best wishes,, Gus

[Wysteria]

I agree with Omers. The ice queen went off in a tangent on her personal beliefs ~ certainly doesn't sound professional to me! Her coming up with a treatment prediction, expecting it to take years and necessary for you to leave your current T & immediately sharing her personal beliefs is just WRONG!!

Dear Shezbut,

Thanks for being so nice to me...

I called her the 'ice queen' because she grilled me for an hour and like never smiled and scared me. (I know this wasn't very nice) But she is the DBT and BPD expert. 1. Isn't she supposed to tell me what to do and make the recommendation in terms of DBT treatment and what it should entail?
2. And if she decided from my answers and her expertise that I had this nasty disease and no one else would tell me, isn't she supposed to be the one to tell me and tell me what it means?

I was sent to her for approval for DBT training and for her to decide what class and if it would help me. So she decided. I need the whole dang ball of wax and that any interference from an outside therapist would be detrimental and counter-productive to that treatment.

I guess I don't think I understand.... I went to her for her expert opinion, wasn't she supposed to give it? If she lied to me about what my T said or what they had agreed upon, then that was unequivocally wrong. Not sure about the triangulation thing, but shouldn't T have been able to add the DBT stuff without doing something wrong? So again, what did she or my T do wrong?

But I could have told her where to go... I could have just said it wasn't for me. I could have doubted the veracity of her words. I could have immediately put a call into T and said WTF?? I could have blown her off.. I should have not gotten upset until I talked to my T or gotten better information.

And then I took off like an emotional shotgun and did wrong by my T by thinking so badly of him and comparing him to other bad men in my life.. Doubted everything he said about standing by me. Was so angry at him for sending me to her. So angry for having to answer all those questions like that. So ashamed to get another label.

Even knowing that T doesn't want any of this now, isn't making me feel better, and that is scaring me. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go and see another DBT expert. I hope he's wearing a cup. I just want to be left the hell alone and dig a hole. I don't even want to see my T right now. I just don't know what to think...

Please jump back in and say it again another way so that I do understand .... please?

Thanks,

WB

[Wysteria]

Originally Posted by hankster

My DBT lady tried to pull the same crap on me, saying oh, you'll never get better with THAT... That what? Making me feel ashamed of "transference", like I don't know I'm ugly. What a hostile b!tch. I later found out she just needed bodies for her DBT research grant. It was a HUGE group, over 15 people each session, it was insane. And very uncomfortable, everybody I think naturally leans towards telling their story!
I think DBT T's see psychodynamic clients, like you, who are being successful, and want to snatch you for THEIR camp to claim us as DBT success stories, when in reality all the real, hard work was done previously. Seriously! Sneaky Petes! Nice try. I'm sorry you suffered this, it really makes you doubt yourself, AND want to kill somebody else, and you would think by now they would know not to eff with us like this! SFB!

Gee Hankster, tell me how you REALLY feel...LOL...

I like you..will you teach me, Master..
I should have come just home last week and just PM'd you..

I'm glad you're in my court...you made me smile.

WB

[Omers]

I worked with a CBT T for a year or so in college... My understanding is that there are a lot of similarities. T was blunt and direct but smiled and laughed a lot. Often we would have tea together during our sessions. I learned A LOT from her and would be in major trouble right now if it weren't for the things I learned from her. She was my primary T at the time so there was no need to change T's or any of that but she knew I was still in touch with 2 former T's and didn't have a problem. She never pushed group on me. She had firm, boundaries that I often wished wouldn't keep me so far away but she was by no means cold. She never TOLD me anything just made suggestions and asked me to think about them. She did suggest a label at one point that I did not feel was accurate... we DISCUSSED it like two GROWN women with out any power over BS. She never once told me she was "an expert" even though you could ask anyone in the state who knew anything and they would say she was the best. She had NOTHING to prove to me... just things that she had learned were helpful to others that I identified as "like me". She offered and let go... they were mine to take, nurture and grow or to let fall to the floor and be blown away in the winds. There was always a warm hello when she opened the door and a warm hug at the door at the end and sometimes a warm cup of tea in between.

Wysteria, I don't know if you've ever watched a video done by Marshia Linehan (developer of DBT), but she is warm, funny and very very good at setting boundaries in a real and confident way. She GETS how painful it is to have BPD, and I could feel that from her videos even before she came out this year and admitted that she had BPD and was hospitalized for over a year (in her late teens) for severe self-destructive/self abusive behavior. In fact, Linehan is quite clear in her belief that humor is critical in working with individuals who have BPD and using humor in life is taught in DBT skills.

That said, there are many individuals who jump on the DBT bandwagon and run it down the rails like it's the holy grail of therapy. Personally, I think the really good therapists who work with individuals with BPD view DBT skills as exactly that a set of life skills and not the end all to be all. Linehan does advocate (or she used to, I haven't read any of her recent stuff) that when a client is in DBT group, she also be in therapy with a therapist who is DBT trained. That's because she wants the client to practice her DBT skills every moment, day and night and the therapist is there to coach the client using the DBT skills. If you think of it from that angle, she wouldn't be too supportive of the client working with a therapist who isn't using DBT skills because that would shove a wedge into the learning process. That said, we all know that the connection and degree of trust a client has in her therapist is critical to bringing about a successful conclusion to the whole therapy process. So, I don't put too much stock in walking away from a therapist who you have learned to trust and be vulnerable with!

I'd take what the ice queen said with a BIG ole grain of salt. Sounds like she's sitting a bit high on her pedestal of being the only therapist in the area who is an expert in working with people with BPD and teaching DBT skills. Knowledge about a skill isn't everything . . . . I think the ability to be connected, gentle compassion/empathy, able to understand and grasp the concept of being humble but confident and a good sense of humor are a lot higher on the therapeutic hierarchie than cold hard fact.

[Wysteria]

Dear Jaybird,

I thought your reply was really on the mark and well-thought out and said a lot. I'm going to go and see if I can find any videos by Ms. Linehan. I was aware of her revelation this Spring, and it had even inspired some of my writing about dissociation. I'm trying to get myself to just be open to what the DBT guy tomorrow will be like and see if he likes me and give him an honest chance. I do understand how they will want me to reinforce the thinking patterns learned in skills group, but my T is very familiar with DBT and is self-trained and wants to support me in it as well. Whether he will be able to and do it in the correct manner or not remains to be seen... I just can't imagine not having him in my life right now as he is the only one that really knows of my real existence. He's about the only person I trust, and to give that up would be death-defying right now for me.

I really appreciate each of you for taking the time to read and give me some insight. It's been a really long week, and it's just taken it's toll. I'm sure I'm not as clear-headed as I should be.

Hugs,

Wysteria Blue

Originally Posted by Jaybird57

Wysteria, I don't know if you've ever watched a video done by Marshia Linehan (developer of DBT), but she is warm, funny and very very good at setting boundaries in a real and confident way. She GETS how painful it is to have BPD, and I could feel that from her videos even before she came out this year and admitted that she had BPD and was hospitalized for over a year (in her late teens) for severe self-destructive/self abusive behavior. In fact, Linehan is quite clear in her belief that humor is critical in working with individuals who have BPD and using humor in life is taught in DBT skills.

That said, there are many individuals who jump on the DBT bandwagon and run it down the rails like it's the holy grail of therapy. Personally, I think the really good therapists who work with individuals with BPD view DBT skills as exactly that a set of life skills and not the end all to be all. Linehan does advocate (or she used to, I haven't read any of her recent stuff) that when a client is in DBT group, she also be in therapy with a therapist who is DBT trained. That's because she wants the client to practice her DBT skills every moment, day and night and the therapist is there to coach the client using the DBT skills. If you think of it from that angle, she wouldn't be too supportive of the client working with a therapist who isn't using DBT skills because that would shove a wedge into the learning process. That said, we all know that the connection and degree of trust a client has in her therapist is critical to bringing about a successful conclusion to the whole therapy process. So, I don't put too much stock in walking away from a therapist who you have learned to trust and be vulnerable with!

I'd take what the ice queen said with a BIG ole grain of salt. Sounds like she's sitting a bit high on her pedestal of being the only therapist in the area who is an expert in working with people with BPD and teaching DBT skills. Knowledge about a skill isn't everything . . . . I think the ability to be connected, gentle compassion/empathy, able to understand and grasp the concept of being humble but confident and a good sense of humor are a lot higher on the therapeutic hierarchie than cold hard fact.

[rainbow_rose]

i know nothing about DBT, but sending you lot o' safe hugs, Wysteria.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by Wysteria

I agree with Omers. The ice queen went off in a tangent on her personal beliefs ~ certainly doesn't sound professional to me! Her coming up with a treatment prediction, expecting it to take years and necessary for you to leave your current T & immediately sharing her personal beliefs is just WRONG!!

Dear Shezbut,

Thanks for being so nice to me...

I called her the 'ice queen' because she grilled me for an hour and like never smiled and scared me. (I know this wasn't very nice) But she is the DBT and BPD expert. 1. Isn't she supposed to tell me what to do and make the recommendation in terms of DBT treatment and what it should entail?
2. And if she decided from my answers and her expertise that I had this nasty disease and no one else would tell me, isn't she supposed to be the one to tell me and tell me what it means?

I was sent to her for approval for DBT training and for her to decide what class and if it would help me. So she decided. I need the whole dang ball of wax and that any interference from an outside therapist would be detrimental and counter-productive to that treatment.

I guess I don't think I understand.... I went to her for her expert opinion, wasn't she supposed to give it? If she lied to me about what my T said or what they had agreed upon, then that was unequivocally wrong. Not sure about the triangulation thing, but shouldn't T have been able to add the DBT stuff without doing something wrong? So again, what did she or my T do wrong?

But I could have told her where to go... I could have just said it wasn't for me. I could have doubted the veracity of her words. I could have immediately put a call into T and said WTF?? I could have blown her off.. I should have not gotten upset until I talked to my T or gotten better information.

And then I took off like an emotional shotgun and did wrong by my T by thinking so badly of him and comparing him to other bad men in my life.. Doubted everything he said about standing by me. Was so angry at him for sending me to her. So angry for having to answer all those questions like that. So ashamed to get another label.

Even knowing that T doesn't want any of this now, isn't making me feel better, and that is scaring me. Tomorrow I'm supposed to go and see another DBT expert. I hope he's wearing a cup. I just want to be left the hell alone and dig a hole. I don't even want to see my T right now. I just don't know what to think...

Please jump back in and say it again another way so that I do understand .... please?

Thanks,

WB

DBT, short for dialectical behavioral therapy, was started by Dr. Marsha Linehan specifically for those with Borderline Personality Disorder. (It is also found to be very helpful in treating depression, and eating disorders.)

There are 4 categories in DBT: Core Mindfulness Skills, Emotion Regulation Skills, Interpersonal Effectiveness Sills, and Distress Tolerance Skills.

It is generally expected for most people to go through DBT group therapy twice before they really begin to master the skills, and start feeling a lot better about their lives. They do highly encourage group members to work with a therapist who practices DBT, in order to be most effective.

My T knows DBT, as well as other techniques, and uses variety in T. The trick is that I guess T's that practice DBT can be reached at any time. Most other T's have a much more strict visiting plan, there are on-call T's in emergency situations, but not necessarily your T. Especially not regularly.

Perhaps I'm not the typical case of BPD ~ I avoid seeing the doctor in my weak times. Many cases do self-injure to receive caring attention. Personally, I don't want the attention. I often take doctors with a grain of salt, especially when I'm in self-hate mode. I theorize that they're simply doing their job. Me keeping my life is simply their job. They don't personally care about me, so WTH should I go to them when I'm feeling really down??! (That's my honest perspective.)

Anyway, me going to the DBT group was very helpful. They would have liked me to see a T who practiced DBT as well, but it wasn't a necessity thankfully. I stopped going before I was "all better", so to speak. The group had gotten some new members that were more into BS'ing than seriously discussing techniques to help us through triggers. I became really pissed and stopped going. I did continue to see my T regularly, but it wasn't enough. And since the new year began, my visits became twice/month ~ increasing my stress level.

Adding some new big stressors, along with the self-hate and self-blame I hold in my core, and I am worse than before!

I hope that I've helped explain it better.

[Kacey2]

Hi Wysteria,
I am in DBT currently and my therapist is a DBT therapist. In the program I attend they do make everyone see one of their DBT therapist for individual therapy for the sake of consistency. Luckily I started with this t and was not put in a situation where I had to change therapists. That would not have worked well for me. I am sad for you that you had to see the ice queen and she misrepresented what DBT is all about. When I grumble about DBT my t tells me it is actually the most compassionate treatment he can give me. It is nonjudgemental, non perjorative, and endlessly empathetic. The skills have saved my life. There have been many days where I go through my notebook to practice skills just to make it through the moment. Yah I must admit sitting in class learning the skills and listening to everyone else's crazy talk is annoying but it works. That way you don't have to take all your individual sessions going over these skills. There are many things that I didn't like about DBT to begin with but over time I have come to see that it really works for me. The best thing ever is that I have never been shamed by my care team for being a Borderline EVER. In fact I didn't even learn about the stigma until I came on to PC. And that speaks the most to me. I have enough shame on my own. I hope you can still keep an open mind when you go to see this new guy. If your lucky you may find a program that lets you keep your old t. Please let us know how it goes.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I don't have wisdom to offer you but I can offer you huggles.,.

[mcl6136]

I'm wishing the best for you WB...yes, this has been a big meltdown and I think there are already lessons for you in here. I think we also give labels a lot of power by hearing them in STEREO and VERY LOUD. Once I read about other cultures having very low rates of schizophrenia because there is less of a tendency to label anyone....and I thought, hmmm..some of this is very cultural. I'm also reading a book called THE HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON, and I think many of my problems (which might have been labeled BPD had I sought help earlier) stem from being very sensitive. I'm guessing and filling in here, but I suspect you are also very sensitive. Lots of people come across as harsh, clumsy, blundering, loud and lots of the "input" in my daily life seems set on HIGH and that is where a lot of my problems stem from. I've gained by doing yoga, hanging out in soothing nature areas alone, choosing friends carefully, paying attention to diet, rest and the BASICS. I'm not trying to lecture you at all here, but I wonder how your self care is going? Are you taking care of yourself? I know that's hard in meltdown town, but I'm pulling for you....

[Wysteria]

Just an update...I went and saw the other DBT therapist. He was much better, but basically said the same thing that I needed extensive DBT work and needed to leave my T to do it. Then I came home and got a call from a lady with my insurance company that is a DBT fan, and she read me the riot act about how "I can't jump off the high dive and change my life if I'm still holding my T's hand" and "maybe when I hit bottom" I'll make a change and stop going in and out of the hospitals (twice!). I felt so much shame and frustration I thought I was going to blow. Then she talks down to me with "her TAKE" on BPD and how I'm desperate and act this way or that, and I'm like, but I don't do that...and she wants to hang up on me and go pray for me.

Then met with my T this morning, and he is NOT happy that they are saying that I just have to cut it off with him. He feels at least we should be able to taper off and let him support me through the change as I am also being weaned off my anti-depressants and am in a bad place. He said he would never just stop therapy like this with any of his patients that it is just wrong to do that. I feel like all the "adults" in my life are fighting, and I just want to run away. I just balled in his office this morning and was having some bad associations with some other losses in my life, which of course, I didn't put together until I got back home.

It's just too overwhelming, and this DBT guy's new group starts in like 2 weeks, so I need to make a decision. My T is going to try and talk to new DBT T. Everyone is talking to me differently and suddenly trying to make me fit this BPD "mold", and it's like they're now WAITING for me to blow up or lose 50 IQ points or suddenly change my world view or something and lose all common sense. Everything is upside down, and I just feel sick.

I think the DBT is a good idea in a lot of ways, and I know that's what T wanted originally, but even he didn't realize the extent of it all...This is all so very scary and hard to think through and is such a huge change and potential loss of the only person I really trust in my life. How do I find the courage to do this?

I did read and appreciate your replies very much... Maybe I am too sensitive, and I've been trying to do some things for self-care, but I know I'm not where I need to be with it right now... I appreciate the support you have offered and want to think that DBT will be warm, but right now if feels cold and remote and like I'm going to be terribly alone again. I know I have to learn how to fix myself and take care of my own needs for support, but I'm scared. I'm trying really, really hard to think it through logically though. And I do see the benefits, and I liked the DBT skills group I went to before, even though it was just for a short time, so that is working in its favour.

Any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated...
WB

[unaluna]

I attended DBT group, once a week, for over a year, I think, along with seeing my T 3 times a week. I do not see ANYTHING in DBT that is incompatible with any kind of therapy. If anything, it's like cross-training your physical exercise, where DBT is anatomy and weight-training, and your T is your aerobics workouts. Why would you stop doing aerobics? Those body builders can be a little single minded!

You just learn a lot of STUFF in DBT about emotions. I don't see how it is incompatible, except, I BET YOU, dollars to donuts, somebody is trying to PROVE something, that the DBT protocol works better than psychotherapy, and you are being caught in the middle. If not a research grant, then the insurance company, so they will only pay for DBT here on out, and not psychodynamic psychotherapy, because now they have "proof", and to get that proof, they need you doing only the one kind of therapy. It REALLY sux that they would treat you like this. I would get the media involved, it's a coverup. I am sure you're not the only one. Okay, maybe I'm paranoid, but DBT is just a bunch of dam books. It's just knowledge. How does TALKING TO ANOTHER PERSON HURT???

[stopdog]

I am so sorry to hear about these dbt people and how rough it sounds. Your t sounds like a good guy and I hope you and he can work out something that works for you. Cold turkey quitting with him does not sound like the compassionate approach to me. Good luck.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Wysteria

Just an update...I went and saw the other DBT therapist. He was much better, but basically said the same thing that I needed extensive DBT work and needed to leave my T to do it. Then I came home and got a call from a lady with my insurance company that is a DBT fan, and she read me the riot act about how "I can't jump off the high dive and change my life if I'm still holding my T's hand" and "maybe when I hit bottom" I'll make a change and stop going in and out of the hospitals (twice!). I felt so much shame and frustration I thought I was going to blow. Then she talks down to me with "her TAKE" on BPD and how I'm desperate and act this way or that, and I'm like, but I don't do that...and she wants to hang up on me and go pray for me.

Then met with my T this morning, and he is NOT happy that they are saying that I just have to cut it off with him. He feels at least we should be able to taper off and let him support me through the change as I am also being weaned off my anti-depressants and am in a bad place. He said he would never just stop therapy like this with any of his patients that it is just wrong to do that. I feel like all the "adults" in my life are fighting, and I just want to run away. I just balled in his office this morning and was having some bad associations with some other losses in my life, which of course, I didn't put together until I got back home.

It's just too overwhelming, and this DBT guy's new group starts in like 2 weeks, so I need to make a decision. My T is going to try and talk to new DBT T. Everyone is talking to me differently and suddenly trying to make me fit this BPD "mold", and it's like they're now WAITING for me to blow up or lose 50 IQ points or suddenly change my world view or something and lose all common sense. Everything is upside down, and I just feel sick.

I think the DBT is a good idea in a lot of ways, and I know that's what T wanted originally, but even he didn't realize the extent of it all...This is all so very scary and hard to think through and is such a huge change and potential loss of the only person I really trust in my life. How do I find the courage to do this?

I did read and appreciate your replies very much... Maybe I am too sensitive, and I've been trying to do some things for self-care, but I know I'm not where I need to be with it right now... I appreciate the support you have offered and want to think that DBT will be warm, but right now if feels cold and remote and like I'm going to be terribly alone again. I know I have to learn how to fix myself and take care of my own needs for support, but I'm scared. I'm trying really, really hard to think it through logically though. And I do see the benefits, and I liked the DBT skills group I went to before, even though it was just for a short time, so that is working in its favour.

Any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated...
WB

This is exactly how I felt during my "analysis" with my old T...as if I was being put into a mold for my thinking and as long as I accepted the thinking behind this (in my case analysis), or PRETENDED to accept it, I was doing well. give me a break! It felt cold and I feared being alone during this "analysis," when I wanted support and active listening, not a formula! I think there are real limits to these schools of thoughts and support you for questioning them and not just swallowing it whole. I think that's the opposite of "splitting" and you're not seeing things in black and white at all. I'm thinking of you, Wysteria, and support you in this journey!

[Kacey2]

Gosh darn.....I wrote a long post to you Wysteria and when I went to submit last night I lost my internet connection. I will try to get some quiet time to rewrite tonight later. Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and this huge decision.

[Wysteria]

Hey Ya'll....

Got some great news today ....my wonderful T called the DBT dude and worked something out with him so that I can still see my T for a while and transition over to the DBT stuff without having to leave my T !!!!! YEAH!!!! I don't know all the details or conditions..but it was good news and my T stuck up for me and said that he just doesn't work that way and wouldn't let any client leave him like that.

I was so very blue last night and so frustrated and now feel like a 30 lb weight has been taken off my heart. Just thought you'd want to hear the good news. I know I've got a lot of work ahead of me, but at least I won't feel like I have to go it completely all alone at least for a while and T's got my back. My T totally ROCKS!!!

How funny, now I'm going to have a T rider in my pocket to go and see my dbt T...! Hope ya'll don't mind having a T in there with you...TRUST me..you're going with me too next week!!!

This dude is going to start wondering when I start carring a bulging duffle bag in with me...lol
Now I've got all of you.. my T...a few lions...a tiger...a few borrowed dogs that eat homework....a few angels...a fairy..a special friend..and if he's not careful, my new puppy, Mac! Maybe I should warn him...NOT!!

Free Huggles for Sale!!

Wysteria Blue

[rainbow_rose]

glad to hear it, Wysteria!!

[skysblue]

I guess I still don't understand how the DBT people could stop you from seeing your T. Is it that they wouldn't accept you into the group?